You could potentially be content with how things are right now. I suppose. I'm not sure. Separating all the pieces of your being bit by bit might be the key to it. Right now it's a pile, a mess. No order. No happiness can exists like this . But we don't want happiness. you aren't that greedy? It's a sham anyway by those people who have very laid out lives before them. They do this and lie to you. Anyway, to be a bit content here. Unravel that pile of nonsense and throw it all away. I believe a lot can indeed be thrown away. So it's better to take things one by one as they come and be very selective so it doesn't pile up again. Because it will start accumulating again immediately! It's a product of such life and of any kind of life in general. So don't beat yourself over the head too much for it. All the normal people suffer like this too, they just don't think about it too much. Maybe. What would I know if I don't speak to them? But I think it's true. Do you notice a lack of detail in busy people's lives? Do you consider that makes you superior? You know it's not true. But you could turn it around, user. You have so much potential. When you have little to lose, little to bind you, you are so so much more capable than even the biggest success stories out there. Zero is the best number indeed.
You could potentially be content with how things are right now. I suppose. I'm not sure...
>You have so much potential.
Not everyone here has potential. Most people here are retards.
I would prefer to just kill myself than trying again, and i hope i find the courage to do so soon enough.
It's relative anyway. Even a retard at the bottom of the well can only go up. Really doesn't matter how much they can end up accomplishing, just the general feeling of going somewhere is enough in life. You'll never get to the destination anyway, so it's fine to even be a retard, but a retard with a direction is superior to a genius without one. Do these people here not claim to be intelligent all too often? And yet look at their state. Surely, a retard with a direction outclasses them all. That's true superiority in my opinion. All these zeros are equal in the end. But those that go somewhere are so much better, no matter the speed .Son't you think so, user. I think it's true. Life has no end goal, so why not give them a chance and some encouragement. To get off people's backs. They deserve it all. Not bullying. After all I'm speaking about us too as well.
Why not destroy the last bits that are left instead? They might be the things actually holding you down. I believe I can do better without my family around. They weigh on me mentally even if I depend on them for survival. But being alone would leave me free with my thoughts. It would be like a blank slate with no sad and angry thoughts and mistakes from the past constantly weighing on you. Don't you want to try? Maybe it won't work at all. I don't know your or even my own state very well. It's just some ideas. I tried before and failed. Something always gets in the way. Maybe it's a bit delusional to think it can be different now, but future is so foggy, you try to expect something else. Oh well.
No. I was always like this, a fuck up, ever since i was a kid i was as dead inside as i am right now. The difference is i was able to escape to another reality and forgget about stuff with games and toys. But i knew what the future was going to be for me.
Even so, i tried to not give up a few times and achieved stuff and they never fulfilled me or changed me in any way, i stayed the same.
It is useless to fight this if after trying and getting to the point were you wanted to be and achieving it, you feel nothing at all. What was all that effort for? Why did you even try? I don't know you or your situation, maybe it will be different for you since you're younger, but maybe not. Maybe you should try and see it for yourself. Just know that people are full of shit, everyone, no exception. They say one thing and do another.
>retard with a direction is superior to a genius without one.
Retards will end up as wage slaves, they'll marry a woman who'll use and divorce them. A neet retard is superior to a retard with a direction.
No I can see and agree with this. We are like this from the beginning. Born a mistake. A premature one in my case haha. I don't even know what my mother ever wanted with me. Maybe I'm just a tool for her. I really don't know. But misery does follow regardless what is true. As is in your case. But something has to be the focus and point of your life. In this case it's misery itself. That is our achievement in life. But it's not like we don't enjoy doing other things too? I know you do as well. So why not have that instead? You can still be miserable and anxious and angry, but it cannot be the main thing as is with myself right now as well, because then suicide makes only logical sense, right? You won't be doing nothing in life either way. Might as well pick some direction. You won't be fulfilled because of the pressure maybe? Is that the issue? You can't compete with others? That brings misery too. Maybe we should just be self-contained? Like you can just draw for yourself and that's it?
A neet then is not a retard maybe? He must suffer immensely if he's a neet due to his retardation. I think I might fit that as well. I didn't make a very conscious decision to fail in life. I don't want to be a wagie, but being such a massive failure is not that great either. At least wagies choose to be miserable.
>I don't want to be a wagie, but being such a massive failure is not that great either.
You don't have to wageslave to make money. You're a neet, you have a lot of time to learn something you could make money with. You could find a bf and become a housewife. You can change your situation.
My focus was always escaping reality, but that was a mistake because even if you manage to escape to your made up world you will have to face the world eventually and it will only be worse. Of course, having a mental illness does not help at all. And to be honest, i really do not enjoy anything at all, i don't think i ever did. I still do or better said, did things and stuff because i was too afraid of death and that nothingness that comes with it. But i experienced that nothingness 2 years ago, and after that i was not so afraid and i have been feeling less afraid of it as time goes on.
I won't be fulfilled because it doesn't matter at all, nothing does. I never actually liked drawing, i just started because i get in a state of mind where i can't stop thinking about something at any given point and get so focused and so into that train of tough or obsessive behavior that i cannot stop. So it wasn't my choice or anything to "be into" art. I don't even draw anymore or watch movies or read books, or anything at all.
Did you figure something out? You got a purpose now?
Your cock is tiny, monkey. My cock would mog the shit out of you.
Stop thinking about my cock, i know you want to but i won't let you have it.
Stop coping, dicklet monkey.
Yes that is a point of failure on my part anyway. Even if you're technically not a wagie, you still have to work hard for something. And I do fail at that. Maybe I'll rejuvenate myself and finally change, but I don't think so. Maybe I'll try something. my mom wants me to learn investing, but she tells me to figure it all out myself, but I still haven't done anything. And it would be nice not to depend on other people as they might control me. I could not stand it. I've seen how the Burger King wagie talks about his girlfriend who herself comes from money, it doesn't seem nice to me at all. And what is it that you want? You plan something?
That's a very familiar feeling of numbness. I can relate indeed. I don't fear death myself anymore as well. As for enjoyment. I hope it can become a choice. If you can't enjoy generally enjoyable things, why not inflict pain instead? Why not try to punish and break yourself. That's how I try doing sports. To exhaustion. It's not any worse than general suffering from all this overwhelming numbness. Have you tried something like that? Do something hard and just suffer on purpose. When you can control your suffering maybe it becomes irrelevant. At worst, you die. But is that a problem? We've already established that it isn't.
No, not really. Nothing new has come. It's just the same thoughts I've had for months and years getting recycled over and over again. Maybe there's no end to it. Maybe there is. We'll when you die there is at least for a time depending on what it's like. I'm not sure. but we can try to arrive at some temporal conclusion at least for now, can't we. Maybe someone will benefit. Maybe you will? You really should. you need help with your self-perception a lot. It depends too much on your environment. You have a weaker structure than I do. I believe. Maybe you can elevate yourself at least a bit. Have some use from all this incessant posting. We'll see. You'll see.
Aiste you're getting crazier. Are you even alive in there?
>And what is it that you want? You plan something?
I'll try to turn my life around and get into investment banking. I also hope to find a perfect partner. The meaning of my life is to make as much money as possible. People will betray you but money won't. I'll sudoku if my plans fail.
I understand what i do and what i post here is not an accurate representation of what i'm like, i'm sure it's the same for you, i seek to gain mental prowess here, i love myself and i'm moving up towards the things i want to.
>why not inflict pain instead? Why not try to punish and break yourself.
I already do and did in the past. I self harm not too much anymore since that pain didn't even make me feel anything other than that, just plain physical pain, i just do it now out of curiosity. I did drugs and started to abuse meds trying to see if i could get at least some enjoyment or anything at all, nothing changed. No new insight, the same mentality as i was born with. I still abuse meds from time to time and i am mostly drunk all the time, but i guess it really means nothing at all. I did sports and tired myself and put everything on them myself trying to get good at them and playing, and of course, i tired myself out and yes i have done stuff on purpose to "feel" worse. I don't even sleep much anymore, and when i do it's restless sleep where i wake up every 45 minutes or so, so i can't even escape to my dreams anymore.
>imagine typing essays about shit online only to have janny delete your thread
lmao aiste aiste baby
Yes. Of course I am alive. Perhaps even a bit more alive than usual haha. The thing is that I will soon move to be a lonely neet again, so it seems to be a good opportunity to start doing something. Throwing out all that trash. Both mental and otherwise and see what I can do. I'll be 22 in a few days. Symbolic or something. maybe a meaningless number. I can make something of it anyway. That's all life is about, right? Deriving meaning from all this pointlessness?
Good luck then. It seems to be a very hard "wagie" position then. Well, that's kind of what all life is. Wageslaving in different ways. Can't really fault anyone for being more creative than others. I for one, would be stuck in a very low position if I didn't have parents to depend on. I have a hard time escaping pre-set patterns.
You're supposedly pouring out your heart for me and you're not even being honest? Am I supposed to seriously believe you're far more confident in real life? My only glitch is the complete lack of confidence, timid behavior and such, which isn't as well displayed when you're avatarposting on an anonymous imageboard. All else, I'm as pathetic as I seem. You must be at least a partial reflection of your real self. If not, why choose to act like this? Are you finally getting enough of my bullying? Gonna set this boy straight hahaha.
Most of the stuff you mention isn't as much hard as it's self-destructive. I didn't mean ruining yourself. I mean doing hard things that are usually used to achieve something. But without the pressure of actually having to accomplish it since you have no purpose in life anyway. No pressure from other people to do it. Like learning a language you'll never use for absolutely no reason. It's suffering for suffering's sake, but not really, since you also get some results from it. It's building by destruction. I'm not sure. Maybe it just works for some or it doesn't. it's something I've heard elsewhere.
This is the final form, he's finally showing his power level.
>he
You gullible faggot.
People are literally trying to kill me and the only people who can relate to me hate me with a passion. How could you possibly think I could be content with life you presumptuous bitch
I didn't say anything mutually exclusive, i'm shy and anxious and i still love myself, i'm on the right track, my own track and i'm not stagnated i'm moving up.
Tman Aiste does not love you. Move on.
>I mean doing hard things that are usually used to achieve something
Yeah, i just focused on self destructive behavior, but i have done this too. It doesn't really matter anyways. And as you said, it might work for some and not for others, same with the advice people usually post in here, everyone has a different situation and a different personality and mentality towards things. That's why i really do not like to see people giving advice or self improvement stuff in these kind of places since you will never know the other person fully or what they are like and how they will take stuff. Maybe i'm not making any sense at all.
Sure, she, doesn't matter who gives a fuck.
Why would they be trying to kill you? You can't just write that without explanation. I can't just assume things like that about people. You might have delusions. I know it can seem like that and it's very hard, but that's all you can really do. You can't associate with people who hate you too much. But I still have no idea about your situation so I don't know what to say. I often fear for my own safety too. Especially outside, but i still try to go. Can you do the same? Sorry if you can't, user. I really don't know you.
It's good to be on your own track no matter how slow that's all I mean, but all of this is trash, I think. Does it help to act this way? Are you really sure you aren't like this for real? I can't tell for sure and like you said it's no good to make assumptions, but I can't help but think that way. It's something inescapable. I'm sorry, but perhaps sometimes even a shallow perception of other people is more accurate than your own self-evaluation.
I don't think there's anything wrong with the advice itself. it's just that we all already know it all by heart almost. Perhaps much better than people who actually manage to improve themselves. But this is not the sort of place, not the sort of environment that lets you put things in practice. Misery gets enabled by more misery from other people. Nothing gets done this is not the sort of place to get things done. It's way to chaotic. So it makes no sense to seek order in life here. But we can still do this. It's better than most other things happening around here anyway.
Yes it does. You enable her behavior by calling Aiste a guy. It's how she empowers herself by lying to everyone. By calling out her true gender she knows her lies aren't working.
I do see the wrong in giving the same advice without knowing the situation, but that's just me and probably wrong with almost everything i think.
>But we can still do this. It's better than most other things happening around here anyway.
Do what exactly? I'm not following you with this part.
Also, will you not come online while you're gone in autumn? I sometimes go offline for a few months and so, the longest was 2 years, but that was because my mental state was in the worst point in my life.
It never changed anything going offline, or coming back online to this place, it is all the same. But maybe if you go offline it will change for you, or maybe not. Can't really say.
Help with what? I'm not nearly as expressive irl and it doesn't help with anything, i do what i want and what i want is to have you love me to some extent, being here doesn't stop me from anything, it stops me from reading manga or playing a game maybe but that's not what i feel like doing i want to be here doing whatever is that i do, it's enjoyable, both in a good and in a bad way.
We aren't all that special and unique. Most advice will apply regardless. It's just that the environment is wrong here. But what i mean is we can still have some discussion on this topic without it being completely useless. I don't know what I'll do in autumn. I won't make too many people hopeful just now. I have no idea what will happen. I'll only have my dog, so I'll be lonely, but it's for the best of course. It's the easiest to plan your life when you're completely alone and with no interference from anyone. Aren't you completely alone right now?
I never actually spent any effort here to make anyone love me. I hate what relationships entail. It must be a huge burden you put on yourself. Commitment is hell for people who can hardly function. People are actually exhausting and needy. I already feel guilty for having you around. And that's what I mean. It doesn't help to be like this here. For you, for me, for anyone.
Well it seems like something huge is about to happen. Dont you feel it? All of you are going to have one hell of an experience.
I don't care, i told you i do what i want and i enjoy doing it, if that's how you feel i'll keep being a burden until you lay it on to me and get over yourself.
What do you want me to say? Why not stalk a girl in real life then. You seem like the exact type of charmer to do it.
I know, no one is special or unique. There's no denying that, i was just talking from my point of view.
Yes, i live alone, but talk with one person online, it will probably not end well since i know how insufferable i am. But other than that, i have to interact with cashiers when i go to buy alcohol and cigarettes. Is that what you mean by being alone?
I'm not nearly as expressive irl i told you and it's not same, it's different there would be no sense if it wasn't.