Chapter 1 of the book I’m writing

The woods of tae were, to the untrained eye, a rather ordinary forest. Teeming with life, the woods contained all sorts of creatures, both big and small. My sweet story on the forest floor. Deer would frolic onto any sunny patch that they could find. The occasional giant could be seen waiting through the trees like tall grass, sometimes muttering spells from times past. Even a gentor could be seen flying over the thick canopy, it’s leathery wings flapping against the wind. Yes, it would appear that Tae was another boring old forest, with nothing extraordinary or special about it. Or, so it would seem. You see, beneath the innocent mask of tae held a secret that was both terrifying and intriguing. Every night, when the moon rises over the mountains and shines its pale light on to Tae, the trees begin to move, their roots surfacing from the ground like a worm. They would stroll across the dirt, sometimes for miles, to find another place to nestle their roots within the boundaries of the forest. After these nomadic trees settled themselves, the ground would begin to shake violently, to the point where the very ground would begin to rise and fall. A towering hill, so large it seems immovable, could be nothing but a small creak the very next day. Change was common within tae, and the animals knew that better than anyone. The beasts understood that, when they settled into a warm cave or nest to sleep in, they could very well awaken to find themselves in the branch of a tall tree, or nestled in a ripe fruit bush. But, on this particular day, a rather unlucky white fox had to start his day drowning.

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The fox opened his bright blue eyes to find that the warm burrow he slept in the night before was gone. Instead, he was floating in cold pool of water. Instantly, the fox began to move wildly, trying to get to air. His small small lungs were burning as they began to fill up with water. He kicked his strong legs off of the bottom of the pool, desperate to stay alive. But the fox couldn’t see anything. Every direction he looked in was a dark abyss that seemed to go on forever. Every second that passed was like an hour of excruciating pain that he had to go through as he struggled to keep swimming. But, slowly, his strides became weaker, his heart started to pound softer and softer, and he fox cane to the realization that he wasn’t going to make it. After all these ears, it was going to end like this. The funny thing about death is that we won’t accept it until it’s too late. When it has its clutches around us, with no intent on letting go, only than will we fall asleep in it’s cold embrace. And that is exactly what the fox did. He stopped struggling, and let his body float in the abyss. He accepted what was coming, but was terrified where it would take him. Out of the corner of his eye, the fox saw a small white light. The type of light you would see when you were only seconds from death. The type that would become brighter and brighter, until all you could see was white, and then, well, who knows? But, instead of getting brighter and brighter, it actually appeared to be coming closer. And as it got closer to the fox, it started to take the form of long and thin cables that flowed a bright orange. They started to coil around him quickly, first starting with the feet, than with the top of the legs, than to the rest of the body. As soon, as the ropes were wrapped tightly around the fox, they began to tug at him at a rather alarming, pulling him up faster and faster by the second. It didn’t take long for him to surface the water with a loud THWOOM!

basedboy onions onions onions

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There were many different things that were going through the fox’s head, as well as out of his stomach. As he was slowly being dragged to shore but the orange ropes, the fox vomited what looked like a mixture of water, blood, and last nights dinner: rabbit meat. He was also trying to gasp before as much air as he could, but that only resulted in more vomiting. Suddenly, the fox begin to feel the ropes unwrap from his body. He opened his eyes, and found that he was lying on the gravel of a rocky shore. He was alive. By some miracle, he was alive! The fox stood up, and looked around. In front of him was the lake he woke from, a small trail of vomit and blood could still be seen in it. And behind him was a thick grove of trees, laced with vines and tiny streams. Still coughing up water, the fox started to hobble towards the forest, when suddenly, he heard a rustling coming from the bushes. The noise became louder and louder, until out came a man from the shrubbery. There were no doubts within the fox’s mind that he was a wizard, what with his dark brown skin and black hair, which was very short, almost buzzed. Tall and lanky, he looked as though he hadn’t slept in days, judging from the stubble on his face and the bags under his eyes. His clothes were made of leather, it’s sleeves were tattered and worn. He was holding what looks like a hunters knife, shiny and shark, as though it was never used. From it, the same orange ropes were receding into the tip of the blade. The man looked at the fox, and smiled in excitement.

“My oh my,” the man said in an oily voice, “I don’t see much of you around here,” The man stared at the fox’s pure white coat in amazement, and was beginning to raise his hand to touch it. The fox flinched, suspicious of the man, who is getting a bit too close for his liking. “Whassa matter? You don’t trust me?” the man said. He chuckled, “not like I need it anyways. In a few minutes, you’ll be dead, and I’ll be a thousand tuscos richer, depending on the right buyer,” before the fox realized what was going on, the man lunged his knife towards the his neck. He barely had enough time to jump back, but not without a deep cut to his snout. He began to growl at the hunter, who was around 10 feet away. The man pointed his knife at the Fox, and muttered something under his breath. The blade turned red hot and, from the tip, a massive ball of fire blasted from it. The fox dodged it, but could feel that a bit of his fur had been singed in the process. Finding an opening, the fox darted toward the hunters leg, and sunk his teeth deep into his thigh. The man kicked him off, but it didn’t matter. His leg begin to swell up like a balloon, the veins in his thigh were starting to turn purple, and from the bite marks, a thick green ooze was pouring out from them. The hunter looked at the Fox with a look of both extreme pain and shock. He wasn’t the only one with a few tricks up his sleeve. He began to shout and curse, all the while limping away from the fox and towards the forest behind him. A few minutes later, he was so far away that not even his screams could be heard.

The beast reflected on his rather easy victory, when he remembered that he too had to venture into the woods, for he had to meet up with someone rather important. The fox walked around the bushes, and headed into the thick trees. It hadn’t been 10 minutes, since his awakening, and already his life had been put at risk twice. Another eventual morning within the woods of Tae.

And that’s chapter one. I hoped you enjoyed it. I’ll be back next week with chapter two.

>BUY MY BOOK
okay/okay would buy

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>buy my book
I mean, I’m going to give it to you guys for free, but people outside of Jow Forums are gonna have to cough up.

Also, did you like it so far, or do you have some criticism?

This seems a bit grim

Well, I didn’t want life in an ever changing forest to be sunshine’s and rainbows, you know? I mean, it is beautiful, but also dangerous.

Also I realized you've been in my discord server for quite a while now and I don't remember if you've ever said anything in it

Oh yes, I forgot all about that. Hold on.

I like the setting, a nice mixture of both known and unknown, it's a rare sight in these days of "it is either our good old Earth or a totally unknown world in a galaxy far far away"; but sentences are too short for my taste. Big texts written in short sentences remind me of bad bumpy roads.
But then again, i em bat a simpl russki, ai du nod anderstend, xa-xa.

neato

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I have no strong feeling either way, but I commend the effort.

Thanks, I’ll take that into consideration when writing the next chapter.

It sure it is Neato, I’ve been working on this story for 5 years now
Not everyone will appreciate it, and that’s fine.

Can i get a tl:dr?
I don't feel like reading rn, maybe later.

cool. Best o' luck to you and your bok doc.

>can I get a tl:dr
Uh, a wolf got saved from drowning by a hunter.

What is your server

I like it

>After all these ears
>ears
0/10
wouldn't read, can't spell.

To be fair, I spelled it right in the manuscript.

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It's cool that you like to write and are making your own story. It was a fun read thus far.

why the fuck you crossing shit out with circles and shit

Thanks lol.
I'll read it later i swear.

Doesn't that just make it worse?

Because i can still see it, so that way if I ever wanted to use that bit in another part of the story I can still see it and write it there
It’s fine, you don’t have to read it.

Thanks

the official discord of the official hip hop group of the official best board of Jow Forums

Basically

Fantasy? I dig it.
A rather eventful opening but I cannot form an meaningful judgement based on what I've read so far. I'd be driven to assume that it is just some B tier wizard trying to make a quick buck on the behalf of fox.
Are you doing some world building or have you just introduced one of the main characters? (Consider this my inner monologue, answering would ruin the surprise)

Well, you are right about him being a b-tier wizard trying to make a quick buck of the fox’s hide.

baseding up

Thanks for the bump, kind sir.

Pedo Doctor

This.

I have some critiques.
>Yes, it would appear that Tae was another boring old forest, with nothing extraordinary or special about it. Or, so it would seem
I don't like this part. Either remove the, "Or so it would seem" part or remove the "Yes, it would appear that" part. It feels like you are trying to hammer it into the head of the reader that the forest is different.
>so large it seems immovable
I feel like this part is unnecessary and it removes from the flow of the story.
>The beasts understood that, when they settled into a warm cave or nest to sleep in, they could very well awaken to find themselves in the branch of a tall tree, or nestled in a ripe fruit bush
This begs the question "why aren't the animals nocturnal so that they can avoid this"
>warm burrow he slept in
where did the burrow come from. Why would animals dig burrows if they would just get destroyed the next day.
>Every direction he looked in was a dark abyss that seemed to go on forever
I really enjoy this metaphor.
>that he had to go through as he struggled to keep swimming
I feel like this part makes the sentence too long and it makes the previous part of the sentence hit less hard.
> than
I think you meant then.
>He was also trying to gasp before as much air as he could
I don't understand what the before is doing there. I would replace it with the word "up"
>Suddenly, the fox begin to feel the ropes unwrap from his body
I would say for you to replace begin with began or say "the fox felt the ropes unwrap from his body"
>it’s sleeves were tattered and worn
It should be "its sleeves were tattered and worn"
>shark
did you mean "sharp"?
>before the fox realized what was going on, the man lunged his knife towards the his neck
Can the fox understand what the man is saying?
>He began to growl at the hunter
Foxes don't growl.

Overall this is a pretty good story. It was intriguing but I still wonder why the world has magic.I like the fact that nature is tough

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he could write in a more active voice but that is fixed easily with a proofread. as long as he keeps the desire to write - more power to him

it feels like he trying to describe the story more than telling it

When I write I also use passive voice too much.
Yea

yes me too i revise emails constantly as i go. fiction could be fun but i lack motivation or desire. i tried it once. op seems to enjoy it

talking about your book