I feel that one of the worst aspects of being lonely is when you're stuck in a limbo between being well-integrated into a community of people, with friends and loved ones always available, and being so far removed from these things that it doesn't matter anymore. I think if you fall onto any other point on this spectrum you're bound to be miserable to varying degrees. You're miserable when you're still kind of "there", but also obviously are the "weird person" that nobody really knows and nobody really can or even just wants to get close to. That's when you're aware of how odd and unlikeable you are, because even if well-intentioned might call upon you to preserve your "uniqueness", you can always tell how inferior you are to others and you can tell how much you've missed out in your formative years and how much you're missing out at this very point in time.
And you're being taunted by it, it's always so close and yet it seems completely unobtainable. You walk the streets, you see beautiful couples holding hands everywhere (don't get me wrong, good for them); you walk through parks, you see groups of friends hanging out having a great time; you go to work, all your colleagues seem to interact with each other easily while you stick out like a sore thumb; etc. etc. etc.
Maybe once every while you still get to interact with others, but it's never not miserable. Any interaction with... *ahem* "normies" reminds you even more of your own failings. Perhaps you give odd and confusing answers because you trip over your own words, perhaps you have literally nothing to offer in a conversation, or perhaps you make it extremely obvious how lonely you are through very subtle interactions. For example, you might be with a group of people and they want to play some party game that *everyone* knows of course, except you. By asking for the rules (hell, you don't have to ask, they'll notice if you never played it before) you reveal that you never learned how to play said game, which indicates that you never had many friends in the first place and that you're an untouchable.
Yes, untouchable, because humans are naturally wired to be social animals. The worst punishment is being expelled from your community and when others realize that you're "odd" they will subconsciously be repulsed by you, because there is something wrong with you if you never had friends.
Asher Perry
Party games are of course just one specific example of the many things that could betray you of course. People notice if you never had a gf, don't have any socially acceptable hobbies, never travel, don't go out outside of going to work and so forth. Slowly, the inferiority sets in and people treat you accordingly, and this will make reintegrating yourself into society impossible. The worst thing though is when you're simply a boring person. If you're uninteresting and you don't have anything else going for which might balance this it will mean that even by some stupid luck somebody tries to get through to you, they will leave you disappointed for the time they've wasted. You might have the superhuman strength to bend yourself into what might resemble a normal person by forcing to go through the motions of what is expected of you by others, but I don't and I assume many here don't. And for this reason most of us will remain lonely.
Worst of all though, whenever I speak with others I personally realize how boring other people are to me. Nothing they do interests me and I see nothing in them that makes me want to connect with them as well and that's what really gets to me. Like many here, I feel desperately lonely and starved for attention, but at the same time every interaction with others makes me want to curl up and never go out again. I wish there was something that could give me joy, but I can't think of anything or anyone.
Same here... Whenever I see a pretty girl at the store or something, I start to imagine how it would be to have her as my gf... But then I feel a pain in my heart. I try to ignore it and for the most part I can succeed, but it's always there, in my heart. Even if I had some friends it would bring me relief, but I barely have any and the ones that I do have, I rarely see. I just smoke weed and drink alcohol and try to forget my loneliness.
Connor Reyes
I know what you mean. Every once in a while I will see somebody beautiful and forget about what gets me down for a short moment, but eventually this sense of dread starts to set in. In that moment I feel repulsed by myself at the thought of us together.
Caleb Richardson
Dubs of truth. I was raised Jehovah's witness and only recently left. Being the cult that it is I made me a complete odd ball. I was never allowed to do any of the normal things other kids did and anything secular/worldly was viewed as the devil's influence. The worst part is I actually bended my life to it and followed everything they taught. My family has been in it for 3 generations so I thought it was my duty to up hold the truth. Well boy was I wrong. It's only now that I realize how immensely odd and dysfunctional my entire family and I are. The things I've been through would make other people crack and have mental breakdowns. I have one other friend who is a former witness as well, he never followed it as hard as I did so he's a bit if a cyborg and I have made about 4 other gaming friends through him but even then the hollowness from social upbringing still shows and they all also browse the Chan's so I guess they are wierdos as well
Caleb Morgan
Growing up in a cult must add another layer of fucked up mental shit, I'm so sorry man. Glad you could at least get out.
Xavier Cox
I think op is right in that people can sense when there is something extremely wrong g with someone. I've gone from fat to Jow Forums and tried integrating with normal fags but nothing ever works out not with women, friends, no relationships at all. My other odd friends see to get girlfriends, make new friends, and experience life easily but for me that's damn near impossible. They all come from somewhat functional well of families where as I come from an abusive single mother house hold. Well I'm starting to come to terms with it. At a certain point you gotta accept that it is what it is what it is. Just sucks that as a man you go through all this suffering with no reward and people (especially women) expect you to be loud proud and confident. This clown world can't end soon enough
Jaxson Sanchez
owo is sheepvillage still aliv or any group of that sourts
You hit the nail on the head user. I was a shut-in for years and finally, at the behest of my family, I tried to rejoin society at 25. I don't fit in anywhere. At uni noone invites me or talks to me, old 'friends' I tried to contact were like 'cool to hear from you' and then never talked to me again, etc. My only 'social life' is when this DnD group calls me when they need an extra person for the new campaign, but none of them seem to want anything to do with me outside of that, while going out frequently with each other.
Benjamin White
More dubs of truth. On a side note has anyone noticed how completely and utterly shit Jow Forums has become? Threads like these used to get 100's if replies back in 2012-13 but now none. There's so many normies in other threads who complain about their high school crush "ruining" their lives and posters when make way above minimum wage stating how hard their life is. The other day there was a mommy issues thread and some posters couldn't believe how fucked people's relationship with their parents were. It's been well known most outcasts are outcasts due to their parents and they way they are raised but these fucking normies have no idea of the type of abuse and mental trauma many robots go through. That might explain why so many threads get shitted up with lame ass advice and Reddit tier normal fags resoonses
Parker White
>I think op is right in that people can sense when there is something extremely wrong g with someone.
They most definitely can, it's almost instinctual. When you don't respond in the correct social manor (ie like a normie) then that immediate raises some red flags. Without going into details I managed to make a girl (I liked her) and her family hate me just by acting weird and inappropriately without even saying a single word. I didn't respond to her advances in the correct manor and ended up creeping her out big time. I use to see her and her parents almost everyday but now they won't even look at my face. Even if I managed to put on an act and got with her I would still have had to deal with her family and they would've discovered what I was really like.
Asher Wood
It's not that every poster here has always been a loner with family problems living in poverty. It's just that people never used to talk about the 'normal' parts of their life on Jow Forums. They would come here to share the hard parts or the weird experiences. That's what made this website special as a whole. As I used to say, the most lonely irl weeb can be the worst normalfag, and the Chaddest of all Chads can be the best user with the best stories. Just keep the 'normal' parts of your life out of this place.
Cooper Martin
What you just typed is one of my biggest fears. I am completely estranged from my own family and they all don't like each other, my mother is schizophrenic and I haven't talked to her in two years because she denies all help I try to give her. My dad hates me because I don't help my mother out anymore and I'm a uni dropout. I see no way in which i could attract any girl into my life and the be part of her life, such as social outings and meeting family. I feel like it's even worse if you are good looking. Not to brag about myself or anything but after losing weight I came out very good looking but the moment I talk to a girl I can see their faces subtly twist in disgust especially since people if my race are stereotyoed as cool suave Playboy. Had a girl even call me a bitch manlet at a club once.
One a side note I've met complete asshole scumbags with gfs and friends. Guys who beat their girlfriends, go to jail and are just all around unruly. I guess being a nice guy really is for losers cause even giant jackass get gfs. Maybe I'm just actually ugly lol
Xavier Harris
Fuck, this thread hits way too close to home. That's why, no matter how hard I try, I can't make any friends?
Jordan Jenkins
17 replies and 8 posters. I am sorry to see this thread die. It makes me sad but reminds me of better times on the internet. I have nowhere to go now and this place has done changed
Colton Taylor
Whenever I'm lonely I just go out and get a girlfriend
Owen Morales
literally everyone on this fucking board you faggot.
Hudson Clark
Sometimes speaking with others for five minutes make me feel more lonely than a week of isolation
Gavin Ross
this is extremely good thread, a lot of things pointed out you guys just articulated everything that have been boiling inside me since... idk realising how unadjusted i am.
>I am completely estranged from my own family and they all don't like each other, my mother is schizophrenic and I haven't talked to her in two years because she denies all help I try to give her.
Yeah, I'm sort of the same, I'm the black sheep in my family. The only person in my family I talk and connect with at any level is my Mother even though she is responsible for many of the issues in my life. Brothers are basically complete strangers and I don't get on with my Dad at all. I haven't spoken to my cousins in almost 20 years. That was one of the things that scared me about this girl, her family appears perfectly normal and functional. They have lots of family friends that all get along, something that is completely alien to me. I could never see myself fitting into a family so close nit like that where everyone is so close as all I've ever known is dysfunction and isolation.
Gabriel Foster
it often start with family. if your parents are fucked up loners, you wont end up socially successful especially if your father is fucked up you wont be a happy person capable of creating meanigful relationships
Owen Ortiz
Im glad this thread popped up, I've been feeling the same way as well user. There's nobody to talk about this with IRL. Although I wonder if we all met each other IRL would we get along?
I wish I could just join a monastery somewhere. >They have lots of family friends that all get along, something that is completely alien to me It's sad this is the case. It seems to me in this clown world even more people are adverse to "wierdos". Ive read historical diaries where complete losers and fuck ups get wives and have kids. I wonder if feminism has something to do with this as it seems women want a completely unobtainable package nowadays
Samuel Lee
>It's just that people never used to talk about the 'normal' parts of their life on Jow Forums. They would come here to share the hard parts or the weird experiences. That's what made this website special as a whole. Before social media became ubiquitous and instagram became the main way for people to proclaim their social status to the world, there was a sense, a hold-over from the very earliest internet, that the internet "didn't count" or "didn't matter" to your social status. This is still technically true on Jow Forums but most posters these days are use to living their entire social lives online and if they're here, they're probably wracked with status anxiety.
Christopher Bailey
God I hate this thread. It's just too accurate. I feel lonely irl and then I see you guys feel like that too. Just hurts man. I try to give off the impression that I'm fine, everything fine and I don't care but fuck man..
This thread hits too close to home, the worst kind of loneliness is when you are with your family and friends and still feel empty like nothing can fill that void even though you know these people for a long time.
Logan Cruz
Normies can tell user especially women. Why else do you think most serial killers go for prostitutes and other degenerates
Cameron Turner
I hate my life. I feel like I've been rejected too many times by people to keep going on anymore, and if I do manage to make friends they're toxic, maladjusted assholes who make me feel worse about myself. They're never interested in my well-being, just having me around to have someone they can laugh at to feel better about themselves.
I'm not someone who can make it completely alone, I don't think most people can either. But all the efforts I've made to make friends and make some kind of life for myself always blows up in my face, and worse than just being rejected, I'm ridiculed and completely ostracized time and time again.
I have no family and friends, I'm sick of this shit
Logan Davis
I've reached the cope stage where I just don't care anymore. I tell myself I like being alone and most of the time I believe it. But once or twice a month when it's night out and I'm laying in bed, unable to go to sleep, the loneliness hits me like a goddamn truck. It's brutal. Then i get up the next day and pretend I'm okay.
I am not lonely in the fact I have no friends no family no relationships. I just cant relate to anyone and have hard time finding value in socialising. I cant relate to anyone
Juan Reyes
Finally a good thread. Got to love the existential dread of knowing you're not wanted by anyone on earth. Literally a fate worse than hell. Atleast in hell you have company
Samuel Campbell
>Turning 28 this year >Haven't hanged out with anyone in over 5years >Haven't talked to anyone in person over 5years >Can't relate to anyone >No personality talking to me is like talking to a brick wall >tfw never had a gf Why am I even alive? Because to pussy to kill myself.
>Turning 28 this year There are VERY few of us older losers left.
Ryder Collins
I think most of us kill ourselves by the time we turn 30 to be honest.
Thomas Smith
Probably but I also feel that that aren't any new losers being made anymore. The entire internet feels like it's just young people and most niches for losers have merged into the mainstream.
I'm in half a mind to burn all my retro consoles that I've collected over the years cos it doesn't mean jack now.
Well we are boomers user. Most zoomers are normies since nerd culture actually exists and is bigger than before, back in the day we would get bullied and picked on for it.
Lincoln Stewart
The further you fall into loneliness, the harder it is to get back out. At a certain point it becomes functionally impossible. Even worse, no one on the surface understands your problems or even acknowledges there is a problem. Breathing is easy with your head above the water.
Colton Powell
This is why I do drugs to distract me from feeling loneliness.
Alexander Morales
I'm high functioning lonely. I do a good degree with a clear career path, I get along with my classmates, I make them laugh, then I go home and cry because I have no close friends and no gf. I spend all my free time watching anime, playing videogames and trying to make friends but nobody is interested. I'm older than most of you, and I've been consistently alone for the past decade or so.
ive always want friends but when i have them i just want to be alone because i feel annoying :/ im just an anti social loser who browses Jow Forums too much
Elijah Sanchez
I have 0 friends, both irl and online, at my funeral there will be my two older sisters and that's about it. I spent my 25th birthday alone. I haven't had sex in 3 years. I have never had a job. I am desperately lonely but I can't remember how to talk to people.
Ryan Scott
>has had sex Fuck off normie scum.
Adrian Richardson
>there are very few of us older than 30
This just hit me harder than it ever has, legit I'm 29, turning 30 in 5 months, and I've lived my entire adult life with virtually no friends, nothing interesting, wageslaving dead end retail job for poverty apartment rent for last10 years, I had one girlfriend when I was 16-18 years old which left me a broken man, I cant see myself continuing this cycle much longer desu, I feel like ive tried it all, being fit, ive trying pretending to be a social butterfly, I tried so many of these acts because I know my boring self hasn't gotten me anywhere, fuck me dude. I always end up back on the threads of Jow Forums, which has been my only friend legit for the last 13 years
Leo Ortiz
I can relate, shame i've never met a person so similar to me >>Turning 28 this year turned 27 this july >>Haven't hanged out with anyone in over 5years haven't had friends since finishing college in 2012 >>Haven't talked to anyone in person over 5years I only talk to my parents now lol >>Can't relate to anyone Same, I've always felt like the odd one out or like an imposter when I tried to get along with people >>No personality talking to me is like talking to a brick wall I think maybe depression could be causing that >>tfw never had a gf same 27 kv
Jordan Carter
they were incredibly ugly girls user, a tramp could have gotten into their pussies
Jaxon Jenkins
There is one thing I will tell you and it's true. No matter how hard you try to leave Jow Forums you WILL always come back. It's like the only place we actually Jow Forums in or at least know how it feels to fit in.
Funny how we can all some what relate to feeling lonely but none of our interests or other things align. It's like we all are the same but at the same time different.
Have had sex with one person my life, we broke up in summer of 2009, have not had anything close to a girlfriend since, im 29 and on the verge now
Jack Lopez
Legit man, we all read those threads about the sad guy in there 30s or 40s and can peacefully say "when Im his age I wont be like them" Then you turn around and you are that person, Trust me, Ive lived it, I remember viewing threads when I first got on Jow Forums when I was maybe 19 years old, I would never have guessed I would become one. The chances of me reaching 40 is probably like 1%
Caleb Hughes
I've read some stories that there ARE some anons that make it in their early 30s but I would say those are the 1% of us.
Jaxon Watson
I don't think there's any reason to commit suicide, I just think of myself as someone who lives to watch new TV and movies, those are usually good enough reasons to keep living. It's amazing how eating well and staying fit directly affects your personality and happiness.
Dominic Ward
>everyone at work off on vacation >been sitting all alone in the office and quiet like it >vacations are ending and people are coming back with loads of stories from their familiy vacations with all their sons and daughters and all their girl and boyfriends who all your age because you are a student helper >so what did you do in your vacation, user
I havent seen a friend in this entire summer period. I dont know how it got so bad, but I feel like im cursed forever to be boring, unfunny and serious.
Christian Gonzalez
I've come to realize I've never been as happy as I was when I was with somebody, I love games, tv, jerking off, Jow Forums browsing, but its never the same it always feels like a filler, a cheap knock off, its like as a human the only think im programmed to truly enjoy is human interaction, friends or gf, but I also happen to be socially retarded , so it will never come anyways, the filler can hold you over sometimes, but it slowly becomes mundane, less enjoyable, suddenly you realize that you aren't even enjoying these "filler activities" anymore anyways, you just do them to burn time.
There's no way out of being a loner, is there? I always thought I'd eventually 'make it' or whatever. That I'd change. I still do. There's a part of me that takes it for granted that I won't be like this forever. But logic points to the opposite. If I've been like this for 26 years, what's gonna change now? Is it even possible to learn how to socialise and trick normies?
Angel Flores
I laught at so many of these posts on here, I sometimes get kinda sad thinking about the potential great friendships I might missing out on meanwhile I waste my life pleasing to fit in with normies
Jaxon Fisher
I've been at your point, I tell myself I can change things >The reason people don't like me is because of X, X changes, maybe its acne, then you lose acne, then its your not Jow Forums, you become Jow Forums, its because you dont have a job , you get a job, its because your outgoing enough, then you force yourself to overload on activities, Soon you realize that you as a person are not cut out for other people, and you cannot change that for whatever "true" reason it may be.
Nathaniel Myers
please post discords im so lonely
Lincoln Anderson
Thing is, who would you trick? Let's say you become (seemingly) uberchad tomorrow. Where do you go? What do you do? You still have no friends and no events to go to, and you're still not interested in those things. Now pull it back to reality where you're also not uberchad, there's just no hope. It's not even an impossible task, there IS no task to even attempt. There's no escape and no solution. It's not a locked door, there is no door. Isolation is self-perpetuating once you're really in it.
if any of you lads are still here, I think an even sadder part of it is that I can tell when another person doesn't belong just like they can. Being an outcast doesn't necessarily mean you are always going to be able to find solace with others in your position. The truth is we're just fucking bad at socializing. It often just ends up being awkward people sitting around being awkward...
It's become really hard to even consider joining in when I'm asked to. I know they're just being nice, but it's not me they're asking to join. It's their image of what I should be. How I should be acting, or would be if I were normal. Does anyone else feel like that? Imagine you're walking around campus and some lads ask if you want to come in and join their party? I look normal enough for them to ask, but I'm no where near normal enough for them to want me to stay. Knowing that is enough for me to simply keep walking.
>I look normal enough for them to ask, but I'm no where near normal enough for them to want me to stay. Knowing that is enough for me to simply keep walking.
Jesus. How can one identify this much with me.
Everytime you start at a new place be it job or education you tell yourself "this is the tim when you wont be that weird loner, you have a chance now to make a fresh impression" and here you are still telling yourself the same lines as the years just coast by
Liam Reyes
Glad to know there are still some people I can relate to on this board, thought it's too bad that anyone has to feel this way. There's not much i can add to this thread since its all been said already. Stay strong lads. Harden your hearts against the pain.
Oh fuck, it's like I'm reading about myself. Ever since I stopped being a shut-in, I started uni and doing some things outside the house. I already liked cars, but also learned a few things about sportsball stuff so I can fit-in with the normies. But when they invite me to watch the game or whatever, I can never say yes. I'm too terrified of slipping up and letting them see through my 'normie' mask.
Matthew Martinez
yeah... I'll admit it was pretty hard for me to write. The kind of comment you go back and read to yourself. I'm sorry others identify with that particular feel so strongly, and I really wish I had an answer to all of this.
>you have a chance now to make a fresh impression oh man... It never actually is a new experience, is it? I switched schools a lot growing up, so I used to run head first into that wall over and over. You're still who you were before; it's just going to be a new group of people slowly realizing they want nothing to do with who that is.
>sportsball stuff everyone seems to want you to be able to summon the kind of "energy" you need to yell about everything like they do. I honestly get a pang of sadness every time I hear those "GO X!!!" kind of comments. Just never been able to do it.
I forgot I was gunna toss you a (you). Nah mate, you're still far from alone on here. I was one of the anons in the "mommy issues" thread. I'm usually in threads like this I suppose.
Ryan Reyes
sup fellow apostate robot. I'm a PIMO (physically in, mentally out) and I don't know if I'll ever escape. It'd destroy my mother.
Recently, my mom visited me and I ended up breaking down and admitting to her that I was doing badly mentally, which she said she already could tell. She was pretty understanding and said that on the weekend we should talk it out. I don't want to break her heart, but I also can't stand keeping this facade up. How do I gently let her know that her adult son is a pathetic khv?
I dunno, viewing relationships with others as some scientific riddle to be solved doesnt seem very fulfilling to me.
Ethan Hughes
Okay. Listen to the weebcast. Masturbate while listening to hilarious surrogate friends shitpost about your favoriate anime. feeds.feedburner.com/TheWeebCast88
Joseph Nelson
That seems more up my alley, even though I dont watch a lot of anime. Will check it out, thanks user
Jonathan Ross
No problem.
Early episodes availble here: feeds.feedburner.com/TheWeebCast
They changed feeds for some reason. and most of the episodes are still on the older feed.
Benjamin Long
Do you think that when a married guy who has bedded dozens of women and had a fulfilling career and traveled the world dies, he is comforted by any of that? All I see is someone who was living in illusion his entire life, the illusion being that he wasn't completely alone in his own head. We all are. When you were born, you came from nothing, alone. Nobody came with you. The way I see it, I have just accepted what normal people will fail to even notice until their deathbed, which is that they were born alone, lived alone, and will die alone. They place their existential fears onto another person to hide from them, saying they are "in love" with their "soulmate". I don't hide from the miserable truth of human existence, I have accepted it and this allows me to live without being obsessed with finding someone to offload my mortality onto.
I'd rather cope by having friends and lovers though
Thomas Jones
When you are about to die, cry for your beautiful wife and see if it helps. It wont, you will be more scared than you have ever been because you will realize that you really were alone this whole time. Nobody can really know you or comfort you. You are a normal person so you have never been forced to look at your existence in the way that I have. You will learn one day. I am years ahead of you and living more freely than you ever could.
Austin Lopez
fun and friendly Jow Forums discord server. join now for frens!!
Older i get more lonely i feel being a neet apart from the society has a dark side for me and anxiety make it worse and everytime i post here it feels like water flowing trought my hands internet is my only real friends and my pc is like my gf or bf
Carson Foster
Your heart is so small and fragile and its beating in your chest right now keeping you alive. One little hiccup in its rhythm could end your existence. What difference did sticking your penis into a vagina have in the end?
John Miller
I think the same as you
David Ward
I just want someone to hold me and say nice things. Why are women so evil? It's not that they're just shitty, they specifically go out of their way to mock you if you show the tiniest flaw.
Hudson Wood
you are not lonely when you're with yourself.
are you?
Justin Diaz
>We all are. When you were born, you came from nothing, alone. Nobody came with you. The way I see it, I have just accepted what normal people will fail to even notice until their deathbed, which is that they were born alone, lived alone, and will die alone. >I have accepted it and this allows me to live without being obsessed with finding someone to offload my mortality onto. I completely agree with this, we will always be alone. But I think you're projecting hard in your first lines, who's to say bedding dozens of women and having had a fulfilling career and travelling the world is something he did solely because he felt alone??? He could have done it for the sake of it, to search for meaning perhaps, to experience what life had to offer instead of stagnating and dying slowly.
God fucking damnit i hate myself so fucking much and i can't stop.
Jonathan Bennett
There's a guy at work who asks me every Monday what I did over the weekend. It's obvious that he can tell that I'm a loner and that he's only asking for his own enjoyment.
Tyler Reyes
I've dealt with this since 2013 after I realized I was always going to be seen as an outsider to society. I only started caring again because of how fucked it is, they make you have to care by deliberately demanding shit like references for jobs, cultivating relationships with professors for recommendations and all this other bullshit used to weed out socially isolated people.
Like the social isolation and lack of any sense the society around me cares about my existence is something I'm used to again.
Like I have a family where emotional abuse is normal, lived my whole childhood being attacked on anything I liked even hobbies. I've been called fat and obese despite being 130 pounds. By my own parents. I recall when I was 10 or 11 being screwed out of normal mental and social development repeatedly by teachers because they looked for every little stupid thing I do and called it a "suspendable offense". They called the cops on me over me saying a lame April fools joke and I ended up getting put in a summer school that used solitary confinement on kids who spoke out of turn in class. I got out of that, but was put in environments where normal socialization was impossible.
I managed to graduate high school at 17 anyways, but the habitual self isolation and lack of social ability only became more entrenched without any way up. I didn't realize how bad it was at the time, I had in my mind goals that often would be subjected to either self sabotage, constant degrading of anything I aspired to and even when I was able to transfer to a university on the hope that my high academic performance would mean something, I found out the hard way no.m. I had parents who climbed to alternative medicine to cure autism and mistook the self isolation and suppression of behavior. I ended up alienating myself from a society that clearly hates me.
It's hard to want to contribute to a system that has been hostile to you from the start and sex is not a motive.
Brandon Rivera
Being an eternal loner really dose beat me down but I'm at a point where I know too much to ever be normal again. I play video games and have no friends to even play one game with. I talk to 3 people, my parents and one of my parents freinds. Nobody knows true loneliness until you live a decade by yourself, or when you desperately need somebody's help. I had to walk to a hospital after I wrecked my car, nearly died of blood loss along the way. I walked 27 miles without even realizing it.
>Walking outside my college campus at night and its snowing. Some guys in their yard are sleding and ask if I want to join in, pretend not to hear them and keep walking I walked for a while and was really cold when I got back to the dorm.
