Ask a drunk and dysphoric cis female anything

Sort of? I don't really don't feel male or female. I just feel like a hovering presence behind my eyes that regularly experiences pains and problems associated with a female body. For example, my nerves experience fat deposits touching as a thoroughly disgusting process. Like fingernails on a chalkboard, or touching wet and rotting roadkill with a bare hand. I don't know why. It's not an aesthetic issue, the feeling is just horribly incorrect. I also do not value my breasts beyond the acknowledgement that they are additional adipose deposits that would be better cut off. I also can't recommend periods or muscle gains. The female body is an inferior machine.

Well, I tend to run into fellow autistic females at meetup groups for books themed on fantasy or pop sci.

I'd have to say that I view most people as intolerably clingy, so I can't narrow down that metric. My apologies. Perhaps your girlfriend would hold and overtext you if you brought it up as something you'd like. I hear that girls often tone things down to seem more mature and calm, so the reassurance that impulsive kindness and contact would be taken positively might yield results.

As I said to , I don't have any emotional attachment to femininity. Additionally, I can't claim to enjoy any of the little bonuses the female form might give me. Skin? Weak, useless interstitial tissue that doesn't let me pry at many physical projects without levers. Bone? It's generally inefficient for running and will crap out on me faster with calcium deficiencies. Muscle? I've earned what little I have dearly and it doesn't grow quickly. Fat? Horrible and quickly-forming deposit areas that touch each other. I hate it.

There is literally nothing about a human female body that is enviable unless you happen to like children. Which I do not.

Do you find the world, and the things that you can fill a day/life with, silly or limited? Do you find much meaning in human interaction?

My areola are only slightly darker than the rest of my flesh and about an inch in diameter. They exist. I can't really complain about them in comparison.

Probably not, given physical distance and my general asexual tendencies.

What is you name?
What is your quest?
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Do you remember, back in college, how you could tell how experienced and prepared a student was based on their question?

Your questions makes me want to hold you, fiercely and platonically. Largely to tell you that other people exist, I promise. I doubted this for so long, but I promise that the world is real and that there are humans inside of it that are also people. You'll have to search for a long time, and you will be lonely. But please don't stop yet.

As to your actual question, what brings me joy is either hedonistic sensation or navelgazing philosophy texts. Both are inherently frivolous and silly. Check out some Kierkegaard and Buber if you need recommendations. I think that I've learned more about human life and interaction from them, but a lot of it is intensely personal and will never see the light of day or meaningful action. Did I find joy, though? Of course. Please start with "Either/Or" and "I and Thou".

As for what is limited, I am a utilitarian. I know that all I can do is make as much money as I can and then give it away to vetted organizations who will benefit as many people as possible. As a guilty pleasure, when I was younger, I once paid for a girl's grade school. She was angry, visibly indifferent to the Christian mission's message through the minimal form letters, and enjoyed math and her cats more than anything else. I wish Luisvalina the best. I hope I made some part of her life happy. Did this change the world? Probably anything? No. We are powerless insects under the wheel of time. But maybe, I think, if I am obnoxious enough, if I virtue signal enough, I could feed into a thought pattern that made people feel better by making children get an education. And there shifts an economy, a population growth statistic, an expected life outcome for health and mental wellness. I can only be loud and hope. Like everyone else.

It feels intolerably pathetic.

My name is Rachel.

A funny story on that. It is accidentally Jewish, because it was chosen by a couple inside of a cult that valued Old Testament text but paid little time and effort to actual comprehension. I grew up knowing that I was adopted, and also that the Gays and the Jews were far from God. Heh. That's funny.

Largely because a 23andMe test returned results that led me to think firstly that they were oddly specific, and secondly that I had won. Ashkenazi Jews are more likely to be clever, you know. By the population sample of whatever people submit their own IQ tests, but still. Some ugly and racist part of me was gratified that I was always better than these idiots. Even at the moment I was born. I was never going to be swallowed by their problems.

I was going to find my own.

My quest is to deal with the inherent disgust of my female form, the lack of authenticity demanded by my coworkers, and the general endless pool of misery that is humanity and all of its problems that largely come from inadequate nutrition and education.

Depends on the swallow species. Intercostal muscles mean a lot.

>Like fingernails on a chalkboard, or touching wet and rotting roadkill with a bare hand.
These are things you can learn to do without pain or disgust. If your job is to pick up roadkill you would see it everyday and have to get used to it. The fact that you cannot confuses me.

I know, right? Yet it is terrible every single time. Somehow as though being a physical being filled with aging meat and fat has betrayed my expectations of existence, but constantly and at every moment some of my skin touches other parts of my skin.

This has led me to believe it is a neurological defect.

why are you on this terrible board, femanon?

I've tried to desensitize myself. I have yet to buy a binder. I spend some portion of weekends just letting it all hang out around my apartment. Still definitely ruins my day and all possible attempts at peace.

Because I also don't fit in with people, and the posts are relatable in that respect.

Will you please be my girlfriend? I'll do your laundry and pay the bills

What makes meat and fat so disgusting to you? Do you think something like a metal body would more "perfect"? I find organic matter to be quite fascinating in its resilience, though when I get injured it really makes me hate it sometimes.

I am entirely asexual, but am totally willing to tell you what other women say about what they find important in a boyfriend, in detail.

Not the person you are replying to but I would appreciate that post
and also where would be the place to find a cold numb girl

Do you know what happens when a girl rejects an incel?

Im also an autistic woman OP and I have felt dysphoria for a while but I try to let it pass. Do you have moments where you enjoy being female? Do you find it harder to have female friends than male ones? the latter in particular I struggle greatly with because non autist women seem to have this intuition were they pick up on my tism and immediately ostracize me for it

Oh, I also think that biological matter is neat, as an etic kind of thing. I'd like to be a medial illustrator one day. I've a talent for it, but getting into the guild is a mess.

I don't know if being made of metals, theoretically, would make me happier. It might.

Part of my disgust seems to be a baked-in haptic symptom that might be traced back to how autism makes nerves weird. Another part might be based on a childhood of playing the piano for my adoptive father's nursing home he administrated while watching fellow human beings rot and be forgotten.

Who knows? I don't.

Overtly complex rambling makes it look like you're trying too hard. As also, get off of my board, Juden.

I know that warm, outgoing girls and girls who are cold and have generally rejected human companionship both volunteer at animal shelters in about equal numbers. Please have fun with this knowledge and do your best to help innocent cades and doggos who don't deserve to be born into a terrifying and unforgiving world as a purposefully and permanently childlike being who cannot process abandonment.

Cold and numb girls also try to get by in STEM fields and philosophy groups. They'll really appreciate it if you don't patronize them and have intelligent, open-answer questions about their interests. At the very least, you will make a new friend. Please don''t try to explain their areas of special interest to them. It makes me somehow simultaneously bored and furious. If you team up with them against an out-of-touch loudmouth, that's definitely grounds to ask to hang out later imo. If you have good hygiene, that is.

You are a beautiful person. Male or female I would be friends with someone thoughtful, and I appreciate hearing that I may run into people I can relate to one day. Thank you for the recommendations; I haven't looked into what they say yet, but if they've contributed to your worldview then there may be something in them for me.

A girl rejects people she does not sexually desire and does not befriend. Both are important. If you just hook up, that's not a date. If you're not sexually attracted to a friend, that's just a friend, no matter how accepting or nice you try to be. You have to do both. As a person with an artistic eye, I wouldn't be bothered to give you some styling tips for the first issue, but having a good personality and interesting things to say are largely on you. I think that reading a lot of Martin Buber helps with empathy, in my experience.

tl;dr: an incel is only someone who hasn't bathed and found the right woman. One takes much more effort than the other and sometimes makes me want to scream out loud. I wish you well.

would you mind showing us these additional adipose deposits that you do not value anyway? im sure the mere sight of it would be valuable for everybody else.

I know, right? Female relationships and friendships require a level of intimacy I don't come up with right away. Or ever. Even with men, it's difficult despite the various exit strategies that exist to excuse the fact that men aren't expected to be automatically empathetic.

I have one female friend who is a shallow edgelord. I have many male friends I value deeply, but they generally see me as the callous point of view in any conversation. I try to give them a lot of homemade bread and stew to make up for that. I do enjoy cooking.

How do you have friends at all? Why do you make friends? I can't make any to save my life.

Are you planning on becoming an FtM

How does one develop an interesting personality? All things that may be seen as deep, intelectual or even the banalities we have around us dont interest me a single bit. It just seems impossible for me to find a thing to be interested about that would have someone that could relate to. Im not saying I have some sort of rare taste for some weird thing, I just dont seem to have a liking to anything at all, life just passes by and I watch it doing so.
Is there any hope that someone like me could find anyone? I believe you know what opinion I have, but a new take would be nice to hear.

Please don't let the jews trick you into becoming trannies. Masculine-minded females are a gift from god.

This is how I talk in person. It cuts down on my coworkers pointlessly bothering me, and my book club and philosophy group friends don't particularly mind. I have had little incentive to change.

If I tried, I would be sober and organize my thoughts.

Also, I'm still statistically likely to be better than you. Full offense intended. My mind probably has more horsepower than yours, by the numbers, and my interests and sources of unironic joy are likely to be more socially valued and acceptable than yours.

We are both broken and both belong here. But you're still a lonely weeb who associates with fascists to feel a sense of community.

An interesting personality is usually developed based on your interests and the things you enjoy doing. If you could find another person who shares the same disinterest you have (maybe someone with SPD or Aspergers) then you might be able to live happily with them.

I also love cooking coincidentially enough. I moreso cook for myself than others but I have used it as a social tool a few times unwittingly.

female friendships seem to just...require so much more fakery and I dont get it. I am never geniunely so enthusiastic to see someone that I squeal and holler and profess my love to them. its unnecessary and childish to me but many women greet each other that way. a lot of the I love you so much talk is uncomfortable. I prefer the stoicism of male friendships more. it feels more honest.

No you're not. Almost every visitor on Jow Forums feels a sense of superiority towards what they imagine to be the typical robot

I have friends because I go to an unusually large number of meetup groups, run a local DnD session, and tolerated an absurd number of idiot while trying to find intelligent people who had egos that allowed enjoying arguments. I also live in a large metroplex that values a stem field. I'm in DFW, which helps. I could also move to Seattle, Chicago, or NYC, but the property values are lower here and I value effective altruism donations.

It literally took me two decades to make a meaningfully lasting friend group. If you were in the area, I'd save you the problems and add you on. But you're probably facing a lot of struggle. It's worth it, I promise.

Got dam, I'm going to sleep on this note. If I pretend it was directed at me I feel the beginnings of distress. How does one get into philosophy groups? I love the idea of discussing existence with other people, but I really don't love the thought that they may be discussing some facet I could care less about, or disagree with strongly (without having thought about beforehand to have a fighting chance)

No, I don't really have any vagina-related dysphoria. Some testosterone might be helpful for some of the female body issues and bugs, but the muscle gains and hardier skin wouldn't cancel out the social issues associated with this. I'll stay as I am. Soft, gross, and broken.

Don't be a tranny if you don't want to be. That's my opinion. Being a transexual is difficult, terrible, and only satisfying in some use cases. That's why I'm not on testosterone.

OP here.
This is an urgent sign that you need to be on depression meds. Pristique works for me. It doesn't help my other problems, but I am actually able to feel joy and connection to things outside of a deep well of loathing and terror.

Being able to feel positive things is the first step to having a good life. Please, please talk to a professional.

Just so you know, I first hated everything and was really excited to die as soon as I paid off my monetary debts. Then, after meds, I had enough energy to die but felt as though I had to pay off my less physical/social debts to my friends as well before I kicked off, now with an incentive to get away from them first. Then, after two months on meds, I started to value ingesting life as an experience itself.

This is a sign that you are not okay. I also like to hide in my room when I am sick, but you will not live long if you don't change.

I know, I know. I also only say that I love someone when I truly mean it. Perhaps you could hug them instead? I enjoy that.

All social performance is planned, for me. This isn't intentional or pleasant, but it does lead to the understanding that strategically placed homemade goods are awesome apology supplements. I once kept an acquaintance of a friend from hating me for three years because I kept handing them freshly-baked pumpernickel loaves with the vents cut in a leaf pattern. That was their favorite. The eventual separation was out of my control, according to all other involved parties.

This is correct. Are you one of us?

How I wish this was true. Every single Sunday evening, I argue with my dearest friend. He tells me that the Sunday morning philosophy group, as filled with phd's as it is, is a likely above-average representation of humanity. I whine and yell, alternatively, depending on the stakes of the argument and how well anyone followed my purposefully simple points. It's never kind, with this friend. I'm so glad that they like this sort of thing. I tell them that I'm still surrounded by idiots, just like my childhood cult. That people over the age of 60 shouldn't be relied on to follow what they might have understood at 50. That time consumes us all. That there is absolutely no way that anyone we have talked to today could be better than the coworkers at his fortune 500 company. But they are, he says, and talking to me after keeps him calm after that.

So I have trouble finding peers. I wish I didn't. If you have good chat groups and ideas, please share.

What do you think you know that the normies don't know?

To get into philosophy groups, you could check your local meetups or unitarian churches. That's what I did. They're usually collections of people who read an essay and then argue about its contents and related ideas.

So, if you do the reading and have a quiet moment to yourself, you should do just fine.

If you don't care about something, take that quiet moment to think about how that opinion could effect something you do give a shit about.

I like to think that we sit on three-legged stools-- politics, ethics, and religion. If they don't agree with and effect eachother, you're fucked. If they don't support eachother, you're fucked. Sort your shit out. It could take a while, but that's completely fine! I started hating organized religion when I was a 7-year-old cult member and only started to have a view of reality that was defensible in the analytical philosophical tradition fifteen years after that. If you're searching, that is something that is inherently good.

It's not so much that I can't tolerate people, it's that people can't tolerate me. I don't really see an end to my search because I feel like I'll pretty much always sabotage myself without being able to understand why. Am I annoying? Fake? Boring? I'm not sure. I feel like I have interesting hobbies and thoughts on things. It's hard to keep trying when failure is so common.

I have a strangely simple answer for that.
Think about normal religious bullshit. Are you thinking about cannibalism, live burial rituals, and a catechism that implies the existence of linear time? Me too.

Isn't that fucked up? Why don't they wake up, just a little bit? Shake their sleepy heads until the stupid falls out?

Yeah, that is an example of how normal life works. You wish that people would consider and weigh all available facts. You'd like for them to understand really basic explanations of existence or portions of your job that you have labored to create. But that is an empty hope.

Normies exist on a scale of optics. Make it look lovely, and talk with passion. I wish you well.

I don't even know what you just said. Can you just say in one sentence what you think you know and normies don't know? Your answer was not strangely simple. It was strangely the opposite of simple.

Thank you for the suggestion and tips

I have no way of knowing without actually talking to you about things that matter. How do you feel about friending each other on facebook? If you're uncomfortable with that, I completely understand.

You're welcome! Remember to do your share of the physical work if you go to an animal shelter. Do your best to memorize animal personalities so you can match them with guests. I feel both important and useful when this happens. It's an emotion that you shouldn't pass up. There's a relief of fixing a decade-long housing problem combined with the knowledge that you have given a human a best friend and a purpose to survive. Really, it's the best feeling I've ever gotten for free. And I actually know a guy who enjoys LSD sitting and supplying as a hobby.

Man, that's rough. I'll do my best, though.

People, in my experience, like comfortable lies that justify the way they have always experienced the world-- looking at every meaningful detail makes them unhappy, so they cringe and ignore their sadness; it's best to find people who can be hurt and know they were wrong because that is absolutely the most difficult thing a human can do.

I don't have a Facebook account any more, but I would love to talk to you more on Discord: wraith#6396

Oh that is not something you know that they do not know. It is a reason why you know things they don't know. I want to know the thing that you know because you are willing to look at unhappy things that they don't know because they won't look.

How open can you be with others? Do you have a spiritual channel where "normal people" just cannot get the signal and bond on that level? If you wanna chat I'm cle5#1403 on Discord. Really anyone who is reading this and wants to chat

I am very drunk indeed-- to the point where it takes effort to record this infrormation, Discord or otherwise. Which I don't have.

Oh, dear. My dear. There are so many seething and horrific things nobody cares about. So many problems that are caused because people do not love or worry.

Deep down, this is the main issue .

Which thing do you think they should care about? Just one.

>It is accidentally Jewish
And I'm done here. Time to get some sleep.

You're pretty good at typing while drunk! If you have another service you use more besides facebook I'd be willing to try, though Discord is pretty nice so that's what I tend to use.

>So many problems that are caused because people do not love or worry.
Reminds me of Suicidal Tendencies. They love talking about how much people don't like to think and would rather be stupid than take the time to.

Although it would be irresponsible given how little we yet know about their therapeutic usage, I do wonder what altered states of consciousness would be like for you, such as psilocybin from magic mushrooms or MDMA.

>cis female
When i read that i just knew your a feminist commie scum. Just fucking kill yourself sjw normalfag. Get out of here jew

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Can we become friends? I've been searching for a fembot friend to look up to like an older sibling
If yes I can post my tag