ITT: shitty powers

ITT: shitty powers
>You now have superhuman knowledge of Chinese regional stereotypes
>You can now pronounce medieval French flawlessly. You do not understand medieval French
>You are now one of the world's top Deus Ex: Invisible War speedrunners

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>go to china
>get along insanely well with the local populace, they love your humor
>have friends now

Gotta learn Chinese first, bro.

>You now understand how to reconfigure combustion engines to run using human blood instead of gasoline
>You are able to summon small amounts of oyster crackers at will
>You're given an intimate knowledge of a random human's sexual history

>i can point out trannies

>You're given an intimate knowledge of a random human's sexual history
You're a retard if you can't monetize this.

I'm already one of the world's top Deus Ex: Invisible War speedrunners, though.

You gain the ability to spontaneously combust anyone but only after you have sex with them 100 times

I misread, nevermind then.

You're supposed to begin these threads when you think of something creative not puke up bland, trite crap and hope for better responses.

>You're able to magnetically attract pennies within a few centimeters
>You can read people's minds but the output is in Swahili
>You can destroy phones by touching them but only ones you own

>You can read people's minds but the output is in Swahili
I would learn Swahili at that point.

That's kind of cool, but... why?
I don't see you writing anything better, faggot.

Why would I? Aren't you supposed to be at your most creative as a kid?

That's just called not being blind

once you learn swahili it switches to navajo

you forgot
>get killed by a streetlamp that was knocked over by an oncoming truck, hardly surviving only for that very truck to explode in a fiery blase and have one if it's dislodged wheeles knock you unconscious while you burn
this literally happened in a china rekt thread over on /gif/

>but... why?
I really liked it when I was 14. It was the only game I owned. I had literally no social life or extracurriculars. I got really good at it.

>Why would I? Aren't you supposed to be at your most creative as a kid?
Then I guess you must be one of those retarded hand-flapping wunderkind.

>pee always comes out in a tidy stream
>you will never stub your big toes on things
>you can do one additional pushup per day that you otherwise wouldn't be able to do
>you do not grow hair on your penis shaft

these are not shitty at all

>you gain the ability to make your breath smell slightly worse at will
>perforations grow into the back of your nails allowing you to easily but painfully rip them off
>once a day you can piss yourself even if you don't need to piss, only works with pants on
>constantly project weak mind control waves that make everyone around you like you less
>gain the ability to receive a serious but non life threatening injury that will leave you in pain and in medical debt regardless of you healthcare plan at will

>constantly project weak mind control waves that make everyone around you like you less
i already have this power

Cool, I already speak Navajo.

>absorb bad luck
Sometimes I think I work this way.

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>1 second super strength
If you think about it it isn't that bad, unless it's only 1 second, but if it is 1 second and then you have to wait for it to "recharge" it isn't that bad/useless you just have to use that second pretty well