I'm smart but lazy and that's why I'm a failure

>no im a plain fucking retard
I went to get tested for mental illness and they told me "you're not retarded or autistic, you have a 130+ IQ and you're a horrible narcissist, go get a girlfriend, have sex."

I often say to myself "I wish you weren't so retarded"... it's something people don't understand because they assume retard = low IQ. In reality retard is latin for "hold back", like a seat-belt and air bag retards your head from smashing through the windshield or into the dash.

>you just lack perspective
That's a nice hypothesis you've got there, may I offer you some Sisyphus?

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>and if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know
Truth is, despite all that I might know, I dont really know shit.

>should be shameful enough for you to desire change
Correct! "Should be", but it isn't. The lack of desire is the issue. How can one desire to desire? That does not make sense, it's circular reasoning.

The underlying issue is the lack of desire. It's called Major Depressive Disorder and we have no understanding of the cause nor any hope of a cure. For highly functioning individuals like myself, medications are indistinguishable from placebo. The most effective coping mechanism is suppression of emotion (due to its negative bias) and questioning of rationality: this is called "mindfulness"; awareness of ones' self and environment and the independent mechanisms of such (Tao).

"I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain. One always finds one's burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him netiher sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night-filled mountain, in itself, forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy."
absurdism is the deepest redpill imaginable

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With regard to "no hope for a cure"; various psychedelic substances are being investigated and research into genetic correlations, brain structure and so forth (the systems underlying pain en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pain are one) are showing some promise... but like many other emergent phenomena this "disorder" is far more complex than the mere sum of its parts. It's similar to "a cure for cancer" in that respect; "A cure for depression."

Every r9k lazy genius is a Bernie supporter now

What makes depression so impossible to break out from user? Asking because its always made me wonder, since the only people who can truly describe are those stuck in it.

I have already. It isn't a particular way of thinking... imagine if your "feelings" were like a scale, and someone threw a ten ton lead weight on the "sadness" part of the scale, crushing it and breaking it completely.

Are you going to use that scale to weigh anything? No, your only hope is to now rely upon other means to estimate the weight of things.

The audio from this lecture is messed up for a good portion at the beginning but it is a very good lecture on the subject:
youtu.be/NOAgplgTxfc

He mentions "the disorder is biological! it's no different than something like diabetes mellitus."

Actually, MDD is associated with juvenile diabetes which I happen to also have. (This is an endocrinological disorder, a failure of the insulin hormone system where treatment is hormone injection.)

You need to understand the original Greek legend to understand why this arrangement of hopelessness was used as punishment for Sisyphus, who promised in return for an act by the gods to "do the impossible".

The goal of his punishment is neither to demonstrate the impossible nor to encourage hopelessness, but to show the difference between what is truly impossible and what is a worthwhile effort.

The accusation of "lack of perspective" is hilarious to me as my philosophy is claimed to be filled with contradiction due to the limited concrete thinking of most people. This is not narcissism, as I do not disregard your opinion by thinking myself better, but rather by thinking myself equal. Having people tell me things I considered in depth at 6 or 8 years of age is frustrating... as attempting to explain those very things to adults at that age was in all but the rarest cases impossible.

It isn't speaking from assumption, it's a question of probability, experience, and accrued wisdom.

>know at least some solutions that can fix your problem
>find yourself not even testing them to figure out if they actually work

I mean what is that if not lazy

My post about Sisyphus was dumb, so I'll just post this cool clip from Lexx instead with Stanley H. Tweedle operating the "machine of life".

Regarding Sisyphus though, setting aside all the varied ancient Greek legends with him, the question isn't what he's doing there but HOW he ended up there and WHERE he's headed.

Nirvana is the goal in Buddhism, which means "blown out", like a burning lamp or candle. Sisyphus is an example of a pointless eternal battle with no rewards, no hope of success and endless punishment (Samsara). Sisyphus continues to roll the boulder only because he, like Narcissus, believes himself to be the better, greater than the Gods themselves. His own ego imprisons him eternally.

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What do you call it when you know they couldn't possibly work but test them anyway, and they don't work, but you keep trying anyway? That's me. I call it heinous.

but I didn't test them once
I mean I'm going to... eventually after I'm done sleeping, and masturbating to this new doujin from my favorite author, and I found this game I'm addicted to so I'm going to finish it and I'll be right on it or on second thought when I defeat the bonus bosses since I'm on a roll.

I'll work out, write my novel, update my facebook I've never touched in years, learn to play the keyboard, learn programming, find a career, find a good apartment with my budget, get my drivers license, and go outside after that.

I'm smart but lazy and that's why I'm successful. The most valued problem solvers for military development jobs are those who find the easiest solution that requires the least work.

What's the point of your post? Some of us have actually taken courses, made friends, had relationships, careers, various jobs in different industries, run our own corporations and signed dozens of contracts that we continue to derive profit from decades later... and I'm only listing my personal history here.

I never said I'm smart. I feel very, very stupid. Too stupid to do anything worthwhile and too stupid to kill myself already. I'm about 1/50 with an IQ >130.

I'm too am listing history
some people are like you but I'm pretty sure most are like me. Someone who would probably get somewhere but seek mostly instant gratification since long-term is uncertain and the porn and vidya are certain to make you happy at least for awhile.

I used to be you, then I did all those things. You should be questioning that. You don't know yet that things don't work, but what will you do once you learn? You'll be in the same place you started and you'll realize you never moved an inch.

So you'd be best to focus on consistently achieving solely things that personally bring you sustainable pleasure regardless of the cost to others.

Most importantly, if you're going to suppress your emotions the most important one to aim at is regret, remorse and guilt.

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>seek mostly instant gratification
That's simply a lack of foresight and poor management of cost vs. benefit. You should find that it is very reliable to predict any short-term outcome has a significantly lower (orders of magnitude) return than long-term goals.

That's not to suggest you ought to make yourself suffer to achieve anything... the opposite in fact. Never accept suffering in the slightest. Any time you suffer, use that as a punishment to reinforce for yourself that you've made a mistake, and find ways to overcome those mistakes and go on to defeat all those sources of suffering.

For example get in an accident where you can sue for insurance money and get a payout like 200k. Use that money though to buy a house (long term) rather than blowing it on hookers, blowjobs and coke.

>You should find that it is very reliable to predict any short-term outcome has a significantly lower (orders of magnitude) return than long-term goals.
I know that hence I call it laziness (as opposed to cowardice)

I mean I COULD say that guys like makes me uncertain that even if I go long-term things will not get better. But part of me knows better but I procrastinate too much for it to mean anything.

>I procrastinate too much
That is cowardice though. It's fear of failure. Short term you can hang out doing nothing and jerk off... achieving absolutely nothing.

Instead you can start investing your time thinking up ways to invest the least possible effort (ideally zero, have slaves and rip people off) for the maximum possible reward. Focus ONLY on that and do it constantly without stopping. During your downtime between ripping off some assholes you can eat pudding and jerk off.

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>Instead you can start investing your time thinking up ways to invest the least possible effort
I have a mutual fund

I see depression as a kind of trigger for certain unwanted elements. It is like breathing or feeling hunger, that is why you can't truly get out of it cause it becomes a part of you. Once depression kicks in, the only way to get rid of it withou medication is to seek novelty, in short new stimuli. But depression is like a black hole, the more novelty you get, the more you stabilize it, but in the same time it requires more and more. It becomes a process of self destruction until nothing really pleases you anymore because it is too little. The same with alcohol and drugs.