What was your oneitis like? & what ruined your chances

>dated for 3 years
>sweet girl with a fiery temper
>cant get turned on unless were being romantic
>hard worker, cares for everyone
>quiet but isnt afraid to call you out for being a retard

i broke it off to try and fuck my friends cute weeb sister

My oneitis is the perfect conservative christian virgin gf. She is short (5'0 or 153cm), beautiful, long hair, good sense of humour, she wants to have 10 kids, a bit melancholy, the reserved type.

The thing that ruined my chances is bying into the MGTOW meme. It got so ingrained into my brain I find it impossible to pursue any sort of relationship with females. Also I'm too shy and autistic to talk to her even if I wasn't a slave to my inner MGTOW voice.

Pic related, it's a picture of her put through aiportaits.com

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>what was your oneitis like?
8/10 eastern European girl, we would make fun of eachother. she always tried to make me laugh and was pretty energetic which is the opposite of me
>what ruined your chances
i was an inch shorter than her as well as my crippling depression

>be musician in college
>friend needs me to record drums for a song
>meet qt violin playing girl
>hang out at coffee shop before session
>actually smiles at me, decent conversation
>wonder if i have a shot
>couple months later text her and ask if she wants to go to a concert
>lets me down easy, don't remember her reason
>stalk her on social media later and see she has a bf
>ff few months
>engaged
>tfw oneitis marries some other dude
I don't even have major crushes too often, but when I do, apparently this shit happens.

She is two years younger than me, into weeb shit like anime and vidya but mostly into reading, which I wanna do more of (still). Said she had social anxiety, she was an introvert who I had some lovely conversations with.
>what ruined your chances
Honestly, I don't know. Timing maybe? I liked this girl for a fucking year before I started talking with her, didn't orbit her or anything. She has no social media, so if I didn't have her number I was straight up not talking to her. I obviously wanted to start up a conversation with her, but her sister was always with her - sitting next to her in every class, walking with her, eating with her. No scenario I imagined made sense in how I could convince them I only wanted to talk to one of them and wanted the other to fuck off without it being awkward or me coming off as an asshole. So, by chance, waiting for a professor to revise an essay I had written, she sits next to me outside his office. We talk and hit it off - ever since then we talked just about every day and that's when I felt the signs; she'd glance my way when I was staring at her, she'd play with her hair when we talked, while presenting a project she was looking, and talking it seemed, mostly at me. But, we started talking her last semester as an undergrad. During a final exam which was at a bar (had to read poetry in front of an audience) I wanted to ask her out, but couldn't since I could not get a moment alone with her. A year later I bump into her at the library, and we go eat together on campus. We talk, walk back to the library, I ask for her number, she gives it to me, ask her what she's doing during the weekend, tells me she has a bf and is probably watching anime with him.
So yeah, I dunno if she was taken when we started talking, if all the signs were just in my head, or if I was too slow. Used to eat me up inside, this shit was 3-4 years ago. Don't care very much now.

>all these replies
thank (you) anons, this helps

I still think about her. After three years her memories came back haunting me. I cried yesterday night for 3 straight hours, couldn't control myself. It wasn't regular crying, it was something that I'd never experienced. My cries were loud, I was afraid I might wake my neighbours up so, I put both my hands on my mouth so it wouldn't make much noise. I couldn't stop, I was panting, I couldn't breathe. My chest started hurting and my chest and throat felt like they're about to explode. It was so painful.
It's happening more often now. These feelings come back and every time they hit me, their intensity becomes more and more unbearable.
In the end my eyes started burning. I was tired, my head was spinning. I had no energy left to do anything, even keeping my eyes open required immense willpower. It was almost 4am. I laid down on floor with my blanket near my chest. That cold floor felt so comfortable. The moments before I fell asleep were the hardest. My eyes had no water left. My heart was pounding so hard that it felt like its gonna burst out of my chest.
It felt pathetic.

Thank you for reading my blog post. This is the only place I can share my thoughts with.

I feel this & it fucking sucks getting random highs & lows, np & good luck to (you) user

We dated for just under two years. She had an incredible ability to read people, the perfect counter-balance to my autism. She helped me put into words thoughts and feelings that I never had the confidence to express before. My insecurities melted like ice with her by my side. She introduced me to the party scene and pot, but I was still hesitant in that setting. Three years ago, she went off to college out of state. She decided that in order to settle in and excel in her academics she needed to end most of her commitments, so she cut me loose.
I said regrettable things to her after the breakup, and fell into a dark hole. I recently reached out to bury the hatchet. She felt she owed me an explanation.
She fell in with a group of burnouts at her uni. Four months after leaving me she was dating one of them. With them she did all the music festival circuits and got into much harder stuff than weed. She didn't say what exactly but I can deduce definitely acid, probably mushrooms, and possibly cocaine and/or crack. Her grades fell and she lost her scholarship, the entire reason she chose/was able to go to that school. She dropped out and is now working full time. She said although she had doubts at times, she doesn't regret anything she did. She confirmed that's why she really left me; she knew I wouldn't approve of the lifestyle she took up.
On one had finally getting closure is relieving. It feels less like I have an open wound and more like a scar. Less like I'm hanging in the air and more like my feet are on the (somewhat uneven) ground. On the other hand what I thought were my paranoid, self-loathing delusions were correct. Exactly what had happened. And that still kind of hurts.
>tl/dr I actually got my oneitis but I lost her because I was too boring and she wanted to be a festival slut.

I confessed. She is married. Bitch wanted me though. Feels good.

Incredibly good student, hard working girl.

I was too desperate and didn't escalate when I had the chance, when I should do the contrary: nonchalantly advance on her. I went on three dates with her and did fucking nothing. She lost interest through the course of the following uni term and now leaves me on read more often than in the past, where she'd even reschedules dates she couldn't attend. Now it's just "I can because of [reason]"

I'll ask her out one more time by the weeked if I don't convince myself to not do it. I mean, there's nothing to lose in a lost game, but it'd be optimal to not humiliate myself more.

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>My cries were loud, I was afraid I might wake my neighbours up so, I put both my hands on my mouth so it wouldn't make much noise. I couldn't stop, I was panting, I couldn't breathe. My chest started hurting and my chest and throat felt like they're about to explode. It was so painful.
AHAHHHAAHAHAHahaha

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Damn lt user

You can Always lose yourself in those things

>what was your oneitis like?
I've had quite a few over the years but most are artsy or spiritual in some form
>what ruined your chances
Best I can tell? My personality. Never been told what's what with me or why they wont date me. We always stay friends so it's less that I'm unlikable and more that I'm unlovable

1. Never had one
2. See above