/FPH/ - Praise Nurgle Edition

>Grab one of handle bars
>Kick front wheel on same side as grabbed handlebar
>Watch and laugh as the beast falls to the ground like a load of groceries from a cart

By making them too fat and ill for them to do anything other than love him. He's fat logic personified.

I'd be scared honestly. If that thing tips over I'm dead.

>Mobility scooter able to 80MPH with 500lbs of added weight

Fucking hell where do I get one of these things? Imagine the speed with normal human rider!

this.
fat PEOPLE win. we concede

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Trigger warning: weight loss, exercise.

This is the same bitch who said stop recommending healthy dieting or weight loss to fat folks in wheelchairs

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Walk up one (1) step

walk a bit faster

push it over or climb stairs

youtube.com/watch?v=xR-iqkDAv3w

I want to share my experience with fat women, first fat woman i dated lied all about other men trying to sexually harass her, tried to manipulate me all the time and everytime guy flirted with her she went just along with it, she wanted to start getting serious but i dumped her, second fatso was worse, everything i did was wrong, my taste in music was wrong, my behaviour was wrong when we where in party, didn't give her enough attention she said when i tried to talk with my friends, she also wanted to get serious but i dumped her, third was total psycho and i dumped her lard ass after two dates, guys seriously when you date fat women get to know them really REALLY well before you try anything.

Why would I ever date a fat woman? I have actual standards.

I liek em thicc

If you're truly Jow Forums, loyalty to the God Emperor is the only option.
>Nurgle promotes HAES and "Healthy At Every Level of Infection"
>Tzeentch overcomplicates everything and would promote meme diets and routines with no observable effect
>Slaanesh is a NoFap's nightmare, to the point even normal people are put off by how much time you waste COOMING
>Khorne is the ultimate fake natty, talking horseshit about how you have to win under your own strength without using the Warp, but blessing his followers with powers and using them as he pleases
>The only Xenos that would accept a human, the Tau, are such prancing homos that they don't even punch their enemies, preferring to kill everyone via firepowers and sneaky puss "tactics"
The Imperium has the IG for true natties and the Space Marines for honest roiders. Lift for the Emperor.

Thicc =/= fat you dumb nigger.

You're right, and I agree but your wrong about why.

>Nurgle wants you to be static, and then to regress and degrade without being vocal about your increasing misery, literally just like HAES but up to 11, it's not about being ill, it's about being the most full of life, to mask the utter misery of your condition. He is a god of despair, hopelessness, powerlessness, but also a god of life.
>Tzeench is a god of violent and duplicitous upheaval, change and sabotage. He's not a god that is fond of scheming and treachery, but rather he is literally those things. To Tzeench, all things and this includes Tzeench are pawns in a great game of sabotage and intrigue in which all will be victorious and victim in the end. He sabotages himself and his followers just as often as he aids them. He is a dead end that will usurp the kingdom he allowed you to build each and every time and through this degrade you and the scale and potential of your society.
>Khorne is inherently a cruel god but, Khorne will not bribe you with power, you need to work for it. You need to kill and kill, transcend your limitations and continue to kill. Service to him is a constant strive for self improvement in only 1 area of your life; your ability to destroy and cut short the self improvement of others in battle. He can't support humanity as a patron because art, science, patience etc is beyond him, all he knows is industry and war.
>Slaanesh is a god of hedonism that is unable to bring you to balance or fulfillment, he's not a god of sex, but rather a god of indulgence and extremes. He doesn't want you to get high. He wants you to get good at something, take drugs and do horrid things to get better, and then collapse in on yourself from the strain of pursuing something.

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I honestly hope she gets her foot or both legs amputated and blames it on an infection that totally had nothing to do with her weight.

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>The Tau offer humanity an incomplete place, we are not eusocial nor are we capable of such a thing. We crave self expression for example, but the Tau suppress this. The Tau are benevolent, understanding, but it's an incomplete and ignorant understanding they perhaps can't transcend.We have needs that they find disturbing or harmful. A meaning for being is vital, as is co-operation and a united culture in a nation, but this, like the 4 gods of chaos is incomplete. Though it's far and away superior to many ideologies on earth and in the 40th millenium.

Now we come to the Emperor of Man, the Lord of Lightning, the Master of Mankind.

He's incapable of fully empathizing or even liking a single human being, but he does not hate them, he's too much more than we for that. But he doesn't begrudge us our limitations, instead his message to man is;
>You can be more than what you are, both here and now, and in future
>Do not supplicate yourself to other masters, forge your future with brothers, together you can throw off the shackles that restrain your potential
>Never give in to the urge to refuse to confront challenge, to confront challenge is its self meaningful
>Endlessly strive to express and improve the self, for a human cannot do anything else and remain proud and free
>Accept that you are a beast, but remember how much more you can be, always be looking to produce further beauty, freedom and discipline so that you can transcend your limitations and heighten the ceiling for future generations
>Remember that you die, and remember the dead, so that the sacrifices that have been laid down before you are not in vain and can continue to be made

So then;
Khorne would improve you as a tool to his service.
Nurgle would see you regress.
Slaanesh would see you burn brightest, as a tragedy.
Tzeench would lift you up to strike you down.

But what does He want? What's His endgame?

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The God Emporer does not approve of fat fucks.

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>my behaviour was wrong
Well, you dated fat women. Of course your behaviour was wrong.

He is the first of all authority.
He rules alone.
He is alone.
He has no true companions.
He sees what we could be.
He sees how we can become it.
He would have you destroy the dragon Tiamat.
He would have you manifest your destiny.
He would have you master art.
He would have you conquer science.
He would have you transcend physical law.
He would have you become more than a mere image of Plato or Diogenes.

He would have you be his equal. His inheritor, His greatest accomplishment. Have the universe serve you, have you never die, never age and never cease to be a greater being. Become as a god, to rule at his side.

For this he will sit and burn, writing with invisible energy as his fragmented mind is seared and lights the galaxy. He will bear the greatest cross there has ever been for the chance that we can still find a way.

And He asks us not to even worship him. Only that we don't lay down and submit.

The emperor is a tutor to transcendence, a guide along the path, a loving father.

Horus was a fool.

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can i get a nerd to calculate the amount of momentum that would carry and the damage it would cause?

/f40kt/, who would have thought.
I never really got into the games (I'm afraid if I'd start, I'd soon be one of those nerds with a 40k army worth 40k's), but I recently picked up a book (space marines, battle for helsreach or somthing) and its actually quite good. I mean, I always liked the universe, but I wasn't expecting a good read from it, but I was wrong.
Maybe I should get more.

Helsreach is a great story, check out the visual novel that got made of it on Youtube. My suggestions for the *good* 40k content are;

The Glorious Tomb Audiodrama
>A Space Marine slain in battle is given a new opportunity to strike down the foes of man.
Ciaphas Caine (series)
>Not!Blackadder adventures across the galaxy, destroying heretics, xenos and pussy with guile, and his faithful assistant
Gaunt's Ghosts (series)
>A regiment of the last survivors of a dead world, the Tanith First and Only serve the Empire in memory of their lost home along side Colonel Commissar Ibrahim Gaunt in the Imperial Guard. Great series for treadheads etc.
Inquisitor (Series)
>A multi story thing published in the 90's that really establishes a lot of the older, better lore
Imperial Armour I>XIV
>campaign books that take an in universe perspective on specific historic battles and campaigns over hundreds of pages, and include some rules for re-fighting them

Don't bother with Horus Heresy, it's so hit and miss and lazy, and 100's of books long; most of them bad.

Check out Gotrek and Felix for Warhammer Fantasy, could ignore most everything else and not miss much. The omnibuses they do of fantasy novels are decent though.

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You have no standards and these stories say a lot about your own poor choices.

Moron

Fool me once shame on you
Fool me twice same on me
Fool me 3 times.... well I guess I must be clinically retarded.

good job idiot

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Fresh OC

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Shithead

Anyone have any family fph experiences?
>be me
>dyel that just started lifting a month ago
>getting more into it, decide to start meal prepping to make managing macros easier
>cook up a bunch of turkey sausage patties, like a weeks worth for breakfast
>dad comes in
>5'8" 210 lbs and been a dieabetic for years
>eats like absolute dogshit, like downs family sized bags of chips in an evening several times a week
>dad: smells good, what are you cooking me
>tell him its not snack, Im trying to portion out my nutrients
>he starts whining like a child
>COOOOOMMMMEEEEE OOOONNNNN ANOOOOONNNNN
>WHY WONT YOU SHAAAARRRREEEEEE
>WHERES MIIIIIIIIINNNNNNEEEEEE
>YOU ALWAYS EAT MYYYYYYYYY FOOOOD
>for reference, I make enough to easily be independent and pay my parents a lump sum of money to cover utilities and food I use each month
>when I cook or bring in food its straight out of my pocket and he ALWAYS whines until he gets some
>hes really the one mooching off me

Shits drives me fucking nuts

>80mph
Nigga you got a V12 in that thing or what?

Hey man, don't be a downer, she's just stoked to be a celestial object after minutes of 'work'.

How much do you know about our gorl, user? Death is her only salvation.

That's such a useless trigger warning. If the next sentence can trigger you, then so can the "warning".

>be 3 year old babby
>like to draw picture books for fun
>draw dad
>show dad
>he's visibly upset that I drew him essentially as a giant circle
>don't understand why he's upset since that's how he looks and he's my hero
>decide to never draw him that way again

>another day
>playtime with sister
>she's playing with Barbie dolls
>assigns female doll male gender
>mom says, "That's not a boy, that's a girl. She has boobies."
>sister says "But Dad has boobies."
>mom laughs hysterically

I got a million of these. I honestly really miss my dad.

3

What if they're not wearing armor and have low dex?

Underrated

Fat women are unpleasant in general. Bitter and bitchy. Some saying "I'm a fat bitch and proud of it!" that's not attractive at all you delusional cow. No sane person will find that attractive just losers. Hope you learned your lesson user but yes, really get to know on who you're dating before you jump in

Yeah, wasnt trying to make it out that I hate my dad, but his behavior around food drives me nuts because its clearly killing him.
>eyesight is failing
>cant feel his feet
>will still eat half a gallon icecream in a night

He's going to die soon because of this, and his response to seeing me making strides in improving my health is "I demand some of your health food along with what I was already eating". Its insane.

If you care about him living, I would honestly talk to him about it. He may feel like he is set in his ways or a lost cause but the only point of no return is death. Watching a morbidly obese family member slowly die in a hospital three states away with no family or friends around while mentally deteriorating is nightmarish.
Although convincing these people to cease their addiction to food or seek help is pretty futile. I come to FPH to reaffirm my thought that I couldn't have done anything to save him while he was still alive.

youtube.com/watch?v=u5643U3qS8g

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Fat women hate on other groups probably as much as all other groups combined. Anything they say with the word 'positivity' is a surrealistic joke.

>but Dad has boobies
I would have cackled out loud as well. Children are innocent.
Cherish the memories my man, everything comes and go eventually.

Assuming a 200 lbs scooter and a 500lbs landwhale, 11,355 newton seconds, or about the same as a full size sedan going 25mph.

HE'S BACK BABY! Jow Forums BTFO AGAIN!

youtube.com/watch?v=upYS2JbHnFk

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Move out if you really can and they're actually like this.

If only you knew the half of it, user. Don't act like you're wise.

Confront him about it for real before you move out, you've got nothing to lose.

Oh yes, its time to (Insert forced meme about cum and a wojack very creepy)

Believe me man, ive tried. My mom was trying when I was a baby. Ive sat down with him, given him long lectures about cico, how to manage the challenges on a mental/emotional, etc. He turned around and bought a snake oil book that told him to do shitty keto immediately after, and didnt even stick to that.

He see me every day at diner, counting calories and doing all that shit. We have healthy food that he wont eat. Weve done everything we can do and he just wont even make a half assed effort. Ive kind of had to give up on him for my own emotional wellbeing, cause caring anymore is just stressing me out.

just tell him you want him to be alive for your wedding
my sister did that to my dad and it worked

I would bring up binge eating disorder and ask if he thinks he could have that and if he wants to seek therapy. However, if your dad is like my dad, he's probably a Baby Boomer and thinks seeking psychological help is a sign of weakness.
He used to mock me for going to therapy and taking anxiety meds despite him popping aspirin and abusing prescription pain killers.

Okay;
Weight of the Victory 9 Lardmobile = 84kg
Weight of the average hambeast = 200kg
80 mph = 35.8m/s

Kinetic Energy = (Mass*Speed^2)/2

E(k) = 18.16 KJ
Muzzle Energy of a M107 Anti-Materiel Sniper Rifle = 15.58 KJ
???

FUCK NURGLE AND FUCK CHAOS

based

That made me laugh. Have a (You)

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>move back to town after years of college
>tought to meet women
>go to online dating and arrange date with woman
>pics look decent
>in person she's pretty hefty, not obese but hefty
>so horny i don't care bc i know she wants dick
>we go back to her car and i make out
>she attacks dick like last egg roll at buffet
>rip her panties off and go down
>pussy is seriously plump and juicy
>pound her silly and nut all over her stomach
>afterwards go cold and tell her she was never my type to see on a regular basis
>she gets mad and blocks me
>SEVERAL MONTHS LATER...
>she messages me again to say how i'm a piece of a shit
>managed to lose weight
>tells me i am missing out
>tell her she's welcome with the help
>can still fuck off
>been fucking better looking women since last spoke
>she REEEEEE's and blocks me again

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Imagine being so fat your eyes get shut if you open your mouth.

This

>Breakfast
300 psyker's souls sucked from their bodies as their minds disintegrate from horrors of chaos around them

>Lunch
300 psyker souls, plus a smoothie of 100 psyker souls and assorted annihilated arch-daemons

>Bowel movement
Flush the golden throne, send digested psyker souls to the astronomicon for recycling

>Dinner
400 psyker souls garnished with the worship of untold trillions of human serfs far closer to unimaginable horrors than they might expect

0 calories, but enough protein to keep you running the galaxy for another measly day.

The Emperor Diet - Try it or die you fucking heretic

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4th time lucky?

this is basically just about him seeing a path forward. whether he knows about calories or keto or whatever doesn't really matter if there's not some higher goal that he's able to decide. if it seems impossible to, say, wake up without pain, or walk without pain, etc, then there's no reason to deal with dieting.
it's not uncommon though. there's a reason why cholesterol, diabetes, pain and blood pressure drugs are in so many cabinets. it's just really fucking hard to convince people to become better

Stop living with your parents you fucking moron

And this is why you’re skin and bones, with only enough energy to sit In a chair. And your job keeps you sedentary. Maybe if you had a nice big meal, lots of proteins and nutrients, and a few healthy calories and some proper macros, you could get up and restore the Imperium to humanity’s glory before the Age of Strife. And don’t tell me that psyker souls are brain food; you need something to put meat on those bones.

Based coomer boogie

ahhhhrhhghhghha I'm so fat

Its just my father, I get along well with my mother.

Ive got good enough reasons to stick around. Got an old dog that needs constant care. Couldnt do that by myself, and he gets heart broken if Im gone for a day. Id rather let him live his last couple of years out in a good environment, even if I have to deal with some bs.

Horus heresy is great. There are flowcharts online about proper reading order

Are the mechanicus anti-Jow Forums?

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>Not having the kinetic energy of a small car when moving
Why even live

Only if transhumanists are anti-Jow Forums

>make a new friend freshman year of college
>he's tall, skinny but active, nice face, good with women, and smart
>we have tons of adventures together, become best buds
>gains a bit of weight throughout school, but no more than the average fraternity dude-bro with a bit of a gut
>school ends, I get a job, he doesn't
>spends his days eating, drinking, getting high and watching youtube
>he moves to the other side of the country
>we don't see each other as much but still keep in touch and hang out when I have spare vacation days.
>every time I see him he gets bigger and more depressed. Rejects my suggestions to pick up a part time job or an internship, won't slow down on the booze.
>fast forward, we're both in our early 30s.
>he's now well over 400 lbs and has an equally large, even more disgusting girlfriend.
>take some time off work to go see him
>his house is a biohazard - food packages and trash stacked everywhere
>sleeps with a CPAP now, his walking is more of an awkward shuffle. Doesn't appear to have showered for days.
>he refuses to do anything but go out to eat and watch movies, seems extremely unstable. Yells at me for "rubbing my life in his face" when I talk about work.
>his parents still pay for everything but don't seem to give a shit what he does with their money
>i know I should cut him out of my life, but I know who he used to be and I can't do it. I want to believe he's still in there somewhere.

What do I do bros? Is there any hope? He won't listen to me or anyone else. I just want my friend back ;_; Thanks for reading my blog.

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Hate is his antithesis then? How perfect

anyone seen the fat-induced retardation from this dumbass fat fuck? With such hot takes as:

> Corden: you know what shaming does? It makes people feel ashamed, which leads to self-destructive behaviors... like eating
Negative IQ take right there. Captain lard-for-brains coming in with the liquid hot steel takes.

> Bill Maher: It's not just about being able to see a doctor, it's also about being able to see your dick
and the audience fucking booos like a bunch of retarded seals

> Corden: This entire issue is more complex than Bill is making it out to be
No, it's not. Eat less, fatass.

> Corden: *pulls up some random bullshit study on obesity being directly related to a hormone*
M-m-muh genetics!
I believe this study is referencing a frameshift mutation in leptin, causing people to become obese (due to some reason or another) at a much higher rate than the normal population.
This mutation is a RIDICULOUSLY small portion of the population. Way too small for every fatty to be able to blame it on their shitty habits.

> Corden: if making fun of fat people made them lose weight, there'd be no fat kids in schools
Why don't you ask all the formerly fat people if shaming motivated them to lose weight? Maybe all the fat people that are STILL fat after being shamed so much are just weak, low IQ subhumans like yourself.

> Corden: I understand that this (referring to weight problems) will be an issue I struggle with for the rest of my life
WEAK. LOW IQ. SUBHUMAN. Lose the fucking weight, fatty, then it won't be a fucking issue your whole shortass life.

Link: youtube.com/watch?v=Ax1U04c4gaw

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Iron hands and many other factions are like this. A lot of dark eldar society revolves around plastic surgery/augments

I fully believe that in situations like this, involuntary kidnapping and forced-dieting is necessary.

The tau are fucking subversive Jews desu

Imagine being so fat and disgusting that you can't even turn your head 90° to see if a fucking car is coming in your direction so you don't die when crossing a road

Imagine being afraid of two adorable little shih-tzus running towards you like a pair of tiny lil frens
> holy shit that mom is an actual goddess tho, pls gimme

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That Bill Maher segment was absolutely based. I frequently find him insufferable but sometimes he knocks it out of the park.

For anons that haven't seen it:
youtube.com/watch?v=Dm4TAdiEFn0

Fucking BASED. Thanks for sharing user

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Based Lakers fan telling the lardmobile to fuck off

ROADA ROLLA DA!!!!

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Is that you? Vladimir Harkonnen?

She actually looks downy

Spess Muhreens cheat with implants. Custodes are the most swole

youtube.com/watch?v=I9n6iMeIW8A

Your ailing and aging manlet father wants you to take more care of him.
You should do that. You should also make more healthy low cal food for him to get hooked on.
There are far more terrible fates than a needy dad that you are capable of taking care of and a diabetic that eats terribly will not be around long so spend more time with him while he's still on this planet.
Good luck and God bless

Jesus dude. I'm 21 and healthy the thought of dying at 60/70 already scared me enough to start eating antioxidants and things and try and perfect my diet. I really can't understand your old man's mindset

>E(k) = 18.16 KJ

Wouldn't this be 181.99 KJ?