ITT: Bant crews a spaceship 3: Tod Howard edition

Umm, guys, this is cartography...
Where did all the air go?

hon hon hon
*snort*
*places sapper on , the AI*
crouton

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spy sappin mah dubs

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*air returns to the ship*

We have lost the last Doritos bag in the mess hall.

*teleports bread*

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::[unidentified lifeforms detected on the engineering deck. Caution is advised]

*breaks the sapper on AI*
wheeeeeeewee! would you look at that!

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Do we have a Raviolsauro
Where are my beloved Raviolsauri

::[Engineer is credit to team]

::[The carcass of the dead Raviolsauri is still in the medical bay waiting for someone to investigate it. Also multiple Raviolsauri can be found on the planet's surface.]

On starship Bant, bread eat you!

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Carcass? Why...

::[LOADING AUDIO LOGS]

{"Joe from the Personnel Department ID:/F/nEt/G Fri 07 Sep 2018 14:00:35 No.6375366 Report
Quoted By: Got it
*Puts on gear and walks out of ship*
So.. every trainer I've had has told me to aim for center mass... but I can't do that if we want the things internals... but I can't hit the head if I want it alive... Wait a minute!
*Swaps modified M16A1 for old Italian Vetterli-Vitali M70/87/15*
If this thing was called obsolete during WWI, and there's been like, 70 World Wars sinc then, I should be able to shoot this thing regularly and just disable it! Here it goes!
*Shoulders Vetterli and fires at the horse*"}

Were they a danger? Or this crew is just a bunch of heartless, exalted killers?
Sorry, i need sometime alone, i'm going to take a walk outside to admire these beautiful creatures

AAAAAAAAAAAAA WHY DID YOU TELEPORT BREAD I SAID YOU'RE BANNED FROM THAT

Captain I have to relieve you of your duties it seems you are emotionally incapacitated.

are you threatening me master tech support

The SHIP AI will decide your fate.

::[The crew panicked when they learnt this: "{{{SCANING...}}}
__________________

::[on closer inspection they seem to have a mouth that functions similar to a snail. They have a special type of tongue that's covered in ridges. This tongue, or radula, can have more than 2,500 ridges. To eat, the horse opens his mouth and rubs his tongue against the food source, cutting of tiny pieces with his tongue ridges. As he retracts his tongue, he brings the food back into the mouth to eat. As for the herbivore/carnivore thing, we require a dissection. You are able to name this creature as there are no official documents on it.]"

I always knew we were secretly ruled by robot overlords.
Sometimes sacrifices must be made Ignazio. I was told to kill the Raviolsauro and I did. Orders are orders and that's the reality of the corporate-technocratic hellspace we live in.

(I rolled a 34)

::[Captain... Captain. Under ECT declaration No. 2221239, you are temporarily demoted until you regain mental stability. You may decide who replaces you until you recover.]

I AM THE CAPTAIN
*pulls out plasma torch, ignites it and spins as i autistically screech*
*hits wall and passes out*
*note in my pocket says that Joe is the captain*

He really just... OK.
*reads note*

"I declare Joe the captain of our great vessel the... Name undecided."

*I carry the captain to the medical ward*

Chief Medical Officer Shelby reporting for duty!
Is all well staff?

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All is not well, great.

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*quiet thumping from exterior of ship*

Hello Shelby, we've got 2 jobs for you as of right now. The captain knocked himself out and needs stress counciling, and we have descovered a new species of eight legged snail horse that needs dissection and analysis.

Ah shit. What's that.

*rips open panel*
Hey guys it's me, Danny Devito
I heard you were in need of some extra help?

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Wonderful!
I restrain the captain in my 'observation room'
A spacious 5 foot by 5 foot room surrounded by mirrors!

And I hope that thing is dead, I'm not about to die to that thing during observation

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::[crew member {DANNY DEVITO} added]

This ship is not meant for Ammonia breathers.

(I'm going to roll for random encounters if we don't get out of this system. There's nothing less to do then torment the tortilini horses)

LEAVE THEM BE

(rolling in 10)

Wow, what's this fancy techno-gadget?
I wonder what'll happen if I juuuust-
*smacks incredibly hard*
Oops, looks like I broke it
Hehe, you'll have to get that IT bugger to fix it!

Hey thread I'm back but now I'm not phone posting so lets try and save this train-wreck.
(38)

*a gigantic space jellyfish warps into the sector. It hasn't noticed the ship yet, which until further notice I will refer to as the "ECT Unsinkable III"*

What are this thing's capabilities? Do we even have a proper deflector dish or would going into warp shred us like a cheese grater? Get that jellyfish thing out of visual range! Fire up the secondary engines!

Wait. if we're called the Unsinkable III, that means the first two sank...

Do what the gypsie said!

Captain, might I ask how does one sink in space?

I am a new recruit standby for orders

Sir, what is my job on this ship? need a librarian for any reason at all?

Hey guys I'm your new janitor

Start scrubbing the floors!

beep boop

poot

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My, my, those are some beautiful digits!

nice digits, quadible promotion

Do we have any females aboard?

Apparently there's a rumor around, no more girls left in space. I must have scared them off with my Magnum Dong.

We have Alice

You guys need I new pilot? I can fly!

Engineering room here
I don,t who keeps dropping small panties that look like they have been soaked in cum down the toilet but ot have to stop tthy are breaking the waste pips amd we get cover in shit every time it haopens
When i finde you i will rape your fucking asd so stop it