I feel that one of the worst aspects of being lonely is when you're stuck in a limbo between being well-integrated into a community of people, with friends and loved ones always available, and being so far removed from these things that it doesn't matter anymore. I think if you fall onto any other point on this spectrum you're bound to be miserable to varying degrees. You're miserable when you're still kind of "there", but also obviously are the "weird person" that nobody really knows and nobody really can or even just wants to get close to. That's when you're aware of how odd and unlikeable you are, because even if well-intentioned might call upon you to preserve your "uniqueness", you can always tell how inferior you are to others and you can tell how much you've missed out in your formative years and how much you're missing out at this very point in time.
And you're being taunted by it, it's always so close and yet it seems completely unobtainable. You walk the streets, you see beautiful couples holding hands everywhere (don't get me wrong, good for them); you walk through parks, you see groups of friends hanging out having a great time; you go to work, all your colleagues seem to interact with each other easily while you stick out like a sore thumb; etc. etc. etc.
Maybe once every while you still get to interact with others, but it's never not miserable. Any interaction with... *ahem* "normies" reminds you even more of your own failings. Perhaps you give odd and confusing answers because you trip over your own words, perhaps you have literally nothing to offer in a conversation, or perhaps you make it extremely obvious how lonely you are through very subtle interactions. For example, you might be with a group of people and they want to play some party game that *everyone* knows of course, except you. By asking for the rules (hell, you don't have to ask, they'll notice if you never played it before) you reveal that you never learned how to play said game, which indicates that you never had many friends in the first place and that you're an untouchable.
Yes, untouchable, because humans are naturally wired to be social animals. The worst punishment is being expelled from your community and when others realize that you're "odd" they will subconsciously be repulsed by you, because there is something wrong with you if you never had friends.
Asher Perry
Party games are of course just one specific example of the many things that could betray you of course. People notice if you never had a gf, don't have any socially acceptable hobbies, never travel, don't go out outside of going to work and so forth. Slowly, the inferiority sets in and people treat you accordingly, and this will make reintegrating yourself into society impossible. The worst thing though is when you're simply a boring person. If you're uninteresting and you don't have anything else going for which might balance this it will mean that even by some stupid luck somebody tries to get through to you, they will leave you disappointed for the time they've wasted. You might have the superhuman strength to bend yourself into what might resemble a normal person by forcing to go through the motions of what is expected of you by others, but I don't and I assume many here don't. And for this reason most of us will remain lonely.
Worst of all though, whenever I speak with others I personally realize how boring other people are to me. Nothing they do interests me and I see nothing in them that makes me want to connect with them as well and that's what really gets to me. Like many here, I feel desperately lonely and starved for attention, but at the same time every interaction with others makes me want to curl up and never go out again. I wish there was something that could give me joy, but I can't think of anything or anyone.
Same here... Whenever I see a pretty girl at the store or something, I start to imagine how it would be to have her as my gf... But then I feel a pain in my heart. I try to ignore it and for the most part I can succeed, but it's always there, in my heart. Even if I had some friends it would bring me relief, but I barely have any and the ones that I do have, I rarely see. I just smoke weed and drink alcohol and try to forget my loneliness.
Connor Reyes
I know what you mean. Every once in a while I will see somebody beautiful and forget about what gets me down for a short moment, but eventually this sense of dread starts to set in. In that moment I feel repulsed by myself at the thought of us together.
Caleb Richardson
Dubs of truth. I was raised Jehovah's witness and only recently left. Being the cult that it is I made me a complete odd ball. I was never allowed to do any of the normal things other kids did and anything secular/worldly was viewed as the devil's influence. The worst part is I actually bended my life to it and followed everything they taught. My family has been in it for 3 generations so I thought it was my duty to up hold the truth. Well boy was I wrong. It's only now that I realize how immensely odd and dysfunctional my entire family and I are. The things I've been through would make other people crack and have mental breakdowns. I have one other friend who is a former witness as well, he never followed it as hard as I did so he's a bit if a cyborg and I have made about 4 other gaming friends through him but even then the hollowness from social upbringing still shows and they all also browse the Chan's so I guess they are wierdos as well
Caleb Morgan
Growing up in a cult must add another layer of fucked up mental shit, I'm so sorry man. Glad you could at least get out.
Xavier Cox
I think op is right in that people can sense when there is something extremely wrong g with someone. I've gone from fat to Jow Forums and tried integrating with normal fags but nothing ever works out not with women, friends, no relationships at all. My other odd friends see to get girlfriends, make new friends, and experience life easily but for me that's damn near impossible. They all come from somewhat functional well of families where as I come from an abusive single mother house hold. Well I'm starting to come to terms with it. At a certain point you gotta accept that it is what it is what it is. Just sucks that as a man you go through all this suffering with no reward and people (especially women) expect you to be loud proud and confident. This clown world can't end soon enough
Jaxson Sanchez
owo is sheepvillage still aliv or any group of that sourts
