Look through phone book

>look through phone book
>see lady called "madison lane"
>she sounds cute
>write her a love letter
>put my pubic hair in the envelope
>mail it to her

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>see lady called "madison lane"

Sounds like some New Yorker hyper-thot

i wonder will she like my pubes

maybe she'll masturbate with them

maybe she'll finger herself while she swallows some

They're probably gonna do a DNA test on that hair. Unless your sample is on record, you should be ok for now. Just don't break the law, if they take you in they'll run your DNA sample through the system and find out you did that. The law's fucked like that.

Ah yes we all remember the law against sending someone a letter containing hair

probably malicious communications via postal services or something. could be illegal for health reasons too.

Well, sure, maybe she doesn't know its pubic hair. For all she knows it may have gotten in there by accident, some stray hairs left by a man who doesn't dust the place a whole lot. I was assuming she would know they're pubic hairs, which could be seen as sexual harassment, you know how things are these days.
But you're probably right, she might think nothing of it and take your letter at face value. What did you write anyway?

please find public hair enclosed.

>What did you write anyway?

I just told her that I could sense she was a beautiful, kind spirit and I was a similarly gentle soul looking for connection.

she's gonna use your pubes for black magic and bewitch or curse your sorry ass, fuckin' kek

She might take it well. At worst, she may assume it's the wrong address. At best, maybe she thinks it's romantic or something, I'm sure there's probably at least one women's novel with that basic plot of a guy meetings girl through the phone book. And there was that Tom Hanks movie where he cucks Bill Pullman through newspaper ads, that's close enough.

>At worst,
you have no idea of how worse this could be interpreted

She might not know it's his pubes, loose hair gets into stuff
But yeah, I get the stalker thing may come up, but he has plausible deniability as long as they don't find out it's pubes.

well i put in quite a lot of pubes and they're curly

>loose hair gets into stuff
a tuft of pubes just get into an envelope? you don't get much mail do you?

I play with legos a lot, trust me, hair builds up eventually
Uhm, user, I...

>>put my pubic hair in the envelope
>>mail it to her

What a dumbass! You send someone your DNA so the authorities can use it to ID you. You better pray she doesn't take it to the police and say that someone is sexually harassing or stalking her.

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I don't think she will. Something about her name... it just speaks to me. I can sense she's lonely. Perhaps this letter is exactly what she's looking for.

I remember when I used to think this way. It's bullshit but nice to fantasize about. She's probably old and fat and possibly gay.

Holy shit, this is peak autism. Put me in the screen cap.

>You send someone your DNA so the authorities can use it to ID you.
uh that only works if you've committed a felony before and they already have your DNA in their database
(or if you plan to commit a felony in the future and get caught)

based bloomer

This is the kind of content I come to r9k for