Your mother and I have been wondering: When are ya gonna give us grandchildren, Champ? Everyone has kids, Champ. Having kids gives you a sense of achievement, makes you more responsible, continues the family legacy, and ensures that someone who'll take care of you when you get old. Why the glum face? Oh, I know: Girl trouble. Champ, that Lacey girl wasn't laughing at you; she was laughing with you. Girls like a confident guy with a winning smile. And introducing yourself is as simple as walking up to her, handing her a bouquet of flowers, giving her a firm handshake, and telling her that you're not letting go until she comes with you to the school dance.
Don't gimme any of this mularkey about your looks or height. Girls will practically be chasing a handsome fella like you when you crawl outta your shell, Champ.
Fuck you for creating a subhuman by fucking a 40 year old, not my fault all my shit is fucked
Jack Harris
Don't beat yourself up, Champ. Only quitters make excuses, and I didn't raise a quitter; I raised a Champ! See, you've gotta take it slow and play it cool, Champ. Who knows? That special someone might be just around the corner. And when you see her, it's as easy as giving her a firm handshake and telling her you're not letting go until she accompanies you to dinner.
WHEN you have kids of your own, you'll be giving them this exact same pep talk.
"Champ, back in my day, statements like that were just another way of saying that you needed a kick in the keyster to get you back on the right track to being a genuine God-fearing man. And a productive member of society, too. There are plenty of girls for someone like you out there if you're just willing to look. Speaking of which: When are ya gonna give your mother and me grandchildren, Champ? Having kids is important because it gives you direction, a sense of achievement, and someone who'll take care of you when you get old. Why the glum face? Oh, I know: Girl trouble. Champ, that Lacey girl wasn't laughing at you; she was laughing with you. Girls like a confident guy who can sweep her off her feet with a winning smile. A handsome guy like you ought to have no problem finding the right girl. And introducing yourself to one is as simple as walking up to her, smiling, giving her a firm handshake, and telling her that you're not letting go until she accepts your invitation to American Bandstand. I'll even buy you tickets so you two can sit together in the front row.
"Heh. Girls will practically be chasing you when you crawl outta your shell, Champ. Hell, you'll practically have to fend them off with a broom."
My father never tried to motivate me he only put me down when i tried new things
John Thompson
Meeting girls, Champ? That's easy. You've gotta walk up to them, give 'em a firm handshake, and tell 'em you're not letting go until she accompanies you to American Bandstand. Worked for me back in '74 when I got home from 'Nam. WHEN you have kids of your own, you'll be giving them this exact same pep talk.
Champ, finding a nice girl is as easy as walking up to her, handing her a bouquet of flowers, giving her a firm handshake, and telling her you're not letting go until she goes with you out to dinner. It's all about being confident, Champ. You've gotta crawl outta that thick shell of yours and next thing you know, girls will be chasing you so much you'll have to fend 'em off with a broom.
Never... fuck this world, fuck this system, fuck humanity, there doesn't need to be any more people
Mason Bailey
I can't help but feel that the same handshakedad guy posting these threads is collecting data for some sort of PhD project.
It's very well written and original, it's actually surprising that people would post such quality stuff in such a place.
Christian Clark
>creampied my gf and 9 months later it turned into a pink goblin that made her cooch look like a gas station roast beef sandwich. Its hard for me to fathom how people garner a sense of accomplishment from that.
Luis Walker
When are you gonna find a nice girl to settle down with, Champ? Having kids makes you responsible, starts your legacy and continues the family's, and ensures that someone will be around to take care of you when you get old. But you've gotta take it one step at a time, Champ. It's all about finding a nice girl to settle down with, and that's as easy as walking up to one, giving her a firm handshake, and refusing to let go until she agrees to go out with you to dinner.
Heh, WHEN you have kids of your own, you'll be giving them this same exact pep talk!
Don't beat yourself up, Champ. Finding a nice girl and not being a degenerate loser for once is as simple as walking up to her, giving her a firm handshake, handing her a bouquet of flowers, and telling her that you're not letting go until she goes on a date with you. It's that simple, Champ.
You already have a granddaughter from my older brother. Is that not enough?
Christopher Wright
"Forget it, you little shit. I gave you all the advice in the world, and you didn't do a damn thing. The only thing with which you'll have intimate contact is the train you'll jump in front of."
"And I'm invoking the right of a parent to charge rent for housing your ungrateful lazy degenerate ass. Don't wanna do that? Well, fuck outta my house. And I don't wanna see you back until you land a real job; none of that hourly McJob shit. You need a real careeer with benefits and advancements. Your friend Chad got a job with just a firm handshake. Why can't you do the same? Are you an imbecile? I think you are. Out, out, out!"
Because the woman that I've fallen for isn't able to have children. One of her ovaries kicked the chair when she was 12, and the other has such bad PCOS that the chances of even a single egg coming out right are zero. Not to mention the fact that her and her family are a little... far from what I'd consider good gene stock. Her parents either smoked, drank, or lived in Flint, MI if you know what I mean.
I can't see myself spending my life with anyone else, and I don't know how to handle the fact that this is taking me to a genetic dead end. Every 6 months or so... I notice my physical condition deteriorating... and I wonder how much stronger my children might be if they were already on the way. I'm only 23, and yet I've wasted about 80% of my life's sexual virility on two barren women....
If any teenage anons are reading... Don't fall for 'high-testosterone' women if you want to start an early family. They commonly suffer from PCOS, and have been on BC since early teens to correct. If she doesn't talk about having kids someday without you bringing it up, she's probably not the one.
Benjamin Bennett
THIS THREAD IS GOLDEN
DAD IM SORRY PLEASE DONT HATE ME
Samuel Price
It's art honestly. Youtube has Contrapoints. Jow Forums has Handshakedad
Ayden Bailey
"Quitting already? Go ahead and quit then, loser. And while you're at it, go ahead and quit living in this house. You're done, you're finished. All you needed to do was one damn thing, Champ -- like that Chet or Chud boy who got a job, a house, and a car with just than a firm handshake. It was just one thing, Champ. One!"
"That Chud or Chaz boy got a job, a house, a car, and a family -- and all he needed was a firm handshake. You can't even get a fucking job at fucking McDonalds of all places, and they laughed you out of the store because your handshake was more like a floppy-dead fish. A FUCKING FISH! Get the fuck out of here. You're out on your own, you miserable shit. None of that hourly McJob shit. You need a real career with benefits and advancements. Last I checked, apartments don't come cheap."
Girls are too much trouble dad, I like them but it's much easier to stick my dick in a gloryhole and blow a load. Do you understand that? Plus if I have kids I'll have to use up my savings and won't be able to retire early. I like my life of easy sex, drugs, alcohol and a promised early retirement.
"They're too much trouble because you can't do a goddamn thing right, you worthless piece of shit. You can't do anything right; you just hang around the house all the time daydreaming. Welcome to reality, loser. As far as flings? Don't make me laugh. The only thing you're touching is the bus that'll hit you when you walk in front of it. I thought I raised a man, and you couldn't even get that right."
"Grab your stuff and get the hell out. And don't come back until you've gotten a job."
"Oh, look! Here comes the bottom feeder fresh from a trip to his make-believe world again. Tell you what: Your new job is getting a real job. I want you out of the house applying everywhere within ear shot and don't come back until someone hires you on the spot -- and if you don't find anything in two months, I'm kicking you out. Look at me. I'm talkin' to you. If you don't find a job, then you might as well kill yourself -- and hell, you'll probably find some way to fuck that up as well."
>Dad, why is a firm handshake so important. Tell me exactly why Dad iz kil
Juan Powell
Why so mad, chump? Mad you never learned to save and invest. Chump, just go into your job, give your boss a firm dickshake and tell him you deserve that raise! Btw I'm not taking care of you when you're old and decrepit, should have used your brain instead of muscles retard
Levi Taylor
Dad... I was going to tell you but. Veronica. S-she m-miscarried... I don't know what to do...
