SERIOUS QUESTION:

SERIOUS QUESTION:
Thinkpads have a biometric device that can read fingerprints which to me seems to have many security vulnerabilities from gummy making a finger off an impression to using the persons finger cut off or attached by force.

Would it be possible to configure this biometric reader instead of using a fingertip to use cum by genetically analyzing it? The architecture of cum is unique and not the same as say if someone just put blood on the reader since it would be missing the aminos present in a pool of cum.

Wouldnt it be more secure if users could only access the device by providing an on site sperm sample since rate of decay would mean using say a stored sample would provide a different readout than an active sample. Im playing around with the idea but maybe thinking of investing in having this technology made since the licensing rights could be a gold mine to third parties from IBM to Lenovo and Apple, moreso apple since their always looking to stay ahead in the PC market with the deep pockets to do it as well.

Attached: ThinkPad Fingerprint Scanner.jpg (775x500, 74K)

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This is a good idea. Can you start with the logo? I'll spin up the kickstarter page.

>Can you start with the logo?
Id like it to be something professional that would convey the idea as an image. I was thinking like a blue square maybe with a white kind of rain drop but curved a bit at the top so that is has visual recognition as a type of physical biometric scanner that can use a sperm sample to access the device.

I wonder if possible I guess depending on how its done if this could be incorporated into the iphone touch feature to provide enhanced security to unlock the device.

Iphone: Im thinking this feature would be useful scaling the security of the iphone itself for the first time in history. Using a fingerprint could be used to access the phones basic features such as keypad, and access to apps.

To alter the phone such as to remove apps or view stored pictures more than a year old etc, it could require a sperm sample to unlock this additional level of security creating a tiered system to protect system integrity with an eye on privacy.

This is all bullshit. From niggers only hardware metal lock would protect.

>Can you start with the logo?
Just a mockup here but something that looks professional but on letterhead gives the impression about the product its use and the mission statement all in one image sort of like the apple logo.

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Best thread I've seen in a while.

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I was just being honest lets face facts when it comes to normies. 99% of people using computers use them at one point or another for point and masturbate to reach a point of climax.

Why not incorporate these 2 common things that are paired together into a unified scalable IT security interface to secure data.

Obtaining an active sample by force would simply be almost an impossibility if you think about it meaning it is more effective as a biometric entry point than say a fingerprint or retinal scan, even more so than facial recognition which can be duped and that is proven using 3d models and such.

Many think its wild and crazy, but that is the exact thing people thought about facial scanners in the past in sci-fi movies, promoting the use of a technology for mapping sperm samples for biometric secured access could be the way of the future for IT specialists to secure entire networks and domains.

>having to get off before you can unlock your computer to watch porn to get off to
no thanks

>instead of someone cutting off your fingers, they just force you to cum

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Even if this was a good idea the scanner would need to be upgraded in many aspects, mainly durability.
It would also be good if you could access porn while logged out, maybe BIOS integration

For technology board, Jow Forums sure is filled with some real idiots.

And what about women? Or people who are impotent or have other issues? Sexism AND ableism wew lad

>And what about women? Or people who are impotent or have other issues? Sexism AND ableism wew lad

While its not a one size fits all approach, it is an approach that once in the marketplace evens the playing ground by utilizing the growing capital to subsidize research into other vectors as mentioned such as utilizing a females bodily fluids once she achieves climax that could have unique identifiers to gain secured access to the device guaranteeing account integrity for any privacy minded empowered female such as the CEO of Yahoo.

This type of technology once offered shows not only growth due to the growing market of women in high tech fields but as more women enter the work forces across silicon valley this technology guarantees their right to access their devices via climaxing from a charged session would not only demonstrate equality in the work place but empower women to be part of it by allowing women to share in this usage to liberate their devices to gain access to them.

Honestly there is no limit to the application of secured biometric technology for security minded individuals in this technological age where even simple personal data is becoming more valuable to hackers and cyber E-thieves.

Attached: woman_computer_happy_shutterstock.jpg (650x512, 60K)

>instead of someone cutting off your fingers, they just force you to cum
No method is safe from a determined adversary, however removing a finger can be done without the users participation. The above outlined method of using an active sperm sample deposited into the device is the most secure option since getting a person to just jizz all over it by force is far more difficult than you think for any adversary such as the alfabet soup groups.

What were talking about here is a whole new world of secured authenticated access locked to the user with no competition from any other biometric standard which are all far more easy to overcome due to the vast number of inherent security vulnerabilities in the systems from using decoys for facial recognition to using gummy made fingers off impressions. Many security experts will agree that using an active sperm sample to thwart unsecured access to a protected system will be the best choice for anyone looking to secure their data with privacy in mind. Any expert who doesnt agree, well that is easy to fix, I just buy them off or get them discredited its literally that simple.

With IBM having to license the sperm collection receptacles for use of course flush mounted into their laptops, the money would be endless. Not to mention licensing rights to flash drives which would be great for school students to secure their academic work safely while on the go as well as PHD students involved in thesis work to prevent their work by being compromised by their peers.

Kek.

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>go to the library
>need to unlock laptop
>start furiously masturbating
>police arrives
>"dont worry officer i'm just providing a sample for my biometric reader"
>police shakes my non-fap hand and apologizes for the inconvenience

As stated earlier it sounds crazy and far out now, but in the past it has been shown that things that were wild and crazy in scifi films are now common place today from cell phones to ipads.

Imagine if someone saw you publicly breast feeding or walking around with a phone in the old days this was unthinkable, however today its quite common place to venture into any public venue and see people walking with phones where noone bats an eye anymore since its become whats known as commonplace. Much like the previous example given time in the future seeing someone providing a sperm sample in a public setting by achieving climax in say a library as mentioned or at a supermarket to unlock their device would be seen as a thing of common place much like breast feeding is today.

With the above aforementioned technology, people from all walks of life, from students to security IT experts will be able to lockdown their devices from unauthorized access with an unbreakable method relying on the provision of an active sperm sample since it relies not just on software but hardware used in tandem to provide the ultimate in computer security which is what direction I think we are moving towards given the privacy concerns of today raised by cyberhackers and E-thieves.

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id gladly start running tests but im out of cum rn sorry senpai

As with any civilization either we continue moving forward or we regress as a society devolving into nothing more than savage cavemen throwing our own feces at enemies.

This is why the fundamental underlying purpose of pursuing a biometric device deriving its core access functions from those providing an active sperm sample not only continues to move society forward but allows us as a people to synergize security with usability in one device.

Based (ha ha ha) poster

It's all fun and games until they jack you off, annon

>tfw you reach autism levels exceeding the greatest minds on modern technology

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>>tfw you reach autism levels exceeding the greatest minds on modern technology

Sure with genius may come a hint of madness, take a look at other visionary pioneers like Thomas Edison who didnt give up. Maybe alot of people thought he was crazy for trying to invent the light bulb failing constantly but ever looking into the future for when his dream would be made real which is much the same with the development of a biometric device reliant upon the collection of an active sperm sample.

In that vein I merely stand on the shoulders of past innovators such as Thomas Edison who like myself seek to unify technology into a usable medium for any and all people which just like how the light bulb is commonplace in any home today, well tomorrow accessing a user environment via a secured biometric data collection device accessible via a sperm sample would become the commonplace of tomorrow. Sure people called Edison mad, but today with revenue streams from crowdfunding to angel investors or on the show Shark Tank we are coming closer to living the dream of secured data access using reliable biometric methods near impossible to duplicate due to the viability of the sample.

Attached: Thomas Edison.jpg (200x250, 9K)

heck off and actually work on the thinkpad linux driver
github.com/nmikhailov/Validity90

>pull cum tissues out of bin
>scrape cummies off
>open their laptop

kys faggot

It would have to be a fresh sample provided on site to have reliability, the breakdown in the molecular composition of sperm achieved via climax does not have a long enough lifespan say to be obtained surreptitiously via say a condom, or just dumping loads found in a shower drain onto the laptop. This is what it means to have an understanding of IT security with my background as a scientist since I majored in comp sci the fears you have of the system being abused with non authorized samples would be a non-issue given the security conscious nature of the device itself.

Being the marketing goldmine that it is, I feel with the creation of a proper powerpoint presentation combined with the always awesome power of a live demonstration that investors would be throwing money to be apart of what is to become the next big thing in computing.

But what happens if some CIA nigger roofies your drink and jacks you off to open your laptop?

Ok guys this is easily one of the best ideas of the day, so we need to figure this out. Im excited i m gonna lose my load on teh thinkpad rn like we just need to figure out some things before that power point to convince the normies

1- what about women - is vag fluid a unique identifier, will it need a seperate reader, do we sell the devices that can read both or do we make them gender specific, like blue and pink skus for example

2- i think the flat reader is inappropriate here. guys generally have bad aim. that's why i suggest a receptacle shaped reader, at least for the male/blue version.

3- we need a better name or else only perverts will buy this. maybe something like liquid reader or uRead

i m just thinking out loud

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>burglar is female

Same thing as when he roofies your drink and puts your finger. But I'm sure jerking a drunk guy is harder than holding his finger