Schizoid boomer here

schizoid boomer here
>want to die
>wish i had a genuine connection with someone outside the 2 people in my family i can be myself around
>sitting in my room all day watching the mega64 podcast while refreshing Jow Forums and occasionally reading or practicing music
>dont even care about hirojewki and the nsa/cia reading my posts anymore
im just so fucked in the head and tired of living

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You can help yourself robots. Build better habits, take yourself and your choices seriously, and intervene in your own life to give something better to yourself. Life is hard and pretty shitty for most people. But you dont have to suffer like we do. The first world isnt so bad, really.

go fuck yourself normie faggot

just keep your happy to yourself

Bruh you're an old ass boomer. You have to get your shit together eventually.

i know i do man. almost 30. my big bro said 30 is the new 20 but that was just some nice sounding bullshit to make me feel less worse about being 30 and amounting to nothing.

>"boohoo I'm such a lonely schzoid I wish someone would get close to me"
>someone gets close to you
>abandon them because you cannot handle intimacy
>"boohoo I'm so alone"
Schzoids are like male BPDs without the fun parts.

hey youre not wrong. but i wouldnt appreciate the kind of person who would date a bpd male anyway. i think i would appreciate someone like me who is barely connected to the world but still acknowledges they're human and at least tries to make the best of the time they have on earth.

this user is right, OP you are kidding yourself if you think you want to deal with people. you just dont want to feel useless so you think by forming other connections you arent useless, you dont want actual bonds with anyone

nothing really matters and that's what's comforting.

i don't want to feel useless, yes. and even though my ability to bond with others is very weak i still recognize that pair bonding, at least, is fundamental to human nature. but i could be mistaken for completely disregarding others partly because i tend to be extremely specific and unrelenting loyal to my own principles.

even so there is the intellectual notion that we have at least some vague teleological purpose to fulfill

this is pretty typical of schizoids, its really better for everyone involved to not make contact with you. you didnt even reach out to anyone and its only a few posts in

>the intellectual notion that we have at least some vague teleological purpose to fulfill
narcissism, evolutionary side effect of ego

you could just try talking to new people until you find someone you can connect to even if it might take years

>im just so fucked in the head and tired of living
find a goal, pursue and you will find someone worth your while a long the way.
find purpose op.

i just appreciate that people are responding to me, i don't really have any expectations here. i definitely wouldn't want to get anyone caught up with me though, for sure. that would just end badly.

>narcissism, evolutionary side effect of ego
it comes from a life spent trying to understand whether there is free will, whether there is validity to ethics, what is the meaning behind reality. i apologize if it comes off as narcissism. all i can say is that i'm seeking truth in the most unbiased way i can manage

talking about purpose is so pointless because it essentially boils down to beliefs.
some people think purpose is anything, some people think it's everything, some say it's a specific thing. it's all autism.

>i apologize if it comes off as narcissism.
chill I'm saying that the idea of purpose is just an evolutionary biproduct. why are we here is as pointless a question as why is anything.

You are probably not schizoid if you desire any more human contact outside very close family and maybe 1 friend from time to time.

If you feel any sort of depression or overwhelming sadness or loneliness you are just autistic.
And that is the real shit pill. God I hate autistic and bipolar people rofl.

At least I'm an honest schizoid who knows the only reason I such at the social game is because I never played it. And I never played it because other tings or very low activity things interested me enough instead as a child.
And just keep doing something that isn't broken and just living for the week is what I've done all my life.

Plus side is i never get attached (can't really ) and never feel any big pain at all.
Minus is i geniuly don't know what people mean by "love" if they are talking about an overwhelming feeling. Which I will never feel. No choice there really.

you should probably start avatarfagging and pretending to be a tranny then if you like the validation

feel like i've been on this journey and it just brought me to a dead end. but i know that there is something like an uncountable infinity of possibilities at any given moment, so it's not impossible to find fulfillment even for someone like me. just extremely unlikely i suppose.

thanks i'm still trying. being so apathetic and bleak is definitely self-defeating by definition.

>it's all autism
i can't imagine what it's like to be born having an intrinsic sense of purpose, or having your behavior dictated by interaction with the environment. that is true. it's incredibly autistic. that's why i'm trying to create a sense of purpose for myself. maybe it's futile.

Are you an actual boomer (30+) OP? I was thinking about this moments ago. Man it hit me like a train, im 28, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING in a board of mostly early 20s and underages?

Also I relate to the feels in the OP but holy shit I cant stop thinking about the first. I MUST leave this place right? But where do I go? Wizchan is shit and full of larpers, cripplechan sucks. Smaller chans are slow as fuck. Oh man I have to get a life dont I? Christ

You aren't schizoid if you're posting here

yeah man no problem with that. it definitely has an evolutionary component in that without romanticizing progress and striving to overcome entropy, there would be no intrinsic argument for living at all.

oh god that would be awful

yeah i'm almost 30, i have the same thoughts you're having. technically we shouldn't even be here, our generation has grown up and moved on, yet for some reason we're still stuck here. maybe we have nowhere else to go. the apathy for living resulted in stunted growth that disallowed us from continually seeking relationships and opportunities more appropriate for our age.

i think at the end of the day getting a life is the only chance we have of leaving this place. the only question is how?

see above, i think it's a sufficient explanation

>feel like i've been on this journey and it just brought me to a dead end
I don't know how that could lead to a dead end there are always people on this board who want to talk. yeah it's very unlikely to find a real long lasting connection but what else to do in life than try and look? maybe it's easier if you need to talk to people all day to distract yourself from thinking.

>i'm trying to create a sense of purpose for myself
>maybe it's futile

now that i don't agree with. it's a paradox. i don't think people have a purpose, but there is a purpose in creating a "purpose", if that makes sense.
i think what men need these days (and i'm following this advice as well) are passions and goals that actually mean something to them.
usually it takes time, but if and when you can find a goal that allows you to bond with others or become better somehow, then you're playing a progression game and feeling a sense of purpose.
careers give you that more so than jobs because you often have to have passion to even be in that career. thanks to industry, careers for men have become pretty narrow.

there's a price to pay for civilization and i think men are paying the most heavily for it.
(holy shit this post became too long)

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this reminds me that i keep leaving communities and friend groups without realizing that social interaction is a very good way to distract from thinking, as you put it. maybe looking for imminently concrete and lasting connections is wrong, i should learn to be satisfied with just having people to talk to.

yeah it makes sense in that we give ourselves agency by creating purpose. you're right that passions and goals are important - i have goals but i definitely lack passion. finding a career is the only huge barrier as i haven't really worked towards anything substantial, so breaking into that just gets more difficult with each year. it is a gradual progression though. i also worry about the return on time spent, although i guess that's a trivial problem given the older i get the harder it will be to work towards something worthwhile and fulfilling.

>there's a price to pay for civilization and i think men are paying the most heavily for it.
probably. women have always been a highly valued sexual commodity if nothing else. it seems like the trouble is that men have the most responsibility for civilization yet are penalized heavier when it comes to accountability for their actions.

>this reminds me that i keep leaving communities and friend groups
I can't stand being in groups either I just don't feel well and my anxiety keeps rising until I ghost them. I just can talk to people directly like one at the time. yeah having someone to talk can be good enough sometimes already but maybe over the years I got used to having less than I wish for. long lasting and good connections also take a very long time to develop too so it often can feel like you don't really are connected to someone st first. as said just talking even to someone you barely know is better than being alone with your mind like way better.

I mean hes kinda right, he is saying it to be nice but people mature at a much slower rate now. The difference is normies spend their 20s traveling or having sex and partying where as robots spend it playing vidya and being mentally ill.

aren't schizoids the ones who are alone but not lonely
avoidantfags are the ones who want relationships but are too much of a fags to actually maintain them

Its all on a spectrum. There is no defined separation of the two anymore. Psychology isn't an exact science and it is constantly evolving.

Not really. It's more like avoidants stay away from people because they have fear of being rejected, while schizoids stay way because they genuinely hate social interaction. That doesn't mean they don't feel lonely, because craving for intimacy is a part of the human condition.

>someone like me
schizoid seems like more of an accusatory dissmissal than as applicable as it is thrown around
I probably would qualify by quite number of standards but thats a consequence of being trusting at my core layered with all the emotional trips from having learned about deceit the hard way
>pair bonding
another "tfw no gf" thread all along?
how many women voluntarily become monks... bonding on the basis of an impersonal philosophical understanding of the universe just isn't something that you do with women. ever.
>Are you an actual boomer (30+) OP? I was thinking about this moments ago. Man it hit me like a train, im 28, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING in a board of mostly early 20s and underages?
train never stops. just a consequence of getting older (ie gets worse)
consider a year by year percentage of (gets shit together) and drops out of the fuckup population
but that percentage drops each year by age of the subject and by a smaller value by each year we march to our dystopian prizes. also there's recidivism.
point is - there are plenty of societal non participants out there at 30+ (and +) but you end up having to gravitate toward fringe interest communities like model airplane builders, or if you crave some kind of intimacy, furries to get any attention.
or you just stop talking. maybe you an hero. maybe you live another 30 years in total isolation without talking to anyone.

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>be myself
You're luckier then most.
Life is just a barrier of protections. There's no comfort zone, it's just a slightly less agitated zone waiting for the day to end. Only to repeat it tomorrow.

I love being alone but at the same time i feel an intense desire for companionship. It's like my mind is being pulled in two opposing directions. It's very hard for me to be relaxed around others. I have to put on a mask just to exist in the outside world. I'm pretty good at it I guess. Most people might find me a bit odd but I am well liked at my job, I can go out and do the things necessary for living independently. No one know who i really am, not even my family. I keep that part of me safe from everyone.
Its a weird way to go through life, i wouldnt recommend it.

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>muh purpose
>muh search for truth

Lmao

Were hairless apes on a rock flying through space in a cold dark universe.

Your life and all our lives are an accident.

Now grow up, lift weights, and get laid