Odds=failure

I call him a faggot and flip him off

do a 360 and walk away in style

Failure.
The thief strickes you in the back of the head, knocking you out cold. You wake up with no wallet and no shoes.

I do not have my phone or wallet on me so I instead offer him a blowjob hopefully.

Success.
You call the thiefs bluff, he lets you leave unharmed.

Whip my minuscule cock out and start beating it with all my might while moaning and not breaking eye contact.

make original friends

I use my super weeaboo powers to blast him with a Kamehameha

Failure.
The thief catches you and beats you up before taking your wallet.
Success.
The thief enjoys you bj so much, he gives you his phone number and lets you leave.

I tell the thief to give me his wallet and phone.

Success.
The thief is disgusted by your antics and walks away.
Failrue.
The thief has enough friends, he takes your wallet instead.
Failure.
You attempt your ultimate move: The Kamehameha wave attack... but nothing happens. The thief takes your wallet and leaves.

Failure.
The thief has no wallet. He takes yours instead.

I pull out my Airsoft Pistol that looks like a Glock 17 and tell him to give me his wallet.

>you call dat a knoife?
*pull out a sword*
>nea dis,is a knoife

Give him my phone and wallet, but slip a tracker in it so I can kill him and his family later.

Success.
The thief falls for your ruse and hands over his wallet.
Failure.
The thief quickly kicks the blade out if your hand. He takes your wallet.
Critical success.
He doesnt suspect a thing. You find him living in an abandoned house, outside of town, no one will ever come by to look for him out here.

Tell him that in today's society it would be stupid to walk around with anymore money than it is strictly needed to get by and use the predicament that i am in right now as proof why

I dont realize the danger immediately but a loud train passes and i meltdown, pounding everyone in my immediate vicinity to a bloody pulp

>oy vey,i dont have a wallet on me
>why do you want my dollar?
>someone help,this goy is trying to steal my last penny!
>you'll hear from my lawyers about the bucks you owe me,goy!

turn 360 degree and walk away like the good boy I am

I've had fingernails bigger than that toothpick. I walk away from him

I sneak up behind him and drive a drill into the back of his skull

Grab his knife hand and jam it in my stomach just below the lungs.

Failure.
He sees through your lie and takes your wallet.
Success.
You kill everyone in the area, including the thief.
Success.
The thief is utterly confused and runs away.
Critical failure.
The thief catches up to you, takes your wallet, and inflicts a fatal stab to your heart.
>I walk away from him
Success.
For some reason he doesn't pursue.
Critical success.
He doesn't notice you moving to his back, and the drill you use drills all the way through to his face, leaving him unrecognizable.
Failure.
The thief gets you off of him and takes your wallet, leaving you alive.

Wistful thinking and whiskey drinking. It all makes sense when your fists are thinking

I roll for 'CAST FIREBALL'

I have a nice chat with him to help and figure out exactly why he's committing crimes.

Use my advanced mind powers to force choke him to death

Failure.
He ignores it and takes your wallet.
Success.
The fireball instantly burns him to death, leaving him nothing but a charred corpse.
Failure.
He ignores you and takes your wallet.
Failure.
He takes your wallet and knocks you over.

We both know you don't want to make a scene. You aren't going to stab me and I'm not going to give you anything, just go rob somebody else.

*unzips dick and charges forward*

Let's not turn this rape into a murder.

I attempt to rip out his whole nervous system with my bare hands

I turn the tables by kicking the knife out of his hand, choke-slamming him to the ground, and gouging out his eyes with my keys while he's unconscious.

Attached: 1534363965746.jpg (141x115, 4K)

i use my wizard powers to choke him darth vader style and cut off his ears to add to my collection that i wear as a necklace

this thread is great, best ive seen in a long time op keep up the good work u godsend
also rolling do a seven foot jump into air above the thief whilst pulling my pants down prepping my ass to engulf where he dies a horrible death of constriction and suffocation

Failure.
He stabs you and takes your wallet.
Failure.
As you're thrusting towards him he plants his knife into your stomach, and takes your wallet.
Failure.
You grasp at his body and he stabs you, taking your wallet.
Failure.
He's surprised by your attempts at disarming him, but recovers quickly and stabs you. He then takes your wallet.
Success.
He begins to levitate at the will of your power, grasping for air. His ears suddenly fall off.
Failure.
You do a seven foot jump, but he avoids your attack and slices your dick off for making such a bold move. Shortly after he takes your wallet.

As I lay there, bleeding on the ground from the stab, I yell back "Heh, that was the TRICK wallet"

Just then, my bomb wallet goes off, taking his hand with it.

Success.
He fell for your second wallet trick. The wallet explodes in his hand and his arm is blown off, with shrapnel being sent all over his body.

I immediately turn around and run for the hills

i try to summon the powers of the third reich to defeat him

blow my ol' trench whistle

I notice user blowing his whistle in the alleyway and I come rushing in blindly with a knife.

Success.
You run at such a great speed that after a while of chasing he gives up.
Failure.
The Third Reich does not respond, and the powers are not vest-owed upon you. After realizing your failure you fall on your knees, and he kicks you over on your back, also taking your wallet.

I rub my genie lamp and wish for everyone who rolls odds to succeed anyway then i walk away

Failure.
The trench whistle does not phase the thief, but notices and rushes to aid you successfully, incapacitating the thief.

Success.
You have helped user.
Failure.
Such a powerful move requires even dubs.

>Success.
>You run at such a great speed that after a while of chasing he gives up.
After noticing that he has given up i try sneaking up on him, knocking him out and taking all his stuff instead

I comply, but I take all of my stuff out of my wallet before giving it to him.

Failure.
He hears you approaching, turns around and swiftly tackles you. He takes your wallet and leaves you with a stab wound in the gut.
Success.
He doesn't notice that you've taken all of the contents out and walks away leaving you unharmed.

Start crying and tell him I don't have money in my wallet and my phone is 4 years old and cracked. My wallet used to be my mom's and she died 9 years ago. Beg him for mercy as I sob

I peek out behind the corner and record this user to post to /gif/

Attached: 1526543132014.jpg (519x673, 188K)

I pray for the man, and ask him to join me in prayer that he may know his personal saviour and together we might spread the Good News.

Failure.
He doesn't care, and takes your wallet as well as your phone. You are left crying.
Success.
You record and post the video on /gif/, and other anons enjoy it immensely.
Success.
He changes his mind and prays with you.

Good thing I carry. God, I love the USA!

Before the final blow is struck, I tear open a portal in time and fling him into the future, where my evil is law.

duhhhhhh big dstinkeee

Kiss him. The shock will stun either stun him so I can escape or he will burst into tears and tell me how no other man has loved him

I roll initiative
(evens I go first, odds he goes first)

Pull out my own knife and tell him that from now on i'm getting 20% of everything he takes

Alright, I draw my great sword and try to slash him on the neck.

Failure.
The portal begins to open but you are dead before it is finished. He peers into the partial portal for a moment and runs away shortly after.
Success.
You have kissed him sensually and he kisses back.
Success.
You have beheaded him.
Critical success.
He is so scared by your threat that he gives you 40%, and he now serves you faithfully.

>You have beheaded him.
I search his lifeless body

I jump into traffic to avoid his attack. I jump over a car and come back at him with a gut blow.

Attached: 1517289638274.png (800x712, 270K)

Detonate the 50 pounds of gunpowder in my backpack

slap his ass and tickle his balls

shout "SHAZAM" and transform myself into captain marvel

Failure.
You do not find anything.
Success.
He is shocked by your skilled acrobatics, and doesn't notice you coming back. You strike him in the gut hard and he doesn't get back up.
Failure.
The gunpowder was fake and he takes your wallet.
Failure.
Upon trying to slap his ass, he grabbed you by the arm and stabbed you in the side.

not the female captain marvel owned by marvel comics i mean the superman esque dude from DC comics who gets his powers from greek gods

>You do not find anything.
Fine, I'll just warp his corpse out of existence then keep his soul in a bottle.

Bust one of his knees with a pipe, strangle him, and then use his own knife to slice open his stomach, then his throat.

Stare the Mugger dead in the eyes and Say "Are you feeling lucky, punk?"

Success.
You have turned into Captain Marvel (from DC comics), and knock the thief through multiple buildings.
Failure.
The soul has already been taken by demons. The corpse erupts in flames and burns away shortly after.
Failure.
After swinging with the pipe, he grabs it and smacks you across the face with it and takes your wallet.
Success.
He is anxious after you threaten him, and misses his stab, allowing you to disarm and pin him down.