I have no one talk to, so I would just really like to vent.
Despite the very nice weather I have been really sad these past days. I am losing grasp over reality. Ironically I can very clearly make the distinction between reality and fantasy, but I feel like I am escaping the reality and locking myself into some protective bubble. When I am outside this bubble I get really anxious. My face is heavy, eyes watery and I doubled (literally doubled) the amount of smoking. I am on 5 hour sleep. Every night I feel like I am about to be taken away from the fantasy land by reality, so I refuse to sleep.
I don't really know what to do. Thank you for reading my blog.
No one can do that. After all you and me are here. You can tell to yourself it's "weakness" and stuff all you want tho. I just came home and had 2 smokes outside. Didn't even taste good.
Do you have a job, or a daily task that consumes your time?
Camden Taylor
Yes. But the thing I hate the most is sleeping. I feel like I am being imprisoned by this need to sleep. I used to sleep 4 hours. It felt liberating at first, but then I wanted more which isn't possible. I always get depressed when I go to sleep or when I wake up. I feel like piece of me died.
Giga-cope. I always try to convince myself I'm totally fine without having friends or a social life, and that shutting myself in is what I want and I don't need human connection. Yet I spend my time online reaching out to others, trying to relate, and I get worse the longer I isolate myself. Yet at the same time, whenever I try to integrate with people in real life I feel worse, and retreat back to my room away from others. Disregard the company of normies, but I think people need the company of those who are like them.
This sounds like a serious problem, user. I think you would benefit greatly from seeking professional help for your mental blocks, you still sound pretty sharp to me. Is there any sort of serious trauma in your past that could have led up to this behavior?
Dylan Ortiz
You sound like me when I used to be pathetic. Now I just dont give a shit.
Yes I witnessed my father beating my mother, I still remember how she tried to hug me but he pushed her back and started to beat her again.
When I think about the fact they both talk like nothing happened and I talk to both like nothing happened I get little perplexed. But then again even before this happened I has serious dissociations.
My father tried really really hard to make great sportsman out of me. He worked his ass off to pay my personal traines. I talked to him like 2 weeks ago about this. And I told him why I stopped with sport. I was completely dissociated while I did it (apparently I was realyl good at it and that might've been the reason...) I was in some kind of light trance every time I did it. One day I told to myself I don't like this and stopped.
So I had this case of escaping into "fantasy" from the very young age.
Also my father told me I once had hysteric episode as little boy when he gave me a slap because I did stuff. I apparently passed off. The funny thing is I don't remember it at all, and I remember most of my childhood very clearly, even when I was 2 years old. I forgot how to take is easy user. It's like I have no control over myself.
I actually feel much better now that I got stuff out of my chest.
It can be very difficult for children to learn control over their own lives when their entire existence up until adulthood is planned and controlled by a parent. Its a life skill that needs to be cultivated, just like any other. Even if the structure around you is extremely negative and forces you to dissociate, it could be all you know, and your brain could subconsciously crave that type of structure in the absence of self-determination. That's what happens to a lot of people that spend years and years in the military as well.
Do you have any general idea of what you want your life to be like?
Robert Cox
>Do you have any general idea of what you want your life to be like?
Oh no Get friends to talk with! I like talking to lotsa people online If I would be there, I would give lotsa headpats and cook something nice for you!
Andrew Murphy
I don't need that much, but thank you for the thought. This captcha is really something.
You should go on Grindr and get TOPPED at least you wont be lonely
Jack Scott
Fix your sleep schedule. Hydrate regularly. Consume less sugary and starchy foodstuffs. "Try" to stop smoking. Quit the internet for a long period of time.
David King
You honestly sound like a whiny little faggot
Kevin Scott
No thanks You are telling me to abandon my life. Yes. I am here to whine.That was the first sentence in my post.
>You are telling me to abandon my life Yes. Your life right now is "safe". To go somewhere in life is to go where it is not safe. "Everything that's been achieved in the history of mankind has been achieved by not being safe.".
Jaxon Barnes
If you ever want to talk you can add me on discord.
Aiden Morgan
I appreciate your positive energy user. I am 100% straight. but that's really everything I have user. I will break down for what? It's not like I will magically become content with life. I feel like this is very brute forcing method. I really appreciate that user. But I don't want to leave bad taste in your mount. And mainly in my own. It might make me feel even more pathetic about myself.
No one outside talks like they do online. You don't go around making friend as an adult. (I think) I've been filled with positive energy user. I am glad I met you in this cyber space and I won't forget you. In the near future at least.
>It's not like I will magically become content with life. I feel like this is very brute forcing method.
None of what I said will magically change your life as you interpreted it will. Brute forcing is how most of the "magic" in life happens. But when brute forcing, it's not like you just go in blindly. You still have past experiences to guide you enough to go through them safely. "Brute force" isn't dumb. It works most of the time, unless you're dealing with top-level corporate decisions where a lot of lives hang in the balance. I will assume this is not your life. So go with "brute force". Brute force doesn't mean you forego your mind. It just asks you react fast enough.
Hunter Fisher
I am well aware of that, I call it "fantasy land" in my previous post" Ok, I will make smol step. I will sleep 6 hours tomorrow and only smoke 1 time. I will also try to clean my room.
>I will sleep 6 hours tomorrow I will recommend a better sleep sched for you since you give me a lot of (You). Sleep anytime you want, but always wake up the same time every day.
Parker Anderson
But I am up till 6AM during weekends, that won't work.
Nice! From there, you will learn to abandon most of the stupid shit you do that keeps you up late in your supposed sleep schedule, or just continue in your self-destructive sleep-sched. Your choice user. If you ask me, the things that keep you up at night aren't worth it. And you can't but sleep.
Eli Price
Nigger you're completely lucid down to picking images of sad anime girls to go with your blogposting. You're not losing grip of reality yet.
Jonathan King
Being up that long is the only time I feel free, not caged and truly happy. The thought that the whole world freezes during such early hours fills me with relief.
With experience, you will come to say that the time of day is irrelevant with this freedom you claim. It's cheap to say that I've already been through what you said, and more. But yes, I've been there. But I realize I also have to listen to my body. You HAVE to listen to your body for your own sanity,
Jose Cox
Oh I am sorry for not formulating better. by "losing grip" I mean that I have no power over it. As I said before. It really suffocates me when I have to leave the confines of my fantasy land. It affects my socials function which is why " I am losing a grip" For example today my professor laugh at me for the way I spoke to him. The other way replies with witty remark that It's just the way I am.
I believe you user. But I might not be able to understand what you are saying. The night is directly responsible for the strong emotions which have power over me. In fact I sometimes even night walk because I feel like I am the only person alive and that makes me feel really nice. Maybe I could start taking pictures of my night walking. That might turn into hobby I guess..
>tfw know draconian internet laws will eventually lead to this happening FUUUUCK why did you have to remind me, anone?
Kevin Wright
You will immediately realize hobbies are inferior to what you body asks of you, which is "LET'S SLEEP, user-KUN, PRETTY PLEASE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE". I will have you let your time of skepticism, which is fine. I've had that too. I have also had bursts of creativity when staying up late at night. Maybe I am too old, and listen to my body more. Weigh your options. You know your body more than anybody else. If you have your burst/impulses of creativity and see that you are just simply spouting crap you would immediately realize the morning-after, just listen to your body more, and maybe, just maybe, you will have a more productive time if you are more naturally attuned.
Thomas Baker
Hey I recognize this user. Based and redpilled
Samuel Fisher
Well, fact is I certainly feel much better after talking with you user(s). Thank you.
