What if this guy slaps your girl's ass?

Any bananas in that salad bro?

just honeydew, cantaloupes, sliced strawberries and blueberries, bro. i washed them thoroughly and poured in a little bit of sweet berry wine into the salad... just gonna take this with me.

>honeydew
>cantaloupe
You better take that trash with you

I turn to my girl, smile, and say "A" or "B" sweetheart? If she says "A"? We walk away smirking. This guy just caught the break of a lifetime. If she says "B"? I start off by giving my girl a reassuring smile. Then I turn back to this joker and give a nice, two handed shove . The guy stumbles back of course. The second I see him wind back for his punch. Boom. It's too late. I was already winding forward. Nail one right on the guys jaw. He's out cold. No question about it. My girl at this point is dripping wet. I take her to the nearest corner and finish my manly duties. No condom. Of course. Better luck next time friendo.

Punch his helicopter blade

Bro are you the Joker?

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Slap his dick and watch it flop around, whacking into his balls and disabling him
also >implying I have a gf

found the violent incels. yew dont own your gf, she can have sex with chad if she wants. now you can get salted about it or just accept it.

>you don't own her
No, i don't. I am, however, allowed to protect her from someone that literally sexually assaulted her.

I want to slap his dick because it's funny, not because he slapped my imaginary anime waifu's nonexistent ass

no he didnt. nice try bud

What if it just slipped into your mouth haha What would it taste like haha

I can't tell if this dude has a foreskin or a huge gaping urethra. I see a lot of red and it makes it unclear

i would hug her and whisper into her ear "i'll be back in an hour with groceries" before i left our apartment.

pull out my pepper spray and waste his ass.
I'm always packing to protect m'ladys honor in such an occasion.

Personally I have a specially rigged fedora that fires a burst of pepper spray into my adversary's eyes when I tip it at them

ask him if i could suck

thats a nice dick

Yes he did. It doesn't say she wanted that, it just says he does it. And at the very least its battery

*hugs you* sshh its okay, Chad's my friend. I told him what you like in bed, you're going to have a magical time. There's chicken salad in the fridge, and grape soda I'll be back in a bit, gonna make a beer and wine run.

it doesnt say whether she wants or does not want it. a slap on the butt isnt always assault or battery, could be a feather tap.

A slap is always assault, whether or not it gets prosecuted is another matter. It's definitely sexual assault if its on someone's ass.

:)
are you willing to submit as my sissy cuck slave?
ill be sure to impregnate both of you with my 8"

What if its done very lightly, is that "assault"?

Yes it is
Very original indeed

Legally, anything that "causes apprehension of imminent harmful or offensive contact" is considered assault. You don't even have to touch someone to commit assault. That's why "battery" is a separate charge.

yes. chad slapping my gf's butt does not cause this. therefore its not assault. and ill be back in an hour or two.

Learn to read, idiot. Helicoptering that penis like such is an implication of sexual harm to my gfs pelvis

i told you - i've explained everything to him, Chad's my friend. but if you dont want to, I'll let him know and we can all have dinner after he gets dressed.

smack his ass

>Then I turn back to this joker and give a nice, two handed shove . The guy stumbles back of course. The second I see him wind back for his punch. Boom. It's too late. I was already winding forward. Nail one right on the guys jaw. He's out cold. No question about it
t. someone who has never been in a fight

I would destroy him
I am 185 and bench 400

Shoot him in the back several times

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t. fat cuck

God damn I want a nice, old CZ75 but I can't find one for a reasonable price

>"It was self-defense your honor, he assaulted my girlfriend without provocation and I feared for her safety and my life"
>Also crime of passion defense still works in some states
>Get off with manslaughter after effectively killing someone in cold blood

Seems legit

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Ok that webm is actually really hot. His foreskin looks delicious