>chronic venous insufficiency in the legs cant walk a mile without my legs aching severely >crohns UC/and or IBS liquid shits, constipated, constant stomach pains >orchialgia and PID testicles and prostate hurt constantly >arthritis in hands its mild but frustrating >chronic joint pain self fucking explanatory. its a constant pop and crack every time i move >chest pains and headache frequently i feel like im having a stroke or an aneurysm
and thats just the physical. Mentally i have >autism had the 'tism since i was 3 but went undiagnosed til i was 14. you can imagine how well my social game was..and is >schizotypal personality disorder i was 18 and my doctor didnt want to diagnose me with full blown schizophrenia because of the stigma. so its probably worse than it seems >bi-polar 1 >OCD repeating thoughts non stop. Cant step on the cracks etc >ADD >anxiety >depression/mania >paranoia/delusions >PTSD >insomnia
and to cope with all this im a fucking alcoholic. Would you be grateful if you woke up and dealt with this every single fucking day? Im not sure i can do another 10 years of this shit. I want to end it.
im 5'10", skinny-fat 200Lb but look like im 150 or so, as fit as i can be, but ive been told and told again that im very attractive.
Im polite, pleasant to be around..until i open my mouth or until you get to know me. Im a miserable fuck.
Daniel Clark
I have an appointment with social security tomorrow and i have to tell them all of this. trying to get those benefits because i am unable to work. I just cant function like a normal human being. I worked hard when i had two jobs at the same time. But my body just kept breaking down and my recovery time kept getting longer and longer. I dont even DO anything anymore. Im not physically active like i used to be. I cant sit and concentrate. Ive tried meditation, but with my thought OCD its impossible. Im just a fucking trainwreck. I never asked for any of this shit. I didnt cause it but I have been cursed with it since birth.
Why does God allow me to suffer? I want to be euthanized.
Isaiah Thomas
Honestly, I would just kill myself. Why haven't you already?
Motherfucker you get neetbux You basically receive money for free What the fuck are you complaining about
Josiah Edwards
im Going to get the neetbux soon I hope.
I contemplate suicide frequently. I havent yet because of my family, but a part of me almost enjoys the suffering. Im already here so i just want to see how bad it gets. THEN i'll kill myself. Its a sad depressing kind of feel. But do you really think that all these things that plague me are worth killing myself over? You would, if you were me, you say. I always tell myself that other people have it worse. But nothing gets better and you cant just cure my shit. There is no magic pill to take it all away.
Eli Hernandez
Do you have compulsions. Also have you tried just letting the thoughts come in and not fighting back.
Aaron Hernandez
compulsions because of the OCD? I have repeating thoughts and verbal tics. I dont really fight it, but I do tell myself to STOP thinking about things. I also dont let my big toe touch cracks on the floor. Sometimes all my toes. I legitimately cant stop that one. ...
Elijah Hill
>verbal tics Like what? When I used to have ocd I had to say stop or no or something along those lines to make a thought go away. Sometimes I even had to say long sentences to make it stop. But that just makes it worse, the more I did it the more those thoughts came up and I couldnt focus on anything. Then I stopped coping and after a long time it went away.
Landon Cruz
Also do you remember why you can't let your toes touch a crack. And when did you start doing this. I have this same thing where I can't touch keys or I wear gloves when I touch them.
Robert James
I often "whoop" for no reason. My verbal tics arent quite turrets because i control when i say them, but i say them spontaneously at random times.
I shout >AUTISM >nigger >fuck in varying forms ... what do you mean you stopped coping? How did your OCD just "go away"?
There is no reason why, i just dont let it happen. Ive always done it but really only realized that it was because of OCD or autism recently. I never thought much about it. are you a germaphobe, and thats why you cant touch keys?
Owen Ramirez
I mean that I stopped saying stop and all that. And I guess it didn't go away it just isn't as bad. And no I'm not germaphobe. When you say whoop or nigger does it make you feel better or make the repeating thoughts go away or is it related to the thoughts at all?
Owen Ortiz
If I were you, I'd enjoy my NEEtbux to enjoy life as much as possible user, then I'd OD or something.
Brayden Sanders
i constantly talk to myself because thats the only way i can keep the intrusive thoughts from coming in. but even so sometimes i verbalize those intrusive thoughts. and its all just nonsense too. But yes, when i shout and whoop or scream, it does make me feel better somehow.
its kind of hard to enjoy life with so many things wrong with me. All i can do is observe the world, i dont take part in it.
Logan Howard
I have 3 4ths your physical pains, and am in fact told I will die in less than ten years, before 40. but my mentality is much more degenerated and serious than yours. I have all your mental disorders except anxiety and dont really consider to label myself with ptsd because it feels disrespectful and an attention label retards use. That said I have adhd, not add, I have severe ocd and have to bash my head against the wall and punch myself to get out of over hour long repetitions, the longest being ten pure hours of nonstop ocd, I have Tourettes both verbal and physical, I have paranoia and I see visual hallucinations alongside audible everywhere. I have jumped down flights of concrete face first in order to cause enough pain for it to stop, because no matter how much I try to stop it I cant. Sometimes I hurt myself hard but it wasnt a big enough amount of pain to interrupt the focus, so I have to still commit to my mental shit and try to hurt myself or accomplish the benign goals from counting to self harm on a pattern basis. The one positive side is that I am told I am extremely intelligent by professionals who wanted me to get access to special programs, but these problems developed so severely I couldnt continue. I am trapped in my mind, I have analyzed the supposed intelligent individuals around me yet when you ask them about logic problems derived from philosophical questions they come up with some of the most benign bullshit and surface level drivel you can think of. I literally had to deal with years of social inadequacy due to aspergers and autism and only taught myself after hundreds of hours of studying videos, people, conversation to become socially adjusted. Even then I fucking hate the fake personas people put on and now I am almost incredibly robotic in analyzing the social cues people give. I went from impossibly hopeless to a mechanical embrace in sociopathy towards human gesture.
Cooper Butler
My point is you should still try. I will die and youll still be posting here. Nihilism is worthless and derived from atheism. Both theism and atheism are beliefs, not knows. Humanity does not know anything except GodgodCreatorBeingThing and their ignorance. Math is a belief, physics are beliefs. You are nothing but machinations and manipulations of chemicals reacting to the variables that surround you. From talking, seeing, even breathing, everything that you do and everything you say impacts the variables of what you choose. You have no free will, none whatsoever if you dont believe in a higher plane of existence, whether alternative dimensional or otherwise. If you believe in a Being above, something that can not be even described by our words and definitions and the only plausible label we can even present this entity with is God, then you will see that through logical conclusion, theism makes more sense than atheism, agnosticism makes more sense technically than theism. I wish I could explain it better but Im on a shit device so try and follow.
Nihilism is nothing but a denial in Something outside of the beginning and any potential end. Again atheism is the belief there is no god, theism is the belief there is a god. Atheists will scream about semantics but ignore them. You dont have to be a Christian or whatever, but I seriously advise looking into the formation of the universe. It is the only question that matters, biblical text means nothing as it was written by men. The only way for you to find more than human belief is to dig into what existence even is. Once you do this, then biblical text may mean something to you.
I am writing this because I feel as though even if heaven isnt real, living is worship to our creator. Existence is worship, rejecting the gift of life may not lead to damnation and youll just be gone, but you most certainly are rejecting the entities decision of existence, human definitions are just hypothesis.
Luke Foster
OP here. are you literally me? Im "intelligent" according to some people but im legitimately stupid as fuck. And the self harm i relate to highly, though i've never thrown myself down stairs; i just punch and slap myself, and whip myself with a belt and chain. ..i got distracted doing something and i forgot what else i was going to sat. It took me a long time to learn how to pretend to be a normie.
>living is worship to our creator. Existence is worship >rejecting the gift of life may not lead to damnation fuck man. it might though.
Jordan Bell
The reason I am typing for you to search the meaning of existence, is because again, the absolute only question that matters is if the creator is real, the Creator, etc. your physical pains mean something, but it also means you exist. Your mental anguish is debilitating, but you are still conscious. Without a spiritual plane you are nothing except chemicals and variables. If a spiritual plane exists then the concept of free will is now viable. Even true delusion into the idea of a spiritual plane can introduce new variables into your life, likely bringing you into a better state of mind. Its why the question of all existence is incredibly important to growing mentally and spiritually, even if spirituality is bogus. Because if there is Something higher or outer, you know you will at least live in the existence that our Creator formed, whether that Creator chooses to interact or not. And again, Creator is just standin for whatever is the bringer of Existence. We know nothing, we believe everything. Its something most people wont grasp and its why I try to avoid talking about this concept in real life, people think math is known, but it is merely a belief.
I am asking you to look into it, you dont have to but its something that speaks heavily to my heart when I witness nihilism.
David Adams
>go to doc >score so many drugs
Evan Russell
trips of truth..but you'd be surprised how many doctors dont prescribe drugs to the people that need them. Its ridiculous.
