Anyone else here have horrible relationships with their moms?

It's mostly bad but not horrible. But yes she's a bitch and I avoid initiating any kind of conversation with her. I just try to play along until she goes away otherwise anything else is a guaranteed meltdown over literally nothing. I still care about her but she's crazy and nothing warrants that behavior when you're older than 5

I appreciate the gesture
Mine seems to have every personality trait I would hate in a woman. She's a total drama queen/unneccessarily theatrical, thinks she's a lot smarter than she actually demonstrates, has no tact when needed (such as at funerals), is extremely nosy and gossip-y around other people even complete strangers, carries on/instigates arguments for way longer than they should go on, continues trying to vent to me about shit I don't want to get involved with, has no idea when people don't want to talk and above all has no self-awareness about anything regarding her character that could possibly be negative.

She along with my dad willingly trapped themselves in a loveless limbo of a marriage for 25+ years, which fucked up many things about me including my social skills and perception of family and relationships, and now they're finally divorcing. I refused to help either of them with anything regarding the divorce or the aftermath because they're adults and should be able to do those things themselves, and because they should have to reap what they sow, and now my mom is livid that I, as a person who's very busy because of his work in a research lab, won't spend large portions of my day doing almost everything that is necessary for her to move out and get an apartment, such as check her emails, find her tax returns, remember everything for her, etc.

I told her what my advisor told me, which is that I'm in no obligation to get involved and help either party, and just now she said we should just mutually disown each other if I continue refusing to help her, and that she would forget that she had a son.

I feel an impulsion to make up with her because she pretty much literally has no one else and she's already very old (70+), but I think I finally did destroy things beyond repair, and I think that to an extent both of them really deserve this to happen (loss/exchange of hundreds of thousands of dollars). I'm not sure how to proceed.

Attached: 1548129036673.jpg (1440x1080, 134K)

Yes.
It's not hostile or anything it's just completely lacking in any substance.
She refuses to take the hint that my life is shitty and that I'm constantly in a negative state of mind. She just ignores it and calls me every two days to tell me the same story about how her dogs are playing and I just say "yeah" once every minute or so. It's like I'm just another one of her pets that she talks at. There's really no hope of ever having a real relationship because I just don't think she has the capacity for it.

i only have surface level parents with my mom. (what did you eat today/how was work etc) i've never been able to open up to her. at one point i was severely deporessed so i tried to talk about how i felt and she just told me i spent too much time on my computer and to get over it. she also told me i was adopted 2 years ago. (im 24 now)

i ended up trying to kms and failing and ive never talked to her about it either.

same, I've never, ever opened up to either of my parents, have never thought about doing so, and will never do so

who else /longposting/ here?

>eating disorder
I developed anorexia as a way to regain some control as I said (super common cause, apparently). Mine just followed me around telling me how repulsive I looked and how much damage I was doing to my self once I had it. Good support right there. No clue how I didn't die.

>bpd
I guess I'm scared because I haven't been in a relationship before. Are friendships enough to go off of? I've ghosted all of my former friends through varying levels of dramatic gestures, but regardless I don't think I have it. I just end up feeling like I'm losing control of how people view me so I get scared and run. Control is a big thing for me. It was a defense mechanism for along time.

I'm glad things have gotten better, I know things improved a lot for me and my brother once we got out of that fucking house. I hope you don't blame yourself for any of this. It's passed down from generation to generation by people with zero self awareness. You seem quite capable of breaking that.

>loveless limbo of a marriage for 25+ years
exact same thing here. They finally divorced two years ago and my mom has been screaming and crying trying to get me to wade in and mediate for them ever since.

My dad spent the whole marriage trying his best to temper her worse sides while burying himself in his work. I guess that'd technically be neglect towards me on his part, but he did try what he could.

As to how you should proceed? The guilt is so fucking strong, isn't it? I think you have to find a way to see through that. It's not supposed to be a one way relationship, with you simply trying to do everything you can to hold her together. If that's her condition for continuing the relationship, you might have to just walk away. No one envies that decision though.

Attached: cry just a little.jpg (1280x720, 55K)

I promise you that most of the men here on Jow Forums are the way they are because of their shitty relationship with their mums.

yeah... I've actually started believing that more and more too. I wonder why it's not talked about more? Ah well.... mommy gf when?

Attached: am I maniacal yet.png (500x628, 511K)

>eating disorder
I'm really glad to hear that your anorexia didn't kill you. I don't really know who you are but you defiantly seem like a sweet person who is worthy of a healthy life.

>bpd
Yeah, its affected my friendships as well. I've never been able to hold friendships down well either, there have been many time periods where I had zero friends mainly due to me cutting them off and throwing them away. Though I tended to do that when a new romantic interest caught my eye. I actually have one friend who has been my friend for about 7 years now, I can not tell you how many times our friendship has ended and restarted. Though the friendship drama is never as big as the romantic drama.
My only suggestion is if your scared about it to bring it up to a therapist if possible, though I know that's not always available. I had a really good therapist in that regards. I would just be careful about self diagnosing yourself with anything.

Thank you, I am also glad that you and your brother were also able to leave that toxic environment. Hopefully it only gets better for you from here on out. Yeah, there are nights where I feel like everything is my fault. Especially because sometimes there are people who likes to guilt trip me "shes you're mother, you have to love her regardless of what she does." But all in all I know its not my fault for developing coping mechanisms and stuff and I don't have to let it control me either.

>I'm really glad to hear that your anorexia didn't kill you

I'm very tired and realized that this sentence kinda sounds silly. Like of course it didn't kill you??? you're responding to me. But you understand what I mean!

At this point, it'd be quicker to ask if everyone has a positive relationship with their mom.

>my mom has been screaming and crying trying to get me to wade in and mediate for them ever since.
>My dad spent the whole marriage trying his best to temper her worse sides while burying himself in his work
>The guilt is so fucking strong, isn't it?
Damn, I felt these so hard. Except it's both my parents. They wanted me to make the compromises and in essence fix their marriage. Keep in mind they're both retirement age and I'm only 21 with absolutely no relationship experience. My dad was also hugely at fault in the relationship because he never even wanted to talk to her much less compromise on things. I have literally never seen them even hug or hold hands. They are polar opposites in every single way (including different races, different religions, different classes of upbringing). So there were constant allegations of him cheating which he never did anything to dispel. They're both heavily at fault for what transpired over the years, and I want them to realize the full consequences of what they did even if they're my parents and I do at least somewhat care about them both.

The guilt is really strong because realistically she only has a few years left to live, has cardiovascular problems, can't work anymore, and is in some ways even more socially autistic and stunted than I am, and I'm not exactly a social butterfly myself. She is literally completely useless in everyday society. She has absolutely no idea how to do anything, and I mean, anything. So despite her character she has a really strong aura of frailty and hopelessness that's really hard to resist.

>self diagnosing
aww man... I hate the swirling uncertainty that seems to swallow me every time I try to place labels on things, or even when I try to determine if any of this was really bad at all...

I just feel so embarrassed when I think about bringing up something like bpd with my therapist. At least I do when I think of saying it as explicitly as that. I try to approach it by hinting around the edges until he gets the idea himself and asks, but I doubt I'm as sly as I think in that regard. It's just hard to stop feeling like I've made it all up. Just another user label shopping to add another excuse to the fucking list.

Things never feel real when they're happening to me. I often have to step outside myself and think about how someone else would react in order to tell if something is bad at all... I can't help swinging back and forth between thinking I have this traumatic past and thinking I'm a dramatic idiot. My brother told me he was diagnosed bipolar and that he has tried to kill himself four times so far. He might as well have been telling me it might rain tomorrow... That's how my parents always reacted to our various - severe - mental health crises I suppose. I told him I remembered my parents telling me he tried to kill himself at 14, and asked what their reaction was. He said they basically told him "don't do that" and that was it. Maybe I'm rambling or maybe that sums I up, I don't really know. Thanks for reading my longposting regardless.

>guilt
huge with "family issues" like this I think. So much of me wishes I'd have been stronger, less sensitive, more in control. Maybe I could have stopped it if I had been. I tried so hard to keep the peace in that family, but I just wasn't enough. I wish I knew a way to help you with your own struggles with that line of thinking, but all I have to offer is solidarity.

In regards to other people, they don't understand and I guess don't blame them for that. It's still hard though.

Attached: really does feel bad, man.jpg (1280x720, 80K)

>It's not supposed to be a one way relationship, with you simply trying to do everything you can to hold her together.
I feel like it kind of is. Sure she makes me food, does our laundry, and presses our clothes, but is it too farfetched to say that's bare minimum for a mom and wife? She acts like it's equivalent to sorting out her whole life for her.

I have never once gone to her about my problems and have never felt comfortable even thinking about telling her anything. It only comes out when I'm really mad. Not only is she a different gender, but also we're two full generations apart in terms of age, and she hasn't been out in the world for at least 20 years, so she'd be pretty much useless. So I pretty much ignore her entirely except for small talk, yet she continues to come and go on and on and on about "oh, your dad's cheating with X girl on Facebook" or "do this for me or take me to this place which would take quite a bit of time and effort which I don't necessarily have (she never ever asks if I have it)." She wants to ask and ask and ask but it'd literally be impossible for her to reciprocate to the same degree, and god knows I would never go to either of them for social, romantic, or financial advice. I learned how to socialize the Western way completely on my own, with the help of anons from here. All the intangibles I learned on my own, and it's gotten me success in my field. My dad in particular put me in a great position to succeed, so I respect him as a worker and professional, but in the home he was just as bad as my mom in many ways. No, spending money for the house and things to take care of the family isn't enough for a good relationship and family life.

>comment too long
holy shit, I didn't know this existed.

I wanted to conclude that I felt I was being selfish by talking so much about my experience. Returning to yourself, you should be proud of the coping mechanisms you used to survive. That's one thing my therapist has told me, I suppose. Just because they don't work for your life now doesn't mean they didn't work then. You did what you had to do, user. You're still here, and now you have the chance to become far better than she ever was. There are plenty of stories of people who have done it. Who have raised perfectly happy, healthy children despite their past.

Have you found the raisedbyborderlines subreddit yet? It's beautiful. It actually has 30k subs. There's a lot of people out there facing this, and reading their experiences might help.

heh, I liked it anyway. I knew what you meant

Attached: ana akko.png (695x943, 396K)

Arent moms not supposed to be emotional and verbally abussive to there boys.

Attached: A95CE7FE-59F2-49D7-94D0-87B266784B1C.jpg (300x255, 16K)

>only a few years left to live
my mom's dad beat her, and just recently peaced out from cancer. I was actually just at his funeral. She had gotten close to him in the end. She and her sister cried. I can't imagine the array of emotions that must be involved in that... I'm sorry you're facing that now.

Playing the victim is a common ploy, but I'm not sure how to handle it when it seems so plausible now... I wish I had better advice to give. Only an ear (or eyes) to listen and and experience or two I guess...

Attached: heh.png (854x480, 215K)

because woman are nuts biologically, some less some more (much more)

My biological mom steals from me to buy pills.

Don't you guys love how mom takes all the credit for dads hard work, wastes his money and drinks wine every night while complaining about nearly everything and is always right??

>makes me food, does our laundry, and presses our clothes
oh no... Not this. All of it is just tacit ammunition, isn't it. That was my mom's thing. I used to get so fucking nervous when she started cleaning. I never understood why while I was under her roof, but it's clear now. All of it would be thrown back at me later. I would rather do absolutely everything myself than have someone blame me for existing like that. AHHHHHHHHHH fucking hell this one pisses me off...

>I have never once gone to her about my problems and have never felt comfortable even thinking about telling her anything
if she's anything like my mom, that'd be because it's a fucking trap. Guess who's getting all those nice vulnerabilities thrown back at them once she explodes again? Fuck... I really did go 25 years without a fucking soul to tell anything with any degree of safety. I hope it wasn't the same for you, but I suspect it was. I'm sorry...

send help we're running out of akkos

Attached: feels pretty comfy, man.jpg (1280x720, 59K)

lol steals what? just kick her ass

She's just a shitty, bipolar drug addict. She fucking leeches off my grandfather and makes his life a living hell. Part of me hates her and can't forgive her for ruining my teenage years.

It's okay. I just really needed someone to vent with. I'm similar to my mom in that I don't have anyone I can really feel comfortable in turning to about this. You guys are the only ones, and it's been like that for years. I've only ever talked about my deepest issues on here, IRL I'm far more composed. I really appreciate it, truly.

I also read your longposts, and I really hope things have gotten better for you and your brother. BPD seems really tough to deal with, especially if you're a guy and won't be coddled. I can also really relate to parents being unable to see if amything's wrong with you, see things from your perspective, and being apathetic to the situation. It made me believe that it is impossible for a parent to relate to their child. My parents also tried to tell me that the arguments they had were normal for married couples, but it took me years to realize that the difference was that they never had any happy moments, while other couples and families did.

I think it might be for the best if you bite the bullet and told your therapist straight up. It's their job to help you and not be patronizing about it. You pay them to take all of your problems, perceived or not, seriously, amd if not, you cam take your money and tell them to go fuck themselves. Maybe that and a little bit of meditation in your free time could help you progress.

I have a good surface level relationship with my mum but anytime we have to talk seriously about life it always ends in huge arguments.

>oh no... Not this. All of it is just tacit ammunition, isn't it. That was my mom's thing. I used to get so fucking nervous when she started cleaning. I never understood why while I was under her roof, but it's clear now. All of it would be thrown back at me later. I would rather do absolutely everything myself than have someone blame me for existing like that. AHHHHHHHHHH fucking hell this one pisses me off...
>if she's anything like my mom, that'd be because it's a fucking trap. Guess who's getting all those nice vulnerabilities thrown back at them once she explodes again?
Oh my god oh my god oh my god yes yes yes, our moms share so much of the same traits. They love to prey on your vulnerabilities, don't they? My mom would almost at whim throw all of my personality flaws and some of my insecurities in my face and scold me for them (such as procrastination and difficulties in really being committed to anything), yet not once did she ever think about trying to help me with any of those things. As an adult I wouldn't have wanted her help anyway so whatever, but not even as a kid? Surely they could've seen something. All of my problems draw back to a lack of discipline, which I've always had since childhood. Instilling a sense of discipline and time management in your children is one of the most important things a parent could do, but mine just seemed to brush it to the wayside because I was academically inclined and that's all they ever cared about. Career, career, career. Nothing else. No social, relationship, discipline, or physical skills. So one track minded. So much so that someone apparently thought I had developmental disorders and sent me to occupational therapy as a kid.

>Fuck... I really did go 25 years without a fucking soul to tell anything with any degree of safety. I hope it wasn't the same for you, but I suspect it was. I'm sorry...
It was. I'm here for you man, and thank you so much for being here for me too. It really means a lot to me.

Attached: 1513609280235.jpg (1141x1141, 1.07M)

I suspect my shitty relations with my mother is why I literally had a dream about someone giving me headpats because they wanted to be my friend

aww, don't worry so much about me, user. I'm getting a lot better. For a long time it was almost unbelievable how bad things were, but I've recently gotten the courage to dive pretty hard into working on my issues. Drugs, therapy... just throwing myself at the system, really. It's helped. I can do the dishes without feeling like someone's watching and judging my every move now, for example :3

I still somehow feel really guilty about going to therapy though. Like I don't deserve it... bit of a paradoxical issue, I suppose.

Just knowing someone out there is reading your longposting means so much, doesn't it? I know I've found genuine tears in my eyes after reading plenty of posts on here, and after reading some (you)s. I feel almost nothing at all normally, but some posts.... I love that we have a place we can help and be helped. Hilarious that this place is called the hive of villainy it is.

>impossible for a parent to relate to their child
No! NOOO! Despite everything my parents have given me one gift, even if they didn't mean to. I have a 7 year old brother. 18 year age gape. Holy shit I love that little dude so much it scares me, and I know he loves me. I don't think I can put into words how amazing it is watching him love all my old toys for the same reasons I did. Being able to share in his joy by relating so closely to him is just... it feels pretty fucking good, man. How some parents manage to be unable to find that connection that seems so natural to me is baffling. I often hold to that line of thinking like an anchor. I have something immutable to judge my parents against and they have been found fucking wanting, user.

AHHHHH HOLY SHIT DID I MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE THAT GUY? I really do. it feels like a chance to protect someone from the life I had.

>bite the bullet
but, user, I'm EMBARRASSED, lmfao. I'm a little bit pathetic :3

Attached: ENOUGH.png (657x357, 58K)

I feel kinda bad, my mom didn't have some crazy mental illness like BPD like other people in the thread, she was a giant normalfag. Just a really emotionally abusive, self-centered normalfag. I have enormous trust issues because of her.

Attached: 1538067029341.jpg (640x468, 66K)

That's really good. As long as you're making steady progress and keep yourself self-aware and grounded, I think you'll be okay. Maybe you should think of therapy a little bit more in financial terms. You pay for something, you deserve to have it, and that's that. You're paying for his time, his expertise, and his consultation. Without people like you, he literally wouldn't have a livelihood. It costs lots of money to go and get the qualifications needed to be a therapist. To look at it from a benevolent perspective, you're one of many people who are making his choosing of that calling worthwhile and viable, as well as contributing to the state of knowledge, and that's why you deserve to have his services.

I'm really happy to hear about your little brother. I love children. I sometimes volunteer at places to teach them arts and crafts and academics. And spending time with my cousin's children was some of the best times I've ever had with relatives. I wish I could have had a little sibling. Or any, really. Something to take the pressure off. But that's literally impossible. My parents had me in their late 40's. By all intents and purposes, it was a miracle that I was born and didn't become a downie. And after that of course they're not going to have any more kids. And so for years I had to bear the brunt of their horrible relationship with no one to really relate to, consult with, or color my perspective. And all of my friends' parents had good relationships. All of them. It hurt.

Try easing yourself into telling him, which I think you're already doing in certain ways. Really think about what exactly you want to come across, maybe write down a list, choose which ones you think would be more palatable or that he would take more seriously, and start with those. Then go one to the ones you think are more of a reach. It's like homework. Do the hardest one first, the one which takes the most time. Only here, the assignment is you.

Kind of the same, but also kind of the above for me. My mother pretty much complained about everything to me and blamed me for most bad things.

Attached: 588.png (1366x768, 1.38M)

>not once did she ever think about trying to help me with any of those things
.... I'd forgotten people were supposed to help. Did we even have a childhood? On that point, me and my brother were the kind of kids who our parents couldn't take anywhere without getting complements about how well behaved we were. Apparently the "little adult" archetype is common with turbulent families.

I blamed myself so hard for everything. Every tiny deficiency was my fault, and my responsibility to fix. Of course it was, it's not like I had parents. Predictably the issues just compounded and I ended up missing about half the total days of my final two years of high school. Apparently someone had to be convinced to let me graduate. (Also mocked for that one.)

>throw all of my personality flaws and insecurities in my face
AHHHHHHHH
mine had "the cycle." Triggered by something -> yell and rage as she ran down the itemized list of my faults -> feel bad 30 minutes later and come apologize while telling me how much she loved me (crying here) -> come back 10 minutes after that and rage again about how I didn't deserve that apology and I should still change my (insert itemized fucking god damn list)

>user simply sits and listens while uncomfortably numb

Familiar? In any case, moms are supposed to be nurturing and loving. I mean can you picture yourself saying things like that to a child? I recently looked through our old family albums (I wouldn't recommend it. There were some pictures that were unwittingly taken mid cycle). Jesus man.... I was just a fucking child. A baby-faced little boy, and she raged and screamed all the same.

Attached: it's all so tiresome.jpg (900x900, 60K)

Don't feel bad. You probably share the same problems we do, the emotional manipulation, the self-centeredness, the inability to relate to one another, the inability to consult with your issues and the disastrous effects it's had on your perception of others, etc. It's as difficult for a robot or someone with developmental issues to relate to a conventionally normal person as it is for someone with mental issues to relate to a neurotypical. You're more than welcome, join the venting party.

don't be so sure, user. All of us longpostin' here deal with doubts about severity and labels. God didn't descend from the sky and label my mom bpd, I did. My therapist suggested it as well, but only after seeing her through my lens.

It seems like you have your own issues you're trying to deal with. Want to longpost about it? We'll listen.

Attached: not that I'm begging or anything.png (1280x720, 1.15M)

>Did we even have a childhood?
I genuinely don't even know man. I only see my childhood as what it would be defined as in a psych textbook: the progression to adulthood. A linear progression and that's all.
>On that point, me and my brother were the kind of kids who our parents couldn't take anywhere without getting complements about how well behaved we were. Apparently the "little adult" archetype is common with turbulent families.
Oh my god I might have to sue you for identity theft or something kek. I never had the urge to be rebellious or mischievous or adventurous like so many stories of normalfag children go. It was all academics, watching cartoons, academics, repeat. That's it. I could not perceive anything else. I only knew I had social issues many, many years in hindsight. At the time it was of no consequence. In a similar vein, I was all but completely asexual and had absolutely no interest in girls whatsoever. Not even slightly. Perhaps it was a reflection of my home life.

Fortunately because I was so academically inclined and well educated, I was able to coast school (even college in a hard STEM major) without fixing the issues I had in childhood. Which is bad in its own way. When you show parents success, their expectations for you go up and up. They believe the accolades mean your way works and they don't need to help you, because they think you can handle it. Even though that might not be objective. And the minute you fail, it's so much worse. It's like with media: the disappointment is so much more potent when you have expectations and it doesn't meet them than if you don't have expectations. I dread to think of how they will react if the day I ever significantly fail something ever comes.

At least you graduated. And seem to be on the up. They can't take that away from you.
>the cycle
Shit, at least she apologizes. Mine thinks you're always at fault, and you need to apologize first. Even if she says hurtful things
>numb
Yes. Just, yes.

>live at home
>take care of schizophrenic mother and grandmother with late stage dementia/Alzheimers
>struggling with own depression and anxiety
>gf left me
>sisters completely cut me and mom out of their life
>father did the same thing
>mom refuses to take meds
>refuses to listen to anyone or accept any help
>wont get on a disability and alleviate financial issues
because of pride
>criticizes me for everything despite being a fat nearly 50 year old loser who lives at home with her mom
>refuses to apologize for the damage shes done and major things shes missed out on because of her illness
>cant talk to her about anything because she makes it about her never ending conspiracy or ignores anything that she cant spin into that

my mom has ruined my family and in many ways my life along with it

Attached: 1537118746416.jpg (900x900, 90K)

>schizophrenia
>dementia
>Alzheimer's
>depression
>anxiety
>seeming alienation on your end
Holy shit what a cocktail of abject misery. I can't imagine what that household must've been like. Do you ever see yourself getting out of there and leaving the care to some nursing home staff or something, or is the guilt just too strong?

I have a really difficult time with feeling selfish when I think like that I guess. I literally told my therapist I didn't know why I was there when went to my first appointment. Just hours before the appointment I had nearly blacked out in class from a panic attack again.... Didn't even mention that to him. Didn't register as a problem. It's just so hard to think I ever deserve anything at all, and I end up self sabotaging because of it.

>I love children. I sometimes volunteer at places to teach them arts and crafts and academics
and I love you! I wonder if being with lil ones hits all of us this hard. I know I've been given a rare gift with my little brother, but I hope you do find a way to give as much love to other kids as you can.

>only little user to bear the brunt of the fuckery all this time
that just sucks so much, user. Does it offer some measure of peace that your watch is ending now? Maybe their passing will help.

>no one to color my perspective
man... yeah. The part about not having an outside perspective to look to is relatable. My older brother was always more outgoing, and he ended up being around other families. Other families who could tell him that ours was fucked long before I knew.

forgive my increasingly uncontextual akkos, user. I've run out

Attached: wow!.jpg (593x593, 51K)

>Holy shit what a cocktail of abject misery
yes, my life is a constant state of waking misery

>I can't imagine what that household must've been like
my house is like a psyche ward

>Do you ever see yourself getting out of there
I've left before and I hated living on my own, I couldn't stand being alone with my thoughts and I just ended up worrying about my mom the whole time anyways

>leaving the care to some nursing home staff
we cant afford to put my nan in a nursing home, but she's not too bad to deal with, it's just painful seeing someone mentally wither away into a literal walking shell. I wouldn't abandon her just for being old and having a disease, she's done nothing wrong and I'm the only one that interacts with anymore

>is the guilt just too strong?
I wouldn't say I have guilt, I don't really feel anything because I just live for escapism and I couldn't do that if I didn't live in this house

thanks for the reply and reading what I have to say user

Attached: 1541388635067.png (480x534, 255K)

reading threads like these always make me glad that even tho i'm a loser at 23 years of age and poor as fuck, i still love both my pops and my pops love me

Attached: 1561876684078.jpg (480x640, 87K)

I can live without my dad, he's never liked me. I just miss my sisters.

We're good, I have an extremely strong taste for milfs/older women though and lately it's had me wondering of she diddled me when I was too young to remember or something

>I literally told my therapist I didn't know why I was there when went to my first appointment.
>It's just so hard to think I ever deserve anything at all
Man, don't even worry about that. I actually work in the medical field, though not as a therapist. When patients come in, they're never, ever expected to know why exactly they should be there or what exactly they have. That's our job, and what we train for. This is why I have that perspective. And like I said before, we wouldn't exist or have livelihoods without you. And if you're okay to be around, we're more than happy to take care of you. In fact, I kind of appreciate that you have that self awareness, because there really are patients who seem to actively amd consciously waste our time. But mental issues are different; it's never objectively a waste of time like some of the stuff I've seen during procedures. It's much more about you than it is about us, and the most passionate of medical practitioners will always tell you that. I know it's hard given your situation, but I'm here to tell you that you really do deserve it. And I'm not saying it as a practitioner to a patient. I'm saying it as an user to another user who has done me kindness on this late night, with no incentive to do so. You come off as a good person, and you deserve it.

I hope I can find a way too. I think their separating has given me more peace emotionally, though I wish they'd separated 15 years ago. It's all the financial and logistics stuff that unsettles the peace. We're talking hundreds of thousands of dollars in savings, lots of retirement money, and a fairly big house. Maybe their passing might alleviate things, but also I would be truly sad if either of them died, despite everything, so I'd have to deal with that. I could see myself crying hard if it happens, and I very very very rarely cry.

Don't worry, I love the akkos kek

My mother developed post-maternal depression after I was born because she wanted a daughter. Afterwards, she attempted and failed to mold me into the daughter she would never have. Eventually I grew my hair out and began to constantly recieve targeted comments such as "Do you know how many girls would die to have your hair?"
I now do everything in my power to separate myself from her in the most painful ways. Disagreeing with her position just because she holds it, or ignoring her advances for intimacy.
Her feelings have still not subsided. We frequently take in foreign exchange students because I do not offer my mother any affection, so she uses the students to fill the void. She has already mentioned to me that she wants to get a few female foreign exchange students after I have left for college.
Counterintuitively, she always viewed me as her favorite, and pampered me, which caused me to recede into my room and shut out any of her appreciation, effectively blocking any personal growth as well. Thus I became a robot

I read it.

>I've left before and I hated living on my own, I couldn't stand being alone with my thoughts and I just ended up worrying about my mom the whole time anyways
ah, fuck... being alone with your thoughts is rough. I'm currently dealing with it by akkoposting, but it often gets to be too much regardless of what I do. Even when the situation at my parent's house was at something approaching it's worst, I still had to go back there every weekend just to give myself a break from my thoughts.

>everyone one else left but user's still there
I don't think it's healthy for you to stay there, but I think you know that. However, that doesn't erase the pride you should feel about being willing to help two people who need it so desperately. No one else was willing to help but you.

I dunno, I'm still /love my dad and he loves me/ gang. It's just that our relationship is colored by quite a bit of interesting history. I think it's made it far, far stronger, really.

Attached: haha.png (410x596, 316K)

> She's a total drama queen/unneccessarily theatrical, thinks she's a lot smarter than she actually demonstrates, has no tact when needed (such as at funerals), is extremely nosy and gossip-y around other people even complete strangers, carries on/instigates arguments for way longer than they should go on, continues trying to vent to me about shit I don't want to get involved with, has no idea when people don't want to talk and above all has no self-awareness about anything regarding her character that could possibly be negative.

Same here

Ouch, my family doesn't have the same degree of diagnosed mental conditions but I definitely relate to worrying about them despite everything, and being pressured to take care of them because of their deteriorating health and mental state and because you're the only one they interact with. Despite having your own issues you definitely have some strong consititution to not abandon them. In your position I'm not sure if I would have done the same, so I really respect you for that. I feel like I've just had enough of my family. I hope that escapism could eventually turn into something more fulfilling or you get it from a healthier source someday.

Don't mention it user.

>I still had to go back there every weekend just to give myself a break from my thoughts.
I did this the entire time I was "moved out" and it was pointless to be paying rent when I never wanted to be there

thanks for the reply akkoposter, avatar posting breathes life into this site and always has

Or worse is when they project themselves onto you

>respect
>constitution
kind words user thank you

Attached: [Zeonic-Corps]_Mobile_Suit_Gundam_-_12v2_[640x480_H.264_AAC]_[29CF621A].mkv_snapshot_21.06_[2017.09. (640x480, 518K)

I don't like my mother because she is an overly anxious schizophrenic. Her behavior reminds me of the aspects of my own personality I hate the most, so in turn I hate her.

They do that when the father is no fun to attack anymore or if he's no even there.making you the man to attack

my father is fucked in the head and so is my mother kinda. good times usually outweigh the bad, but when bad times do arise, they're usually REALLY bad.

>because she wanted a daughter. >Afterwards, she attempted and failed to mold me into the daughter she would never have. Eventually I grew my hair out and began to constantly recieve targeted comments such as "Do you know how many girls would die to have your hair?"

Jesus christ, that's fucking horrible. If I'm reading you correctly, she actually tried to give you gender dysmorphia? I'd imagine this board puts you in some properly sour moods sometimes, what will all the trap bait threads and shit. I would do the same thing in your position, though it's unfortunate that it involved receding to your room and becoming a robot. She literally tries to give you a mental condition that results in notoriously high rates of suicide and then has the nerve to try and be a doting helicopter mom? I'd be fuckimg pissed too. Don't worry user, you've got a supporter in me.

Have things at least looked up for you over the years, in something?

Anyone else's mother get really passive aggressive when they were mad? Mine would always slam cupboards and say she was "looking for something" (an apology for nothing). My brothers called this "scouting", and she would just run between rooms grabbing random shit that didn't even make sense to be combined (Ex. Detergent and chips? Like wtf, are you trying to make a new flavour of tide pods or some shit?)

Attached: Bleach.jpg (941x1500, 155K)

because this is the construct of power that our society builded

parents think that they are above their kids, they abuse their power because that's what was done to them, the only thing you can do is to break the circle

No because im not a degenerate like most troubled millinials

I'm leaving for college soon so I should be able to gain some independence. I'm hoping to go into Psychology because I'm good at it and find it interesting, as well as the fact that I like complex interpersonal relationships with a multitude of people.

She may have tried to give me dysmorphia, but I think she was just trying to make me obediant. I used to be more into trap / sissy crap, but I'm slowly weaning myself off of it over time.

Almost killed myself with a circular saw, but was lucky enough to wimp out.

Mine was a mix of both. Extremely overt with her angry verbal outbursts when the person was present, and passive aggressive when they weren't (slamming doors, stomping around, grabbing my baseball bat and carrying it to her room, threatening to throw stuff, etc.)

I can't say much of mine because I still live in her fucking house, that's all I feel about her

I like my mom, but I feel like once I leave this place I wont ever talk to her properly again because how much I resent her for her abuse and because our ways of thinking is just way too different

Attached: 1052223-gothic-anime-wallpaper-1080x1920-download-free.jpg (1080x1920, 228K)

You'll get out someday, just keep holding out
If the relationship is unsalvageable then it is better to leave and move on.

>our ways of thinking is just way too different
I'm a very functionally based person (If it works well then it is good), while my mother is a very aesthetically based person (If it looks good then it is good) This clash of perspectives is a major contention between us

Good stuff user. Three things to know: make connections with professors, do internships, and get research experience. One leads to another. Don't worry too much about clubs and shit. This was imperative in my field (biochemistry) but it'll be essential in yours, especially since you need to go to graduate school for the really good certifications. It also keeps you away from the toxic household more of the time kek. Get into the right labs at the end of the process, and you might land your name on a publication in a really good journal (such as the Journal of the American Medical Association), which is very rare among undergrads. That's what my friend who studied psych did. He did rat studies on the effects of methamphetamine on working memory, and ended up publishing just there. I actually edited his senior thesis.

You seem to have overcome a lot, which is awesome. All you really need to do is keep going and doing you.

Does this apply to universities in Canada?
I'd assume they're similar

same, mine is a little to the extreme like this

she's so obsessed in how things should look that she ignores everyone's and her own feeling on it, she's obsessed in not being alone that she thinks that is in love for the first person who shows interest in her (kinda like r9k) and when something goes wrong and she does not feel well about it, she acts like nothing bad is happening and releases her stress on someone who is bellow her (you guessed, me) by humiliating in front of people to show her power and feel better about herself or screaming at me for nothing things when alone

I think it should. After all, Canada does like to be American in some ways kek. And people don't change; nepotism is nepotism. The country doesn't matter in terms of publishing; for example my first publication was in a organic chemistry journal based in Europe. You can submit anywhere that the work fits the scope of, though I'd imagine your superiors would take care of that.

Also, git gud at English, and ask your lab supervisors if you could do any journal-related work. If they let you (of course, it depends on the lab, try and get into a small one though) it could potentially mean higher authorship (meaning more prestige) if you contribute a lot. This really helped me get my name on a lot of publications, though again, it depends on the size of the lab and how fast the experiments can be done and written about. But if you work closely with a psych lab prof, definitely try this. It'll make you look motivated, too.

Thanks for the advice. I hope your relationship with your mother improves
I'm heading to bed for now

I should do the same. Godspeed user

First time post, forgive me.

I do not have a good bond, if any with my mom.

My upbringing was crippling and only showed me the ugliest things a parent can do to their children. It's deescalated since I've reached adulthood but, she hasn't taken any responsibility for it. I feel like more of a devalued family member than her own son.

Sometimes I think if we went to a family therapist we could salvage some sort of amends. In that same thought I think about how fast the blame would be placed on me for not being the perfect son she always wanted.

A child shouldn't have to fear/hate their own parents but, here we are fellow Anons.

My mom sexually molested me. She used to watch me take showers until I was 12. She would come home every night after grandpa died and blame me for everything.

I hate that bitch so much.

My mother is schizophrenic and low iq. I have never liked her :(

yes my mom hates me and i hate her. she's a fucking bitch and neglected/abused me my whole childhood.

I don't have too bad of a relationship compared to other people.
But she's kinda normal crazy.
Threatening to kick me, and also willing to let me sit and rot in this house forever.
Belittling me for being useless.
She just mainly seems sick of me after 20 years.
Thinking about ending and I'm sure she'd do just fine.

Attached: 1531020968890.jpg (427x314, 32K)

Pure sexx come for the best nudes, hot femaless and traps here.

discord gg/dmB39ty

I feel like I don't get along with mine simply because she treats me like s dumbass and feels the need to explain everything in the longest way possible. She acts like I'm an asshole when I just want her to get to whatever point she's making. I feel like I can hardly get any privacy either, as she's constantly barging in my room asking me about something, or yelling my name from upstairs and then not hearing me when I respond. I don't hate her, but she's annoying to work and communicate with. Maybe this is all my fault because I'm autistic, I dunno.

In the past my mother was a violent bitch(broke into my grandma's apartment by throwing a rock through the window, on a separate occasion just assaulted my grandma for no fucking reason) and is for some reason confused that I want nothing to do with her

She would get drunk and beat me when I was asleep.

The diagnosis is not the important part

Why do you still help her? If it's guilt, why do you feel it?

I can't speak for user, but for me it's a kind of guilt that feels a lot like obligation. Maybe that's easier to understand?

I just really hated how my mom just wanted me to be some super successful person because she just screamed at me a lot when I was kid over my grades and constantly comparing me to everyone else's kids if they just got a single inch over me. My mom would just jump back and forth with trying to force me to do stuff with "Well the jones kid is successful slapping donkeys! You're now going to be the best donkey slappper ever!" then it goes to "user, STOP DOING THAT THAT ALEX KID GOT A AWARD FOR PAITING THAT PICTURE, GET TO PAITING NOW!" the worst part of it was that she would always be dismissive about anything good I did and scream like I just killed someone when I failed at something while always shitting on anything I actually enjoyed because it wouldn't make me a billionaire overnight. Adulthood sucks because she's just always crying and moaning that I'm not some turbo celebrity and gets furious when I call her out that she always made me feel like a failure.

>She's a total drama queen/unneccessarily theatrical, thinks she's a lot smarter than she actually demonstrates, has no tact when needed (such as at funerals), is extremely nosy and gossip-y around other people even complete strangers, carries on/instigates arguments for way longer than they should go on, continues trying to vent to me about shit I don't want to get involved with, has no idea when people don't want to talk and above all has no self-awareness about anything regarding her character that could possibly be negative.
I think you just described every old woman ever, except for the funeral thing.

Yeah, haven't spoken to her since I was 9 years old.
because she died

Attached: 1527975631103.png (311x329, 132K)