For the longest time I've been so adamant about not participating in hook up culture because I wanted my first time to be "special" or some shit and I felt like I was taking the moral high ground by not succumbing to my hedonistic urges. Now I'm 22 and still a virgin because it seems everyone around me just wants to hook up and I struggle so hard to find someone who wants to commit. I'm not even that socially awkward, although I don't have much confidence and I am a bit introverted. I've been on a few dates here and there, but it never leads to anything, and most of the girls I ask out end up rejecting me for one reason or another.
Anyway, I think I developed this mentality as a result of religious upbringing and I am trying to change myself because I am tired of feeling left out and missing out on opportunities. The problem is I think my brain is hardwired to seek out serious relationships because I can't flirt for the life of me and every time I try to my brain stops me.
Does anyone else here have a similar problem to me? Does anyone have any advice?
I'm in a similar situation, except I've never been on dates and I want my hypothetical partner to be a virgin. I'm not religious, but I'm genuinely disgusted by the idea of having someone else's sloppy seconds. I am a very jealous person. There is no advice I can give you.
Yeah, I have pretty high standards too (although virginity isn't one of them). I just wanna know how to fucking get over myself and drop those standards. I think my high standards are also directly related to why I don't like hookups.
Jason Sanchez
Fuck, Im in the same situation too, just a bit younger but havent really dated before. I've got the same problems too of high standards and a desire for it to be 'special' (worth remembering at least). Its annoying too cause while girls seem to enjoy my company Im unable to find any that really connect to me or that I like. I probs just need to get outside more
Jason Cox
>I've been so adamant about not participating in hook up culture because I wanted my first time to be "special" or some shit and I felt like I was taking the moral high ground by not succumbing to my hedonistic urges. Same, brother. I'm 24 and still virgin, even though I'm plenty confident and could get laid easily if I wanted to.
The thing is I don't intend to change. Tell yourself why do you want to change. Is it in order to fit with the rest of our degenerate society? Is it because you don't think you can hold on your virtue no longer? You need to see if putting your genitals inside a female's one is worth compromising your future. Because, even if they're rare, pure girls can exist and won't get with you if you debase yourself.
Luke Rivera
I think its because I feel really left out. The past couple of times I've asked out a girl they've rejected me for the same reason which was "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now." And these were both girls I was fairy well antiquated with and felt some level of connection with beforehand. Both of them later ended up hooking up with some other dude (not the same dude) and one of those hookups later turned into a relationship. I'm left here hating myself and feeling like a fucking idiot for even trying.
Elijah Perry
I understand, lad, I do. I also have those problems, I can get a first date easily but as soon as the lass realize I want something deeply serious and don't want to fuck her at the first, second or third date, they stop at that moment and look for another guy.
Just be rational, do you want the mother of your children to be so volatile? A girl who doesn't know what she want is a pretty redflag for me so don't hate yourself, you were not in the wrong. Hate the society that push women to be irrational hedonists basing their life choices on mere emotions on the spur of the moment.
Austin Williams
it's all a numbers game you just need to keep trying until you find the right one, it won't come to you!
Julian Walker
You're a better man than I am. I hope things work out for you bro. As for me, idk what I'm gonna do. I'm pretty emotionally broken especially because the last girl who rejected me kinda manipulated me and used me for a while afterwards. Maybe I'll get lucky and find someone who truly does care and wants something real, but it just feels so unrealistic and I'm pretty ready to give up.
Carter Anderson
stop caring. go on grindr or tinder or whatever. have some sex. after you have the experience you can stop putting it on a pedestal. tah dahhhhh
Eli Cox
Do you not understand the fact that I am TRYING? "lol just stop caring bro" is like asking someone to stop being depressed. I can't just rewire my brain overnight. I'm asking for advice as to how.
Aaron Evans
>I hope things work out for you bro. I hope too, lad. I hope too. But I accepted the fact that I may not find a decent girl here and will probably look for a wife in another, more traditional country. And if I don't find a nice lass by the time I'm 40,I'll just leave and become an hermit, fuck normies. >As for me, idk what I'm gonna do. I'm pretty emotionally broken especially because the last girl who rejected me kinda manipulated me and used me for a while afterwards. Bit late for that advice but never use money for a girl until you're sure she's the right one. When I date girls, I don't even pay for drinks, they pay for me. Of course, you can give out something if she gave you something beforehand (like I wouldn't mind paying her a drink at the 2nd date if she paid me one for the 1st). >Maybe I'll get lucky and find someone who truly does care and wants something real, but it just feels so unrealistic and I'm pretty ready to give up. I'm the kind of man that either don't do anything or go all in, I couldn't invest myself (both emotionally and physically) in a relationship doomed to fall, what about you? Don't forget about the adultery bullshit either. I mean, having sex is nice but isn't worth the hassle if the girl doesn't have herself an intrinsic value, see my point?
Jordan Cox
I'm 21 and I hate degeneracy about as much as you.
I simply gave in to casual sex because I couldn't find a compatible partner for a long term relationship. Actually the only girl that could have been a good wife to me is a feminist slut with 35+ n count. She's the only one that I updated the relationship with to friend with benefits ( what a disgusting expression btw)
I gave in for 2 others reasons. -The first one is ego, I internalized the idea that not getting lot of sex is a mark os low social value for a man. This is mostly true, at least you should get opportunities and ioi's, even if you decide to reject them. -Sex is everywhere, we are always sexually frustrated by marketing, medias.. . It was just too much to keep resisting as a high libido man.
So yeah, fuck this society. I just want a decent and loyal wife, she don't even have to be pretty as long as she is intelligent, but apparently that makes me UNTITLEED
Anthony Allen
you have to stop putting too much value in women and focus on yourself more, and eventually things will get better for you once you have better self confidence. Learn to play the guitar or something pick up a hobby? It's not as easy as it sounds I know but just get up and go do something instead of being a beta orbiter
Aaron Thompson
Don't think about it too much. You have to sacrifice your beliefs if you want to participate in this culture but you still aware of them. Which means just fuck whoever until you find a girl that fits your criteria for a relationship and then stop fucking around. Best of both worlds.
Oliver Long
then make the effort to figure out how to change your mindset about sex. figure out where your views and feelings about it now came from and evaluate what they're currently doing for you with what you desire where you're at in life, and whether or not they're worth keeping
Owen Nguyen
>I mean, having sex is nice but isn't worth the hassle if the girl doesn't have herself an intrinsic value, see my point? This might sound extremely fucked up but I think a problem I have is that I respect people too much. Like, the reason I hat hookup culture so much is because I believe people have value beyond just their physical appearance. It seriously feels like I actually need to start respecting not only other people but myself less if I want to change how I see sex.
All my hobbies are kinda nerdy and don't really attract/impress women very much so I am considering dropping a couple of them (not all) and picking up a hobby that might impress women but I'm not sure what. Do women like creative writing/poetry or is that really cringe? Guitar is a good one but feels kinda generic. Maybe cooking? Hiking? Some kind of sport?
>She's the only one that I updated the relationship with to friend with benefits ( what a disgusting expression btw) I couldn't agree more, if your compatible both physically and emotionally then why the fuck wouldn't you want to be in a relationship?
>So yeah, fuck this society. I just want a decent and loyal wife... Yup. This no commitment, sex-crazed culture is fucking cancer. See above.
Logan Cruz
>I respect people too much I understand, you kinda feel hook-up is insulting because you stop looking at people for who they are but as a tool for pleasure?
>I am considering dropping a couple of them (not all) and picking up a hobby that might impress women but I'm not sure what. Lad, don't you ever do that kind of nonsense. If you start acting or doing stuff not because it genuinely interest you, you'll lose your soul and just become a mindless husk like most people. Do what you like and be proud of yourself and women will start to flock.
Cooper Parker
>I understand, you kinda feel hook-up is insulting because you stop looking at people for who they are but as a tool for pleasure? Yeah, exactly. I really deeply despise hedonism as a philosophy, and in my mind I can't really justify hookups in any way besides hedonism.
>Do what you like and be proud of yourself and women will start to flock. It wouldn't be something I completely hate myself for, I was more thinking of picking something back up that I dropped in college. For example, I used to play trumpet in marching band back in high school but dropped it because I was never very good.
Landon Sullivan
You sound like a younger version of myself. I was in the same situation. Now I realize sex isn't some special magical thing and the heavens aren't going to part when you get your dick wet for the first time. I managed to do it in the context of a relationship like I had planned. I really waited too long. Started dating at 29, finally had sex at 30. Broke up because she descended into degenerate alcoholism despite my best efforts to turn it around. After that I FOMO'd into just about every slot-C I could get my hands on.
If I were to be transported back in time into my younger self I would have had sex at a younger age, realizing that waiting on a unicorn is a fool's errand. Abstaining for that long started to warp my self image and put me in a really bad place mentally and having sex actually helped with that a lot in my case. an't say it will do the same for you so YMMV.
Also don't be stupid about it since you don't want any fornication trophies from indulging in your primal instincts.
Brayden Ramirez
>Yeah, exactly. I really deeply despise hedonism as a philosophy, and in my mind I can't really justify hookups in any way besides hedonism. Same, I have a deep aversion to hedonism (as a stoicist) but I'm way too prideful to change my ways. So fuck it. >I was more thinking of picking something back up that I dropped in college Ah, if it's something that you like, just enjoy it. When I truly like an hobby, I only stop practicing if I don't have the time or money for it anymore.
