/mental health/

>What's your situation like that this is where you're at?
tfw no gf

>Getting out of the psych ward tomorrow
>Has WiFi in the ward
Fuck off, liar. You're either bullshitting or in a rich people pampered baby ward. Either is despicable.

I'm defeatist AF

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Anhedonia isn't so bad in itself. I feel the same way. Before getting diagnosed, the doctor thought I had a "depressed personality" ie. chronic anhedonia. I probably do. The reward thing is terrible though, keeps me from doing anything long term. Do you have any strategies for that?

An "open" one. I can go outside whenever I like too, as long as I tell a nurse. I've had a lot of people ask the same question before, I guess it's not much of a thing in America maybe?

I definitely think you should talk to somebody, your parents if that's what you're comfortable with. May I ask, what's so bad about talking to a counselor?

If it's so easy why are you on this god forsaken board instead of out and enjoying the world?

This is the only place on the internet where i can call people niggers with impunity (usually) and just be a complete piece of shit. its cathartic and a nice way to pass the time.

Anhedonia isn't a disease. It's just a symptom, like having a runny nose, usually associated with depression. Now get over yourself, snowflake.

I'm an insecure mess who never really hit it off with others, so I mostly close myself off into my room.
>adhd
>aspergers

I have no counselor to talk to that's my point. My insurance gave me two options. One was a Marine that doesnt believe in mental illness. The second was a lady that I called 6 times with no reply.

My life has sunken to pointof no return

>Manic Depressiom
>Schizofrenia

Agree with this guy
Avpd is not a real fucking disorder the way things like schizophrenia PTSD and others are. It's another unnecessary alphabet soup term because people want to feel special in any way possible including having your "rare disease that proves you have it so hard".

Get over yourself.

They have WiFi, but it's slow as shit. I have unlimited data though. It's a state hospital too, just yurop.

Are you on meds for ADHD? I have that too, I forgot to mention. They give me strattera, no stims allowed cause I have addiction issues. Doesn't do shit.

I'm sorry to hear that, fuck. Is there really no other option? Why can't you check yourself in?

Big brains in here as always

thanks for your empathy user. I don't have my own car so I'd have to hijack my mom's to drive downtown and check in. im stuck. I keep hoping I'll die in my sleep but it's not gonna happen, so I need to take care of things myself

Planning to get back into school to complete my high school grades (dropped out)
I've isolated myself socially as well as physically for roughly 2 years now and I can't see myself getting back into "normal" life
I'm not depressed or sad, I just feel terribly lost and stressed out because I don't know where to go or what to do
Not sure what degree to study for or what school to go to
Friendships and relationships seem to awfully alien to me, FUCK I don't even know how to make friends now
I feel stressed and anxious about my future
sorry for the incoherent rambling, I don't open up a lot and have a hard time explaining what I feel once I actually do open up

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lel

I could use something like that as well.
Lots of lonely peeps out here

Any things in particular that makes things feel hopeless?

I feel you man, got an extremely difficult time connecting with people even though I don't have a diagnose, Can't even imagine how hard it must be for you :(

There's always a point of return, have you tried making contact with any healthcare services?

Jack the fucking car if you have to man. Or at least stay with us. I wish I had some genius shit to say, but I know that's not how this works. But know that truly I do care.

You're not incoherent at all. After extended amounts of isolation, those feelings are "normal". And probably real too. Some years back I was isolated to the point where the only contact I had was saying no to the receipt at the supermarket once or twice a week for about a year. I got hospitalised, and I literally couldn't string sentences together at all. But if you start out slow, it comes back.
Do you have any interests? Anything that some kind of degree could vaguely compare to? I hope you get there regardless user.

>gender dysphoria
>chronic depression
>several anxiety disorders
>bdd
>bipolar
>probably more

could've been worse

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lol stop watching anime

Jeez, I feel for you. Are you diagnosed with BDD? Do you think it would go away if you could seamlessly transition and look exactly the way you'd feel the most happy? I struggled with it in the past (hair focused), it still lingers.

I am diagnosed with all of those yes and I doubt it'd go away even if I looked perfect

>You're not incoherent at all. After extended amounts of isolation, those feelings are "normal". And probably real too.
They feel real, that's for sure
I feel so small and inadequate among normal people who study, work, have friends, go to parties, etc. and it just makes me wanna stop doing whatever I'm going at get back home, lie in bed and not be seen by anybody
My confidence is through the floor and so is my self image, makes is terribly difficult to put yourself out there and socially, especially when you're fat, unkempt and ugly in general, the looks I get from people when I ask a simple question like "do you know the directions to ____?" break my heart every time
Some days I don't even feel human (maybe it's all in my head?)
I know I have to keep trying though, Nobody can change my life but me
>Some years back I was isolated to the point where the only contact I had was saying no to the receipt at the supermarket once or twice a week for about a year.
Sounds like the situation I've been (and still am) in for the past 2 years
> I got hospitalised, and I literally couldn't string sentences together at all
Sorry to hear that
>But if you start out slow, it comes back.
That's what I'm trying to do right now, seeing a tiny bit or progress but It's going slow
I'll give it time
>Do you have any interests? Anything that some kind of degree could vaguely compare to? I hope you get there regardless user.
Barely, I go to the gym and listen to music, that's about it, nothing that can lead to a degree of any sort
I'm thinking "Health and Social Care" (not sure if that's what it's called in English, I live in Sweden) might be one of the less bad degrees, I'm eligible to work as an Assistant nurse after I get my diploma
My expectations might be too high, could be horrible job, I don't know what I'm in for
It's either that or working in a factory or wage-slaving at retail

Yeah, same. As I understand it, it's very similar, if not a subset of OCD. And that shit is a fucking pain to get rid of in general.

I don't have the courage to get diagnosed. I'm afraid the shrink will belittle my problems like my family does. That is despite screwing up numerous times in life due to severe anxiety.

Ah shit, lots of typos, sorry

I relate all to well friend. Nice to see a fellow Scandinavian btw, I'm on the other side of Oresund. I'm glad you're making progress. You sound empathetic, so I have no doubts that direction could be good for you. I think nursing can be tough, but very rewarding as well from what I've heard. Keep considering it for sure.

Keep in mind that they deal with all sorts of issues on a daily basis, so they've probably heard similar things before. And as long as something is bothering you, they tend to take it seriously. Anxiety is hard, because it goes against your self-preservation. And it feeds on itself, making you afraid of telling even a professional about it. I know some people have dealt with this by writing a detailed description of their problems and sending an email to potential therapists before meeting with them, do you think that might be easier? You're not really committing to it then, and you can gauge their response without being face to face with them. Most therapists are very kind people user, and if you feel you could benefit from talking to one, I hope you find a way to.

Psych Wards blow. I just got through my 4th round of them recently. Begged for help hor the HI but, nothing just meds and group therapy about fucking relaxation techniques. I'm a lurker so if i fuck up this greentext be gentle.

>PTSD
>Bipolar
>Borderline Personality Disorder
>Avoidant Personality Disorder
>Developing OCD like behavior
thats whats official anyways. Whats bothering me ? My lack of a fufilling life, Emotional numbness, grandfathers health, and my EX.

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They do kinda blow. At least you expect more from them. I've had like two 10-minute talks with the doc in the four weeks I've been here, other than that it's just like you said.

I'm sorry about your grandfather user, but I'm happy that you care for him. I hope he keeps fighting whatever he's up against.

BPD is literally the worst fate, I was just below threshold, so they went with 'borderline traits' instead. Yet the symptoms fuck me up more than the avpd i think. Fuck that.

What would you want out of life if you could choose to do whatever? If there is anything.

Feeling extra nervous atm so I'm gonna ask one of the nurses for a talk real quick. I won't be here for a bit, but I'll be back if I don't freak out completely. Be safe anons.

>writing an email to potential therapists
well it's good to know that is an option, I never would've thought of writing an email before an appointment
it might be the only way to go, as I've said my family is useless in this case and I've cut ties with friends I had due to being a dropout failure

looking up resources on how to hang myself currently.

don't know anyone irl to talk to

no interest in gaming or the internet

no future

im done here guys.

>autism
>schizotypal -paranoia/delusion
>bi-polar 1 psychosis

lifes a dream. and i want to wake up. also dealing with alcoholism and trying to be sober. Im tempted to go buy a few beers but the thought of dying is keeping me at bay. But i couldnt ask for anything more. I want my house to get hit by a rogue meteor so i dont have to kill myself.

Will do, fellow Scandi friend
I wish you luck achieving the goals you have in life
Thank you for taking the time to reply

Thanks, user. I appreciate the kind words. I don't want much out of life really. Decent house, a nice pretty wife, a few kids, and maybe a dog or two. Everything else is negotiable. I just hope with all the mental issues I have I don't fuck up my kids lives and they don't inherit this shit. They deserve better.

My best friend started dating the girl I had fallen in love with. Now I just want to fucking off myself but i'm too afraid to so i just do a lot of fucking drugs. lemme know if you want a green text or something

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I unironically dont truly care about anyone though I of course keep up appearances for the most part. I cant maintain relationships at all as I always walk away and have acquaintances at most, but that doesnt really bother me. On top of all of that I alternate between feeling just about completely empty to having this simmering anger/rage come out of nowhere, with the urge to hurt/kill something, which I admit happened to a few mice and whatnot for any glow in the dark CIA nigger reading this. Also sometimes when lying down/sleeping I get this really warm feeling from nowhere and curl up to maintain it for as long as I can. I dont know why I am putting all of this here, but I am.

OP might be a little busy if I believe they got him in the same routine as me. But i'd love to read it

Just got diagnosed with chronic depression.
And the weird part is I didnt even notice. Not until people started saying I act differently. I had no energy, no appetite, didn't enjoy anything I was doing. Right now my gf and I decided we should split up and that I should get help. For the first time in years I have cried. And I didn't even cry when my mom died of cancer a few years back. I'm just tired. Tired of this. Idk how to handle it

probably the best place to post it user. Looks like we share some things in common. Least towards the homicidal urges and animal category. Not proud of it but i was a kid and did some bizzare shit.

>My ex of a year and a half broke up with me 3 weeks ago.
>Suicidal thoughts, scarily low levels of self esteem
>Back on Prozac while I deal with my massive mood swings.
>Only have 1 friend I can actually see
>Literally living to work. Even on weekends I can't be arsed to do anything other than sitting in my room coding.

Feel like I'm about to descend into hell.

>Be me, prolly 2nd grade?
>meet some sperg kid who likes the same tv shows as me
>me and him become good friends, bond over cursing and being edgy fucking kids
>He turns into my best friend throughout elementary school and middle school
>Go home almost every night and play vidya on xbox 360
>xbox one comes out and hes the only friend I have that transfers to PC with me.
>Freshman year of highschool and we are pretty much always hanging out in school
>always goes online and talk over discord or at the time skype
>Proceed to talk all the time online every night for hours
>Sophomore year rolls around and I transfer Highschools for personal reasons
>Although we don't hang out in school I still talk and play vidya with him all the time
>Junior year is a good time, more busy with school but still lots of vidya everynight and day
>I hosted a discord server for him and a few other friends from my original school so we can talk
>senior year I'm still a sperg but I manage to go to a few parties the summer prior
>later in the year dabble in marijuana and party a lot more
>Finally get a grip on life and gain some confidence
> learn how to talk to girls and live a life of no fucks
cont.

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only three weeks in? Fucking hell friend. Mine was two years long. Its been over for a year since the split and been a nightmare every day since.

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>gf doesnt stay to support you

so you just gave her permission to get fucked by chad til you're all better and shes got 2 kids?

>End of senior year rolls around and I don't go to prom but I go party with some friends from my new highschool
>end up meeting a girl because we had a lot of alcohol, drugs, and girls to invite over
>she is literally the most beautiful girl I had ever seen but we both got absolutely hammered at the party so we barely talk
>later that week I end up adding her on instagram and talking to her
>memorial day weekend rolls around and I invite her and her friends to a beach party jokingly but they actually decide to come
>get hammered at the party but manage to hang out out with her the whole time this time, end up kissing her
>end up carrying her around with me all night because she gets too tipsy after we start drinking vodka
>Take her and her friends back to my place and get them a car to go back to their place
>from here me and that girl start talking more and more and I tell my friend I'm really excited about this girl
>I find out she's got a discord and say I'll add her to my server if she does the same for me
>My friend first bugs out because he's a fucking sperg and didn't want to have to deal with women in our sacred discord
>I end up telling him it'll be good for him to learn how to talk to women
>we all talk on discord now all the time and it's like nothings changed, just a new person
>we all become super close and play games all the time and go to hangout all the time
>spend all summer hanging with this girl, picking her up and all my friends up and driving us places.
>the entire summer was probably the best thing that had happened to me my entire life.
>at the end of the summer my friend has to go to RIT and I go to a school in NJ, only an hour from home.
>continue talking to them all on discord but more rarely because I'm busy with school
cont.

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Damn man that sucks to hear. I felt heavy for the first week but it was only at the 2 week mark that I really started to miss her. One of the reasons she broke up with me is that I don't do enough socialising or have any friends, the irony is now I'm without her I'm doing even less social shit.
I'm thinking of going into the woods near me and just offing myself.

It ain't worth it. There will be others. It's a long arduous process and i guarantee you the next few will not make you feel anything close to what she made you feel. But you will learn, grow, and eventuyally be ready.

>lost my job for stealing dxm
>lost my friends including my best friend who got me the job there
> 25 khv ive had girls rate me 3/10
> sling back robotussin/whisky
>crashed my car on xanax last year nearly killed myself tho i should of just died
> take some shit antidepressants that dont do shit
>stupid as fuck literally diagnosed as 63 iq back in kindergarten
>seriously considering suicide for being such a failure
>nothing but drugs takes the pain away

>Thanksgiving rolls around, nothings changed I'm still in love with this girl and still best friends with my friend
>He comes home and I loved seeing him and going out bowling, food, and everything else with him
>The girl is a senior in Highschool btw
>we go back to college again and I'm almost never in discord
>I remember one time when I was there he jokingly said he was gonna steal my girl
>Tell him I think I'd have a literal breakdown if he did because I wouldn't know how to process it.
>He shuts up about it real quick
>First semester ends and I come back to my hometown to see all my friends again as well as the girl
>Go to a lot of parties and decide to even host a New Years party for all of the people in my discord server
>December 23rd go to see into the spiderverse with my friends including the girl, except my best friend couldn't come
>the next day, christmas eve, we go to the bowling alley and invite my friends and some of the girls' friends who I had know for a while now
>Get to the bowling alley and my best friend is completely ignoring me.
>my other friend confronts him and asks whats wrong and he says he's dating the girl.
>I completely snap, finish the game and leave with my other two friends, break into a store and steal some stuff out of frustration
>I completely disregarded my own safety and just went rogue doing dumb shit.
>New years rolls around and I confront him about it and we're both hammered and start crying our eyes out because he doesn't want to break up with her
>I tell him its her or me.
>I go outside and start smoking some ciggies, a habit I still can't break to this day.
>My other friends come to check on me and the night is basically over
>The next morning is pretty quiet, he leaves and she leaves as well.
cont.

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OP back again. They gave me sleeping meds, so I'll be out any second. Sorry to the folks I can't reply to, but I really appreciate the talks and the other kind anons in the thread helping eachother. And thanks for getting my mind off things for a bit. All the best to you all.

>Kinda go through a mental breakdown, do a lot of rampant and just dumb shit.
>Cut my leg really really bad and I still have a gash.
>Just want to die basically
>I message him asking to meet so we can talk about this and sort this all out.
>I meet with him and tell him I'm willing to put it behind us if he breaks up with her, idc if they're still friends after I just wanted him back
>He says he'll break up with her and we make up and go grab lunch.
>For the rest of break I wait for it to happen, I wait for them to break up and they never do.
>At the end of break I go to grab lunch again and ask if he did it.
>He says he didn't and he wouldn't
>I just tell him it's fine and to let me know when they break up
>Go home
>cut my legs again
>pack up for college
>go to college, joined a group known for their severe drug use.
>get really into drugs, start abusing pain killers and do way too many psychs
>Revert back into a social retard, but a manipulative social retard
>start hooking up with just about any girl I can trying to fill a void using tinder, (I'm very close to NYC, tons of girls)
>spend over 1k on cheap dates and drugs in a few months
>Lose contact with the majority of my friends from my old school and lose a grasp on most of my mental state
>Start breaking into old buildings and doing drugs there because nobody will bother me
>still going to college for Engineering but I'm starting lose a grip on my classes and might fail a few this semester
.cont

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>end up saying fuck it and fuck up my classes and grab an apartment in my college's town and decide not go back to my hometown
>spend all of my money just being a fuck up and wandering around drinking and doing drugs.
>My friends stopped trying to get in contact with me
>He's given up on me and so have I
>last weekend I went down the shore and threw a party with some friends and invited a few houses of girls over
>the girl shows up
>she will not leave me alone because I ghosted her after the winter break events.
>I'm on way too many fucking drugs to talk to her, I'm on adrafinil, acid, weed, and I accidentally started drinking without thinking
>to make matters worse I also got super bad sunburn from the beach when I was on acid because I didn't want to but sun lotion on.
>The girl kept following me around and asking why I wasn't talking to her and started crying when my friends separated her from me
>I ended up locking myself in a dark room while on acid, with sunburn the entire rest of the party
>I was in immense pain and the night before I had thrown up blood and I convinced myself I was dying
>I was on 225 mics of acid
>I was having a mental breakdown all over again and went mute for the rest of the night while I feared my own death
>eventually I accepted death and decided if I were to die, so be it.
>drink myself to sleep
>wake up the next morning in immense sunburn pain.
> take a shower and a massive shit and clean the house
>leave the beach house
>go back to college and start my finals again
and here we are today. That bitch won't just fuck off already, she took the most important person in my life away from me and he took the girl I had absolutely fallen for from me. They have each other while I'm left here, all alone. Not only that but I also saw she's going to the same college as him this upcoming fall. I'm the one that drove him the 5 hours there for a tour and told him it was his best choice. I also told her to go there for their arts program.

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If you've got any questions lemme know, if someone turns this into a screen cap greentext add this pic lol

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Don't worry, Sleep well, thanks for making this thread
Best to you, mate

>Social anxiety
>General anxiety
>Depression
>Severe Agoraphobia

I'm essentially a neet now, but I don't know what to do really, idk how to fix anything in my life. Weed is the only thing that helped me before, but it's way too expensive here. I'm now thinking of doing heroin, or some other opiate. It should be cheaper, if i keep my tolerance and doses low, but i know how that might end up. dunno

I cannot be content that others were born into better conditions than me, or even were not and still are able to be happy. Something's wrong with me, I hate people so much but I like them more than myself. My brain feels like it's radiating heat recently and panic attacks are leaving me feeling like I had a bullet through my chest. I don't like this world, why would someone bring me here.

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also, what's it like in a ward? If i got myself in one, by the end of it would I feel better?

>social anxiety
>probably something like bipolar or depression but i did not actually get diagnosed so yeah

>despite changing schools i never had the chance to make friends up until 1 year ago
>i love my friends but i have like three of them and they're not really the kinds of people that i could use as a support system
>actually tried opening up to my closest friend about my issues but it just ended up being extremely awkward because he turned out to be really bad with emotional stuff as well
>been hella depressed lately, literally weeks of being lazy and doing basically no school work because i just go home and lie in bed while listening to music
>crying a lot, constant feelings of exestential dread as well as loneliness and not feeling accepted by my peers
>i feel so fucking isolated because i just sit at home all day when i should really be spending time with friends and be having the time of my life
> they either don't even invite me or want me to go to stuff where my social anxiety makes it literally impossible to talk to people
>ill be graduating in a few weeks and i know that's what's going to make me lose all of my connections completely, basically see it as a countdown till i an hero
>all of this stuff is contrasted by periods of 2 to 10 hours of me feeling completely euphoric and being way too happy and literally dancing to upbeat music at 2am
>actually be kinda productive but everything i make turns out to be a lesser version of what i had imagined it to be the day before
>it doesn't even feel like real happiness and it ends up feeling like I'm a cat that's been chased up a tree and knows it will have to endure a hard fall as soon as it has to get down again
>i just want a friend that i can hangout with, somebody that i can sit around, lay on my couch with

bump

originalskfgjhlsdjfg

Me: bump

4ch: You have been muted for 2 seconds, because your comment was not original.

me:

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real psych wards do not allow patients to have access to devices or internet. They don't even let patients go outdoors. No wonder you like your baby playground. Please, keep whining. Maybe then they'll send you to a real psych ward.

I cant express my views on anything when talking to people because I know that sooner or later Ill contradict myself and theyll be confused. I dont talk about my personal life for the same reason, i keep saying things that dont add up because i just keep changing and getting out of hand. Also rage outbursts that I remember nothing of and just general really bad memory. Not being able to get anything done, extreme unvoluntary procrastination. Not being able to locate/navigate through locations and getting lost VERY often, even in familiar places (its fucking embarassing and it makes me look like I have fucking alzheimers)
I honestly want to kill myself haha
>unspecified dissociative disorder
>traumatic brain injury when I was a kid (occipital lobe)

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I'm obsessed with myself, it started when I was lile 15 and it only gets worse. I fap while looking at my reflection in the mirror and literally nothing else except my reflection and straight up gore turns me on lmao
>narcissistic personality disorder (diagnosed)
>general very strong sadism

Sorry if it's shit I never post here and I don't feel like putting in the effort to impress some neckbeards I just want to rant

>Be me
>Have depression
>It's not normal depression tho
>Depression boss level
>Almost zero serotonin
>Extra testosterone
>Hardcore ADHD
>Basically can't concentrate on shit and absolutely nothing motivates me unless I'm stoned out of my mind
>Except for when I'm talking to this one girl
>Call her Amy
>10/10 face 10/10 body 100/10 personality
>Funny as fuck
>Lights up every room she's in
>Everyuone at school hates me for some reason except her
>For some reason we're best friends
>Hang out/talk/listen to music constantly
>Been tight for like 2 years known her for 4
>I'm so in love holy shit
>I'm objectively pretty decent looking
>Curly hair, good face, musician, varsity rower
> Self-confidence level 0 so there's no way in hell I'll ever tell her how I feel
>She likes this dude
>Call him Gayvin cause his name's Gavin
and he's gay
>Fuck you, Gavin
>Gavin's a dick to me
>Super nice to everyone but an asshole to me
>Every time I talk to him he makes a point of either ignoring me or insulting me
>Used to have a bunch of friends but he got all of them to stop hanging out with me
>Amy's in love with him
>Talks about him constantly
>Says he likes her too
>This goes on for a while
>He clearly doesn't actually like her
>refuses to ask her out, only flirts over snap/text/facetime, makes himself into the victim every time they argue
>It's breaking her heart
>I keep telling her to get over him but she won't
>I love her so much so I just want her to be happy
>I'd rather her date someone else as long as he treats her well cause I'd be a shit boyfriend
>Every time we talk I get so sad afterward
>I don't even know why
>I just love her so much
>no point to this
>Fuck
>I wish she'd date me she's literally the perfect person and she's so sweet and she's so nice fuckkkk

ii that's basically it so ima go smoke some weed and cry

What do you think would happen if you told her how you feel? If she told you she doesn't feel the same way, do you think your current relationship would be ruined? trips btw

i fucked things up with my last girl for being an insecure piece of shit. she says she's still down to hang out but i have to wait because she's doing a sport or some shit (we live a ways away from each other so i can only visit her on weekends). now i wait in a constant state of anxiety wondering if i'll ever have the opportunity to see her again and explain myself/do all the things i wanted to do with her or if that's the end of it.

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I'm struggling real hard to get good feelings back. It's working bit by bit though. It'll take a long time but it'll be worth it in the end.

Can't think anything positive of myself. How do I do it?

The girl ive been dating since January just told me she's not mentally well enough to date and that our relationship is over. It was the first relationship ive had in years. It honestly made me feel like a new man and everything. I let her get so close that I wouldve done anything to make her happy, now I'm not even valued enough to work through the first ever problem in our relationship. I felt so human and happy before now im back to square one. I wanna fucking rope myself fellas.

This hits too close to home user. Try not to let It drag you too much, better days are coming hopefully

>my face when you see her with another guy in coming weeks

That's honestly what im bracing myself for man. Its gonna be a rough few months.

What have you been doing to improve? Im in a rut too but I really want to change

Been to a psych ward for schizophrenia and they allowed us to have phones, I assume in part that they don't want to go through the extreme hassle of taking unstable lunatics' phones from them

>mfw I have a crush on a girl but I don't know how to talk to her
How the fuck do I just start a convo without them saying one word responses?

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Ask them questions that don't warrant one word responses? Are you actually fucking retarded.
>"So what'd you do today?"
Oh nothing
>"You have to have done something, work, chores, whatcha do?"
I guess I did x, y, & z
>"Oh cool I did x the other day. It sucks but you've gotta do it"
Yeah
>"So what are you doing tmrw?"
I'm planning on x, y , and z
>"Any plans for lunch and/or dinner?"
yay or nay
>If yay reschedule and adapt
>If nay ask if they'd like to grab some grub

People enjoy shared experiences so whatever it is she's done either sound really interested or play it off as if you've done the same thing before. It's not to difficult to sew small nuggets of conversation and plan what youre gonna say in advance. It's called manipulation and it's really fun and useful for talking to girls you want to put your dick in and out of.

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I've had crushes on friends before and every single time I've told them how I feel it's been a train wreck. Honestly, I doubt she'd be that pissed or that it would ruin our friendship cause we're just so close but I'm so scared cause she means the world to me

food was great in mine, 3 big meals a day. crazy people though will make you want to gtfo.

Random surges of hatred towards myself and others.
I cant explain it, its so fucking strange.

I got sober but once every few days I take all 3 of my sedatives. any 1 of them can get you high. then I smoke weed.
I get so high I stare off into space and when I close my eyes I see faint colorful patterns. this started in 2015 and it's usually rainbow pinwheels spinning row after row. hundreds of them all lined up. it can be trippy af because sometimes the pattern changes so fast it looks like it's boiling. it has a mesmerizing effect to it.
it's not like a hallucination but more like the intrusive imagined horrors of OCD, like thinking of gangrenous wounds that could happen if I got cut. except those only cause me anxiety.
could it be a psychotic disorder? which one? the only psychotic symptom I can check off is faint hallucinations.

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I'm probably gonna bring up the real shit to my psychologist next visit.

I work a retail job as a supervisor and I feel like I'm falling into a pit ever since we got self checkout. I'm not good with people to begin with but now I have to handle 4+ people at once and I'm getting really fucking irritated with customers. I think I'm a schizoid or something. I very much prefer being alone and at most can handle 1 on 1.

Something needs to happen. I feel like one day one of these customers is gonna push me over a line. I hate them. I hate how stupid they can be and how impatient and rude they are. I have to raise my voice every other minute and I hate it. I take a pill for anxiety but that's all. 75mg.

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I want to die.
I shouldn't have been born in the first place. I'm a burden on everyone around me.
I want to just vanish instantly and leave nothing behind, no clues, no motives, no notes. I want my shitty loser body to never be found.

I can't tell any doctors about my weed hallucinations because they'll either not believe me or assume other symptoms of psychosis must also be present. a disorder with only mild hallucinations is unheard of in medicine.

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>gamer girls
their pussies gets wet when they're near me.

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