I need to become socially normal. I've been a shut-in with no friends for over a decade now, my social skills are awful and I feel like I have lost touch with "social reality", as in, how people talk, think, what they do, what their values are, etc.
I need to learn and re-learn really basic social skills like small talk, body language, having a good presence, how to be polite, pick up on social cues. Fucking help me.
Go out, dipshit.
not OP, but am in a similar position. where exactly are you supposed to go? and how should you approach people? just walk up to them and start talking? about what?
i can speak for me and probably OP and say we are practically starting from scratch here
Who the fuck in their right mind would want to participate in society and be normal? it's bullshit
Yeah these "just do it" advices don't apply in this situation at all. By the time you're like 17 there is already a bunch of expectations being placed on you and a commonly shared pool of experiences that people have, if you missed that stuff you can't just join the race and expect others to accept you. And it only gets worse and worse every year after that.
kinda makes me feel hopeless. every advice for social situations i've seen seems to be aimed at people who already have at least a fundemental understanding of social things, but maybe just lack confidence or something.
has there never been someone who's pulled themselves up from complete social retardation? it seems that way, given that seemingly nobody is capable of giving advice to those people.
if only it was as easy as lifting weights. that only barely requires a sub-caveman level intelligence to accomplish. eat big lift big. easy
Do shit you enjoy. You can meet people by looking for board game groups for example.
dwelling on shit like this is the only thing holding you back
its got fuck all to do with how you acted in the past
its got everything to do with how you're acting at this exact moment
not sure if this helps, but there are in fact different versions of 'normal' in different social contexts...i'm kind of a loser myself and made zero friends in college, actively embarrassed myself a few times, etc., but then i got a job which naturally attracted different people than my bullshit stem courses and got along much better. i don't know of a good way to find out who you fit in with, but unless you're a literal diagnosed autist there will be someone somewhere. even then it might take some time.
I feel you. I'm still on social-retard territory but I'm seeing improvements here and there. My current philosophy is to learn mechanically what people learn organically. For example, I've noticed that I'm not *that* bad at carrying a conversation with people (once I know them) as I used to be, and I attribute that to replacing Music with Podcasts as my background noise. Subconsciously, you start picking up a lot of patterns like how to tell a story, how to segue from one subject to another, what questions to ask, etc. I also unironically learned a few things about dating and other normie activities just by listening to people's stories and opinions, which is kind of good because if the topic comes up the fact I have almost no life experiences is a bit easier to hide.
I'm also trying to follow as many subjects as possible, but in a way where I don't spend too much time on it. I have almost nothing in common with people, so having this basic grasp of what's happening in sports or music or TV is essential for me to find some common ground with them. I don't go too deep either, I just check some news website or a reddit page every day for a few minutes and get an idea of what's going on through headlines and threads, and if I end up in a conversation about that I at least know what questions to ask instead of being super quiet and autistic.
This and a lot of practice are going to be my approach for a while. I'm aware this is all very pathetic, but pathetic people like me require pathetic solutions.
Perhaps someone tired of the shut in life
(OP)
Try to get a job in hospitality, that's forced socialiation
nah, you're fuckin stupid
The ONLY way you can make social gains is to actually go and be social
and since you have no social skills, that means you need to go make a fool of yourself first
Quit being a fucking baby. Yes, you will be awkward and say dumb shit and look like a real clown, but you need to do this in order to make those gains. Social skills are entirely dependent on experience, you can't just read them from a book or from a forum post on a Japanese anime bulletin board.
Just go out and fucking be yourself, so that you can develop yourself. If you try too hard to be "normie social", people around you will notice right away that you are being disingenuous and faking it.
There is really just no way around it. Swallow your fucking pride and just go be yourself. Yes, you will make a fool out of yourself, but that's just what you need to do right now. As long as you're not set in your ways, an awkward social situation will only happen to you once, so for every weird encounter you have, that's 100 proper encounters in the future, since you've fuckin learned what not to do.
I used to be like you OP, NEET for years and even going to the supermarket was a struggle.
Now I have friends and am social despite being an introvert.
Babysteps over time will improve you.
Don't expect changes to happen overnight.
Exposure therapy is the best.
I can't be interesting
I'm dead silent 99.9% of the time
Lifting can't fix it
Here are the general rules
>stand within 2ft of a person you want to meet, this is known as the friend zone
>people hate small talk, try discussing their political or religious views to get a deeper connection
>always avoid eye contact if it last for mire than 10 seconds. Just look away for 10 seconds and look at them again
>sit far away from a persom you are interested in talking to, but make sure they can see you. Stare at them and glance away when they look at you
watch stranger things, become cumbrain but for science/beautiful people on instagram, watch rick n mort. Gauge meme status and just try to reduce irony and view as concrete as possible. From then on i do not know
Not as bad as OP but I'm somewhat struggling to be social as well. I've worked food service jobs for years so I'm not scared to be around people. Lately I've been doing more cashier work and people are responding positively when I interact with them. I'm not socially retarded and I can usually feel people out within a few minutes of meeting them.
My struggle is finding where to actually go to meet people. I live 5 minutes walking distance from a bar that I go to sometimes. Where else can I go? I was thinking a roller rink in my town since I actually want to skate but it could be a place to meet people too. Sounds gay, I know, but it's all I can think of at the moment.
It's not pathetic, user. You didn't build a solid social foundation in your brain during your teen years, so now you're speedrunning this shit. Much better than giving up on yourself and becoming a shut-in. Keep doing your thing. The advantage with being non-neurotypical comes with the fact that you are able to find solutions like this which are enough for you to not lose your footing in a social situation. Plus, being a social retard browsing Jow Forums probably gave you a lot of good knowledge that a typical person doesn't possess. If you keep being persistent and innovative with your social learning, you'll grow into a person who's well adapted socially, but also somebody who knows his goals and knows how people are, and you'll navigate life well. Keep doing your thing and keep going out and talking to people. We're both gonna make it.
meant for
Better stop wasting time arguing the point and get on it then, don't you think?
>Hey guys, I'm really trying to learn how to ride a bike here. Don't ask to me get on a bike and start pedalling though, that's crazy talk. How can I learn without actually riding the thing?
>I feel like I have lost touch with "social reality", as in, how people talk, think, what they do, what their values are, etc.
Me too. I wish there was a more commonly used term for this
You need to get a shit job where you are required to interact people all day. Get a job at a coffee shop or something similar and being forced to converse and smile with people on the regular will give you what you want.
How awkward is it to go alone to a bar? I keep thinking it's the thing I should try but it just feels a bit off... do I have a drink and just sit there by myself?
Just be yourself, bro.
Works everytime.
>be young
>it’ll be easier to socialize when I’m older
>grow up
>realize it was easier to socialize when I was younger
ouch
Depends on the bar, if it’s a hole in the wall place you could go there regularly and make friends with the bartender/regulars
I honestly suspect that people posting questions like that aren't people, but AI pretending to be people.
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Same
get a retail job. Such as working as a cashier at walmart. You are forced to talk to all kinds of people. People who are happy, people who are nice, people who are angry, people who are ridiculously stupid, people who are entitled, coworkers who are cool, coworkers who suck, etc.
You will not be able to avoid conversation
Remember when you were new to Jow Forums and people told you to "lurk moar"
Do that but in real life.
If you really are that autistic you just need to get outside and NEAR people.
You dont even have to talk to people, just acclimate yourself to being around people
People wont care if your weird there are tons of beta males with no self awareness that go out and they will pull agro away from you
Join the military
based and humanpilled