Any borderline anons want to talk? I can feel myself losing my mania so I just want someone to talk to

medium.com/invisible-illness/its-all-in-your-head-borderline-personality-disorder-and-the-brain-c14b66eb0966

>Amygdala
The primitive part of the brain which regulates fear and aggression. In the general population it's a vital tool for survival; even in the comfortable, safe, clockwork cities of modernity, emotions can be lifesaver. However:

>Brain scans have shown people with BPD have amygdala's that are noticeably smaller than the general population, and may even have undergone atrophy. The smaller the amygdala, the more overactive it is.

>This means when people with Borderline Personality Disorder, experience an emotion, they do so more intensely than the general population, and the 'cooling down' period takes much longer.

vocaroo.com/i/s1hduf1Srcu0

>Hippocampus

Latin for 'seahorse' the hippocampus is a pair of seahorse shaped tubes located in left and right hemisphere of the brain. Associated with long and short-term memory, spatial-orientation, and most importantly emotional reactions, it is the body's data processor. This means, when an enviromental event is relayed via the visual cortex, the hippocampus decides the correct emotional response. Approach or avoidance.

For people with Borderline Personality Disorder, the hippocampus is in a state of continuous hyperarousal. Uncoordinated and dysfunctional, it consistently misinterprets threats, and relays faulty messages back to the amygdala.

This means people with BPD are more than likely to encounter other people, and the world around them, as threatening, when this very well may not be the intent or the reality.

>Hypothalamic-pituary-adrenal axis.

A complex name for three interconnected glands: The hypothalamus, the pituitary, and the adrenal gland all interact with each other. Especially in managing the pressures of daily life and maintaining homeostasis.

The 'Hypothalamic-pituary adrenal axis', is primarily responsible for the body's production of cortisol.

Cortisol is a natural chemical released during times of stress. Studies have shown people with BPD have abnormal levels of cortisol in their bloodstream.

yeah I'll prob die alone

I've had a couple of relationships, one for 2.5 years (she's still my FP even though I haven't seen her in almost 2 yrs), then 2 that lasted 4 months. About to hit the 4 month mark with my new girl and I can tell it's doomed. she doesn't know about my bpd tho, I go to counseling and therapy to try tho...

>Prefrontal Cortex

The prefrontal cortex is the pinnacle of human evolution, not only because it's responsible for reason, rationality and decision-making but because it is also inhibits our primal nature.

People with BPD have prefrontal cortexes which are inactive and inefficient. This is one of the reasons for some of hallmark symptoms of BPD including impulsivity.

As Francisco Goya said, the 'sleep of reason breeds monsters,' and with a sleeping prefrontal cortex, individuals with BPD find themselves assailed by emotions, which make us feel out of control.

Just because I dont know
Does borderline mean you have to have really high periods of mania? Because Im depressed basically all the time but then I have days like today where nothing has really changed but just get home from work and crawl into bed and wish Id die

BPD user here
how you holding up bru? taking meds?
for me this week has been one of peace, i acepted that I am a ticking bomb and have no chance of having a romatic relationship, i just want to end my engineering degree, try to join french foreign legion and live on a farm, like my grandpa and granma.
I just dont fit in, i will never do, even with meds and shits so wtvr

I think everyone has a slightly different experience. In my case I have really high periods of mania, basically like being on coke for days on end (however long it lasts, usually somewhere between 2 hrs and a week). When that cycles, I get equally long periods of what you're feeling.

doc confirmed its not bipolar like my mom tho. I got the classic physically abusive mom story so thank God I'm not like her, but I might be worse...

doing DBT, not on meds tho. I feel you, all my relationships have an expiration date the second they start, idk what the point of it is. it helps with loneliness (she calls me her computer boy!! I've always just wanted to be a cute flower boy and she makes me feel that way) but it's still doomed. I split on her recently, hoping it cycles back and I feel strongly for her again. what engineering are you studying? I'm doing compE.

sounds very comfy user, I wish the best for you

isn't mania a bipolar not borderline thing?

I thought mania was a sonic thing

DBT helps a lot, after a lot of that stuff and finally finding a hobby that I didnt left now I can say I have 2 friends, like real friends, that check on me daily.
I think we can get used to almost everything you know? like that feeling of changing after weeks, people come and go, hobbies changes, a few things are the same tho, vidya, a few friends.
Spliting is awful, I lost my first and only gf because of that, I couldnt control it and well, shit happens, just hang on there, even if shit doesnt get better, you will get used to it, just keep up with the dbt.
IndustrialE its a good degree, i cant ask for more.

I dont have a lot to say that can help, I am on the same boat, but if you want to say something at least I can read it and dont judge

im so sick of talking about my bpd to people who will never understand it, its always the same "just stop thinking about it" tier responses. now that im in a thread with other people who know exactly how the shit feels i still feel the same sense of loneliness,

i realize that to have BPD is to suffer alone no matter whose company you keep

I don't really know how to explain it well. Depending on how my hours/days/weeks go, it feels like mania. I really just have absolutely no internal emotional control. It's entirely dependent on outside factors. if something good happens can I feel high from it for a week even. I'm not sure if that's mania but it feels otherworldly good, only comparable feeling I've tried is a fuck ton of coke in a night

I have hobbies, they're the only thing that keeps me somewhat sane. I'm so sorry that happened user, I wish you well if you ever want to pursue romantic relationships again. engineering squad fuck yeah

I'm a piece of shit, I don't even want to say shit I've done bc ik I'm a vile person.

nobody will ever understand, each of our experiences are unique and kinda fucked desu. I feel the same way, this is something we have to go through largely alone.

where did you get the name patches by the way? do you make music by any chance? (like, rap?)

>where did you get the name patches by the way? do you make music by any chance? (like, rap?)

its from dark souls haha

BPD people are fucking scum. Unless you are takibv your medications and working very hard in therapy, you legitimately deserve to be taken out and shot (or go the way of the ethot snd get your throat sliced) because you're a whiny narcissist who ruins people's lives.

>have friend who dates a borderline girl
>she abuses him and causes him to attempt suicide after she ruins his finances and drives away his friends
>he proposes to her

>have BPD friend
>I didn't get into the phd program I wanted and instead got a job after completing my masters
>when I tell her she says she's happy I'm not getting my doctorate because "now you have more time to spend with me".
>same friend talks loudly on the phone with her boyfriend while we were visiting a friend who has breast cancer and called me a "bitch" for asking her to take it outside
And this friend is a "good BPD" who tries very hard in her therapy to be a better person (which is why I forgave her).

>in love with a boy
>he breaks up with his BPD girlfriend after she cheats on him and sends him videos of him slashing her own throat
>he still dotes on her and visits her to make her feel better
>she claims she was "raped" when she got drunk and had sex with another man (besides the primary one she cheated on him with) and he is going to "support her" during the trial

>meanwhile, I
>a well employed
>educated
>responsible
>nice
>virgin
>female
>am single
I am legitimtely starting to think that men like BPD women because their uselessness and insanity makes them feel better about themselves. I also think men lowkey like to be abused because being treated kindly or fairly (ex. Having a woman buy them a drink or dinner) makes them feel emasculated.

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>get really sad over shit like family
>start tearing up and getting anxious
>believe i should die because the world is better off
>suddenly stop caring and go play vidya
why

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*videos of her slashing

Fuck it, samefag.
>sister is a nurse in a psych ward
>loves the schizophrenics, bipolars, etc.
>has actually received letters from ex-schizo patients who complimented her on her quality of work
>hates personality disorders more than anything
>constantly is assigned to work with them because she has "good boundaries"
>continually advises me to stop being friends with BPD girl because "they can be vindictive and they will ruin your life on a whim"
>claims she can spot a borderline because "they always fucking come on the ward with a stuffed animal and an inhaler crying about their truama, all the nurses fucking hate them"
>is talking with a borderline patient
>sister thinks she's making a lot of progress
>thinks she's convinced BPD to talk to her very kind, very concerned mother whom she hates because "she took away my car keys because I was driving drunk, like, once".
>BPD gets up
>walks away
>uses a screw from a chair leg to slice herself up
>needs a tetanus shot
>blames my sister
>tries to get her license
>when the doctor tells her no she gets mad and says he's "treating me like a brat", claims she'll get his license too

Fuck BPDs.

I have a girlfriend with borderline personality disorder.

I wholeheartedly recommend you to stay as far away as you possibly can. I'm saying this because a matchup between "robot"-types and BPD girls appears to be quite common.

It's not worth it.

>BPD people are fucking scum. Unless you are takibv your medications and working very hard in therapy, you legitimately deserve to be taken out and shot (or go the way of the ethot snd get your throat sliced) because you're a whiny narcissist who ruins people's lives.

to a point i dont disagree, but you should probably know that medications dont do jack shit and for the average person with BPD it doesnt go away until at least 10 years of therapy.

nobody asks to be stuck like this, it happens because of shitty parents and shitty people. its pretty much 100% inherited

BPD people are absolutely unloveable though, i wont disagree there. i've accepted this fact and am planning to live in a bus away from everybody

Fuck it, still samefagging.

>brother
>dates a borderline
>on St.Patrick's day he went out with his group of 7-10 male friends
>it was a guy's night out
>she tried to kill herself because she wasn't invited
>even though I invited her to my house party and even made customised cupcakes so it wasn't like she was all alone or unwanted
>when the ambulance shows up she says my brother hit her
>this is ignored by the cops because my brother is on the other side of town and she has no bruises but the fucking fact she tried to do this to my baby brother made me want to stop the paramedics from inducing vomitting so she'd actually fucking die of liver failure because how dare you
>brother leaves her
>they get back together
>I'm having after-work drinks with my brother's best friend, who's an intern at my work
>"yeah she showed up at our apartment and started crying about how much she hates herself and then sucked his dick and that's why he agreed to date her again"

>friend dated BPD girl for 4 years
>expected to live rent free on one of my friends houses, was outraged when she found out that both he and her had to pay rent to his mum since she was the owner
>would rate every single gift in terms of its monetary value
>adapted her tastes to suit my friends social circles and infiltrated them, this girl pretended to enjoy death metal for 4 years and was in the scene always making drama
>almost had my friends shanked by her cousin drugdealer when she told him that he had tried to choke her neck (he only pushed her away because she refused to leave the house and pushed my friends mum away, my friends mum suffers from breast cancer)
>liar and one of the single most ridiculous emotional manipulators i've ever seen
>worst lay and girl in bed according to my friend, she wouldn't do doggy because of how insecure she was regarding her own body

yeah, BPD people are scum, and some men are delusional enough to think they can withstand a relationship with someone like that. A good BPD is a chronically depressed person because they're conscious of how selfish their approaches to social interaction are

1.) Get fucked, tripfag.
2.) Medications do work. The main borderline meds are topiramate and lamotrigine.
psycnet.apa.org/record/2004-21440-012
>Topiramate appears to be a safe and effective agent in the treatment of anger in women with borderline personality disorder.
sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0006322304012879
>Significant changes on four STAXI scales (State Anger, p < .01; Trait Anger, p < .05; Anger Out, p < .01; Anger Control, p < .01) were observed in the [male] subjects treated with topiramate.
journals.lww.com/psychopharmacology/Abstract/2006/02000/Topiramate_Treatment_for_Women_With_Borderline.13.aspx
>According to the intent-to-treat principle, significant changes (all P < 0.001) on the somatization, interpersonal sensitivity, anxiety, hostility, phobic anxiety, and Global Severity Index scales of the Symptom Checklist were observed in the topiramate-treated subjects after 10 weeks
journals.lww.com/intclinpsychopharm/Abstract/2009/09000/A_preliminary_study_of_lamotrigine_in_the.6.aspx
>Results from the study suggest that lamotrigine is an effective treatment for affective instability and for the general impulsivity characteristic of BPD.
journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0269881105051540
>Lamotrigine appears to be a safe and effective agent in thetreatment of anger in women with criteria-defined BPD as defined by SCID criteria
For the vast majority of people, medication works, so spare me.
3.) "Boo hoo my mommy was mean to me!" Get fucked. My stepdad punched me in the face on Christmas because I asked him not to touch the food with unwashed hands and my mother turned up the volume on the television to drown out the sound of my crying. I was bullied everyday in high school because of a speech impediment. I have nearly been raped. I have truama. Every person in the world has truama. I still don't treat people badly, got a job, and put myself through school. Stop making excuses.

I been laughing like a retard

Samefag as . You are doing the same BPD shit I have seen over and over again.
>yeah
>*sniff*
>you're right, I-I'm such a b-bad person
>No one could ever l-love me
Which turns the conversation from how the BPD acts like a fucking scumbag to me reassuring you that you're not a monster. Again, get fucked. You could be loved. You could do better. You choose not to because everything needs to be about you.

Oh man, does this story sound familar.

>wanted to stay rent free
The brother I mentioned? His borderline gf said her mom kicked her out and she desperately needed a place to stay, so he let her stay rent free. She sexually harassed his best friend and roommate and then tried killing herself. His other roommate - who had the biggest and most expensive room - had a mother who killed herself by sitting on the train tracks. This was so truamatic for him he moved back with his dad and the guys couldn't make rent and would have lost their place if the landlord wasn't nice and my sister didn't give them a loan.

>lying about assualt
>getting other men to beat men up based on these allegations
That sounds familar. So same girl as above. She keeps sexually harassing ny brother's roommate. She'd walk around naked, ask him to fuck her, send him nudes, show her his nudes on her phone, etc. He always said no because he respects my brother too much. One day she walks around naked and he tells her to "cover her disgusting fucking body" (she was actually super hot but he was just tired of the histronics). She got mad and started screaming at him (in the nude!) and lunged at him. He pushed her away and into a cabinet. She went their work and claimed he assaulted her. He didn't get fired, but she tried. He was socially shunned as a result. One coworker threatened him and said he'd "knock him he fuck out".

I have more BPD tales which I may post if there's interest but I need to go for a walk because I'm mad now.

>vocaroo.com/i/s1hduf1Srcu0
Now this is funny
Here's a (You)

Samefag. I was replying to .

I forgot to mention that this girl's mom later said she didn't kick her daughter out and actually wanted her to NEET at home until she was on medication and stable.

>sex
Honestly I heard the opposite. My brother's friend tells me she's allegedly a great lay and that "crazy girls have great sex". I always assumed that was part of the reason men tolerated them. Hopefully her lackluster skills in bed wilm keep your friend away.

Anyway, sorry about your shit. It's totally fucking absurd. My brother's friend went through hell because of my brother's choices and it looks like you're in the same boat. It's shitty because most people don't appreciate how "my friend's girlfriend" can fuck up your life and cause you emotional pain. You probably were worried sick about your friend's safety after the shanking business and had your involvement in the death metal scene possibly disrupted by this person.

I'm going running (for real, this time!) but maybe I'll come back and greentext some more and commiserate with you further.

>be in a relationship with a BPD girl for around four years
>have not been enjoying it for the past three years, but stay with her out of obligation (because she has nobody else, though I know full well that she would probably just latch onto someone else) and the fear that she will do something silly to herself (though admittedly, I do love her, and there is no other purpose to my life anyway)
>constantly alters between states of mania (in which she is extremely needy and hungry for attention) and severe depression coupled with irrational anger and distrust
>put a lot of effort, love, money, and attention into her, along with having the patience of a saint
>used to buy her nice things and (relatively) expensive Starbucks / Chipotle meals back in college, got a part-time job while in college just for her (meanwhile, I tried to cheap out on my own groceries (we weren't living under the same roof yet) and never bought myself any luxuries)
>for a while, I did more than half of her homework (even though I was not taking the same classes), including more than a handful of 3 page essays
>she dropped out of college after being hospitalised (psychiatric ward) twice within six months, nowadays she is a housewife and I work full-time (admittedly, that's how I've always wanted things, and so does she)
>has the mentality of an entitled princess, very materialistic and impulsive
>"You won't buy me [expensive designer wallet]? Reeee, you don't think I'm worth it, you hate me, you don't want me."
>"You don't make enough money [[I'm barely past my mid twenties, and my income is above average with room for growth, but she expects me to be earning six figures already]], I want a lot of things and you can't give me all of it, so I want to become an escort or sugarbaby."
>doesn't want to have sex because she's sad --> "reeee why are you touching yourself to porn am I not good enough?!?!" (admittedly, this isn't very nice of me, but I have needs)
cont.

>constantly lies about things (being raped, for instance), often fakes being happy
>very poor impulse control, suffers from eating disorders (either starves herself or binges), used to be a slut on Omegle and such sites for male attention (and blocked them on contact info they shared after they became boring to her), loves to needlessly spend money
>threatens to break up with me or kill herself every other week (even though her life is very easy and I try to placate her as much as possible), have to beg her not to, which is exhausting (and if I act as if it's nothing out of the ordinary, she starts throwing a tantrum about how I don't care)
>often insults and disrespects me, despite everything I do for her and sticking with her
>rarely if ever complain (of course, we've had talks, but you can't change a mentally ill person), and if I ever call her a "bitch" or "ungrateful" (I don't do much worse than that, there's no point in doing so, and I don't do it often), she throws a hissyfit and tells me to "leave then, if I'm so bad"
cont.

Continue cmon

Can't be bothered to greentext anymore, as I feel that the story is becoming too disorganised and fragmented. Most of the highlights (though there's more) have been shared anyway, but some more background can't hurt.

I'm a very boring and cerebral person. At first, it felt really nice to have her in my life. To begin with, it was the first (romantic) female attention I had ever received. Secondly, her craziness and neediness added spice to my life. She was almost always happy to see me, like a pet dog when its owner returns home. After a while, however, she started exhibiting her mood shifts towards me. I forgave her every single time, and told her that it was fine (I had no idea that BPD was even a thing back then). Later, however, she started spiralling into extreme depressions (even though I tried my hardest to be good to her), culminating in her hospitalisations. Afterwards, she promised me to no longer self-harm again, but her depression (which she already had before me, I guess) stuck and things were never the same against as during the first year or so. Instead of a happy and excited puppy, I now have a sick and sad (though she has brief moments of happiness) puppy that depends on me.

In fairness, the fact that she is extremely kinky in the bedroom (when she feels like putting out) and decent at being a housewife (which isn't especially demanding in this day and age, but I enjoy it, though she often overcomplicates things and is very specific) make up for it. I also just enjoy treating a girl like a princess and more or less being her "saviour", I guess, so it's not as if she's manipulating me into doing so. Yes, that probably makes me sound like a huge cuck, but it makes me feel masculine, for some reason.

I just felt like venting, I don't have much social contact other than with her.

partly make up for it*

I realise that I am probably some sort of masochist after giving everything some thought and weighing things up

Though as I said, I have an extreme about of patience and I guess I have gotten used to most of her bullshit. Even though I give much more than I receive, we love each other and depend on each other, and I kind of feel bad for ranting.

She go to therapy ?

>work all day
>take my add medecine in the morning
>get a lot of work done
>towards afternoon get nervous, medecine starts wearing off
>people always ignore me at work, I just keep to myself and try to get as much work done as possible
>sad nobody wants to talk to me
>when they do in the afternoon, half the time I'm nervous and I'm just awkward
>finally leave, so depressed, tell myself they will fire me soon
>get home exhausted cant do anything but eat and lay down
>miss my gf

I just want to die in my sleep

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She saw multiple therapists / psychiatrists for over a full year (I believe that it's mandatory anyway after being released from the psych ward, but that probably depends on the state and specific circumstances), as well as being prescribed certain drugs (ability and one or two others). The psychiatrists and therapists didn't have an effect on her (and were useless, according to her, but I don't think she was being extremely cooperative). The drugs just made her sleepy / tired (and did calm her down, but at the expense of basically being a zombie). Nowadays, she neither takes medication nor goes to therapy.

Pic originally and oregano-ally related.

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Does she self medicate?

cuz ur a retarded faggot looking for attention, learn how to be user like the rest of us retard
had one, agreed. actually stay away from bpd girls unless she's already in therapy ATLEAST and even then its a stretch they're just really hard to deal with for the average person

feels kinda sad that she didnt know about what would happen to her just a couple days later, rip bpd anons

How do I do vocaroo from my phone

This is how I was nearly everyday last summer at my job at uni. The solution was to not get a job this summer.

dating bpd girls means putting in a lot of work dealing with very strong emotions. if you don't have a strong sense of self (as a lot of robots dont) then it can be hard

i wouldn't recommend it but the sex is good

I just keep away from those I'm angry at and take it out on myself.

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>didn't grow up in abusive household
>still somehow developed BPD

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