ITT highlights of ur life

Tell me the best moments of your life, like le funni story or very scary story woah

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The best moment of my life was when I met you my love.

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woah vagina boob lol

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cant think of anything

make something up then jeez

one time I took the moody's mega math challenge and lost
I imagine the team that won was a bunch of asian kids again

A pretty terrible moment in my life was when I was at my 11 year old friends party and I fainted in the bathroom and slammed my head on his sink. I had to get stiches in the back of my head it was pretty cool

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For a whole day, I wasn't in pain.

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Got a girlfriend

one time I fartd a poop

HAHHHAHAHHAHAHA

when I punched a nazi at a trump rally

When I found out how to solve that one kind of captcha where the images disappear after clicking on them last month

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I hate those

Can you niggas actually say something exciting or scary

I shat myself 3 times since I can remember (not counting before 4 years old)
I've broken 9 bones in 5 different accidents
I've had a couple phrenelum tears and a penile fracture, the latter I've talked about a lot on here
I've had sex with all of the main races
I've been robbed, burgled and stalked by a guy who wrote a play about him killing me
I made friends with an African drug dealer when I lived in Amsterdam
I paid for whores on 2 occasions in Amsterdam and my dick wouldn't work
My cousin died by electrocution

uuuhhhhh I have many more but I can't really think of them right now. My life has been very silly. Which story do you want?

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I like to think I have a pretty uneventful life so far, but the first time I smoked weed was definitely a highlight.

>Be me
>Be me 4 years ago, 15, summer holiday just broke.
>Breaking out of my anti-social shell.
>Just got into smoking, drinking, etc.
>Being more sociable in general.
>Decide to meet up with old childhood friend who I haven't seen in a year (I moved and left the school we were in.)
>Organise the meet-up through text.
>Decide to meet him in a bar outside a mall of all places.
>Get excited because I haven't been to a bar yet.

>Day comes and meet him in the bar along with a lady friend who tagged along.
>Start catching up with him, school and life.
>Learn that he's a total legend.
>Lady friend even backs it up.
> "Yeah did you know he's tried anal?"
>Tell her anal sounds gross but still think he's cool.
>Drinks arrive (a whole bottle of fucking Absolut with a pitcher of orange juice and ice)
>Chug it cuz we're teens xdxdxdxd
>Feel a bit buzzy but generally alright
>Find out cousin is in the area and he's selling weed
>Buy weed off him and share it with friends.
>Find a nice, quiet corner in the unloading bay of the mall

cont.?

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go for it

One time I felt happy

quoting?

When I was in 9th grade in Spain with my class.

cont.

>Smoke half a blunt before calling it quits and shoving it down my pocket.
>I'm having an inspirational moment, talking about novel ideas (spew out something like The Girl on the Train)
>Legend friend is giggling at random unfunny shit
>Lady friend is having a full out of body experience
>We think we hear people so we run back to the bar

>We pick up our convo where we left it
>Legend friend excuses himself to the toilet while I'm still talking about my book idea to lady friend (who honestly doesn't care at this point)
>10 minutes pass and legend friend is still not out of the toilet.
>Lady friend checks up on him
>Comes back with an ‘omg’ expression
> “There’s vomit everywhere”
>Rush to the toilet cubicle
>He’s in fetal position, vomit EVERYWHERE, sweating like mad
>Responds to my questions with nods and shakes
>Before I leave him alone he asks me “Am I going to die?”
>Giggle nervously and tell him it’ll take more than that to kill him
>Then shut the cubicle door on him like a prick
>10 more minutes’ pass and my high/drunk attempts at trying to flirt with an obviously uninterested girl is failing
>I check on legend friend and he’s still in a fetal position
>I get mildly impatient and pull him up and take him to the sink.
>Clean him up, get vomit off him and sit him down on the seat
>He’s looking like a corpse
>lolhesdead.jpeg
>Check pulse to make sure he’s alive
>My high brain thinks I’m a doctor now so I keep checking his pulse
>Lady friend books it when she realizes the gravity of the situation
> “Oh my dad is here gtg”
> Left alone with a blackout drunk while on the influence of cannabis

more coming up...

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this better end with you fucking him

Trust me it will

>15 minutes later, I check up on him and he’s still gone.
>Wakes up occasionally to puke
>Weed is starting to wear off and I’m having a reality check myself
>Decide to pull him out of the bar and up the stairs to the road and hail a cab
>He gains a rare moment of consciousness and I make my move
>People giving us looks as we exit but my still-high brain thinks it’s ‘good looks’
>It isn’t
>Get him up the stairs and place him on the side of the pavement while I try hailing a cab
>Friend is now puking everywhere and passing out
>Bouncer tells me to get him out of his sight
>I tell him to chill or fuck off
>Start running for dear life with drunk friend on my back
>A few blocks down and I manage to hail one
>Forget his address
>I apologize to the cab driver and tell him to drive anywhere while I quickly call his mum and ask for the address
>We manage to find the place and drop him home safe
>Leave the explaining bit for the friend
>Got back home and paid a fortune to the driver
>Let my parents know I was back, showered and checked my watch
>00:02
>mfw we barely made it past midnight
>mfw the legend himself didn’t make it past midnight
>mfw anal is still gross

>In the morning, I get a ton of texts from him apologizing
>Prefer a ton of texts from lady friend last night but we don’t always get what we want.
>I still haven’t gotten anything from her
>His apologies are long and repetitive
>Offers to suck my dick in return but I politely decline
>Refuse to smoke pot for an entire year after that

We’re still good friends to this day although I prefer not to do anything more than a drink or two during the holidays.

Lesson of the story here is: Don’t do drugs kids

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When I started working EMS my first call was a drunk dude passed out on someone's lawn.
Police handed him to us, and while we were getting vitals they were berating him.

Thought it was funny.

It's because you guys drank before you smoked. That fucks you up.

>Offers to suck my dick in return but I politely decline

Malaysians...

whenever i listen to Bunyós Pityu I become very happy :))))))))))
youtube.com/watch?v=YMD9iRD_Roo

>be me
>be like 3 or 4 or something around there
>sees sister by sink
>walks up to her
>one well weighted dry hump right into her ass
>I don't remember clearly but I think she said something confused then realised what had just occured
>"I'm telling mum"
>fuckingsnitch.LoleGibMeRedditGolde
>feel scared and I have no idea why that was bad and as a kid that age you really get fucking nervous when someone is going to tell you off
>goes onto my sisters bed while she is running downstairs
>mum comes up to question me why I did it
>I explain that in a video online I saw some guy stick his dick up a womans arse and a baby grabbed onto the dick and he pulled the baby out with his dick
>I made all of that up but in my head I imagined it as a cartoon, seldom did I know, I just described some weird fucking kinky porn
>mum tells me to be more careful on laptop
>I used the laptop later that day and she said something else about it and that was the end I heard about it
>If I actually watched real weird kinky porn my mum clearly didn't really care enough to make sure it didn't happen again.

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definitely when i was younger and hadn't had much to worry about
would frequently do well in school without giving a damn, and waste away on the computer having fun with vidya
the only difference now is that i'm out of school and vidya is no longer as fulfilling and i also want to die

Come on fren, get a qt gf virgin, or a sister to dry hump one time only in the ass