Do any of you feel like you just don't matter? Like you're just a prop in everyone else's lives and your wants, needs and expectations are secondary to everyone else's?
I feel exhausted, I do a lot for a decent amount of people, family included and get little in return and it all just catches up and fatigues me. When you want someone to be around, but they aren't, or you just want to be alone but you have several things to do and can't, it's all so tiring. Then I feel like shit for feeling disappointed in others because I also feel like I shouldn't be complaining. Is there an answer to feeling better besides just disappearing and living alone in a cabin in the countryside?
well yeah, I don't matter you don't matter, your family doesn't matter, chad from highschool doesn't matter
just do whatever makes you happy and stop caring what other little people think of you
Sebastian Green
There's so much that gets in the way of being happy though, being at the mercy of everyone else. I admit I care too much, I do want to matter to someone else and feel important to them like I feel for others in my life. What makes you happy, user?
Michael Thomas
See the thing is I had a ton of potential. I was relatively intelligent, savant tier with music... and several strokes later I've been reduced to cannon fodder for somebody else to mock as a cautionary tale. My overbearing Catholic mother didn't help any, she spent my entire life telling me I was perfectly healthy and we didn't have money for medical checkups. Fuck, I hate being right.
"Not mattering" is pretty much blocked by our brain. It does a lot to make us think we matter. Because once we do realize we don't, living becomes really tiresome.
Somehow you fought past those safeguards your brain made for you to make you think you matter. You most likely did that with your rationalizing brain. The only hope for you to find joy again is to rationalize joy.
Now, you don't have to live in countryside. The initial shock of doing so (assuming you are just some soft city boy) will just make you sadder. You must now notice things you never noticed before, and find joy in them. Like an "autist", so to speak. You will have to learn how to rationalize these joys.
Adrian Anderson
>and several strokes later I've been reduced to cannon fodder for somebody else to mock as a cautionary tale
If you're comfortable, user, tell me more, I'll listen. What happened?
Isaiah Powell
I live in rural Oregon, so I'm not quite a city boy but it gets a lot more remote than where I live currently. Since there's little hope of tricking myself into thinking I especially matter, sounds like I need to find a hobby. I just waste away right now, playing video games and am other untalented. What do you find joy in?
Brandon Roberts
really wish I could answer that question
Jeremiah Wilson
I am going to die, you are going to die the guy above me is going to die and the universe is going to die and so on. Why do you care ? Dont take this the bad way tho... BE HAPPY that everything is going to end becouse that means you can do litterally anything what ever you want without it impacting anything actually important so just do anything that makes you happy or excited. Go ask that girl out or run out of your house naked WHATEVER :D . Just embrace the time you have left becouse just the pure fact that you can feel emotions and other sensations is pure blessing either if youre sad or happy. Dont be sad becouse at the end everything you will be forgiven your wrong doings by death and time. And if you still dont get it its ok becouse you are going to realise it later on in your path.
Grayson Wood
> bee n dealing with extreme health anxiety for decades now. >Constant joint pain, fatigue, painful digestive issues that don't show up on tests, wildly fluctuating heart rate and blood pressure. >Fairly short, have huge fucking lungs, a bit of a hunchback, super sensitive translucent skin, and ape arms. Also for so e reason my cough reflex doesn't work properly > was convinced this wasn't normal. >weirdest part is my mom has almost the exact same skeletal structure as me. The >doctors diagnosed me with depression and possible autism said it was psychosomatic. >Told me to exercise more and enjoy the prime of my youth. >few years ago I was doing jumping jacks, basic cardio and suddenly everything started spinning, got super dizzy >woke up on the floor and could only speak fifteen words or something like that > fast forward six months, regained most of my vocab after keeping daily journal >come home and suddenly second stroke, feels like I'm leaving my body
There's more but it just gets worse. Basically I have an incredibly rare condition called Vascular Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which has a 25% risk of arterial rupture before you're 20 and an average life expectancy of 48. By then a lot of people with the condition are basically vegetables.
Video Games is a start. Do you have experience in programming, developing, or writing plots for games? I don't, but I tried researching about them. Out of a corporate environment, I find these areas very interesting. Solving programming woes in creating a video game can be very rewarding, though the journey may not be as fun. You realize the reasons why devs used a thing as opposed to something else in an empathetic manner, not just "lol they did that for crunch/cost-reduction reasons".
Trying to spot shit you never paid attention to in a video game may also cause you some joy. Reading related literature may help; in my case it did.
There are several small things that may give you joy you never gave a shit about but you may if you have this much time. Try to spot them.
Kevin Campbell
That puts things in perspective, user, things could be a lot worse for me. I'm sorry you were dealt the shittiest hand imaginable, you don't deserve that.
I have no such experience, there's a community college here but when I went they didn't offer courses for programming, although I am interested. Can it be self-taught and if so, how?
John Gutierrez
I'd like to do whatever I want, but I barely thought about what that would be. I get so caught up in making sure everything and everyone else is fine, I don't even know what it is I really want. I'm 26, how old were you when you had this realization?
Matthew Jackson
To some extent the basics can be self-taught.
There are a couple of books I relied on in my shallow learning of vidya. Some books offer to teach you how to create a game in a weekend using a rudimentary program (I think you may already have an idea what this program is).
Jose Rivera
Do you mean Unity? There was a gamedev class at my community college, but it just "taught" Gamemaker. Waste of time, to be honest.
I'll screenshot your post if you don't mind sharing some of the books you used?
Aiden Scott
You sound like you were raised or influenced by narcissists. Did you have to constantly be on eggshells and manage the emotions of other people to please them? That isn't normal my friend.
Nolan Nguyen
Unity, Gamemaker, Unreal Engine, even RPG maker were all of help to me.
There was supposed to be a pic with the names of computer-related books but I can't seem to find it anywhere. I tried to read the following but I just don't have enough brainpower and time to understand them. Maybe they could help you:
>the design of everyday things - don norman >godel, escher, bach - doglas hofstadter >the hidden language of computer hardware and software >the new turing omnibus >clean code a handbook of agile software craftsmanship >introduction to algorithms >the pragmatic programmer >the c programming language >the mythical man-month >code complete >compilers >the art of computer programming >masters of doom - david kushner >design patterns elements of reusable object-oriented software >algorithms fourth edition >structure and interpretation of computer programs >the soul of a new machine >hackers heroes of the computer revolution >where wizards stay up late the origins of the internet >programming pearls >concrete mathematics a foundation for computer science
John Long
Perhaps we share that in common? I guess now that I think about it, my parents were and still are a bit narcissistic. They were the type to say "sheeple" unironically when I was younger and believe they're smarter than everyone else because of the weird conspiracies they believe in. Probably gonna get laughed at, but my folks are flat-earthers these days.
I guess it does feel like I did constantly have to be on eggshells, even around my best friend in school. I'm on good terms with everyone but maybe what you just said explains my exhaustion, is this something you went through too?
Tyler Bennett
Nice, thanks for the list, I'll try looking into these this weekend.
Evan Campbell
how did you care about getting over what others think
Hudson Rogers
does having a gf give self worth
Landon Harris
>your wants, needs and expectations are secondary to everyone else's? For them, or for you? You've got some fucked up priorities. You neglect yourself to attend to others and then wonder why you're exhausted. Like that other user said, it's undoubtedly the result of being raised by narcissists. They set you up to play a losing game: they made you feel like it's wrong to care for yourself, like it's your mission in life to care for others, but of course they're don't play by the same rules so they never give you back nearly as much as you give them.
Colton Perez
It's weird, I don't feel like my parents were especially bad, I think I gave myself this brain problem, somehow. They were very good to me overall.
Levi Lewis
Sometimes. It usually works for me but then I go back to feeling like what I wrote in the OP. Like it's my baseline.
