ITT: Bant crews a spaceship

::[ENEMY Jow Forums VESSELS DETECTED]

yes i have...
ALL HANDS ON DECK PREPARE FOR COMBAT

I still don't know how to shot

Be American

Does anyone remember when these these threads were a dayly occurrence almost a year ago and then just stopped out of nowhere

ATTENTION!!!

YOU HAVE ENTERED RESTRICTED SPACE OF THE GALACTIC TERRAN REICH! WHO IS THE CAPTAIN OF THIS VESSEL?

Attached: SS Erika.jpg (810x473, 106K)

Captain our weapons barely function as is since you decided quote "we don't need to spend so much in maintenance cut corners you assholes" but our shields and deflectors work fine. I suggest we cut and run.

ETC™ (Exo-Trading Company) Constantinople, Sirius-Class Mega-freighter, on a run from Spaceport central central around earth to Outpost#73 (Betelgeuse) delivering various cargo from earthbound production facilities.
The craft is 3225m, or just about two Miles long, weights around 3 megatons and is powered by pulse drives offering a maximum thrust of 30 m/s. The ship has an internal storage capacity of 45000 tons, with an additional capacity of 15000 tons in externally-mounted containers surrounding the central section of the ship. Fully manned, the ship carries about 3000 crewmembers, including 30 lieutenants, divided between each substation of the vessel.
defense systems include a frontally mounted kinetic shield, compartments separations and heavy blast-doors to protect against depressurization, and Gamma-proof radiation shielding. The craft is also fitted with multiple defense-point turrets to protect against incoming debris and potential assaults from pirate factions.

ETC™, Make the universe a beautiful place!

/autism

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YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS TO COMPLY OR IT WILL BE ASSUMED YOU ARE WORKING FOR THE BANKING COLONIES!

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::[detected enemy weapons charging]

*the lights go dark and are replaced by low red lighting. The ship automatically begins to prepare for combat as the deflectors charge*

The captain went to the bathroom

Huuh, wait a second, I'm going to call my manager...

*The SS Erika fires a stun charge towards your ship*

WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE??? CEASE YOUR FAGGOTRY OR THE NEXT ONE WONT BE SO SMALL!

Attached: SS Erika MAD.jpg (810x473, 131K)

Well, I asked my manager, and he said it's not his job...so, uhh, do you have an e-mail so we can contact you later?

::[DEFLECTORS AT 52%. RECALIBRATING]

*the ship stays static in space as no-one on the inside does anything but panic*

*dabs on ship*

Attached: dab.gif (480x480, 992K)

SS Erika this is Head Engineer of electronics and electrical engineering. The captain is passed out drunk again. We're on official sanctioned business to salvage the SS Tom Doyle. We've filed the appropriate forms and are relaying them now via quantum entanglement short range. We have permission from the Galactic Terran Reich to salvage this vessel under GTRPC:771.14a. Your firing on our vessel has caused serious damage to our deflectors and was unsanctioned under the Terran Human Tolerance Treaty.
We request parlay.
*frantically puts out fires in engineering and reroutes 40% power from the engine to the deflectors*

We cannot tell if you are retarded or super mega space jews. You will be detained and taken to a camp when more ships arrive due to your late responses.
If you have nothing to hide then your ship will be repaired there. Prepare for tractor beams.

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Oi, we could just leave, feel loik cheeting tho innit?

*the FTL Drive idles in the background*

I am the ball gunner, who's our target?

Don't mind me, just innatubes repairing shit

::[ENEMY Jow Forums VESSEL, 4 O'CLOCK]

Watch out for space wendigos

*gives you all space aids*
good luck
that shit is sentient and backed with nanite defences

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::[[[FOREIGN CONTAMINATION DETECTED IN THE SLEEPING DECK, QUARANTINE PROCEDURES ENGAGED]]]

*fires upon Jow Forums vessels*

Attached: dale.gif (320x240, 603K)

Hey, this is, uh, Joe, and I'm responsible for the personnel of the ship. It is against protocol to go on vacation while on a job, so pay will be docked for all personnel who go to the camp. If you do go, remember to sign out on the ship logs. For crew with questions you can reach me over comms at extension 45.

My brother was on that ship...

B-but I'm afraid of heights.
Come to think of it, what would someone with that phobia feel in space? Its pretty high everywhere you look there.

It's not like you can fall

Jokes on you, I sleep in the tubes

ALERT ALERT! TAKING FIRE FROM FAGGOTS!
YOU DON GOOFED NOW SPACE NIGGER!

* SHIP FIRES RAPID ENERGY BALLZ AND SHOOTS ANTI JEW SPLCE BEAM SLICE MEME CANNON*

Attached: SS Erika SHOOT.png (891x548, 577K)

OH FUCK MY TURRET GOT HIT

so uhhhh.... lunch is ready.
you guys like mac n cheese right?

Attached: mac n cheese.jpg (800x450, 41K)

gentlemen i have just gotten off the toilet. Someone give a report of whats happned

We're under attack
And i still don't know how to shoot

As long as it’s white cheddar Mac and cheese yes. Also I’m stealing some of Russia’s vodka

HELP ME LUIGI

report ensign! whats going on!?

HOW

why are you in my gunnery crew when you dont know how to shoot? who are you?

I'd like to remind all crew that bodily harm recieved in battle is not covered under the basic ETC™ employee insurance plan. If you have any questions please contact me on comms extension 45.

Apparently we've entered combat with the SS Erika, Sir. Also, when you get a chance I need you to contact me about some complaints sent to the HR department.

shit is right
well in my defence my great great great great great grandfather once said
>never spend money on cannonballs when you could spend it on rum

MY BALL TURRET GOT HIT AND I THINK IT MIGHT FALL OFF

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I shall operate the infirmary!
Any issues that need my attention?

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Ok so we're going to warp out of here. can our navigator reccomend a good place to go?

what in Gods name is a "ball turret"

I was passing by when you boarded, i thought it would be funny to join
Relax, b urself

someone raided the morphine again

Attached: ball turret gwo.jpg (400x310, 36K)

Shelby, remember to fill out basic medical form 82B for all crew treated as per ETC™ regulation 8901-3.
Thanks!
Joe from Personnel

now that i think about it i probably shouldn't have installed that and instead just sprung for the automatic turrets. it was far cheaper tho to make one of you guys go in there and risk your life.

Can someone go out there and bring him inside?

Lucky for you we have a job opening in just that position! Please fill out a standard application form that can be picked up from the personnel office and you can become a member of the ETC™ family! As a sidenote, you are not covered under any company policies as of now, so you may be personally charged for resources consumed or damages done.

FUCKING GOOMBA PIECE OF SHIT GET ME OUTTA HERE

Attached: 2cb3cb1f059fa72c579013e1ea97beeb.jpg (1274x704, 71K)

why dont you make yourself useful and help if you dont i wont shove you out the airlock for being a stowaway

THERE WILL BE NO BALLS WHERE YOU UNDESIRABLE Jow ForumsARDS ARE GOING!
CHARGE ZE PYRAMID CANNON!

*WRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOEEEEEEIEIIIIIIEIEIIEIIIIIIIIII*

Attached: SS Erika MAD2.png (899x520, 627K)

oh shit put the shields to maximum and prepare a warp.
Fine ill do it myself and help you

Fine with me
Maybe, if you ask nicely
'Cause he's rude, i'm very sensitive

You mean, aqusitioned?
That was me, I am fully in charge of the distribution, to myself included!

Y-yes of course Joe!
All filed away, right here. In the box.

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AAAAAAAHHHHHHH

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F

::[FTL DRIVE CHARGED, PREPARE FOR HYPERSPACE JUMP]

*you hear the reeing of the ftl drive as the ship starts to shudder*

::[crew member (SataniaFag) heat signature detected outside the confines of the vessel. Hyperspace jump will shread them. Contine?]

Y/N

Captain, I suggest the cancellation of the jump.
We only have so much crew.

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*is still alive because space and no gravity*

::[ENEMY VESSEL PREPARING ATTACK RUN]

[if you want to save deckhand (SataniaFag) someone will need to EVA and manually save them. Caution is advised.]

I'm a doctor, not a rescue team damn it!

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hold the jump. im going out there now.
Sataniafag i hope you have a spacesuit on

Attached: spacex-spacesuit.jpg (600x400, 42K)

Captain, death of a crewmember thanks to faulty equiptment could lead to a lawsuit and we could be forced to pay a lot of money in workers compensation. As director of personnel I must advise against the jump.

look im at the stupid ball turret right now. im waiting for the fag to don his spacesuit.

::{hey SataniaFag, just thought you should know you have 61% life support remaining and it's rapidly decreaseing! Just trying to help! Xxx, SUIT AI chan~~~}

I were going to offer but then i realized i'm in my pajamas

can you atleast cook some speghetti or something?

Do we have comms established with Satania? It's be useful to get them prepped for the transport.

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*30 seconds and this thing is coming right for the ship.*

DIE KIKE NIGGER!!!!!

Attached: f.png (891x710, 203K)

I can make a sandwich at best

HELP ME CAPTAIN

look currently our ship is taking fire from and Satania isnt responding to my comms. we're going to have to jump soon

I'M READY LET'S GO

Ok i hope your suit because im about to break the turret and pull you out to the ship.

the second we get on the airlock activate the warp drive

I close the airlock the captain and Satania are in.
Beta Alpha Delta 9-5

*breaks the ball*
LETS GO BEFORE BLOWS US ALL TO HELL

I can't believe that I am alive

::[WARNING: ASB PROJECTILE ON A DIRECT COURSE TO IMPACT THE SHIP. HEAVY DAMAGE PREDICTED. HULL INTEGRITY COMPRISESED]

::[projectile 5km away]
[4.6km]
[4.1km]
[3.7km]

I flood the bay with enough morphine to numb their bodies

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Glad to have you back aboard SataniaFag! If you need counselling services for the trauma you've experienced they are available in the infirmary. When you're done there, please come up to personnel, I need you to sign a waiver. Oh, and nice work out there Captain

I don't think this is gonna be covered by our company policy...

I then activate my transponder to teleport to my allies on the enemy ship

Attached: 286.jpg (1920x1080, 66K)

I need counseling