hello Jow Forums
i have stumbled across an old journal i kept long ago in high school
it contains in it the various phrases and sayings uttered by one of the stupidest people i have ever had the pleasure of knowing
in an effort to preserve his memory, present to you: Imamisms- The Study of Imamology
I will also dump any relevant stories that come back to me while reading these through to you all.
>1. North Africa is in Asia- date unknown
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In accordance with the study of Imam, some context is required to truly understand how great each of his works of art were. That being said, with how long ago these were, some of them have had their context lost to time, but I will do my best to give any sort of probable context in cases where context can not be remembered. Some wise words however, are simply wise without any context needed.
>2. I LOVE that baby- 12/11/12
This one is one where context has been lost to time, however I can only assume that its original situation required a very specific and heavy emphasis on the word "love" to make it a riot to have heard. Nonetheless, pure preservation requires everything to be noted, regardless of whether its comedy has stood the test of time.
>3. Actually steroids can be useful- 12/11/12
Now, while he is not necessarily wrong in the sense of medical steroids administered by doctors, he was very specifically talking about steroids used by pro athletes and body builders. This man would not have known that steroids can be used outside of those such constraints.
>4. What would happen to everyone in Puerto Rico if it became a state? - Date unknown
We spent our time in class together in government and economics, each being different semesters. While this could have been gifted to us in econ, with my knowledge of his mind he most likely would have been thinking this in government. The reasoning for this shall be revealed all in due time.
>5. I need to talk to you my group is gay -12/12/12
This was uttered to me directly as I recall. Group projects have long been memed with certain stereotypes about the different kinds of people in them, and this man is no exception. He was essentially kicked out of his group for either being too disruptive and talking about non-work related things, or just plain simply because he had no idea what he was doing.
>6. I want you [joe joeson] to like me- date unknown
This one was special in that there wasn't anything going on in class, it was a chill time people were talking and working on some small assignment. He walked up to [joe's] table, and uttered this, and walked away. What prompted him to choose this time of all times, with no sort of build up to allowing this sort of line to be appropriate in the atmosphere, is still a mystery to me today.
[Joe] did not like him after that.
>7. My dad is from Ethiopia and my mom is from Morocco so that makes me half white. -date unknown
Wisdom, in its purest form.
>8. Is that tri-sexual? -12/13/12
This one, as I recall, had nothing to do with anyones sexuality. Nor did it have to do with a pun on tricycles. I would love to have remembered what situation gave us this.
He's right though. It can.
discord
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Imam sounds like the most fun lad ever
Fuck OP desu
>9. Jen, how do you spell your name?- 12/13/12
Her name was Jen. She spelled it Jen. This was 3 months into the year. No more context needed
In a sense, yes. But as we were talking about sports, he was implying steroids should be allowed. Which is an ethical argument, however his intent was that steroids should be allowed specifically because its allows people to throw farther and run faster and get cooler times/make cooler plays. Quite silly if you ask me.
I created this log specifically because it was a riot to listen to, and I just want to share the experience in the best way I can.
>10. The constitution cannot be changed. 12/14/12
This being in our government class. Where we talked about different branches, balance of power, and all that jazz. In december time we would have been near the end of the semester, he somehow missed everything we ever talked about in regards to constitutional amendments.
>11. You can't just kiss, I would know about that. - 12/14/12
This was directed at a couple in our class who had been dating for a year prior. He most definitely did not know them beyond their names and where they sat in class.
>12. BJ's all night! - 12/18/12
This one I can't remember if he was talking about the BJ's restaurant chain, or actual blowjobs. Either way, saying it out loud in class had the teacher trying to quiet us all down for at least 5 minutes.
>13. What's a sand dune? - 12/20/12
No context required, other than we were talking about sand dunes.
>14. If you have graffiti on your house that matches on the streets, can you get in trouble? - 1/16/13
A question posed to no one in particular, with no prompt for it. Why does he have graffiti on his house? We never found out.
>15. Imam. Stop, smoking, weed. - 1/16/13
Uttered by our teacher. Based.
>16. My friend had drugs! No, wait, it was just weed. - 1/17/13
>17. Every modification on a car is illegal. - date unknown
No context required.
>18. Who the fuck names their kids Axel and Uridee? - date unknown
He's right about the second name honestly.
>19. The gangster side of Dr. Phil -1/17/13
I'd love to see this honestly. Backwards snap cap, black bandana around his neck, etc etc.
>20. Can I have your [personal] email Mr. Teacher? - Date Unknown
To which she promptly and incredulously answered, "no?"
>21. If you want to defend yourself [from guns], just use your hands. - 1/18/13
I'm curious if he still thinks this way actually. Imam, if you're out there, please let me know.
>22. If you touch someone's property, its not sexual harassment. 1/22/13
bonus same day one
>22.5 Popies your collah
The first is just amazing on its own, so many different interpretations to be drawn. He's not wrong, but one must ask, what was the logic that lead him to come to such a brave conclusion, and then announce it as if some sort of new discovery. Which, I assure you, he thought it was.
The second is just great on its own.
>23. I was walking on the street and saw a dude- we had a pretty good convo. - 1/30/13
It shan't be said that he was not a nice lad. This one requires context as to why I wrote it down but that context is lost and I cannot come up with a plausible situation that would have prompted me to think it was journal worthy. Regardless, everything must be posted.
>24. Ima add her on facebook, stone with her together.- date unknown
Another case of, things you should say to the class while the teacher is in the room and can hear you.
>25. What did you say about our taxes [again]? What do they do? -date unknown
If only one could, mayhaps, take a class about government to learn about such things. Or perhaps just gain knowledge growing up about how society works in general. If only.
>26. [Ms Teacher], literally 30 guys came out of the restroom. It was fucking scary.- date unknown
Upon immediate entrance to the class again after having used the restroom. Burst through and came up with this gem. We had tiny bathroom too, could barely fit 6 people, let alone 30 or whatever number he wanted to exaggerate from.
>27. I don't think other countries know how to use nukes correctly. -2/12/13
Possibly right, possibly wrong, but if you haven't noticed this far, his mind wasn't geared towards being able to understand the ethical or moral quandaries of nuclear devices, yet it was uttered so matter of fact as if he did know how to use them correctly.
>28. [Teacher], do you know some guy in the career center? He's a history teacher. - 2/12/13
Another random statement, with no discernible flow of logic for a question like that to be asked, let alone the fact that he thought he had provided enough information to have his question be answered.
>29. What's the State of the Union Address? - 2/13/13
Granted it had been a month or two since our government class ended, but still. We just had a class on all this. Not to mention its in the name.
>30. Whats the point of a slinky? - 2/22/13
A generally valid question in my opinion, but funny because there were no slinkys or mention of slilnky's before he gifted this to us.
>31. Aids is scary, trust me. 3/14/13
Potentially sad, as we didn't know too much about him other than he think's he was half white and where his parents came from. Might have seen a little too much before he moved here. Can't remember if he just moved states, or moved to the US itself.
Either way, the way he said "trust me" insinuated he was talking about himself having aids. Which might be sad if he had them. But that's a very very small chance from what I knew about him.
>32. [From teacher to class] Someone slap me next time I decide to make Imam a team captain. - 3/26/13
It's sad when even the teachers understand how slow he was, and yet they still tried to help. To their eternal frustration. Lucky for us he was too slow to really understand when he was a point of comedy, so I don't feel bad about it.
32. You can't be born with aids. - 5/16/13
One of the reasons why I don't believe he either had aids or really dealt with any sort of aids in people close to him, since he didn't even understand what it was let alone for us "trust him" on aids.
34. Mr. B, we need to have a negotiation. - 5/23/13
Bless his heart on this one, he meant to say conversation.
>35. I'm gonna murk on speed bro. -5/18/13
Me and my friend used to play cards, mostly speed, in down time in class or before. He asked what we were playing, then said this, and that he was really good.
He ended up not knowing even how to play.
>36. There's a difference between aids and non-aids.- 5/29/13
Yes Imam, yes there is indeed.
>37. [Teacher to class]- That Kings and Sharks game last night was crazy
>Imam- Yeah, the Lebron foul was. - date unknown
Two different sports Imam, two different sports.
>38. I don't like that guy because he makes more ______- 6/3/13
This one unfortunately is the last in the journal. It's also been corrupted by time, Im assuming the blank is something along the lines of >more money than me, but its hard to tell exactly what was was.
Regardless, I hope you had a good read, a good laugh or two. If not, well, that's ok, I'm sure many of these are only funny because I knew him and the way he acted and talked. I wish I could remember situations outside of these quotes, but its been 6-7 years since.
Have a good rest of your day Jow Forums!