Do not ever fall in love. It only brings hurt, disappointment, jealousy and sadness

>Suddenly stops talking to me after saying she couldn't imagine her life without me in it
>She also said her heart beats for me
>And that she loved me

Yet here I am thinking about her every day, willing to give up everything for her, like an asshole. I'm an idiot.

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I've never experienced love, never had a crush, nothing. Nor do I have any desire to form a sexual relationship. So I probably won't be able to fall in love ever.

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Your loveable. You aren't ugly. You are here for a reason. To spread the love to others. Sometimes it's so great we have to break away and just watch everything instead of feeling it. You know what I mean. That's okay.

you dont understand, im going crazy

my dad drives me insane, doesnt understand doesnt care and bothers constantly with stupid shit and i fantasize all the time about beating the shit out of him. recently he has been waking me up early in the morning and its causing me frequent night terrors because its scary being awakened abruptly like that. im waking up screaming nearly every night holy fuck

im wasting so much money at college for a computer science degree i dont really give a shit about just because i look like i have prospects and will have a good job but im in my junior year and havent even begun trying to network and form professional connections. also seeing pretty unobtainable girls drives me completely crazy. too boring for them, can't talk to them properly, all seem to have boy friends apparently, something about me makes me unapproachable and not someone to talk to or have fun with. i also work part time on the weekends so i effectively have zero free time.

i fantasize all the time when listening to music about making a cool video game but realistically is far too ambitious for a single man to make and im a grown ass man with responsibilities this is a pipe dream.

who even gives a shit if i have love to give, nobody wants it its completely worthless. there are too many people on this earth, there are probably millions if not billions of others who can be said are here to "spread love". i want to spite god for making us all little drones. we are not special, we are all the same and have the same desires with only a difference in how these feelings and experiences manifest. even if there is a purpose to my life i just dont give a fuck anymore i want death, im going crazy.

I envy you, user. Love, if not reciprocated, is the cruelest of tortures.
I was skeptical about it after having heard that for ages, but I'm starting to believe that women truly can't feel or return love. Hope is for idiots.

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It might be the actual autism in my speaking but I don't get the love shit bro what about a girl makes you feel so dependent on her acceptance that you would rather die than have them reject you. What's so hard about being alone and just loving yourself no fucking homo

Ive never met an emotionally developed women theyre all so shallow and flat its boring its like theyre all the same person with different looks

i dont know, i just need to feel something physical. ive been alone for too long i cant ignore this desire anymore im constantly thinking about i can barely get school work done, i need a pretty women to accept and love me and let me cuddle and love her.

why am i like this? maybe its because i never had a mother im not sure but that sounds plausible. being alone is fine but then i venture out into the world because i have to and my desires are brought to my immediate attention.

dont understand what loving myself entails. i try to take care of myself despite some wack decision making when i cant think straight, and i treat my self to some games. really want to go and play some soulcalibur 2 right now. but other than that what do i do, hug myself?

i need to hold a girl close and have her whisper to my ear sweet nothings and touch her. i need touch, i need deep intimacy. i dont know why i just do because i can feel it and that feeling is not going to go away

I DON'T WANT TO FALL IN LOVE

youtube.com/watch?v=OWyR5-2HTao

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you dont understand

the only times she writes me is to complain how someones shittalking her

i told her i wanna be her friend but shes so distant

My mom killed herself in front of me when I was like 9 n im fine so I dont know what youre doing wrong nigger just gotta realize everyone else are niggers and youre the only person to rely on

I guess I'm just too sensitive for my own good then. True unwavering love doesn't exist between people, and having to resort to my own devices to distract myself is why I want to die.

I don't want to live this life anymore, I want to take God's gift and throw it in his face in spite.

Its normiefag advice but sometimes you gotta pull your head out of the fagcave and see a doctor I take latuda and im a massive faggot who walks with a dick in his ass because of it but Im happy now so whats it matter

Really like the painting. With this pain will come a great relief in the future, that great relief will feel like bliss and ascension if you let yourself fully experience the pain, then you may utilize it as an overwhelmingly positive experience.

I never fell in love, only crushes that lasted for 2 weeks. I'm afraid of falling in love exactly why OP is. Am I a schizoid.

your resolve is admirable but i have no will to live only the monotonous and dull comfort of modern life keeps me going like a robot. i dont want drugs.

i will one day overcome the intense fear of physical pain and hang myself, death will be my relief.

Wont stop you and dont really care how it ends its your life just try a different mind set its hard at first if feels like youre pretending to be someone youre not but eventually you get used to it and you realize its just what you have to do to survive its instincts were just animals we were never designed to be intelligent

If only! We can only hope that's true, but it's an illogical hope. What makes you think this?

>My mom killed herself in front of me when I was like 9
I know your not fine. I feel it with you. Don't worry you are all loveable.

user, go out and talk to women. Go to parties, ask them out on the street, go in bars and just go for it. You will learn how to do it. Just accept that you are going to be rejected a lot. But who gives a fuck. Being alone and with this disire all the time will make you feel way worse. Life is a game, there are billions of woman out there When you talked to 10000 women and every single one has rejected you then okay. But first really fucking try. If you want to die anyway what is there to loose.

95% of women are so utterly boring and soulless it'd be preferable to be alone than to interact with them. Unless you just want sex, then whatever. I'm not even being an edgy misogynist, it's just the truth. That's why when you find a woman worth caring about she's worth even more

It's so hard man, took me so much inner preparation just to barely small talk this one girl in my stats class. I'm going to try talking to more girls at school, it's just so hard because I'm innately quiet with not much to say.

I don't get invited to parties because I have no friends. I also don't really want friends, I just want a girl.

I refuse to validate woman

>Date a cutie for a little over two years
>"I was only with you because I was lonely, and depressed"
>Immediately gets with another dude
>He gets jealous and insecure because I refuse to cut her out of my life
>Sends me death threats telling me to stay away
>Get mad about it
>Punk tries to fight me about it
>She blocks me without giving a reason
People are cruel. Crueler than you can imagine.
One day you're their entire world, and the next you're just a useless tool.
Don't bother.

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Lil Uzi said it best
>I like that girl too much I wish I never met her
Its been a month and a half since she broke up with me and it still hurts just as bad as it did that day

The point is not being afraid or not talking to girls. The whole point of this thread is that when you fall in love (and that only happens after certain level of intimacy and communication has been reached) it will always lead to pain and suffering, because true love does not exist. They might cut you off without any apparently reason it explanation, they might simply fall out of love with you, etc

>I wish I never met her.
Are you a lil Uzi fan? That line got me too
:Pensive;

>tfw fall for that definition
>tfw neet
>tfw sheltered myself from the outside world
Yet i look perfectly normal as long as my facade doesn't crack in front of normies when i leave the house.

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I'm right there with you man its been a month and it hasn't gotten any better everybody saying time fixes it are lying i still cry every fucking night

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I don't even know who that is.
But I guess we all know that feel.

Two years later i'm blocked, about to leave for college, and still miss her. I can't imagine being with any other girl

>One day you're their entire world, and the next you're just a useless tool.

this, that's the truth of it and how all relationships go in the end

>tfw dated a BPD girl with depression that used to cut herself while she was with me that ended up in the psychward for 2 weeks which put me in a ward she made me want to kill myself because I thought it was my fault
Its been years and I still think about her almost every day and I never dated anyone after that. Never again

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>just play a numbers game and take any pussy!
>just accept a gazillion rejections!
Not interested. Look for another clown to laugh about, roastie.

>Do not ever fall in love. It only brings hurt, disappointment, jealousy and sadness.
>I wish I never met her.

same but i wanna do it again

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i dont know what love is. i devoted my life to being rich, and retired at age 35.... now i am alone......nice house, lots of drugs....but i never met the one :(

I had the same thing happen I was stuck in there for three days after I took like 20 atavan and drank a whole bunch of whiskey

Shut the fuck up with this emotional bullshit idk what started this but since about a month ago theres been a huge influx of people being emotional and shit on r9k and a bunch of chicks talking about how sad they are and shit just shut the fuck up

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>waaaahhhh people are doing things I dont like
off yourself incel

>
this is my life, i feel suicide is a 50/50 gamble each day, each day i get my heart broken

>be me
>24 year old prematurely balding khv unemployable bipolar weeb drowning in student loan debt and my own demons.
>oneitis is 24 alcoholic/addict possibly BPD former stripper and masseuse I went to high school with and took to the prom.
>love her so much it drives me to the point of tears sometimes.
>seperated from her by a distance of 90 miles and we rarely talk
>daydream about running away with her and raising a fucked-up family of my own
>keep replaying this one scene over and over in my head: we're at a picnic on the grounds of a certain college in upstate New York. It's the summer time and she's sleeping in the sun while I read to our daughter. I glance over at my love and I smile, content in the knowledge that while we might be failures, at least we're each other's failure.

Somewhere in a parallel universe this might be true.

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What a load of bullshit.
Are you a roastie or something?

More likely avoidant
If you were schizoid, you wouldn't be afraid but rather love would feel completely unfeasible to you.
Daydreaming (which you'd do a lot of, as a schizoid) about love would feel as real as daydreaming about fantasy shit.

>you wouldn't be afraid but rather love would feel completely unfeasible to you
I'm both afraid and cant see myself in any intimate relationships with real people, especially females. I do have a good friend and pair of decent acquaintances, but we dont interact often.
>Daydreaming (which you'd do a lot of, as a schizoid) about love would feel as real as daydreaming about fantasy shit.
I dont daydream about loving someone or being loved, but I do have an imaginary partner/interest. I dont treat her as love interest, but kind of a very, very close individual, a soulmate or whatever.

Its not a hope, its what I think to be true. Humanity is made pure in its suffering, the crucifixion of Christ (whether you believe in Christ or not isn't the point), the punishment of Sisyphus, etc. etc. That which doesn't suffer becomes perverse and evil as it has stopped seeing beauty and stopped experiencing the opposite end of pain. I'd rather be in great pain and then great bliss than constantly be in a numb middle ground (which brings about the perversity and evil I speak of).

schizoid is not a mental illness. It is a personality type, albeit a defective one. You can grow out of it, now go fucking start trying.

Guess what OP, she wishes she never met you either

Its been a whole year. Im gonna change my phone number and finally truly dissapear from her life.
She called last time, asking for help because she was considering offing herself
And although she ruined my life i helped her, because i didnt want a death in my hands
Yesterday I finally liked someone again. I know it will fail and i will not make it.
But im happy that i can feel like a human again
I will feel love op, but i wont act on it, because i dont want to lose love again
The only way to protect it is to never know reality of the loved one, so that you may never let go of your illusiory love. Truly perfect

Get out, you fucking obnoxious roastie.

You have absolutely no proof that a great pain is "rewarded" with a great bliss. Some people live their entire lives with nothing but pain, longing for a break that doesn't come. Not even talking about religuious people who only long for this reward in their afterlife.

But it's only a game, user. The most stupendous, fun and satisfying game ever concieved by man.

>The most stupendous, fun and satisfying game ever
Speak for yourself, stupid roastie. You can get as much affection as you want without lifting a fucking finger.

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Sisyphus was punished eternally and Christ shouted out "why have you forsaken me" and he died. The meme of suffering preluding bliss is used to prevent the lesser from overpowering the elites and hanging them from streetlamps.

I agree user I agree.
Never get attached or grow fond of anyone.
Just fuck and fly.

christ. i hate how much i identify with the cynicism in this thread. since my early teens i've been on a long, long journey of trying to feel love, trying to have normal relationships, normal friendships, even a semblance of a normal life. i've rationalized human connection so much that after 15-odd years it's all i think about. and yet i'm still so detached and neurotic, so mistrusting of others, that i literally only have one friend left and that's just because he's exactly the same way i am.

i don't want to analyze everyone but i do. i don't want to extrapolate their mental states and judge their likelihood of being capable of unconditional love and loyalty but i do. i don't want to get to know a person and then know exactly what they're going to do but i do. every. single. time. and it's awful.

i used to read dragonlance novels a lot. if anyone remembers, there was a wizard named raistlin who was extremely powerful but sickly and isolated; he had nothing else in the world to hold onto but his own mind. aside from that he was also cursed with "seeing the effects of time" on all things after passing some test and receiving his official wizard robe or whatever. he could no longer see the beauty in life - all he saw was entropy and decay, death and rotting. so he resolved even further to ignore what few primal, human urges he had left in favor of simply becoming more powerful.

and now i feel like i've unwittingly become exactly this type of person after all these years. i lived in exactly the same way, and when i first came across dragonlance he was my favorite character simply because i understood the pain and loneliness all too well. there was never a happy ending for raistlin, despite helping save the world, despite genuinely doing good at times and having a unique compassion for the weak and downtrodden - there was no happy ending because no matter how he tried, raistlin was just not made to be happy.

it just wasn't his purpose.

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Same plus i lack emotion.
I came to accept it and repeat myself daily that noone gives a fuck.

>i used to read dragonlance novels a lot. if anyone remembers, there was a wizard named raistlin who was extremely powerful but sickly and isolated; he had nothing else in the world to hold onto but his own mind. aside from that he was also cursed with "seeing the effects of time" on all things after passing some test and receiving his official wizard robe or whatever. he could no longer see the beauty in life - all he saw was entropy and decay, death and rotting. so he resolved even further to ignore what few primal, human urges he had left in favor of simply becoming more powerful.

Literally reading this was like... real meme magic to me... I've been thinking about relationships & love & bullshit so long... & was reading your stupid shit then cam along this paragraph... Raislin was my FIRST fictional character crush. I remember being so fucking in love with him dude... LOL. Holy shit I was in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I remember thinking wishing I had a broken boy like him to rescue and save and make feel precious. Haha. I'm weird. But wow remembering this guy was some weird internet serendipity right here and now.

>dating this girl for almost all 4 years of undergrad
>only serious relationship I've ever had
>she's cute, funny, beautiful blue eyes
>get to know all her little idiosyncrasies and she knows mine
>she has depression so I help her through it whenever possible, be a shoulder to cry on, stop her from cutting etc.
>she meets some pre-med douche about to become a doctor
>led me on for months promising me that she only loved me before going on a camping trip with him and some others
>Yesterday
>Reurns with: well user idk I just need something more mature and someone who thinks about the little things etc.
>tell her to save her speech for herself and slam door of her apartment on the way out
>didn't cry at all yesterday but woke up bawling at 6 A.M.

She texted me saying she wants to talk "for closure" and stuff but I just don't know how to think or feel. How could she? I wrote her a heartfelt letter basically saying she's a terrible person but I still love her, idk whether to throw it out or give it to her or to just shoot myself in the fucking cranium.