User, I'm listening

Not thinking about her is unhealthy. We all need to feel sadness. It's part of the process. You should embrace the sadness as the first step to getting over her. Heartbreak is tough, but in the end, there is more to life than just finding love. Being a NEET isn't going to help. It's cliche and takes a lot of willpower but you have to force yourself to do things. That'll lessen the heartache and keep your mind off of it better than the alcohol. Get a hobby and put time and effort into it. Make something. Go back to work. Yes, it'll feel like the end of the world at first but it'll keep you from slipping back into the void of depression.

Well user, I feel like abusive might not be the best descriptor. But someone depriving you of emotional connection like talking to you after getting home from work could be considered at least extremely negligent. Frankly, relationships require work. Getting into one is hard, but maintaining it can be strenuous. It seems like she isn't willing to put forth that work. I think first you should tell her how you feel and see if she's willing to try harder. If not, I'd definitely suggest leaving. Because you said it yourself, if you're as lonely as you were when you were single, what have you lost?

Okay, I'll bring it up to her. Thanks for your help as always Doctor Crane!

I've got good news for you. It was Socrates himself who claimed that the wisest man is the man who knows that he knows nothing. If you're aware of being dumb, I can tell you that you're already smarter than most people. However, if it's knowledge your after, youtube is a great resource for learning new things. People on there teach stuff better than any high school teacher half the time. Find a subject your interested in and just jump in. You won't get smarter if you don't try.

Yeah ive been told this a lot I just cant really force myself to to anything. I mostly lay in bed all day and cry about her. Until I go to the liquor store and drink. I know I need to try to get past this. Its been 8 months now but still everyday I just feel more dead inside

8 months is a long time to be in a slump like that. I'm sorry to hear it's got you in such rough shape. I know this sounds repetitive, but the forcing yourself to do something, perhaps you just haven't found the right thing? Start low effort, check out some forums for different hobbies. See if anything sparks your interest even the slightest bit. Follow it for a while until you can give it a try. Digging yourself out of the hole doesn't have to be just waking up one day and doing everything at once. You should take baby steps and celebrate the small victories that'll eventually lead you onto bigger ones. That's about the best advice I have, sadly.

I hope she's understanding and you guys can turn it around. Best luck, user!

how do I gear and psyche myself up about pursing a different career path if things don't work out like I had hoped?
I'm to old to keep trying in the field I want, I had one shot and went for it but things are looking rather bleak.

Thanks doc Ill look for something small that gets my interest thanks for just letting me vent. Sometimes I think thats the only reason Im still here good people here who let me vent

I've recently entered a relationship extraordinarily fast (we started dating after about three weeks of knowing each other) with a qt goth gf. She's taken my virginity, and is straight up head-over-heels for me (at least, that's how her messages come across). It's been fucking great.

As is expected though, I'm super fucking insecure about it. I've told her multiple times that I love her and she tells me that multiple times, but I don't know what the fuck that means. When I bring this up, how I'm like worried about it, she just says that she's scared too but she's really happy living in the moment, and that if she's ever going too fast I can let her know. Most of my insecurity comes from it happening so quickly, and knowing that it could easily burn out with the same speed. Should I worry about that or do like she says and just live in the moment with her?

When things don't work out sometimes it is hard to imediately hit the ground running and jump into something new. What I'd do is first look back at all the positive experience you gain from your initial career path. Even if it didn't turn out like you planned I'm sure you garnered something out of it. It's important not to look at it like wasted time, first. It's a fork in the road, not you starting over from the beginning. If you do that, then it'll feel like your new experiences are building on the old one's and not replacing them. Psyche yourself up by knowing that you'll just be adding more variety and volume to the life experiences that make you, you.

Good luck, user! I know you can get through this.

I fell badly for my friend's gf

thank you user.
it's just hard coming to terms with things somethings.

Oh I love fraiser! I just started watching it after completing all of Cheers. Anywho, I stuck between a rock and hard place. I just moved to Vegas two weeks ago and getting work that pays $15 or more an hour is giving me trouble. I gotta make $15 full time to make it work in my sisters apartment that she is letting me have and she leaves in October to Oregon. As time goes by and work with the union is not working out Oregon seems to look better but all my friends are here. You see what I mean? I just moved here and I am not ready to leave with my sister. It is ultimately up to me if I want to leave but I am 50/50 on the situation. If I could get proper work it would be ok but idk Dr.Crane.

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I take it with the virginity comment that this might be your first really serious relationship. Insecurity can be hard to deal with, especially in a 'too good to be true' kind of scenario like having a qt goth gf. Though, let me say that it's a good sign that you can actually talk to each other about the insecurities you have in the relationship. Being able to share feelings, especially ones normal people may be ashamed of like fear or insecurity is incredibly healthy in a relationship. Everything you've described seems good. And honestly, 3 weeks doesn't even seem that fast to me. If you were married in 3 weeks or something that may be a different story. Dating seems perfectly reasonable on that timeline. Maybe jumped the gun on the love part, for my taste, but if that's what you feel and it's reassuring to hear her say it and for you to say it to her then no reason not to. And I wish I could tell you what love really is, but I would just be regurgitating philosophers and writers. Love is what you make of it, user. If a person makes you feel good and happy inside well... who's to say that's not what love is all about? You should always be cautious, but if being with her makes you happy, and you're making her happy... I really have no advice to give except keep it up. Living in the moment can be a good thing. Too many of life's great experiences can be robbed from us by worry..

>You should always be cautious, but if being with her makes you happy, and you're making her happy... I really have no advice to give except keep it up. Living in the moment can be a good thing. Too many of life's great experiences can be robbed from us by worry.
Dr. Crane, I don't think I can stress how comforting it is to hear that. Thank you, random user.

It might not be the answer you're after, user, but I know how tough finding a job can be these days. You're kind of crunched for time, so my advice would be go to Oregon. I know it's hard to leave friends, but at least nowadays we have computers and phones and can always keep in touch. Two of my good friends live far away and we keep a group chat going all the time to just randomly pop in and share memes or dumb stories that happened to us. As much as it sucks to leave them, in the end, if it's a choice between dire financial straights and friends, you might have to make the fiscal decision. Which, I'm sure your friends will completely understand and support.

I'm glad it helps. And I hope you two keep that good moment going for a long time!

crippling fear of rejection from girls and job applications
also my cars fucked up

The thing that helps me with fear of rejection is thinking that if they reject me, that's basically the worse that can happen. I mean, it's not like the girl is going to plaster your face on a billboard with 'loser' written really big or the company is going to blacklist you from the entire industry. If they reject you it probably means they don't care. Which can actually be an upside, because it makes it easier to not care back. I think we tend to build rejection up far worse than it actually is. Yes, it hurts, but it also quickly and easily tells you that it isn't worth your time and you can move on. It's far better than being led on or something like that. It's like ripping off the bandage.

Can't really help with the car. Short of changing the oil, brakes and minor maintance stuff I'm useless. However, if you don't want to pay out the ass to figure out what's wrong with it I know you can buy cheap bluetooth diagnostic code readers so if you have to take it to a mechanic you can give them an idea of exactly what could be wrong and they might not rip you off. That's the best car advice I have.

gf has never told me she loves me

How long have you been together? Have you told her you love her?

I feel like I have no control over anything in my life anymore, and I keep getting cosumed by anger at my lowest points. I will try to find success either it looking for work or just general self improvement, but life keeps finding ways to screw me over. I live in constant fear with my money from a previous job rapidly declining, a truck that breaks down every 3 months, among other terrible things in my life. I don't know why I even bother anymore, if life keeps fucking me over for what few good moments I have.

G'day user, I've a problem with starting off things that I like or need to learn. I'm sometimes starting them, but it's really hard to keep track of them. Most of the days I'm feeling quite gloomy and unenergetic and I've to force myself to do a lot of things.

I think it's good that you're still looking for work and trying to improve yourself, despite the current situation. It seems like you might be getting bogged down because of one big thing, like the being out of work. I've found that typically if one really bad thing is going on, we start to mentally pile everything together and say, "Look at all this bad stuff happening". But what gets lost in that pile is the perspective. The one big bad thing colors everything else to look far worse. You gotta sort through it and prioritize. The same way bad things tend to have a snowball effect, the good things will too. Take your job and money situation. If you focus your effort and get the job... well, that solves the money. More money coming in makes the truck breaking down a little less burdensome than before because you have the funds to pay to get it fixed, or maybe even buy a new one. That's just an example, might not fit your exact situation. But as to why you should bother is because even at our lowest points, we can come back, but only through effort. If you don't keep trying it'll never get better, and then on top of resenting life for screwing you over, you'll also resent yourself.

I'd also take a step back and look at yourself. Life can screw us at times, but a lot of the time if we're really honest we can also find faults in ourselves that may not have directly caused the bad things to happen but certainly didn't help. It's like a poker player that blames luck for losing a hand when deep down he knows he should've folded. I'm not saying any of it is your fault just bringing it up because sometimes we have blindspots in our own character and it takes careful introspection to recognize and fix our faults. I hope you keep trying despite life dealing you a bad hand right now. Keep trying for those few good moments you do have right now and hopefully they'll turn into more and more good moments.

If you're having trouble keeping track of things, you might just need to introduce a little organization into the mix. Keep a calender or a checklist of stuff to do. That might also help with the gloominess, too. Keeping sort of a physical track record of the things you've accomplished typically makes you feel better about them. It's sort of a way to trick your brain into triggering the reward system. Same reason games have achievements. We crave the check in the box. You mentioned stuff you need to learn. For example, if you're learning a new language and you set a goal to practice 5 days a week for an hour. You'll feel better about it when you look back and have all the days checked off. It'll also be incentive to keep doing it. You'll think to yourself, 'I really don't want to do this today, but I've got 4/5 days, it'd be a shame not to get them all'. Also, with the structure and organization, it's less work to maintain habits. It doesn't feel like you're starting from scratch everytime you start to do something.

Well folks, it looks like that's all the time we have for tonight. It's getting late and I haven't slept in 40 hours. Be sure to stay tuned for Sports with Bulldog Briscoe. The is some Jow Forums autist larping as Frasier Crane, wishing you good day, and good mental health!

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Have a good night, thank you for coming. It was a pleasure.

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are you still here mate?