When are ya gonna give your mother and me grandchildren, Champ? Having kids is important because it gives you direction, a sense of achievement, and someone who'll take care of you when you get old. When I was your age, I had kids. Everyone has kids, Champ! Why the glum face? Oh, I know: Girl trouble. Champ, that Lacey girl wasn't pointing and laughing at you; she was pointing and laughing with you. Girls like a confident guy who can sweep her off her feet with a winning smile. A handsome guy like you ought to have no problem finding the right girl. And introducing yourself to one is as simple as walking up to her, smiling, giving her a firm handshake, and telling her that you're not letting go until she accepts your invitation to dinner.
It's as easy as pie! Girls will practically be chasing you when you crawl outta your shell and introduce yourself, Champ. You'll be running around so much, you'll practically have to fend them off with a broom.
I have my own achievments retard, unlike you who gave up on fighting for your dreams and decided to take the easy self satisfaction route.
Leo Green
Champ, back in my day, a mental illness was just another way of saying you needed a kick in that stubborn keyster of yours to get you going. Now finding a nice girl and not being a degenerate weirdo is as simple as walking up to her, giving her a firm handshake, handing her a box of chocolates, and asking her out on a date!
Heh, WHEN you have kids, you'll sit back and laugh at just how much your ol' pop was right.
Champ, I know you're bummed about your tupperware no giraffe, but girls will chasing you once you get a job. And getting a job is as easy as walking up to the manager, giving him a firm handshake, and telling him you're not letting go until he tells you when you can start.
What do you mean you're bummed about being a duracel. Champ, you're gonna be as unpopular as Rayovac if you don't get in that car. Time now.
Having some trouble meeting girls, Champ? Don't sell yourself short. I've seen all those girls checking you out, and you could totally get one if you showed some backbone and tried. The only thing holding you back is you. But you're not gonna meet one on a Shembot or a toastie thread or posting pictures of that cockroach man with the sunglasses and the energy drink, Champ. You've just gotta crawl outta that thick shell of yours, hand them a bouquet of flowers, give 'em a firm handshake, and tell 'em you're not letting go until they accompany you to dinner. It's all puffing your chest, putting your name out there, and being confident.
Heh, they'll be all over you once you crawl outta your shell, Champ!
Ahh I tried following your advice and got up to the giving a firm handshake part and not letting go until she agreed to go to dinner with me and she just threatened to call the cops if I didn't let go. What did I do wrong?
Ryan Murphy
Fuck you dad i tried all that but it did not work
Cooper Sanchez
"Champ: Persistence pays off! There are plenty of girls for someone like you out there if you're just willing to look. It's all about being confident. Speaking of which: When are ya gonna give your mother and me grandchildren, Champ? Having kids is important because it gives you direction, a sense of achievement, and someone who'll take care of you when you get old. Why the glum face? Oh, I know: Girl trouble. Champ, that Lacey girl wasn't laughing at you; she was laughing with you. Girls like a confident guy who can sweep her off her feet with a winning smile. A handsome guy like you ought to have no problem finding the right girl. And introducing yourself to one is as simple as walking up to her, smiling, giving her a firm handshake, and telling her that you're not letting go until she accepts your invitation to American Bandstand. I'll even buy you tickets so you two can sit together in the front row.
"It's as easy as pie! Girls will practically be chasing you when you crawl out of your shell, Champ. You'll be running around so much, you'll practically have to fend them off with a broom."
Thanks Dad. Next time I hold her hand until she agrees to go on a date with me I'll show her the tickets with my other hand so she knows I'm serious. Hopefully then she'll stop threatening to call the cops on me.
Henry Myers
Getting the cops called on ya? All that says to me is that you aren't working hard enough, Champ. It's all about BEING YOURSELF.
When I was your age, we were facing our cross-town rivals over at Allentown Prep. They were the best team in the entire state, and they had this monster of a defensive end: A huge fella by the name of Chet Anders. He was 6'5 and 260 pounds -- or he was until I dove at his knees on a cut block and took him out. Sheer luck it took the paramedics 15 minutes to get him to stop screaming. And that was with the scouts from Alabama and Notre Dame in attendance. Last I heard, he leapt off a bridge after he couldn't even hack it in Hacwamanee Community College as a third-stringer. Met your mother at the school dance the very next night, and the rest as they say is history.
The point is that you've gotta grab life by the horns.Girls like a confident guy with a winning smile. And introducing yourself is as simple as walking up to her, handing her a bouquet of flowers, giving her a firm handshake, and telling her that you're not letting go until she comes with you to dinner.
Yeah dad, I'm 30, life kinda went without me and despite what you want to believe the grim reaper is looking for you
Joseph Nelson
It's never too late to find the girl of your dreams, Champ. I know you've been busy with your career -- you do work, right? -- but finding a girl is as easy as going up to her, standing up nice and tall, looking her in the eyes, and giving her a firm handshake.
it isn't the 1960s anymore everything is fucked this state is fucked this country is fucked and these United States died in 1965 fuck LBJ fuck FDR
Anthony Jones
If you paid any attention to my life dad, you'd know that I work the graveyard shift where there are no girls, I sleep during the day, as you do when working late and during the weekend I'm keeping you and mom company as mom is a nervous wreck right now. I'm not meeting anyone and at work people as young as 23 already have multiple kids, they don't go out anymore, they have all they need already.
Blake Russell
You'll have all you need when you have kids, Champ. Having kids is fulfilling, fun, and important because it makes you responsible and extends the family legacy. First, you've gotta find the right girl, Champ. And it's as simple as going up to her, giving her a firm handshake, and handing her a bouquet of flowers.
We're gonna need some grandchildren, Champ, or we're sending your ass to Guangzhou.
Hey Dad you got any advice on how to get a date with a cute egirl? You see there's this girl I really like and I think she would love me as well once she gets to know me. But I only know her online so I can't really shake her hand or give her flowers or anything so I'm not sure what I should do?
Benjamin James
Don't be ridiculous, Champ. You can't find a girl on the in-fur-mation superhighway. Remember that linebacker who got tricked several years ago? I mentioned it around the water cooler the other day, and we all had a good laugh. E-dating is all make believe nonsense.
Finding a girl is as easy as walking up to her and giving her a firm handshake, Champ. It's all about being confident and persistent.
I'm an antinatalist, the fact that you and mom created me without consent for your own selfish purposes is undefendable.
Zachary Ortiz
What's indefensible, Champ, is your lack of children. And it all starts with meeting that special someone and introducing yourself with a firm handshake.
But Dad you don't understand, this egirl is special. Wait until you see the photo of her and you will understand what I mean. And omg I replied to something she posted and she said she thinks I sound really cool even though she doesn't know who I am yet. Surely there's some way to date her? Should I just like ask her for her address and then go knock on her door and do the whole handshake and flowers thing that way?
Samuel Powell
Dad, I had a question for you. There's a girl I really like, but she has a penis like me (hers is a lot cuter and feminine, though). Can we still have kids?
Jonathan Thomas
Both my grandmas died surrounded by nurses they didn't know. The family visited them like once a month. My paternal grandma didn't even recognize us when we came...
