I cut myself again today but not too deep

All the more reason to try and quit, addictions may seem daunting to tackle but I can assure you they're not unbeatable, the fact that you don't mind is alarming and possibly a symptom of your existing suicidal thoughts. I can't do much except give you words of comfort and maybe some subjective advice but if you need something from me then feel free to ask. (within personal boundaries.)

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Pls post pic so I can masturbate to them.

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So down the road? I kinda think it's alright to do it if it's not too deep and only one, although it has been a few months since I did it the last time, I thought about doing it myself again a few days ago. Especially because the emptiness of my brain after cutting is just wonderful and I really could have needed that the last few days, besides the dopamine is just too good. But I'm gonna hold myself back a bit more and wait till I get my meds in a few days. Suicidality comes and goes for me, happy little phases, it's just always weird that those are the phases in which I'm the least depressed, weird stuff. Oh, yeah how would you do it? I kinda like the train way out, but you know I don't wanna give some guy PTSD.
Anyways, don't get too addicted to cutting yourself tho, user-kun, that is not good.

i cut myself on my biceps by accident and now i know that there's lots of blood around your biceps

Not too deep? You mean not deep enough!

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show cuts

I'm not okay, I can't talk today I have to fix a lot of stuff. please don't hurt yourself it scares me and I worry about you a lot, I don't want to hurt myself too

im hurting very bad
i hope you are ok soon

to be clear I'm not upset at you and I'm not disappointed or anything, I messed up a lot and if I don't fix it now then everything will be ruined and I'll be really messed up again. please keep trying your best for me, okay? don't hurt yourself, spend time with your doggie, eat something nice, drink water, go for a walk, stay clean, try to talk to Dylan, and try not to think about bad things. you're very important to me and I want nothing more than for you to be happy again, please do your best and I'm sorry for everything

good luck im sorry

please don't say sorry, you didn't mess up or make me upset at all. please just keep trying and be careful, everything will be okay you don't have to be sad James. I'm going now

i've ruined everything
im sorry and good luck with your life
if im alive and home i'll post threads about you

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ive come to a realization. i don't get pleasure from looking good in the mirror, I get pleasure from looking human in the mirror. ive had dissociation problems for many many years and kind of mentally block myself out of the mirror. does anyone know what im talking about and how to fix it?

Maybe Body dysmorphic disorder, just give me more details so I can get a better idea.

well I've seen myself in many different ways which scares me a lot actually. I've looked at myself in the mirror and have been filled with so much hate I started pulling out my hair. I've seen myself as beautiful as well, which confuses me cause its sometimes in the same day. No matter how I think I look though, there's always a disconnection as if the person looking back isn't me. There's no familiarity if that makes sense. Like I'm staring into an empty void kinda

Hmm, ok if it is hair pulling especially it could also be Trichotillomania, but I'm guessing that is not the case, is it only about your appearance? Have you btw ever had auditory hallucinations.

nah its more just general self-harm like punching, burning and shit. Just my appearance and voice. I only get auditory hallucinations when I'm high and on the verge of sleeping.

Ok, did you have any traumatic experience in your past? Any other mental illnesses? General problems with your health? On the matter voice, any idea if the dislike of your voice started at the same time, otherwise it can be seen as normal, except if it is real hatred, it could be something else then.

i'am this close to just jamming a knie through my hand and i don't even know why

dad left, bullying over not hitting puberty til junior year, stepdad divorce, bipolar, avpd. Not sure if it started at the time of the trauma, but I have a real hatred for my voice to the point where I won't speak

Ok, not really anything I would count as a trigger for something like that. So basically it at least sounds to me like a personality disorder, something like a schizotypal personality disorder, especially with what sounds like depersonalization. Tho it's really hard to exactly get this stuff right and the differential would be nearly impossible. In any case there is no normal way of treating this stuff if I'm somewhat close, like schizotypal personality disorder is treated with schizophrenia medication. So in any case, go see a psychologist and just tell him exactly what you told me, because the symptoms on their own can be so many different things, like the depersonalization you described in the beginning, it could also be recognized as BDD or OCD, and so on, besides that my best guess is depersonalization and it is not really its own illness that would be depersonalization disorder and although SSRIs could help here, research is still needed. So yeah psychologist, a good one.

I tried cutting with a camping can opener. Not deep but enough to tear. Last week. I'm glad I haven't felt the the desire to again. First time I've ever done that

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