It's not that I want to die. If anything. I want to live. I'm just really tired of 'me'...

It's not that I want to die. If anything. I want to live. I'm just really tired of 'me', someone who can't achieve anything of wroth, a ,privileged individual who could have done so much more with what I had but instead fell into a spiral of self-loathing and inepititude. I say I want to die so much that it may just as well be my mantra, but I know for a fact that it's just shorthand for wanting to be special, to be needed, to be important, to be wanted. Falling short of these expectation of mind as well as the expectation of others, and feeling unimportant and alone at my age may as well be a corporal sin punishable by death. I probably don't deserve life. So I go saying I want to die.

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Don't be ridiculous, Champ. All you've gotta do is be yourself.

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the vast majority of people don't achieve anything or worth. Try and take pleasure in the small victories user

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>Falling short of these expectation

What if you restructured the way you make goals?

Same tbqh mate

I wish i could help you man, but try to do more exciting stuff in life, maybe find new people, maybe hit the gym, maybe find a group of people who can support you... I know what I'm saying is overly generalised but man I'm in the same sort of situation, and have no energy to do those things, damn man, i wish i could somewhat get to know your story and to help you. Do you have problems in everyday life? Which ones?

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Pic related, obviously so [^;

Week three of being unemployed, have applied to literally everything that has popped up feel like there is a city wide quarantine on my resume. I enjoy life and living, I am not asking for much I just want to get a job any job otherwise I do not know what the fuck I am going to do.

My depression right now is 100% rooted in the fact I can not find even part time or temporary work.

Start working out user

this is good advice. constantly set some achievable goals and after achieving them try harder ones.

>hard time at high school
>always tried my best but failed at the end
>forced to repeat
>gets called dumb or stupid alot by my parents when i do something wrong or smth
>always forgets on stuff
>No friends at all
>no one supports me expect my brother but he is busy with high school (hes always the one who brings the better grades , hes talks smarter and is good at football)

Today my father called me a dumbass again because i forgot to buy some few things in the store and regret it to send me there. Yes its dumb to be sad about it and there are other children who has it worse and im sorry for that but getting called stupid dumb for every shit by your own fucking parents you should love is just tiresome
Im a skeleton arab ugly guy who dumb af ,failed at high school ,always gets emotional about nearly everything and have a bad face skin (red spots everywhere) like i said im tired of myself. I always wanna do it right and want to improve myself but in the end i fail. Also joined a gym recently i guess i have a plan on how to workout but i have no idea how to gain weight and what to do about really i dont know and have no one to help me with. Why is it so hard to improve.

Then change who you are user. You realize it's possible, right? You can eventually become the person you want to be. Think of the guy you wish you were and what that guy would do, and push yourself to behave like that guy everyday. Eventually, it'll become who you are. There's nothing wrong with changing your personality if it's for the best.

I want to change it but how can i do it. What the key for this. Whats the secret. Just researching it in the internet makes me more confused rather than giving me the right answer.

Recently got a membership I hope things will work out.

But what goal can be achieveable

instead of doing things you already know you will fail at start doing random stuff that isn't on your "I must do this or Im not worth anything" list. It sounds like you're really lonely and don't have anyone to rely on so why not join a random discord server you see somewhere? Maybe someone who sees life like you is on there and if he isn't and everything is shit on there and you leave after a few seconds, who cares? Just try something else and even if you suck ass at it, if you have while being shit at it continue having fun and dont worry about anything else

>play wonderwall
>cook something
>do cardio
>lift
>draw
>dance
>say hi to someone
>jump in a cold shower for a few seconds

endless possibilities for small goals

You know when internet daddy Peterson says to clean your room? It's not a meme, that's one of those small goals you can set if you can't manage anything else. If you can't bring yourself to commit to a long term goal yet, at the very least you can do the easiest thing possible, such as making your bed and picking shit off the floor, and just gradually go from there once you've got the ball rolling.

Alright gonna put that on my list. Im serious if that helps me then im gonna do that. But the saying hi to someone sounds tricky.

I appreciate your help. Idk about discord never heard much about it.

hope things work out. the hi thing i do when I'm at the gym, because I've been there for a while and faces get more familiar. so you can try that along with your other activities