I want to buy a dildo. Only problem is that i live with parents. How hard is it to hide these?

Slice your butt open and stuff it in there.

hide it inside the glass part of your ceiling light or whatever if you have one. or go to target and get one of the boxes that locks and put it in your closet

here's a better idea, stop being gay

bad-dragon.com/products/stan
Go big or go home, if you're going to commit social suicide, do it in a grand way.

are you gonna put that up your butt?

Nigga buy one of those fancy-ass cigars that come in a metal container.

>phallic
>round edge
>can hide it with half a joint inside, so that if found, you can pretend you're smoking weed instead of a being faggot

My mom found all my dildos and is right. Now I have a $400 fucking machine, which is even harder to hide.

Based
Just go on grindr, its cheaper and more discrete

How hard is it to not be a faggot? Just stick it out for a couple more years and (I assume) your sedentary, depressing lifestyle will kill off your libido, and you don't have to walk around with an asshole the circumference of a golf ball, or anything.

Depends on what kinda parents you got. If your mom cleans your clothes and room and enters a lot i can guarantee you she will find it unless you got some kinda place where she'd literally never look and doesnt require cleaning.
Shit like this wont work if your mom makes your bed for you and shit, she will notice the cut and find out.

>I want to buy a dildo.
use your dad's cock instead, you slut

Get an extra large novelty slinky and leave it upright and hide it in there.
My parents still haven't found it.

Just put it in your underwear drawer? It's your parents fault if they see it. Who cares anyways everyone masturbates. Your parents 100% have fuzzy handcuffs and anal beads and bullet vibes in their nightstand trust me.

this 100x
>t. found my mums sex toys while looking for bday presents many moons ago

hide it in your butt. but don't fart.

based and anti-fag pilled.

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> if your mom makes your bed for you

mong

Jelly cause your mom didnt love you and make your bed?

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Imagine being a MAN and owning a huge rubber dick that you shove up your ass and moan like a bitch in your nasty room that smells of semen. I'd kill myself, OP.

idk man that sounds pretty hot to me.

Is it just a kinky way to masturbate or do you wanna get fucked by another man too?

Just a kinky way to masturbate, I'm the kind of guy who would stay virgin till his 30's and then commit suicide.

desu having your only form of sexual pleasure be choking your mutilated penis must really suck

Sounds bad, better get fucked then. Might actually do you better if you interact with people and not an hero.

You are purposefully demeaning yourself by taking a dick up your ass

Pretty easy, just stick it up your ass

>snooping brother
leave it in your nightstand drawer with a bottle of anal lube. let him be traumatized into learning not to go through other people's shit

my room smells of lavender
also i moan like a bitch in heat who needs to get bred thank u

>Shit like this wont work if your mom makes your bed for you and shit, she will notice the cut and find out.
Are you old enough to even order a dildo online op?
Nonetheless, i still hide a lot of weed inside my old pc case which is just laying around in a corner and never gets used at all.

what are these meme replies
literally just get something with a lock to store it in

>also i moan like a bitch in heat who needs to get bred thank u
By being such a sissy you are not useful for anything else

I don't buy a dildo, because i use my deodorant

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Bump.
It's a good thread

No, it really isnt. Antibump.

What is this thread about? Contrabump.

I do this but it's too unbending so I can't really move it.

Just buy a dildo wtf. You're going to hurt yourself.

I want, but I live with my parents.

go to a sex shop or ship the dildo to one of those amazon lockers

just use the edge of your table

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Well since you're posting here I assume you're 18 and old enough to buy one.

I have a shit ton of boxes in my closet, such as shoe boxes and video game console boxes. I hide it in an xbox 360 box. Pretty sure my mom has found it once, but I dont really care as long as she doesn't bring it up with dad, which she wouldn't.

Pic related

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I had literally over $1000 worth of dildos, buttplugs, lube and other shit but had to throw it all in the dumpster when i made it and got a gf

What size did you get? I got a large rex. It's a little floppy, but it's more comfortable getting the knot in that way. Not even a furfag I just like anal lmao.

This man is going places

Audible kek

Are you male or female? I think moms wouldn't bring it up to their husband only If you are female.

How did you manage to get a girlfriend? The older I get the harder it seems... 20yo kissless virgin btw

XL, my previous toy was a medium nocturne. Really not that hard to take in your ass, just need enough lube and patience.
Also yeah, floppyness is always a huge problem with larger toys, and it sucks because you cant get them in firm or they're unusable. Makes it very hard for a girl to peg you with a bad dragon toy above medium size
Male, my mom knows I'll get crucified if my dad found out so she's quiet about it. I think she's more disturbed with the size of my toy rather than the fact i have one to begin with.

Do girls peg you with your bad dragon toys?

I have 3 dildos. All hidden in a drawer in my armoire with my assless panties. Hiding this stuff from parents is easier than you would think.

Is your asshole loose after the XL?

Yeah it caused me to shit myself in public once, but of course it goes back to normal after a little while
Yes, highly recommend it. Although you should only do with with medium toys and smaller so that they can properly thrust

> it caused me to shit mysef in public
This is what scares me about anal play.

This is not common at all. I've abused the hell out of my ass for years. I've never shit myself or even come close to it. Like the other user said it goes back to normal, it doesn't stay loose.

user that shit himself here, he's right. It's only happened to me once out of the dozens of times I've done it. Shouldn't let it frighten you as it will pretty much not happen guaranteed.

But why would you want that? Men don't have pussies.

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ass bussy is beter

Don't hide it

Use it and leave it unclean sitting on your desk in plain sight. They'll never want to go in your room again.

Just go on Grindr and meet up with a guy at a park and let him fuck your ass

a prostate orgasm is way stronger than a regular one

I think my prostate might have broken. I touch it but don't feel anything. Does it just take a while to get going or something?

>you can pretend you're smoking weed instead of being a faggot
either way, op is a faggot and will disappoint his parents

your prostate very likely isn't broken, thats where semen is produced
nah, getting fucked by a real dick is too rough and meeting up with strangers off grindr is how people get AIDS

none of this works when you have the absolute most toxic parents that go as far as installing cameras in your room and the only left alternative is moving out

but you need a job that pays rent and food

in 3rd world countries only university graduates can make that much

and it takes a while to graduate

my parents are not tier assholes but they're very snoopy and open my stuff all the time and enter my room without knocking and yell at me if i dare lock

and open mail to me too

i've been looking for a solution for a long time, i've hidden wheat powder in small flasks with dirt and burnt rubber to pretend they're drugs, they even smell odd and everything, to try and check safe places. shoe boxes, last cabinet ends, under the matress, inside the pillow, inside small bags, inside a strongbox (they pried it open) none of it worked, they found everything, confronted me yelling, i had all the trouble in the world to explain.

my friend keeps his in a small safe

Is there a reason for why they are like that? I can't see parents being this way unless you've done something in the past for them to want to pry your stuff all the time.
Anything that could cause them worry, old drug habits, suicide attempt etc.
It's not like they're spending time searching your room because they have fun scolding you, most likely, probably :)

men who have this think they do tho

they just don't want a druggie in home

nope, i never did anything like that. i asked them once, they just said they're my parents, only want what's good for me and they have every right to do that.

they were false drugs exactly to test how deep in my things they go. never used anything.

I have a cardboard box under my bed filled with sex toys and lingerie and my folks are none the wiser. If you order from somewhere discreet like amazon prime and they're not the nosy type there shouldn't be any problem

Do you know approximately how thoroughly they search your room?
One thing that you could try is having a really messy room, like almost unbearable, if you could manage to live with it.
I don't know if you did it when you confronted them about it but explain why you want privacy, say that you can't even feel safe in your own home.
Or if you want to go to the extremes you could write a false suicide note saying that you never got any privacy and felt that you couldn't live with it, and your parents didn't listen.
If my parents were like yours it wouldn't be a false note though, they'd find it below my body.
How old are you? Is it hard to move out for you in your current state?

anyone want to buy a cute little tranny boy a dildo? or maybe just an anal plug set so I can walk around outside with my ass filled

>Do you know approximately how thoroughly they search your room?
they open and check everything like police searching illegal stuff
>One thing that you could try is having a really messy room, like almost unbearable, if you could manage to live with it.
things would simply get shoven in the wardrobe and drawers then i would be in trouble finding my own stuff
>I don't know if you did it when you confronted them about it but explain why you want privacy, say that you can't even feel safe in your own home.
obviously i did that already. they say im in no position to ask anything, they do what they want, when they want, and just want the best for me and to be sure im safe
>Or if you want to go to the extremes you could write a false suicide note saying that you never got any privacy and felt that you couldn't live with it, and your parents didn't listen.
that would make things 10 times worse, i would have to take crazy medicine, go to therapy, and they would probably remove the door
>How old are you? Is it hard to move out for you in your current state?
25, it obviously is, if not i would have done it long ago

I'm guessing your country has a pretty bad welfare system then.
Did they do this when you were younger as well? If they didn't, it could actually be them trying to drive you into getting a job for an apartment.
If not then they're simply just bad parents in that aspect, seeing as lack of privacy can make people mentally unwell.
Can't think of good ideas right now but if I come up with something and the thread hasn't 404d I'll share it

This is actually terrible and you have to watch out for yourself user. FROM YOURSELF.
I'll explain, when most of your life you have been kept like a dog on a leash and you finally get freedom it can destroy your life. For example, my friend had absolutely strict parents to the point that they were micromanaging a 18 year old lad. When he moved out he went off the rails because he could do anything previously not allowed like booze drugs and so on. So watch yourself.