My mom just gave me a box of tissues and told me to stop jerking off on my bed because she's had to throw out two of my...

My mom just gave me a box of tissues and told me to stop jerking off on my bed because she's had to throw out two of my bedsheets already. What's the quickest way to kill myself? I can never look her in the eye again.

Attached: 1552921559591.jpg (460x442, 70K)

Sounds like the start to a porno.

You made your bed, now you gotta sleep in it

*badum-tsh*

Attached: 1532423243397.jpg (334x334, 36K)

i try to jerk off in the bathroom but parents walk in on me going.

lmao, it's not that bad you won't remember it in a couple of days i remember years ago when my mom caught me jerking off and just standing in the door frame shellshocked , wasn't cool

Tfw I used to jizz on my dirty laundry and mom/stepmom had to pick it up and put it in the washer

Jerk off into the toilet you fucking Mong. Sit on the toil3t, jerk off, finish in the bowl.

I ffucking hate you

But that's uncomfortable and you can't even lie down.

Consider the alternative:

>Mrs. user, your son has developed prostate cancer at age 22
"WTF! What happened?"
>Well, he's never jerked off, super unhealthy and unnatural
"Is he broken or something?"

Did she tell you to stop jerking off or stop jerking off onto the bed? Probably the latter because she gave you an alternative. Do you think, when your dad was balls deep in your mom, having his semen knock on the doors of her uterus, she wished to god "If I get pregnant, I hope my son doesn't whack it when he's a young adult." If I were in her shoes, I'd probably be more upset about having to throw out bed sheets than knowing that a strapping young lad is cumming.

Thank you, thank you

But most importantly, fuck niggers

Attached: 1541465354753.jpg (774x598, 72K)

yes cumming is perfectly healthy and normal
just cumming on your bedsheets like a fat slob isn't though, so just use the tissues like a normal human being

Like, buy her something nice for her, watch a movie with her, and tell her you love her on her birthday.

She spent too much time caring for and nurturing you while you were defenseless to be phased by knowing that you jack off

She probably won't care if you don't care. Parents already expect that sort of thing from their children. The only thing to be embarrassed about is them seeing your taste in porn. I'd recommend trying to pull some bullshit excuse like that you were having nightly emissions. She can't even object to that morally.

Although what the fuck were you doing jerking off into your sheets?

Yeah, but being so ashamed about the situation is a whole lot of energy wasted on anxiety. You could laugh about the situation in a week.

Take a towel and lie it on the floor. Be sure to lock your door. It would also help if you did your own laundry so nobody finds your designated fun rag.

I just jizzed in my used underwear as a kid

HoIy fucking based

>The only thing to be embarrassed about is them seeing your taste in porn.
This. While it would've been pretty embarrassing for my parents to have caught me jacking off as a teen, I could've easily shaken that off. What I remember being primarily worried about was WHAT they would catch me jerking off TO. lel

yes of course no need to be ashamed

my cousin actually developed prostate cancer at 23 lmao, he used to smoke crack and had 3 kids from 3 different women, i'm not in contact with him anymore but i remember that they took out his prostate and he had to wear diapers
life can be very weird , he should've jerked off more

>this thread gets 20 replies
>mine gets 2 and dies
I guess I really am worthless. Later, bots

Very based I appreciate this post

Attached: image.png (350x350, 138K)

I had a black blanket that which had impressions of vaginal stamps and my mom gave it to my little brother and claims it is his own coughing but the truth is he has been sitting in a field of vile sin and masturbation with the opposite sex

I'm the only one embarrassing myself here... Sorry...

Just cum on your belly, it's easier to clean

Only retards do this shit. You fucking retard.

Enjoy sleeping on cummy bedsheets then

i ordered these cool bed covers from amazon to cum on very based

Attached: new bed cover.jpg (600x797, 83K)

What did you used to fap to user?

underrated
that was a good post

Attached: nice.png (888x620, 22K)

Very comedic my friend well played

Attached: 1553307596689.jpg (470x470, 31K)

I cum on my bed all the time.

Hell sometimes I go months without changing the sheets.

How the hell they gonna know? What the off coloring? That could be anything. More likely from the fact i never change my sheets

what else would be white and sticky in your bedsheets other than cum, do you brush your teeth while laying in your bed as an excuse?

make her bang you, like