I'm not a Discord tranny. I'm not asking to be accepted as a woman. I don't take hrt. I'm just depressed over it...

I have some "feminine" features, but I don't care about that. Femanons think I want to trick people into thinking I'm a girl, but I don't. I'd rather be a masculine looking girl if I could. I can't trick myself if I know I'm not a girl.
>Do you already dress like a girl
No. I don't think girls need to dress in any way to be seen as girls.
>talk like a girl
I've been told that, but I'm not sure what that even means

I'm just depressed over knowing that any solution this problem has is just a cope and trannies are extremely delusional and I hate the people who enable them. They're just virtue signalers who are exploiting vulnerable and sad people. So really there's no point to this thread, as it won't solve anything, but I hope at least on femanon will see it and not hate me like they always do.

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ditch your transphobia and take your pills alice

I can't, user. I think I could be rather cute, but it's not what being a girl is about. It's about a certain feeling of comfort and peace for me. Not something hrt can give you.

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i wouldn't underestimate the mental and psychological benefits of hrt, user.
anecdotally you sound a lot like i did pre-hrt before i went and bit the bullet, and i haven't regret it one single bit.

Please use a trip or name so I can filter you thanks love

your eyes are so pretty

The body they're attached to still smells like a filthy boy no matter how much I shower haha.

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So you don't like guys, damn.

Fuck off and die.

I like guys. Just not that I'm one.

I just want to call you a cute girl everyday until you start believing it

try girly shampoos and soaps, im a cis male but i love how they smell and use them because i dont give a fuck

you realize hrt makes you literally smell more like a girl idiot

op post discord now bitch

dont call my future gf an idiot, you idiot

It's fine. I was just joking a bit. I don't think simply making myself more attractive to boys will make me happy. I wouldn't be genuine about what I am.

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well she is, you peabrain
do you feel genuine in your masculinity?

I'm not very masculine, but I can never deny that I have the Y chromosome.

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why do you never talk about your father?

why do you keep asking about her father, she's not avoiding it, you're just a fixative little shit

There's not much to say. I don't blame him for anything. I don't really care for him either. He's mostly busy with his business.

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I hope you can find the answer you're looking for, everybody deserves happiness

>why do you keep asking about her father, she's not avoiding it, you're just a fixative little shit
>she's

he didnt even make an effort to raise you did he? thats pretty sad

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Hello Aiste, I enjoy reading your threads when I see them, I hope you're doing okay

ps you have very comfy taste in music

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I know the answer, user. I just don't like it, so I keep beating around the bush, being a coward, looking for comfort by talking to you etc.
Neither of them did. They let their money raise me. Being the "rich kid" I still failed to socialize.
>comfy
I'm actually super hardcore:
youtube.com/watch?v=knIH6qQOfhs

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It's not really worth dying though. I'm having a pretty miserable time for the past 6 months but even if things continued like this for years I don't think I would commit an hero. It's the small comforts in life that keep me going, like chatting on these threads, listen to music, pirate shows. It's not quite fulfilling but it's enough to not kill myself so that someday I might be happy.

Why are you miserable, user? Is it something you can eventually fix? Because I don't think I can fix my issues.

No money, no friends, no education. Parents were abusive which inhibited my ability to socialise. I can talk to people online though but irl I don't like going outside since I don't fit in. I don't think I can fix all of my issues though I'm just taking it one day at a time and hoping that I can just get by. I don't know if you can ever fix your issues but maybe you don't have to? Maybe you can just live with them. I really hope you do find happiness.

to be honest i was asking in an effort to know what lead you to this. i wasnt exactly raised by any of mine either, been basically estranged from them since i have a memory. failed to socialize too but i have a brother which now i wish died as soon as possible but thats not really the point.

im just curious about posters like you who have a strong hatred for their mothers yet desire being close to them and wondered if it was any different with your father. the mother issue is so common around Jow Forums and even wizchan that i wish i knew what its all about. i dont hate or love mine though shes pretty much dead to me. same with my father. though now that im older i understand they did all they could ie not much

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Good, don't ever fall for the brainwashing

i want to breed aiste then abandon him!

have the jannies just given to trying to delete your threads?

I suppose it's good that you take things one at a time. Looking at the big picture can often ruin everything and make it seem pointless.
I was pretty much destined to be like this from birth. You can see the signs if you just look at my mother's side of the family. I think they descended from some inbred Prussian colonists or something haha.
I do have a weird desire to be close to her, but only if I was a girl. The fact is that we understand each other better than anyone else does, we're very similar both in looks and even small mannerisms. If I was a girl, I'd be pretty much a carbon copy of her.
Sometimes it seems like it, but they just missed this one because of the different avatar.
Mean.

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Have you ever been in any kind of relationship? Or had someone show some kind of interest in you? Just curious.

Pic can solve your problems degenerate.

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I've got some attention from girls back in school since I'm okay looking and one mistook my autism for being "cool". I've kissed, but that's it. I abandoned her almost immediately.

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what would it take for you to be a robot's gf?

That's a really mean thing to post user. Reflect on your behaviour.

you know aiste the more i see your posts the more i think we're a like in more than a few ways

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>The fact is that we understand each other better than anyone else does, we're very similar both in looks and even small mannerisms.
i see, thanks for mentioning that. mine always misunderstood me down to the smallest action, although i undeniably mimic them to a degree on a superficial level i still couldnt even get close to understanding where youre coming from with ''carbon copy''

Once in high school there was a girl who started flirting with me and I just didn't know what to do. Nothing ended up happening and she left me alone. Btw do you choose your images at random or what? I have no idea what the filenames mean.

TAKE YOUR FUCKING PILLS ALICE

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How about you reflect on how to kill yourself you useless scum.
I would recommend hangin in the park at night to make your community happy for getting rid of trash.

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Being a girl would be a good start. Other than that, I'm not very selective. Just please don't be fat. I have a pretty deep irrational hatred for fat people. I don't understand how it's possible to let yourself go like that. Even in my most depressive states, I never gained much weight.
What do you mean, Marisa?
I don't know. We just kind of stand out even in our family. We both come off as cold and uncaring, use the same phrases (most of which I think I copied from her unwittingly). Stuff like that. We also share some beliefs in general.
I got a confession through a letter from her, so I think it made it easier, plus we were already pretty close friends. As to my pics, it's complicated. Sometimes they mean something, sometimes I just post them at random. Same with their filenames.
It's still a bit early. I will in a few hours.

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I just find you very easy to empathize with and relate to, i also am a lot like my mother as well

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So you're into girls and not guys or was it a play on you not being a "real" girl? I'm just wondering on my chances of getting my very own aiste gf.

i know what you meant by carbon copy, just saying the idea is completely foreign to me because mine were always strangers, im 180 apart here. but that helps me understand why the mother/parents hate idea is alien to me. thanks for explaining

Why would you post such hurtful things user? I wouldn't want you to commit suicide I just want you to be happy.

Well I'm not sure. I don't have many sexual thoughts. I mostly just want to be a girl for other reasons. I'm fine with girls, but if I was a girl myself, I'd definitely want to be with a guy. None of that "tranny lesbian" nonsense. I know the whole "getting topped" thing is a meme, but it's kind of how I feel when it comes to intimacy. But I'm not sure if that makes me gay right now. Like I said, I don't put much thought into it.

What do you mean by "aiste gf" anyway? What type of person is that?

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Aiste, I can't say this enough but SP is hell on Earth. I'm moving to Europe someday and I'll come over to you and top you.

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Could be you're just bi right? I know you don't want to transition but what if hypothetically someday in the future technology progresses to the point where after transitioning you'd be virtually indistinguishable from an ordinary girl? Would you transition then or would you still feel hopeless?

>Could be you're just bi right?
I really don't know. Being a virgin, I don't think I have much knowledge in this.

I'm not sure if I'd even transition then. I'd still be indistinguishable only to others, but I'd know what I really am. To me, being a girl is some sort of purity that only by being born as one you can actually experience.
Just stop complaining and come over already. I'll show you the Norwegian order of things haha. No gated communities here.

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do you realize you have more than a few orbiters/supporters/fans

myself included, hi hello

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>I just want you to be happy
Then stream killing yourself, that would make me very happy.

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Kind of. It's weird. I don't really deserve any. There's nothing particularly interesting about me. It makes sense when people think I'm a girl, since they want to rip off my panties and bend me over, but now, I'm not sure what the reason is.

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>I'm not sure if I'd even transition then. I'd still be indistinguishable only to others, but I'd know what I really am. To me, being a girl is some sort of purity that only by being born as one you can actually experience.

There's no purity, and I don't mean that in an incel way I mean there is no inherent different between the sexes.

i think you're really cool just from reading your posts, granted that isn't very substantial but would be your bf and even just friend/10

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I know you're probably right, but I can't shake off that feeling. Being a girl would lift a rock off my heart and I could actually solve or just happily ignore all my other problems. The again, I prefer to keep my blinds closed from passing planes, even though I know there's no good reason to do that.
Well, I'm glad at least someone is enjoying this haha.

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You're comfy to talk to and rarely rude. Mysterious not in a chuuni way but a larping one, like another user said sometimes you have a is this guy fucking with me? vibe. Ever wondered what the result would be without the avatars, but still in a way you were recognizable?

Maybe things would be different if you were born a girl, but I don't think it would. Whatever problems you're feeling now would persist regardless. But I'm not a psychologist I don't know anything. Also agree with the other user I enjoy reading your posts on this board, I find it fun to talk to you. Goodnight.

Fucking flu and diarrhea is killing me today, I'm feeling so weak I can barely stand up.

That's not true user you'd have blood on your hands, that would not make you very happy. Grow up.

>implying i don't already have blood on my hands and that seeing a degenerate off itself wouldn't make me happy
Stop implying so much and kys faggot.

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>Ever wondered what the result would be without the avatars, but still in a way you were recognizable?
I probably wouldn't even be here. A lot of how I became recognized had to do with my endless war against the jannies. I once stumbled upon an avatar creator thread, made one for fun, created a few threads about stoicism/mind control with it, since that was what I was obsessed a bit in my life at the time and I came to r9k to find other people with the same mental issues. I didn't even know avatarfagging was a thing back then. I got a 15 min ban then. That's how it eventually escalated to me getting permabanned across hundreds of IP ranges for almost destroying the catalog a few times.
Maybe you're right, but I just can't see it any other way.
Get some sleep, user.

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Your war against the jannies was funny as fuck. How many threads did I pass with maybe 2 replies asking who the fuck are you.

Haha. My favorite parts would be when people would say that it's an organized raid by Discord trannies or Jow Forums, when in reality it was always just one autist with a hundred tabs open.

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I should have phrased it as what the result'd be if you stopped using them right now, with people knowing who you are but recognizing you through different means like random fractal images or a trip that I know you abhor using. If there was no eye-candy and no way to express emotions beyond text, without the avatars that even if you think they have no impact I assure you they do.

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*hug* *headpat* You're cute, ehehe! I'm not gonna stop hugging you!!

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I see. Yeah I agree, the avatars definitely have an impact. Even posting an image like pic related, where my avatar is still present, but isn't immediately noticeable (especially in the catalog) makes a difference. Because of my avatar and because I give out a lot of (you)s I tend to get way more replies in my threads than other avatarfags/namefags/tripfags. If my threads didn't get deleted, I'm fairly certain only some popular generals would be more active than my threads.
Headpats are truly the patrician choice.

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Reminder that gender dysphoria CAN be treated, and that transitioning does NOT help you in any way to make you feel happy, and that it usually results in immense regret, and eventual suicide.
Seek professional help OP, you don't have to end up dead like many trannies.

>her
BAMBI LIMP! you are a tranny, you are male

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>tfw can't get across point either
You're right with what you're saying, but your avatars as they are have an impact by themselves. A random person who stumbled upon them on twitter and has no idea what avatarfagging is would think "aww how cute". Everything around us has an impact, even if minimal, on us. Look at this pic and tell me you feel absolutely nothing. The effect is subconscious and subtle, but it's there.

Damn Aiste stop making me feel like having my head checked by psychs. Sorry if I'm making you overthink nonsense, it's not my intention I just have an interest in this stuff.

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I plan to kill myself eventually anyway. I was wondering if you can still get cyanide pills like from Der Untergang, where they just bite it and fall dead almost immediately? I think I'd like to have one with me as it would help to not pussy out like I've done before.
I think I get what you mean now. They definitely do have an impact on me, since they're, well, supposed to be me. I try to make them look as much as me. I don't really know what other people think of them. I get told they're cute. I get told they're ugly. I'm not sure about much else. You'll have to ask other anons.

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>I get told they're ugly
Whoever said that has shit taste.

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I like the avatars, they're cute and add flavour to your posts. Don't kill yourself though that's not right.

>thread up for 7 hours
Have the jannies died? I think this is a new record.
Thanks anons. There's only so much emotional energy I can steal from you haha. If I was a girl, I'd repay you.

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Jannies gave up. They figured out what they were up against and found resistance futile.

You're not an emotional vampire. You're a kind of, forgive me as this will sound vulgarly lewd, emotional dumpster. Fear not as that encompasses the full spectrum, anons need to give love (yeah) and you're given it, they need to let off steam and you're called names. It works both ways. You don't need to repay anyone anything, don't feel bad about it.

Goodnight avatarfag.

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BAMBI LIMP shut the fuck up you filthy transsexual, cease posting on my board immediately

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In all my years I've been called everything except transsexual even though I've always been an anime poster. Fucking kill yourself faggot I'm not and will never ever be one.

Did I actually sound gay? Shit I need to leave this board

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Never thought of it this way. Now that I think of it, anons have told me that hating me makes them feel better. I think knowing that makes me feel a bit better too. I don't mind being abused as much if it's making someone feel better. I'm not sure how to explain it without sounding like a complete degenerate. But if I was in a relationship where I was being abused but then also comforted and hugged and both made my partner happy, then I think I'd be happy too.

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Don't listen to all these edgy faggots telling you to kill yourself. No fucking clue who you are, or any of you are, but I assure you unless you've been raped and tortured, nothing is worth killing yourself over. It doesn't matter how sure you are you'll never be happy with yourself, because killing yourself is a self fulfilling prophecy.

I've had my fair share of traumas and sadness. Scars that will last a lifetime. Memories and dreams of things that will never be, ripped away from me for reasons outside of my control. The world is not a fair place. Time and time again my will has been tested and I have failed the tests. I've fallen so far, a distance I will never make back up.

For the longest time, I've been so sure I'll never be happy. I'll never have anything or anyone. But, it doesn't matter how sure I am because it's not a fact. You wanna know what is a fact? You'll never be happy dead.

I'm positive at some point in time you will find at least some fleeting moments of happiness. They're worth living for. I would know.

You shouldn't have to be a human punching bag though. You'd be better off without people directing abuse your way. These people who tell you hating you makes them feel better are just deflecting and trying to excuse bad behaviour. They don't know you, there is no way hating you makes them feel good it doesn't make sense. They need to be introspective and think about their actions that way they can stop being abusive.

Good post user I feel the same.

They know me well enough. It's the least I can do for being an avatarfag. Maybe I'm such a degenerate that I enjoy being abused. What do you know.
I don't know. I'm too tired to respond with anything meaningful. I've been up for way too long. But I'd like to gain the strength to end myself on my own accord. This is my idea, not because someone else told me to kill myself. I don't even know how to get my point across without it looking like I'm fishing for pity. I probably am.

Goodnight, I'm way too tired and looks like this thread won't be deleted.

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I'll be honest and say I did feel bad inmediately afterwards for all the times I unjustly directed my hatred towards you, it's those days when you feel like in Falling Down, losing control, often close to getting into real life physical fights that I could regret for life. The pressure is too much and the relief valve must do its job. Why you? Because I know your weak points. It's sickening and i didn't know what a massive piece of shit I really was. Makes sense that I'm alone hehe. Sorry user.

It's twisted an inexcusable, but come on you're talking as if you're new to Jow Forums. Anons can be incredibly vicious on bad days. More than feel good it's relieving.

>think about their actions that way they can stop being abusive.
If only getting your shit together was that easy.

You're strong user, you're gonna make it. I feel like that some days.

Just don't do it anytime soon. There's no point. The world is always changing. You'll never know if there's a place for you in it if you remove yourself from it.

Maybe we'll speak again someday. I look forward to it. Sleep well, and may tomorrow be a better day.

It's nothing new but I don't believe they feel good or feel relief from being mean. They get nothing from it. They just go about their day and because this site is so overwhelmingly negative they post edgy things to fit in and pass time. I don't think there is any compelling reason for them to do it, they just do it because it's very easy to post something and move on. They wouldn't say these things face to face and if they did they would likely feel guilty. But board culture and the anonymity of the site makes it tempting for them to make cruel posts. I'm rambling on but my point is it doesn't make them happy to post these things, they do it just because.

>tfw you will never forcefully feminize the norwegian avatarfag

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my friend on discord became a half faggot OP. he was browsing egg_irl 2-3 months ago and was making name girl name and avatar girl avatar and his speech was becoming like girl speech. i was having hard time making myself believe it is dude. then... then...

he was posting things like "i dont want my butthole destroyed by niggers", "imagine some tall nigger dude forces you to eat cum with your friend" type of things.

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