/depression/

You better read my reply to you OP. Don't fuck up my image, reputation, and ruin my only place to talk about myself deeply and introspectively and others ability to relate to me.

Shut the fuck up you degenerate, this is Jow Forums.

Go fuck yourself you dumb unoriginal piece of shit. You haven't reached a hundreath of the depths ive reached before. FUCK YOU.

Ok, but on the rare occasions when I can cry, it feels so good, like all that pent up sadness is finally being released

That may be true but at least I can still climb out of this hole I'm in. You? You're stuck down there buddy and you're not ever coming out.

I just dont get it, why tf do my psychiatrist want to "cure" my HPPD first before treating other problem of mine, sure, im on 100mg lamotrigine and it helps but how the f am i suppose to deal with my non-existent attention and complete lack of motivation? i hate myself for wasting another day without doing what im capable of (except when i take some modafinl (not prescribed))

it's just my rant, but if any robot can give me some advice, i will greatly appreciate it

I recently removed my blinders and can now see myself for who I truely am, and it's a gruesome scene to say the least. Needless to say I'm doing quite terrible. I am drowning in guilt, I guess I must've shoved some stuff in the back of my head and it recently surfaced up. It cleared some stuff up for me but also revealed to me the truth I had hidden from myself. I don't want to go on living, but I'm too much of a coward to kill myself. I'm thinking that maybe I deserve some of the things that happened to me but a part of me feels like I didn't so I guess I'm torn between that, I'm having mixed emotions, maybe I've been eating too much sugar and so I have excess estrogen in me, who knows. Point is I'm an idiot and it hurts very much so.

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Not so hot my guy. I am lonely but I get this feeling that it is just because I am bored. I think maybe if I distance myself enough it will fix that problem

Do you think I care at this point? Suffering is horrible, and I will only go deeper and deeper into it, but at least I can say I have a genuine experience with it and freedom from the fear of death. You don't, normalfag.

just b urself fren

This is something that I also feel
Blinders aren't 100% off because if they were I'd probably throw another autistic hissy fit that would only add to the regrets
I know pic related is a meme for little girls but it's what I gotta do until I have the guts to off myself
I've accepted that my flaws are probably irreparable and essential to my being, so there's nothing to do except try to contain them

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Can depression cause depersonalization?

don't do it user seek help there is still hope

Yes

You ever think about the narrative surrounding what you did post death? At least if you live through it you can provide context but if you die then you'll get the Hitler treatment.

If you're already feeling lonely out of supposed boredom what are you going to try and distance yourself from, Boredom itself? if only it were that easy my fren

i bet not one of you in this fucking thread has tried going a week without the internet

Ha, normal fag. Maybe you're right, I am normal much less than you faggots on here.

Hello friends. I am just here to say the one adage that actually brings me some level of comfort when I'm feeling awful, which is:

>This too shall pass.

Not talking about depression (which believe me ik it's chronic) or anything in particular. Just the pain, and maybe only for a little bit before being renewed or replaced by another pain. But everything changes with time, and time wears down our problems as much as it does us (and usually more).

Life really sucks most of the time. I can't deny that. But the current pain always passes.

Pills have helped beat back suicidal thoughts and feeling like a sack of shit but I still have zero motivation. So I have a decent base to start building a life but I have no idea how to start, no work ethic, no set routines, etc. I try to follow all the advice people give but it's hard to stick to anything. I've been depressed for so long I've forgotten how to really live and actually do shit besides lay in bed all day.

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Same I used to have a mirror on my wall but I took it down and turned it around so I couldnt look into it

Listen up retards. I'm the tough big brother (or father) you always wish you had. We're going to fix up you little sissies.
WHY IS YOUR LIFE SHIT?
>Alcohol
>Self-Doubt / Fear
>No Schedule / Routine
>Porn / THOTs
>Video Games
>Inactivity
>Bad Diet
>Toxic Relationships with Family and Friends
>Procrastination
>Lack of Challenge
Go down the list and fix it one-by-one.

If nothing is going to change I seriously consider kmsing this summer.

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I'm at the point where even though I know the pain will pass, I don't even want it to anymore. Or rather, I just am tired of doing it over and over and over again. I know it will pass and I'll feel good for a little while, but then it will start up again and it's like "here we fucking go again". I'm just tired. I fee like I'm 40 years old depressed alcoholic, but I'm only 26 years old who never did drugs and I don't even drink. I have grey hairs already, I'm so stressed all the time. It just sucks. I'm so unhealthy and disgusting physically, it's like I can only fool myself into thinking I'll ever be normal for so long then I have a momen of clarity and look in the mirror and realize I've always been fucked up and I don't think I can change because it's all I've ever known. My mind needs to be wiped clean. I need a blank slate to start over, but I'm not getting it so I have to make the best of the shit I have? But I don't want to anymore. It's like pain until I die, because I don't believe in killing myself.

>Yes
Okay well that's slightly comforting. it's still disturbing af though

Is that from something? I ask because I recall an episode of Common Filth Radio where he was saying he had experienced depression in the past, and explained that instead of reacting to it by doing something crazy like chopping his cock off, he told himself "this too shall pass".

Yeah, nobody totally ever heard about any of those things, not to think that some people actually tried those. Go spam that bullshit on reddit until you come up with actually effectiv solution.

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>just fix the things bro
The whole point of depression is that it severely reduces your ability to self motivate, view reality objectively, handle stress, etc. The reward center in your brain poops out, you don't receive positive response to stimuli like you normally should that would give you any sense of satisfaction from doing things, you have a severely reduced sense of self worth that prevents you from caring, you have less overall energy feeling tired way more than you should, etc.
If you want to know what it's like to live with depression and try to fix it, go learn something completely arbitrary you don't give a shit about like say Classic Arabic or pilot flight regulations. You'll most likely find really fast that forcing yourself to do this arbitrary challenge is pointless and a tremendous ardous waste of time that doesn't seem to benefit you in any meaningful way. That's what it's like to do anything at all when you're severely depressed.

I've got one year 'till I can join the 27 club.
Been more or less suicidal since 14yo and I've got a foolproof plan that will take my life.
But I guess I'm gonna wait for a bit and see if shit turns out better. If not, which is highly likely, at least I can go and join the cool kids six feet deep.

It comes from a persian story about a king who asks wise men for a ring that will always comfort him when he's down, and they give him a ring etched with those words. End up serving double duty though; when he's happy they remind him that it's not forever either.

>view reality objectively
I'd say I view reality more objectively since I'm not lying to myself with self-affirming bullshit like "I'm a good person" or "my life has value" so I can see myself for the worthless piece of shit I truly am

>tldr - start small and slowly work your way up
You have to break things down into manageable pieces and go from the ground up.(Procrastination for example. Don't go cold turkey. You have to do little things and gradually build up better habits.)
And another thing to note is that the world doesn't wait for you. Just take a look at Linkedin and you'll see what I mean. People are accumulating all kinds of skills day by day whether its practical skills or work experience. Can you really afford to be a wimp when other people are constantly improving themselves? How else are you going to catch up to them?
If you have depression then the first thing to do is to go find help. After that work on the physical side of things - sleep, diet, meditation etc. Then go about trying to fix bigger problems.

Why do normies think that comparing themselves to others is motivating?
Seeing other people be successful just makes me hate myself more.

This. It just makes me feel more stressed and anxious if I have to "catch up" to everyone else. It's like setting yourself up for failure, because there will always be someone better than you. I find that it's more helpful for me to stop trying to compare myself to everyone else and just live for myself and find my own interests, but that's difficult when I have no money or mode of transportation and little motivation when I'm lonely and no one is pushing me.

Life is miserable. I don't want to try anymore, and the only escape is suicide. Before I do it, I'll probably sell all my shit and drive across America.

Depressed

ifrxfzutfztuz

The only thing that brings me relief in this world, my shitty diesel 105K miles hatchback that i got 8 months ago, has started to die. What a life, to be given freedom only to have it snatched away before i can even comprehend it.

>tfw you don't associate with the image in the mirror
Is there a disorder for this?

>If you want to know what it's like to live with depression and try to fix it, go learn something completely arbitrary you don't give a shit about like say Classic Arabic or pilot flight regulations. You'll most likely find really fast that forcing yourself to do this arbitrary challenge is pointless and a tremendous ardous waste of time that doesn't seem to benefit you in any meaningful way. That's what it's like to do anything at all when you're severely depressed.
Hey that's a nice description user. Maybe if I just believe something isn't pointless and a tremendous waste of time and get really good, I might just cure it.

Where are you going to drive?

How do you deal with it? Or do you deal with it by not dealing with it? Whatever just tell me your coping method.

I believe monks were able to do it. It's like a zen state.

That pillow and blanket look extremely comfy.

What do you mean? It only makes life worse because now you'll lack social interaction.

She says that in the beginning, but what happens in the end again? I mean the song is called Let it Go, but I can't even remember what really ends up happening.

Because life is one giant competition.
If you are someone who can honestly go about life objectively, without any comparison, than good for you but most people would like to strive for more.

What's there to strive for? What stops someone from striving? Why do we just not want anything anymore? Isn't that abnormal? To be content is like to be death right?

Honestly for me I just want a comfortable lifestyle. I have no need for extravagance or anything like that. But when you go on social media, you can't help but compare yourself with others.

Yeah, but most people would probably say that. What constitutes a comfortable life style? Once I began asking, I wasn't sure anymore. What derives you pleasure? What's fun? Then you begin to question if something can be more fun than something else. If there's a max amount of pleasure you can possibly gain continuously and if at that point, why waste time with other things when it's all the same kind of enjoyment. Dopamine, seratonin, gluten. It's all just chemicals anyways.

Just got notified that my grants ran out and I no longer can afford school. I am just one year away from my Bachelors. Welp, time to make the biggest decision of my life and move to Vegas, baby.

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What's in vegas? Why not a place like Alaska?

I'd like to see Yellowstone, possibly the Grand canyon. Just a lot of sightseeing of nature.

pretty shitty i miss my ex a lot and her parting words were like knives

So for me I'm a shut-in. I was a software dev for a couple of years, quit, and now I mostly do NEET things at home. I just want to be able to continue doing this plus the occasional travelling if I so desire. That's it really.

Any particular locations you want to travel to? Any tips for becoming a strong enough person to take up software dev? It feels impossible what with all the information. If you can't even do this, the rest is too much. But if I can believe, then maybe there's a chance. Although I would prefer a hundred percent guarantee pathway to succeeding. Doubts cloud the mind and aren't needed.

oh thank god, everyone has just been waiting for you to show up in their life and fix things.

Because I lived there for ten years and had to move in 2010 when my family lost their jobs. Moved to Texas after that and theee years after I moved to Kentucky for a woman and school. School is no longer working out so I no longer need to be here. All my friends are in Vegas and my sister has a place set up for me and job good to go when I go. I mean all the signs are there.

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I enjoyed Chiang Mai, Thailand and parts of Malaysia. It's cheap if you can book a flight well in advance. Lots of expats there.
As for software dev, idk.. I just picked up programming on my own using online resources/chatrooms and competitions. It's boring as hell tho.

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>have episodes where i calmly plan out suicide

Well, this doesn't seem good. But what the fuck am I supposed to do? Approach my parents and ask for a week in the psych ward?

What shark is that like a sixgill shark?

Wait it doesn't have eyes and it has 5 gills not 6 I'm retard it's a greenland nvm ty google.

Only greenland sharks look as ugly as that. And they live for hundreds of years.

>How are you doing
awful, is there any other way?

Currently doing one year in Korea, my depression had gone away before coming here but toxic leadership and being single by everyone has made it resurface

I work hard do what I am told but as soon as I make a tiny mistake they hand me a counseling I will admit that the the SGTs hate me because I get smart with them but it is my only way to cope with their toxicity I am the only one that ever does fucking work everyone just bullshits around, but what is most irritating is that another SPC is getting trained because he is going to be promoted

That motherfucker has a permanent profile, plays runescape everyday on his fucking phone, he randomly disappears, but no he is SSG favorite boy he can do no wrong, literally considering necking myself right now,

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>I work hard, do what I am told but as...
Forgot the comma

youtube.com/watch?v=67Hhcc14sJk
here you go boyes

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What did you do for all that guilt?
Tell me please.

On topic im barely keeping it together at work but can do nothing else. It feels good to be another person at work but im stuck in a trap at home. Just jerk off, drink and sleep

If there was a painless way to die i'd kill myself immediately, it sounds stupid but death isn't what i fear, the pain beforehand is

Someone fooled me into doing something to some people who were innocent then he went on to recruit them in a crusade against me. How was I supposed to know they weren't involved? It seemed likely based on What I knew that it was them but I still feel guilty.

Really does make me wonder. Everyone goes through the process though.

Never use the word "toxic" again

Yes do something like that because if you don't you're going to end up taking your own life. please get help user, we want you to live :(

Frilled sharks are uglier.

Never been sucidial but I am considering social suicide.

Just moving, burning all my contacts and never looking back

t. shitbag e5

That isn't social suicide, those people will if they meet you again be glad to see you, social suicide is when you cut contact with everyone while there is someone spreading rumors about you, you need to counter the rumors and then cut contact. I know this from personal experience.

Must be nice having friends
Me I just consciously push people away because I'm afraid of intimacy

Yeah definitely see where your coming from
I don't have much of a reason its more that I want to.

I feel like the village idiot in everyone's eyes and would prefer to start over somewhere else

Oh you know, wanting to die but not trusting god enough not to place me in another world like this but without lolis or anime and i'm 10x uglier.

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im on my 4th different kind of anti depressants, the 1st ones did nothing, 2nd headaches, 3rd headaches again, and now these ones make it really difficult to cum or even get hard. I just wish i could skip 5 years ahead to where im either dead or have been on the right pill for a long enough to time to almost feel

I am ignorant to what I turned out to be.
>Depression, social withdrawal
>Hostility or suspiciousness, extreme reaction to criticism
>Deterioration of personal hygiene
>Flat, expressionless gaze
>Inability to cry or express joy or inappropriate laughter or crying
>Oversleeping or insomnia; forgetful, unable to concentrate
>Odd or irrational statements; strange use of words or way of speaking
A neet schizo moron. who laughs at people who are betterr than him and pictures.

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body dysmorphia covers that I think

>day is always ruined when i see my reflection

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cant force myself going to a psychatrist, i just cant see how its gonna help

My dog got put down today but i moved out for uni so never got to see her

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>Greenland sharks can live hundreds of years
Imagine having to spend several hundred years in freezing water eating only rotting meat

i punched myself in the dick and i felt nothing

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Sounds pretty rad and cool

Bit depressed lately

Was in a manic state yesterday so im most likely overdue for some depression this month

I'm going to work because I still live with my parents and I'm scared they'll throw me out of the house if I become a neet.
Everyday starts and ends with a sigh
When I'm home from work I just sit in bed listening to music and smoking cigars, 1/5 packs a day.
I even stopped making scenarios in my head where I hook up with a chick or where I get a promotion at work.
I stopped talking to myself so this post is the first time I "talk" to someone in over a week eventho I live in the same house as my parents.
I'm starting to see the shadows again but I'm already used to them attacking me, might come up with a game to make things more fun.