When did you realize you were not normal?

I just lived most of my life as a passive spectator. I dont know. I saw people living their lives and I was just there, imitating them to fit in. No goals, no motivations, no real passions nor hobbies outside of using videogames, music or literature as a way of escapism
I used to think that I was a genius as a kid, as everyone around me was pretty dumb; luckily, when I started college I realized I was slightly above average at best.
I also got diagnosed with a genetic muscular disease when I was 18, which makes my muscles weaker and degenerate, mainly my upper boddy. as it progresses it can affect the heart and lungs too

I think I always knew it somewhat since I always tried to blend in and act like the other kids since it didn't come naturally. I consciously realized when I was in 4th grade and the teacher for some reason hated me and encouraged the other kids to pick on me.

as a wise guy said, ''fuck being normal nowadays''
youtube.com/watch?v=FRUCWjvaPQ0

one of my hobbies is not reciprocating small talk by giving really short answers and then just sitting it out, maybe looking at them expectantly. most people get so nervous after a few seconds of silence that it opens up a window for really good talks. i ask "is that what you came to talk to me about?" and their next answer is almost always funny and relieved and we get to talking about interesting stuff. if it is more silence they can go fuck themselves as they were losers to begin with.

I was always different from everybody. Grew up during a time where technology was still catching on. Never fit in because of my race. Started to become more introverted. This led to depression and isolation. Throw in a couple of shitty circumstances and ala, you have me.

Yes, I am mad and sometimes feel like I should've had a better more included life. But then you just get tired of being mad and realize that's your life. There's a system in place and you gotta follow it or else suffer the consequences. So that's what I'm doing.

Honestly I still don't get it and probably never will, but perhaps I should feel glad I got to experience happiness a few times in my life.

I was always the "weird" kid. Not autistic like actual autismos in my school but just strange.
People always see me as a different person to their view somehow. Some think im calm and nice and others think I will slash their throat if they look at me wrong. I dont understand why people think im mean. Im rather friendly but due to my sadness and lack of sleep, I always seem pissed off ig.
Long story short, i've kinda always known.

Kindergarten when I realized I didn't like people doing growled at them and hid, leading to the increasingly downward spiral of medications and my entire school career of being a special Ed kid

So I growled at them*

When I repeatedly had to do group project alone

When pic related happened to me.

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developed anxiety to the point where i'd vomit purely from being around people so i became a neet for 2 years and lost all my friends i guess

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when the scratching at the door kept me up all night every night
T. hallucinates often and gets no sleep because of it

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I am not like the other girls. I'm special. I truly get it.

Kinda always, but the image changed. Ever since the beginning of my socialisation I have been very narcissistic, considered myself superior to everyone else. I wouldn't let my mother spoonfeed me or my older brother even touch me because of it. I grew into noticing that I was different in other aspects and became a bit less narcissistic. I now realize that I'm different because I need to simulate what others feel constantly so I can fit in, and that is not something everyone does. Also just general crazy man behaviour

How did u overcome it??

That's very odd, I relate to it too. Various times, in different settings, I was approached by different people and told I was different, and like your case, they couldn't explain it. Uncountable times at this point.
My theory is that it's some vestige of a primal instinct, some people can "smell" when someone is fake or dangerous, but not always interpret that as danger, so they just think of you as odd. I believe that because like myself, the one other person I know that described this "you are different" situation is a psycopath. We act nicely to people, we mean no trouble, but we lack empathy and simulate most facial expressions to fit in.

Are you like that too? Anyone else relate?

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i don't know if i did, i just kinda got used to it and compromised here and there i guess
i only have 1 irl friend i meet up with every few months usually for concerts (last saw kero kero bonito in february, going to see death grips in june)
and moved out of mainstream education into a hospital school where there's less people and things are more relaxed/controllable
as for recovery i've started going outside more in the recent months to take photos as i enjoy being around nature but still have breakdowns sometimes, it feels like the world is caving in on me and nothing can stop it i just want to tear myself apart
a few days ago i threw up for the first time in over a year and i'm 90% sure it was down to stress
if you're dealing with anything similar you'll get through it one day it's a process user just trust yourself and take it easy ok

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Unironically when I was 5, that is, when I had my first contact with children that weren't my relatives
aka kindergarten

When I started crying every time I thought of the scene where Quasimodo sang about wanting to spend a day amongst the normal people

My parents always moved places when i was growing up, across the country and whatnot. So i never actually had any ,childhood friends, (pretend those are quotes) and had to make all new friends every couple of years. I guess my issue isnt that grand but its just that the people that grow up with the same people their whole lives have an easier time doing things that will be considered normal by their peers. I never ever hung out with anybody outside of my schools and when i did it was with the foreign exchange students or some shit. People started getting into similar hobbies by their mutual bond they had that i never had. Basically was a tag along to whatever the fuck everybody else was doing and had to just be there as they were. Never had the natural learning of how to be in coversations and socially interact with people i barely knew. Get extremely envious by little shit everyone i knew was doing that i never was intoduced to. Spent all my time by myself and fufilled my social need by talking to friends at school and watching youtube videos of people talking. This is probably retarded but thanks for reading this is guess

When i realized i didn't like talking to most people and i rather observe everyone than interact with them to see how there like that why back in my school days i always talked to people months after the school year started i over analyze everyone and avoid people i didn't see as a good person or worth my time speaking to and i didn't change because i always ended up being right about someone knowing their true colors but for some reason everyone still likes me even to this day when they clearly see me avoiding them well some avoid me too because now they think im a mean person im not mean i just don't to wan't to talk to you that all

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when i started dabbing in the occult placing curses on people

>be me
>start life as a kid
>ugly
>future dicklet
>poor
>shitty parents
Thats it

>pretend those are quotes
Based phoneposter.

I read it, user. Pretty relatable. When youre better ,friends, with the teacher than your peers in 3rd grade, you know youre fucked.

>non ascii text is not allowed

Elementary school. Definitely before grade 4

Same here, or at least I had the feeling that early. I didnt accept it until middle school.

At school, was stuck in diversity classes because of muh diversity. I just generally never got along so I just went on the internet for most of my time.

I was at my grandmas funeral, I think it was the first one I've been to at like 10 or 11. Basically the entire thing was boring and i knew her death was coming (ALS) but during the service my brother, sister, and cousins were all crying and i had no idea why.

I realised in high-school when nobody wanted to be my friend.
I never knew why. Everyone just rejected me.
Nobody talked to me except the cool kids. The cool kids where the only ones that said hello to me.

In college people are much nicer but they are all stoners and I'm not.
They don't mind my company probably because they are high.

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>kero kero bonito
based

never been to a concert before and don't have anyone to go with is it normal to go alone?