Wrote this during a thunderstorm, saw some birds flying. What do you guys think

Ahh, its good to see new blood sometimes.

>ps: don't fall for any trannie/sissy/r9gay threads it's all one fucker that keeps spasming the board but what's hilarious is the faggots that actually fall fo that shit and the homosexual experience threads
Warning you because you seem like a nice guy. Don't kys

Good looks lol, extremely new to the board. I figure its a decent place to try and get some real criticisms on what i write.....without the whole having to be nice to me because you know me thing.

Shut the fuck up you sound so retarded you faggot

My power level can move the seas

Someone sleep with me please

No girl will agree

So reservations always a table for me

endings lame but it gave me feels

Attached: 17722843.png (189x250, 43K)

If you don't mind me asking.... How'd you come across Jow Forums? Are you from another board? Are you an arthoe?

Well, back in the day I used to just lurk on /b/ just kinda randomly chose this board.

Ah, well thanks haha. I havent been writing long. I'm trying my best :c

I'm stealing that and using it for my metal band.
Fuck off you didn't copyright it.

Can you atleast send me a finished copy so I have something to blast in my shitty car?

Haven't seen this image in years, I feel like an OLD oldfag now

It's kinda silly and childish, especially with that ABAB rhyme scheme. That's a big reason I never got into poetry, I'm trash at rhyming and I don't think it's emotionally effective when I do it.

That being said, it's clear the visual you paint had some serious emotional impact on you, that much is clear. Lot of people aren't good at conveying how they feel, that's why so many poets get called pretentious. They aren't genuine, and poetry's easy, anyone can put words on a page.

My advice, write in as many formats as you can, screenplay, novel, song, freeform slam, I don't give a fuck. See what makes you feel good. If you feel a connection to poetry in particular, do some more research, gain some influences. Keep being genuine, find what affects you and portray that in your art.

neck yourself for saving this picture faggot

Now that's the genuine feedback i was looking for. I usually use writing as a form of personal therapy. I would like to expand my horizons and try a bit harder to be less childish and silly. I'm honestly really really new to writing in general, so thank you for the useful words :D

It's deep and I like it, good work OP

poetry is gay, you should paint something instead

Ahh~ thanks, I worked harder than I do on most things on this.

The Creative General threads might help you out more than a regular thread desu. I post my short films up there every chance I get, and usually they tell me what I need to hear.

Very good, well done poetryanon. Keep posting stuff when you write more.

I will, thank you kind user :D

I respect the use of traditional ABAB rhyming and the (loose-ish) meter. I've taken poetry classes in college, and most people write in this ridiculous free verse with absolutely no meter or rhythm, and they use postmodern approaches just because it's easy to do that and be told it's "unconventionally creative". Good job OP, and keep writing.

Thank you, I appreciate the kind words :D