WE LEARN MOONRUNES

HELLO THERE
Today you are going to start learning the wonderful language of the land of the rising sun, which of course is Japanese. And you better fucking do, because I have better things to do than waste time on your dumb ass. Your teacher will be me, Robert-Sensei, I am pleased to make your acquaintance. And you should be too, fucker.

Well, without unnecessary delay, we will lear our first hiragana character!
What? You don't know what hiragana is? Are you fucking retarded? Oh God, it seems we'll have to start from the very beggining. Well, I guess I should've expected it from such a cretin.

Japanese writing system is actually three writing systems! Fucked up, isn't it? You have your hiragana and katakana, which are collectively called "kana", those are syllabic scripts, similiar to our alphabet, but having a character represent a set of a consonant and a vowel or just a vowel (except one for 'n' because shits and giggles I guess). The third is kanji, literally translating to "chinese letter", which are complex and represent a word or an idea etc. There is a fuckton of those, you're too stupid for us to even get started on them though, so forget that for now.

Now about kana, as I mentioned earlier it's two different sets of syllabes, hiragana and katakana. What makes them different, you dipshit may ask, do they contain different syllabes? Well, no they fucking not, it's all the same 47 (+'n') shits but written differently. And yes, you have to learn them both. I hope you're fucking happy. For now, we will stick to hiragana, as it's the more important of the two. As I said, it consists of 48 characters and is usually represented in a table, just like the one you see next to this post.

Attached: 768px-Table_hiragana.svg.png (768x464, 78K)

stop right there gaijin scum

Attached: 1521682335889.jpg (1705x985, 162K)

I've already learned kana

That's literally the easiest part of learning Japanese

The usual way of learning them is grinding each column starting from right, so the vowels, but that's fucking stupid and what they want you to believe is the best way. I've come up with a better way, just for you imbeciles, so be fucking greatful. We will go diagonally. Now, I will present you with your first hiragana in a moment, I'd just like to say that I will answer your question, but only after our lesson. Don't worry, it won't be long, I don't want to overwhelm your tiny brains.

Our first character will be the hiragana for "NU". Now, to avoid you morons going out and saying to your mom or some random dude on the street "I KNOW THE HIRAGANA FOR "NEW" MOM/RANDOM DUDE ON THE STREET!!!11111!!2e1452", this is NOT how you pronounce it. You pronounce it with the "long" 'u' sound (but not some fucking 'uh' bullshit). It's the sound that you make when you say "canoe". No, not that one, the second one, nitwit.

Attached: Hiragana_ぬ_stroke_order_animation.gif (320x240, 173K)

No
Learn Russian instead

Now you may want to learn how the fuck to write that thing. First, you draw that shorter, less curved line going from the top right. No, don't go from the bottom, it's fucking stupid, draw it coming down, just like your chances of achieving anything in your life. Yes, that's tad bit better.

Attached: a.png (313x313, 2K)

Next up, draw the other, more fucked-up one. You also go down, but you actually do something to get back up, only to spiral into the very bottom. Whichever line you identify with more, you start with the other one, this is always the second one you draw.

Attached: nu.png (313x313, 6K)

>that entire post
>mfw
Is russian easier to learn than japanese? I'm not into communism but I gotta know when at least SOME foreigners are talkin shit

Attached: 1529177786303.png (800x800, 1.04M)

Ok, well fucking done, you actually drew it. Well, at least it's clear enough for a native to spend less than a minute trying to guess what the fuck is that daub supposed to represent.
The last thing I'll teach you is how to remember it, because I fucking now you won't otherwise. Apart from drawing it at least fifty times (a hundred for those less capable of you), I will share my method with you. What do you get when you add an "a" before "nu"? No, it's "anu", are you fucking stupid? Anyway, who says "anu" all the time? Of course, russkis! And what better image of a Russian citizen is there than bandits from stalker? I'd argue none. Therefore, when you draw the thing, say along the magic phrase.
For the simple, first line, say 'A' (long 'a', dammit. Like 'ah', but without the 'h').
For the most of the second, a bit longer and more important one, say 'NU' (as I have told you to pronounce it).
And finally, when you get to the weird thingie at the end, say "CHEEKI BREEKI". I think even the least intelligent of you get why.

And that would be it! Well done, now you know how to recognize, write and pronounce the hiragana 'nu'! Only 47 hiragana, 48 katakana and at least, let's say, 2000 kanji left for us before we get to the grammar! That concludes our lesson, I am pretty sure your brains are at your limit anyway. If you have any questions, now is the time to ask them. You better make them worthwile though. (That means, unlike you)

Attached: cheeki breeki.png (313x313, 11K)

Attached: living-penis.jpg (615x300, 45K)