Hello robots i'm depressed for the 4th day in a row, maybe more

Stressed about what?

got a big workload and not enough time

Get off muh interwebs, grandpa

But just how important is that work?

if i do well i have another path in my future
if i dont i can still survive its just i feel like a huge fuckup being able to not finish it
thats the best i can describe it - theres probably better ways to describe but thats the best i can muster at the moment

Look, I'm in no position to tell you what or what not to do; my best advice would be that you do your best, even if it stresses you. If you believe the reward is good enough then, in the end, it should worth it all, don't you agree?

i know, i've been told. i have no visualization skills - i can't imagine myself being successful by doing something successful. i know it'll happen but it doesn't motivate me because it doesn't feel real. a lot of this work is really fucking boring to me so when i'm finally out of a depressive episode and am able to do it i'm yawning my ass off.

You don't really need good visualization skills to know what's best for you atm and at short term. Mind the question but, do you have any family or friends that you can depend on?, just to clarify some things.

the people i talk to are absent a lot
i know its good for me but thats where i feel visualization is a problem - knowing its good for me isnt enough to spur me because i cant visualize myself being successful from taking these actions

Are we talking financially successful or...?

success in general.
you have a task.
you want to complete that task.
you think about how if you take these actions, you can complete that task and thus be successful.
i know that i can do what i have to do to complete the task but for me that doesn't make it any easier to complete the task. i have no fear nor motivaiton because i can't picture myself winning or losing.

Then, I'd say, you'd need to rethink what "being successful" means. Your definition of "success", to me, looks like you're trying to show something to someone; to prove yourself to them, ignoring what you really want. Maybe, being successful is more about completing these tasks in search of your happiness and, in time, the ones you love. Try working around that motivation. I know it may be hard to come by; but, trust me, you can always find something, even if you think of it as small or insignificant.

wow 4 whole days huh
that's gotta be some sort of record

Some hurdles are necessary. This one kinda is, it'll help me do things I want to do faster despite being boring to me but I can still do things I want to do in other ways I think

People try to one up others, even when it comes to how long they've been depressed. Like is that something to be proud about?

I agree. Some hurdles are necesary; that's how I know things pay off in the end, don't mind how boring they are. But you gotta get rid of that uncertainty at the end:

>I can still do things I want to do in other ways I think

That's where I'd say you're having trouble in.

I find it hard to not mind how boring it is. Trouble in what sense, being too focused on this being my only path?

Yes and no. At the beginning you said:

>if i dont i can still survive its just i feel like a huge fuckup being able to not finish it

From this I can conclude that you KNOW that this is not your only way, but you like to think it is; so, yes, you're having trouble *thinking* this is your only path. Also, I'd suggest that you stop focusing on how boring it may be, since I'm pretty sure it isn't the first boring piece of work you've done nor will it be the last one, so you should be okay.

Just to finish the though, even if it sounds cliche: the quicker you start doing it, the quicker you finish it. That means that you decide how much more you want to stress yourself. It's hard not to get upset about some work that needs to be done, even if it is boring, we've all been there, just try to take it easy from the beginning. Take care, user.

If it's nice and hot yeah
If it's cold while you listen to some hype shit even better it'll make you feel like you're not a mental wreck and can face challenges head on