How are you holding up anons? Given up already or are you still trying?

Dont want to die and havent even started trying desu lel. I must earn my own right to kms first.

Is that a Paysage D'Hiver cover or smthn?

my life is going well but i'm alone. actually i guess it's not going well since i'm back here again. i'm moving forward in life but it's taking forever. i'm crawling at a snail's pace.
what does vv mean?

Nah, good taste, but it's an artist i forgot the name. But it does look from one of the covers of his albums.

Job interview tomorrow, guy had excellent energy on the phone and it is rare that I dont get hired. This girl I met on Tinder and slept with asked me when I am free to hang out again

Things will be better I just need more money and I can get looked at under the hood

it means vivi

Why do you come to this board? I mean there's no point in trying to get the normies away anymore or anything, i'm just asking out of curiosity.

i meant, what does it mean to you?

I am depressed, broke and alone. Have nothing to do all day besides post on Chan and job search

I'd given up in the past, but recently decided to grow a pair and actually make an effort to be something.

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Just vivi, a name, nothing more, why?

Didn't you hook up with someone and they showed interest? i don't get it, how can you be alone and that to happen? Do you have meme depression or self-diagnosed bullshit or what?

Good for you, i hope your inspiration and desire last long enough to get you somewhere

Nigga I dont hook up and spend 24/7 a day with tinder thots, that is some shit I do at most twice a week and cant very well do it without at least gas money.

Give up I think. I made a breakthrough with my therapist but not in the good way. I've come to realize that after so many repeated failures I've become completely and utterly demoralized. My motivation has completely tanked because I have literally no confidence this attempt will be any better than the previous 100.

Whenever I look into the future all i see is a dark road getting darker. Even in best case scenarios the best it seems to get is me working a job I can just barely tolerate and barely getting by.

I also realized I can't envision a future that doesn't involve suicide at some point. I literally can't see a life that is happy enough to be worth living. My spirit is completely broken.

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Dunno just getting by at uni for now. Seeing a psychiatrist soon about all the mental problems ive been stacking up for years upon years. That'll be fun.

Take it easy normie. You clearly have enough confidence and the looks to get people interested in you, so once you get the job you will be fine i guess.

I know what you mean dude, what did he/she told you about it? Therapy or meds never worked for me being honest, and honestly, i see the same future you are describing.

Let me know what they tell you you have and what jew pills they give you.

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Killing myself is the scariest thing i have to do. Its the only solution to solve all problems. I don't want to struggle 5x what the norman has to just to get by, just to live until i'm too old to wipe my own ass and i get surrounded by nurses too full of themselves to realize life at this point is just because nobody has the balls to aknowledge how pointless life ever was and how inevitable death was.

I agree, I just need a job where I can make enough money for my own place and a pup to cuddle me when I feel sad and I will be okay.

There wasn't much she cloud say because I pretty much spent the entire time describing it all. It'll be interesting to see how she responds to it next time tho. Not that I have much confidence anything she could say could give me any hope.

You think you have the courage to go through with it? Do you have a plan or something? How long have you been thinking about it? But regardless, yes, i agree with you, this is all pointless.

What is the job about? the one you got an interview for.

Hehehe yeah, everytime i got to explain myself and points of view on everything they never really knew what to say. I got transferred around 2 times to new therapist and around 4 times to new psychiatrist. It's all a big joke.

Plan...
First i got my hunters permit, bought my granpas shotgun and some ammo. Couldn't do it. Fagged out no matter how drunk i got. Woke up hungover with a loaded shotgun in my mouth way to many times. Now i plan on going to the doctor with severe sleep disorder, which is true, and get myself some opiods or benzos. I'll get drunk and down everything i get.

>opiods or benzos. I'll get drunk and down everything i get.
I really have no experience with those, but i did chugged a lot of painkillers and a few other meds while drunk and just thrw up and felt like shit for a few days and that was all. But i hope it works for you and you find peace, good luck user.

What kind of painkillers and meds?
Remember the exact names?

No, i still have the bottles, but i am not at my apartment for another 2 weeks, so i can't remember the names. But i guess the combo was not good enough.

Well there's a few last things I need to straighten out before I go but I've had a noose hanging from the beam in my garage for a little while now. Once I've done what I need to do I think I'll take my leave.

Have you done blow in the golden triangle yet?

What do you need to do to go trough with it? if you don't mind telling, i'm a bit curious.

>blow in the golden triangle
Is that some kind of drug or what?

No I didn't really intend on it. Is it worth adding to the list do you think?
There's a few folks I want to see, and a few I want to make amends with. It sounds odd perhaps but I want to be on a clean slate with everyone when I eventually go. If I don't resolve those things now then I never will. Plus I want to leave a few people gifts outside of what I've written in my will. More personal things.

Seems like a good plan, you want to leave with a clean mind/conscience or whatever. Regardless, if you end up doing it i hope you find peace.

If you gonna go you, might as well.fuck long term health shit, fuck stds. Gonna off ya why not? I'll join you. Name a date and i'll meet up with you, we'll start slow with pills and off ourselves with heroin in asia.

I did security for slightly over 9$. Now I work in a customer service job/cleaning job for 11$. The point is, I work full time and I lost a lot of weight, but yet I am still depressed as ever.

Yeah I don't think I'd feel right if I didn't. The thought that nothing is left unfinished puts me at ease.
Seems less peaceful than I imagined but I suppose death rarely is. Is it expensive?

Oh what do you do on your "free" time if anything?

Depends on where you live as far as flight tickets go, but living there is dirt cheap or just cheap dpending on your standards. I'm in no financial dire so if we do this shit i'll buy any dope you need.

its ok. i recently picked up drinking, fun hobby. going through the "normal" waves of life flying low under the radar. maybe i really am an npc.