It's took 30 years, but I've accepted it now. I had a lot of great copes along the way - gym, travel, no fap, drinking, daydreaming. But they were all band-aids.
I'd known since I was kid that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. No drive, no creativity, no spark. No practical sense of how to reach out and shape the world. Men are fighting wars and building societies, and then there's me. 30 years old and still getting lost in supermarkets. Just lol. Usually I stay alone in my room, but outside is hell - at the bottom of every social hierarchy I'm forced to join. Worse still, it's not my looks, height or anything else that's stopping me from integrating. I can't blame my failures on anything outside of my control. It's just that I'm a fundamentally low status individual to my very core. No drive, no creativity, no leadership. Only anxiety, emptiness and self consciousness. It's getting harder and harder to just rot. I can't take it much more.
Knowing it's over
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Despite how you feel, you described taking action in life. You've done a lot of things. You just need passion. You need to find something that makes your life better. For example Im getting into the csr lifestyle
It's only over when you say it's over. You ever thought about joining a church? regardless of your views on god having something you can go to socialize or get guidance would help you a lot. Who knows maybe you will get super into it and find new meaning in life.
What's CSR?
I agree that he did a lot of things, I think that what OP is lacking is a way to re-evaluate his own life.
>you see your current life is just bad and you just need life to become better
gee thanks
Don't join the traditional church, join some cult or make one, shady organisation would work too. What else do you have to lose?
i know this feel. i dont believe i had a single conscious thought before the age of 17 or so. it was nothing but anxiety, no time for anything else
Lmao you're literally me
Eat onions and garlic you dumb cunt. How many times do we have to post this? Uncooked alliums supersede nofap by a wide margin. How hard is it to dice up some onions and garlic everyday and mix it in with some tuna or a salad? If you don't take that advice, then take this advice, just fucking die already because you're dead weight. How fucking hard is it to eat? You practically stuff your face already.
OP find something to be good at, then once you are get good at something else. Anything from videogames to architecture to snowboarding will do. Mastery of skills is a very important part of feeling fulfilled and also forms a great platform from which you can begin to socialise in a higher status way, using both your mastery of a particular craft as well as the self assured knowledge you gain inadevertantly from that mastery to command respect and admiration. The more things you master the more self assured you naturally become in broader things like life, yourself and your ability to create meaning for both yourself and others
t. Complete autist who eventually became chad through simply being good at enough things
>I'd known since I was kid that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. No drive, no creativity, no spark. No practical sense of how to reach out and shape the world. Usually I stay alone in my room, but outside is hell - at the bottom of every social hierarchy I'm forced to join. Worse still, it's not my looks, height or anything else that's stopping me from integrating. I can't blame my failures on anything outside of my control. It's just that I'm a fundamentally low status individual to my very core. No drive, no creativity, no leadership.
same except 34 khhv as well. known since i was 14 i would never accomplish anything much less form a romance
Well the things you mention not having--creativity, leadership, etc--they aren't talents. They're skills that people build up over time. And there's no such thing as not being creative. It just takes practice and the more you work on it, the more tools you have to work with and the more you can realize your creativity.
You just gotta try, and you can't give up.
I mean the problem is when you dont see a reason for mastering a skill its hard to be motivated for all the practice it takes to get there.
I just want to be reborn as a pretty girl and taken care of by chad
It sounds to me like you're held back by some kind of mental illness. Maybe subconscious fears of some kind. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist?
Also,
>that buttpube tail
Please, please tell me no real human female actually has such a thing.
>>that buttpube tail
to be honest it's kind of hot
Read notes from underground if you havent allready. The first 26 pages will have you hooked, listen to the audiobook. Its so damn relatable, there is nothing more true for robots then notes from underground by fyodor Dostoyevsky.
This is a cope. I've done the diet/weightlifting meme. Lifted for five years, deadlifted 5+ plates etc etc. I used to hate people looking at me in the gym because I was weak and ashamed of it. Now I hate people looking at me because I'm ashamed lifting a decent amount and still being unhappy with myself. The 'expert' is meant to be at ease, and be able to help others become their best selves. I can't even do that. I'm the same anxious sperg as before; there's just a few more plates on the bar
This sounds great in theory, but see above for how it turns out for me in practice. I'm too stupid to really master anything anyway. I can't teach. Everything I do is with intuition. I can't logically unpack anything to pass on its value. Any skill I have is always locked inside myself.
Alcohol and travel stopped me from being a virgin. But I used to have erectile dysfunction, either genetically or from squeezing my dick really hard between my legs to masturbate when I was as a kid. It was repaired when I was 19, but by that point I was psychologically damaged from avoiding women so actively due to the shame. But I think now that this might be another cope. It wasn't my just my ED that made me avoid people - it was me. Having a non functioning dick was probably an accurate physical manifestation of my actual character. Impotent, in body and mind. I probably should not even be having sex. 100 years ago, I would have been removed from the gene pool, isolated and limited to voyeurism.
I'm surfing to the bottom with a smile lads, dying like a dog instead of suffering like a man.
Have you tried black magik?
Thanks. I have only read a few of his short stories. a nasty story is my fav. that was great. it's ridiculous how far off my real interactions with people are are from the idealistic ones in my head. to read an entire story centred around that concept was nice.
They're skills that involve being around people. They're not something you can just get into your cave and plug away at. That would be easy. But thanks - improving my creativity by working at it is worth thinking about.
no, i don't want a record. you are supposed to declare these things in many job interviews, especially working in government.
i love hairy girls
Are you white? If so its not surprising. The whole world has been set up to make you feel this exact way.
It is possible to dispel this apathy. You have value and you are needed. I need you.
Personality is innate though which is the reason why OP ended up the way he is in the first place.
Whites can't be robots asdf
They can be and it's common, but they shouldn't be.
Your sense of belonging, and your identity, have been carefully eroded since before you were born. You've been forced into individualism which is an unnatural state of being, and which makes happiness and virtue impossible. People are not meant to live isolated, it can only result in debilitating nihilism. The truth is that you are a part of a team, a very good team, and they should be your motivation, its future should be your motivation and that is how it has been for thousands of years. However, when Europeans feel happy, united, and motivated, they become unstoppable.
If you're a nigger then just fuck off and die, I don't know. Ask the Hoteps what to do. Go make Africa great for once. No wonder you're unhappy living in another man's country leeching off of his work. Go make something of your own.
I see plenty of young white guys that are doing great. I do feel a lack of connection to my heritage, and I actually agree that may be a factor - but I think it's a small one. Or it could go the other way. More attachments = more shame due to more people/beliefs for me to let down.
>no, i don't want a record. you are supposed to declare these things in many job interviews, especially working in government.
What? They ask "have you ever been to a psychiatrist?" I don't think so. They might ask about being involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital, but that's not going to happen unless you talk about your plans to kill yourself or other people.
its called mental illness lord
get help instead of spending decades worrying about how much of a loser you are
Yes, if you are vetted for anything more than entry level clearance, you will get asked extremely personal questions. "Have you been to a psychiatrist" is only the beginning. Your sexuality (in detail), your relationship to alcohol etc etc. They do not want you to have dirt that could get you blackmailed. A history with mental health issues is considered a problem.
this sounds more like a lifestyle poly than a clearance interview
That's insane. That's like saying "well you've been a doctor before so you must have health issues, so we're not going to hire you." Are you sure that's legal?
>5+ plates
what weight were those plates?
Yes - I was the reference for one of my (only) friends at work when he went for a promotion. They literally asked me about his pornography use. Private sector I'm not sure, but if you work for the state it's standard practice. These kinds of processes solidified my belief that mental health is not primarily geared toward helping people. If people get helped, great - it's not like this is avoided. But the goal is to manage, and if need be isolate anyone dysfunctional for the greater good/functioning of society - the individual comes second.
45lbs
unoriginal
You have never been in a situation that forced you, actually FORCED you, to stop being a pitiful loser crying to himself that he's so useless.
Victim of the modern world.
He's a customer service representative
>mfw this is me
stop it user
you're right. nice quads
One last post to finish the series. It was therapeutic to type all that out. thanks