Advice

Are the friends close with her?

She is makimg things sound worst than they really are.

If she can talk to you on the phone then her parents aren't that strict.

I have no idea, they might be close

Stop trying to white knight or solve her problem. It's not your business and if you actually did some shit, it would blow up in your face and she would resent you. She just wants to vent and maybe fantasize not actually change anything.

Just listen to her, try to be passively supportive, and learn to control your feelings.

She doesn't even have an SD card. We usually talk when her parents aren't home and we use Snapchat to talk. I really doubt her parents even know

Help her gather evidence and let her decide, reminding her that is not worthy to defend a family if it treats you like shit

I'm not trying to be nosy, but it's basically every other day she's telling me she wishes the police would get involved. I'm not going to call them without her permission, but it's really bothering me. She very well could be venting, I know

I don't think it's a matter of evidence, she just doesn't want to fuck up her family, even though to me (a very biased outside perspective) they sound like cunts

So she is allowed to have a smart phone? That also proves they aren't that strict. She also seems to be ok with disobeying her parents so easily. Plus talking to adult men online??

With evidence it can go "accidentally" whenever she wants to

And it's easier than staging something when she makes a scene and she gets her wish of neighbours hearing her

Well yeah I mean if her parents gave her a phone there's no way they could be abusive.

We go to the same school, she's in 11 I'm in 12, not exactly the same as "talking to adult men online"

I think most of it is she doesn't want the blame placed on her. If evidence got leaked that would be great, I'd definitely want her permission though.

But honestly, evidence gathering is a lot easier said then done

Then give her an ultimatum.
>yo stupid bitch either you let me call the police or you shut the fuck up, I don't want to listen to your bullshit every day like some beta.

It's not abuse, it's discipline and it seems like from what I am hearing, she needs it.

Are you by any chance attracted to her? How far do these snapchats go?

She's really conservative, no nudes or anything close to that.

And yeah I know people are gonna call me a beta cuck basedboy for that

Also very religious muslim parents would never kick their daughter out just because she turns 18. She's being dramatic and lying and you are falling for it because you like her and she likes the attention.

>Shinji's a loser I would have fucked all 3 girls

wait I meant to say s o y I guess it changes now

Shs is one of many women in this kind of situation, and it is sad. Jow Forums is full of men who seem to think it's fine to hurt or even rape women, but in fact it is awful.

Your friend has done something very important, which is tell somebody what is happening. She has told you. You're also young and could benefit from talking to somebody. Perhaps there is a counselor at the school you could talk to without revealing the identify of your friend.

She doesn't want to ruin her relationship with her younger sisters, but those sisters are or will be subject to the same abuse she is experiencing. If she loves her sisters, she needs to consider saving them.

The father is from a culture where hurting women apparently is okay. He'd be right at home on Jow Forums. But what he is doing is a crime in this country, and very damaging to all of the women in his life.

I've always assumed they just told her that to motivate her, I've even told her they probably wouldn't kick her out but I haven't ever met them

Thanks. She's talked to the counselor but says she stopped before the counselor said she'd legally have to take action.

As in, the counselor told her that if she admitted to anything worse happening she'd have to call the police. But (my friend) claims she stopped the conversation there

You are guessing about this, and my guess is that you're guessing wrong.

>tfw from a muslim country but Jow Forums affected my views on women far more than my culture

This is bad advice.

You seem to want very much to dismiss this woman's concerns. I wonder what it is about you that makes you do this.

She's very muslim, and she believes the Quran and stuff is against hurting women. It's also illegal to abuse women in Saudi Arabia but easier to get away with it according to her.

I have literally no idea if this is true but I don't think it's really relevant

You seem like a total asshole. You think the woman needs "discipline" and you want to be titillated by the snapchats you image are happening. God save women from men like you.

Yeah you have never even met them and you don't really know her all that well. You don't know the full situation. You don't understand the culture. Don't go and do something that can ruin a family.

How bout you tell us some of the stories of "abuse" she has told you.

>don't think it's really relevant

Sorry, I meant her thoughts on religion, not your experience with Jow Forums. I don't think her thoughts on religion are really relevant to the current discussion, obviously it is important to her though

What should he do then, honestly?

Don't worry about people here calling you names. The last thing an emotionally healthy person worries about is what people on Jow Forums say about them. You need to talk to somebody with experience in this...and lots of people have experience dealing with this kind of thing. You don't have to invent your own solution. Solutions are out there.

I'm glad she spoke with a counselor. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't.

You seem like a good, thoughtful man.

Not a woman, a child. Her gender has nothing to do with my feelings on that point. If she was a boy i would say the same thing so stop assuming I'm all about hating on woman just because they are women.

I always mention to her that I'm a biased outside source. My father had someone try to split him from his family when he was a teenager so I really don't want to have that kind of effect on her. But I do express anger towards them, or at least the versions of them I know. To me that seems supportive for her, but I realize I might be damaging their relationship (though it was rocky to begin with, the first time she told me about her father was when she was upset he was returning from some trip. She's pretty scared of him but I understand that's very subjective).

I've never pressured her for the full story, she'd just say her parents chased her around and hit her, and that she didn't feel safe in her room. I never got details necause she never wanted to really talk about it

I'm seeing the picture a bit. I'll leave the rest to your judgement call.

It's called critical thinking

just drop it. nothing good will come out of this and you should know it. these people are fucking insane, and dangerous

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What you mean by solving the problem
"'accidentally"? I don't know where you live but in mst countries in my experience calling the police for domestic violence takes a long time. You don't get in real trouble for hitting your wife and child on the first police call, it takes extreme abuse or a pattern of police calls -- even if CPS is called now she'll probably be 18 before it resolves.
One year seems long now. It really isn't. If you want to help her, the best thing you can do is help her get ready to become self-sufficient ASAP and have an exit plan for when she turns 18. They might kick her out but even if they don't, it'd obviously be much better for her to get away from them.

Your advice was that he largely withdraw and be passively supportive, and let her fend for herself. That is a choice he can make, but it's bad advice to tell him this is what he should do. It suggests there is one right course.

He seems smart and sensitive, but he's also young and confused. He needs to work through this, gather advice, and remain tuned in to the situation.

The advice you gave him probably came from your heart, and it is probably what you would do. It may be what he does in the end.

But don't suggest that this is a clearly right answer, because it isn't.

A big thing she complains about is how (her father mostly) always stares her down and harasses her about her body. Very basic conservative religious parent stuff. She's considered getting reduction surgery when she's older but I'm pretty sure that was just venting.

>Her gender has nothing to do with my feelings on that point. If she was a boy i would say the same thing

Bullshit you dumb nigger, you just want to fuck her, if she really was in danger then she would've left or called the police or just went to an hospital to get checked for abuse and then they would've taken care of it long time ago, you just are a retarded white knight and she's an attention whore.

I appreciate the advice

By "accidentally" (her words) she wants a neighbor to overhear or something like that. Where it wouldn't be her fault

You might tell her that you'll support her decision, when she makes one.

In the meantime, she (and you) need to understand that this is a very common situation. People find ways to deal with this (or not) all the time. She is not alone.

OP here, sorry that wasn't me. That user is saying he thinks discipline is necessary for children of both genders

Is that the only story she has told you?

For all you know she could have been doing heroin or was sleeping with one of her fathers friends. You should get the full story of things before you react to things.

Tell her she should make that kind of decision about her body when she's been away from her dad for a few years.

And if her dad doesn't like her chest...well, the genes come him and the woman he chose to mother his child. If somebody is responsible for her chest, it is him.

We never have the full story. We need to react to what we know or can learn. Waiting for the full story means waiting forever.

So does she try to show her boobs off or something? Are her cloths too revealing for his taste?
thats not a muslim thing, thats a father thing.No father, muslim or not, religious or not, wants their daughter being too provacative. That's not abuse. I get why she is mad about it but do you really think something like that needs police intervention?

Uh no...snapchat her right now and ask. Or next time her parents are gone, or even at school.

First of all, rude.

Second, in terms of those specific examples, she's completely against even celebrities doing drugs and she's very open about waiting until marriage. I'm not going to shoot her dad or anything, especially without a full story but you don't have to assume the very worst of your friends when they tell you their parents hit them.

I know a lot of people here hate the "believe the victim" mentality and I agree it has ruined several lives, but it's only really a problem when you do something about it or affect someone's career without evidence. You don't need to a fucking CSI investigation to comfort a friend

She's never shown skin besides her face (hijab). She's one of the most conservative girls I know.

Ok so her dad hates that she has big breast and stares at her and wishes they were smaller and that is the bulk of this abuse you want to destroy a family over?

Those were just examples showing you that what could have be going on could be worth her parents yelling at her or even giving her a slap.

I never said I wanted to destroy the family, I'm pretty sure I've mentioned how much I don't want that to happen. And that was only one thing, read the rest of the thread if you want.

What you want is to "save" her from her family right?
I read the thread and I asked for the stories she has told you but you only mention that breast thing and the story about them chasing her and then a vague comment about how they hit her a lot. Can you elaborate on this some more? I don't know if you can though because ypu mentioned that you do not ask for details and that she doesn't really give you details.

I'll try to bring it up and ask. But from what I've heard they just call her a whore(arabic equivalent) and that starts arguments

Right, I wasn't planning on going to the cops right away, I'd at least need details before police or whatever even started an investigation. I honestly have very little info on what's happening. I just never press her for info

It won't help because you'll never get the full story. If she's hiding something that reflects badly on her, she's just going to keep hiding it. If her family is actually abusive you probably still won't get the full story because growing up in an unhealthy family distorts people's sense of what's normal so it's likely she won't be able to describe things in the way an outside observer would, whether the family environment is actually worse or less bad than she's spinning it. Clearly if they hit her and called her a whore it's not normal.

>What you want is to "save" her from her family right?

I want her to not be so miserable and self loathing all the time. She seems really ashamed of herself. I think she'd be better off without them but I don't want to just swoop in and tear her family apart.

Families have arguments Jeremy. You said she snapchats you after these arguments so maybe her feelings are intensified at those moments when she is talking to you about them. Not to mention she is a teen girl mad and frustrated at her parents in those moments also.

I feel like you hear the words religious muslims and you think the worst of her family.

When she's not feeling terrible she'll dismiss it as "whatever", and she just needs to vent

Well the best thing you can do for her then is help her get self respect and self worth and to get her strong enough that she can deal with her family. Imo leaving her family is not the answer here.

I don't just assume they're abusive because they're muslim, she's the one bringing up religious angles to it.

Well maybe you should press her. You are her friend and she obviously feels like she can talk to you. I understand that it could be uncomfortable but in this case I think it should be done.

Oh from your original post and picture and from everything you have said I assumed different.

Oh right. I should clarify that while I think they're guided by a very conservative/fundamentalist way of thinking, I didn't just assume she had abusive parents the moment I found out she was Muslim. And the picture is just because I feel the speaker (yeah I know the text might be fake) shares views with her dad. Since he blames wives for getting hit and such, and that seems to come from his view on religion, even if it is a wrong interpretation (she doesn't believe Islam encourages violence towards women)

But I understand how it could come across that I just assumed Islam was inherently violent or something, I really don't know anything about the actual teachings, just the people who claim to follow them

Oh I don't think you assumed just because they are muslim they are abusive. I think you've heard about how some can be abusive and controlling of woman and treating them poorly and I believe all of that is in your head right now clouding or distorting your judgment on things.
Whatever though. So have you decided what you want to do,