HOW MANY CALORIES DO I NEED TO EAT

I think you guys are the only ones that can help me at this point. Everywhere I look I get a different answer. How much do I need to eat to cut? I'm 5'9 and weigh 171.6 lbs. I'm doing this meme workout:

muscleandstrength.com/workouts/army-combat-fitness-test

I usually go through the routine multiple times a day (except the running) and have a fairly physical job. Don't know my exact BMI or body fat %, not because I haven't tried to answer that but because I got different answers for those as well. That being said I'm pretty decisively skinnyfat. I can post body if needed. One site said I need something like 2900 calories for maintenance, and another said 3000, but people on here told me that's wrong. So what is my maintenance? How much do I cut? Yes, I read the sticky. I wouldn't be bothering you guys if I hadn't tried every other resource to figure this out. Maybe I'm retarded, but I'm a determined retard.

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Bump. Don't make me summon the coomers

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Mate, the calculator in the sticky seems pretty accurate so far. Try it and see your maintenance.

bodyweight (lbs) X 10-12 = calories for cutting

bodyweight (lbs) X 16 = maintenance calories

If you're not losing then either switch up your macros, try fasting, do a maintenance break for a few weeks, or eat less calories.

It says my maintenance is at like 2800. I've lowered my intake to about 1500 a day. I've lost three pounds in the past four days so it's working, but I'm afraid of losing what little muscle I've gained.

I just want my stupid side fat to go away

your maintenance is 2800 for your current weight. Run the equation with your desired weight.

I need about 3100 kcal to maintenance. That being said, I workout 4x/week for 2.5 hours each with heavy intensity, plus 5x/week 40 minutes cardio. Also im on roids.

Oh yeah my stats:
182 cm
85 kg

I don't have a "desired weight." I just want to not look like this. I lifted for about four months, and my lifts improved but I look 100x worse than before.

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>I lifted for about four months
You're lying or did not try at all.

>How much do I need to eat to cut?
zero, just fast

Just literally eat less. Everyone is different. Try some less calories and see if you dropping weight. Alternatively just COOM daily so your body needs to put work on replenishing semen and you burn calories.

t. 2/3x a week, always did a low rep range, never increased weight, worked out for less than an hour

aworkoutroutine.com/the-muscle-building-workout-routine/

Did it multiple times a day for whatever day it was you fucking cunts. Ended up spending up to 3 hours some days. And yes I told you I increased the weight, I literally said I improved my lifts

ss+gomad
why don't people suggest that here anymore?

Just to make it more clear what I mean by multiple times a day so you don't strawman me into saying I half-assed it in the morning and then again at night:

>I do A Day workout once
>Either increase or decrease the weight depending on whether I completed the set
>Then do the workout again
>Then do it a third time
>Then do it a fourth time if I had time

You can talk shit about my garbage body all you want or say I'm doing it wrong but you can't say I'm not putting in effort

Will it actually get rid of my retarded looking fat mounds on the side of my torso?

Oh my god CAN SOMEBODY JUST TELL ME HOW TO GET RID OF MY FUCKING SIDE FAT? Jesus fucking christ why did you wait 5 hours to reply to the thread?
>rEaD tHe StIcKy
I've read it three fucking times already. I'm not fucking reading it again. I've jumped through all the fucking retarded hoops with honest hard work and I'm shaped like a fucking hot pocket, either tell me what I'm doing wrong or don't ever fucking say that being fit is just a choice BECAUSE I'M BUSTING MY FUCKING ASS AT 3 AM FOR TWO HOURS AFTER A FULL SHIFT EVERY NIGHT SO I CAN GET 5 HOURS OF SLEEP FOR FUCKING NOTHING

Just tell me what I need to do and I'll fucking do it. Do I cut fat? Try to build mass? WHAT DO I DO. I have everything I eat under a fucking microscope, I have this shit in a fucking excel spreadsheet. I ate an 800 calorie surplus when I was trying to bulk up, which did fucking nothing except make me slightly pudgier. So now what? Same shit? Come back here in 3 months and be told I'm lying and not working out? The fuck is this, autism court? I didn't make this thread and take a picture of myself just to lie to a bunch of asswipes that I'll never fucking meet.
>DuUuUuUhhHhh u noT tRyiEng
Bitch I work all fucking day, get home at 2 AM and work out for a couple hours, then do another hour of stretches to fix my pelvic tilt DONT FUCKING TELL ME I DONT FUCKING WORK OUT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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FUCKING GET BACK HERE AND ANSWER ME YOU SNARKY TWATS. IM FUCKING SICK OF YOUR SHIT Jow Forums

I dont know who I fucking hate more my weak ass noodle body or you fuckers. Here I am in my shithole 3rd world roach filled apartment having an autistic meltdown because i cant sleep and don't know if I should eat or not and you fucking cunts cant even give me a one word reply of "bulk" or "cut." Oh yeah by the way my stupid ass body is here for whichever fucker wants to reply with "post body" like hed be tough for fighting somebody that weighs less than a plastic bag

bulk

Thank you. You are not a cunt. Here have this comfy picture.

I'll be back in 3 months

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working out too much isnt good either. Your cortisol is probably out the charts.
If you want to get rid of love handles then you need to slim down even more. But do it rationally, dont go into starvation mode.

Eat at 100-200 calories above maintenance and keep training. After 8 more months of training then cut if you want to make big progress on lifts and look good. Also make sure you get enough sleep. If you want to be thinner cut now though

post body