>close the blinds
>put on my guy fawkes mask and fingerless gloves
>open my Monster Energy
>boot up my LIBREBOOT KALI LINUX ENCRYPTED SEVEN PROXY HACKER MACHINE
>hear hellish noise as my cooler fan blades cut through the layers of dust thicker than the smegma crust under my foreskin
>after 15 minutes and two hard reboots I finally see my loli porn splash screen on my dual 480i CRTs
>system start sound replaced with full No Love Deep Web x 1hr Lucky Star Opening loop mashup
>all three of my vintage 1980s Model M keyboards ready
>yeah baby, it's time to hack
>start typing code as fast as I can
>can't see shit on my old as fuck flickering screens
>Matrix symbols screen filter doesn't help
>nevermind, I don't need to see, I remember everything I type
>jet sounds coming from my PC intensify as my processor tried to keep up with the pace at which I produce deadly hacker code
>all programmed in zeros and ones for the maximum optimization
>sweat runs down my face as I finish coding my own TOR darknet browser
>I do it every time I use the Internet to prevent CIA from locating me
>it's done
>I can finally duckduckgo "how to hack the government" tutorial on youtube
>the screams of thousands tormented souls coming from my l33t 1990s beige case covered in Richard Stallman and Kevin Mitnick stickers stop
>I look around in confusion
>*beep*
>*beep bob boob beep*
>oh no
>so the hardware backdoor is real
Close the blinds
>I jump back to grab my magnets but it's too late
>the backdoor is open
>three flurescent CIA niggers and Bill Gat*s jump out my floppy drive bay
>not too fast
>I open one of my piss bottles and spray it all over my extension cord
>all of my electronics and electric heater are plugged to this baby
>just as the very first drop touches the uninsulated part it explodes
>two niggers down but the third one managed to jump behind my katana rack in time
>Bill G*tes walks out of the ball of fire like it's nothing
>I jump out of the window
>I'll rather die than let you get me
>it's first floor
>both of my legs are broken but I manage to crawl to my mum's Opel Corsa
>MUUUUUUM, we need to run
>MUUUUUUUUUUM
>it's too late, the fire I started already has already blocked the entrance to my house
>I guess it's a goodbye mum
>I take a bus to my nearest hacker hideout
>till the next time, Bill
>till the next time
>hear hellish noise as my cooler fan blades cut through the layers of dust thicker than the smegma crust under my foreskin
A thread died for this
it was a shit thread anyway
i see your mistake bro you are supposed to use hooktube its what my hacker friends say they use
Like pottery
So you want to be a hacker? It ain't no easy task kiddo. You should just stop now. Don't even try.
The most you can probably ever do is click buttons on LOIC and buy crypter packs on Nulled. Even
Cain is going to fly over your brain. Do you know how fucking hard hacking is? Pentesting is not for
the light-hearted. Are you willing to learn and understand a bunch of programming langauges? Python, Ruby,
and Javascript can probably be learned in days. Maybe a few months for Java. But C++? Haskell? C? Assembly?
And those probably are not even enough. On top of that, are you willing to get comfortable in a Linux system?
It's quite different from the clicky pictures you have on your RGB covered Windows gaming system. Are you
willing to learn sofftware engineering, OS development, networking, reverse-engineering, malware analysis,
exploit-writing, fuzzing, data structures, and all the other topics required to become a proficient pentester? Are you
smart enough to know how to perform a social engineering attack? Are you willing to learn Mestasploit, Aircrack,
Hashcat, Ettercap, and all the other tools a pentester needs to know? Or are you just going to download and run
wifiHAX_n0t_V1RuS.exe? Are you willing to understand computers to the hardware level? Are you willing to spend
years mastering and perfecting your skills? Are you willing to spend time everyday to stay updated with current
pentesting news? Just stay in your little gaming world, kiddo. Go show off to your friends and DDOS some minecraft
servers or click on open IPs in Shodan. You don't have the drive to become a real hacker. You never will.
Stop watching "MR. Robot" and other shows/movies that glamorize so-called hacking.
You'll probably never be a real hacker anyways, just a poser who's following something that's become trendy.
fite me casul give me your ip and ill hack your motherboard
127.0.0.1, h4x0r me!
you won't fool me, I know 127.0.0.1 is a virus server adress
Well greened
>tips fedora
I h4xxerd that ip once, not much there, looked through the webcam and saw a phat weaboo faggot, I'm glad I'm a hacker chad tho.
>it's me again
>it's been two days since I moved to my underground Hacker Hideout
>they'll never find me here
>can't risk using x86 or ARM based device because of the backdoors
>but I'm the Hacker user
>I must hack
>fortunately a real hacker is always prepared
>somewhere here among grandma's old magazines and other shit lays a device so ancient, even Ga*es won't be able to access it
>feel my stomach rumbling
>fuck, I'm hungry
>ever since I disposed of by phone and PC I wasn't able to use Uber Drive
>I don't know how long I can survive in this state but I must believe
>I must fight for freedom (as in freedom)
>NANAAAA WHERE IS THE DINNER?!!!!
>NAAAANAAAAAAAA
>she's not responding
>NANA WHERE IS THE FUCKING DINNER
>what the fuck is happening
>go upstairs
>NAAANAAA
>she's not there
>but... as I walk slowly to the kitchen I saw something out of the corner of my eye
>something glowing in the dark
>nana, you fucking snitch
>Uber Drive
Uber Eats, oh fuck
>the absolute state of Jow Forums
spotted a hacklet
cont?
Can you brute force wifi on debian or do you specifically need Kali?
Dude yes cmon don't leave me hanging you fucking nigger.
Kali is based on debian m8, you can modify debian (or any other linux distro for that matter) to suit your pentesting needs.
Asking if you can brute force wifi on debian is like asking if you can eat bread or do you need to make a sandwich.
That's what I thought. Thanks friend
Wouldn't it be more correct to say that asking that is akin to asking "can I eat just the bread" if I already have a full sandwich?
>food analogy
How about you stop being a fat fuck. Shit analogy either way
>nana
>Opel Corsa
You Irish?
>they finally got me
>nana's house is full CIA niggers
>thankfully my legs turned out to not be broken
>just hurt from running
>I jump back into the Hacker Hideout and shut the door
>just a moment they break them down
>quickly move nana's shit out of the way
>it's all binders full of recipes and photos photos of my uncle's junk
>there it is
>an old Macintosh II
>ram my Kali linux floppy into the drive
>kick it and it starts buzzing
>fuck, what's taking so long
>it won't start
>hear CIA kicking the Hideout door
>I've got no time for this
>if I need to become homo to protect my right to privacy, I will
>I take the floppy out and boot System 7
>I'm sorry Richard
>it boots in 0.01 millisecond
>a wonderful smell of freshly brewed fair trade coffee fills the basement
>I can feel my fat vanishing as I lay my fingers on the keyboard and open the terminal
>CIA finally break the door
>just one more line
>CIA starts shoots me in the arm
>just one more line
>blood runs down my to my hands and on the keyboard
>just one more line
>yes, I'm safe
>I run the program, not so much coded as rather woven into the reality itself
>time stops
>bullets freeze in the air
>I've sworn to myself that I'll never use this power
>surroundings warp and reform
>my eyes are open, I can see the Being as it is
>so it must be
>in my eternal pursuit of freedom (as in freedom) I have finally lost my humanity
>lost? no. I have transcended it
>the code I've created was pure C
nah mate, Polish scum here
screencap me
>asking that is akin to asking
If I have to read something out loud to get it then it is badly written.
yahhh uhhhhh immmma need a uhhhhh
imaaa need uhhh a cont.
CONT YOU FUCKING NIGGER
That looked like a pretty clear conclusion to me.
>>I'm sorry Richard
>>it boots in 0.01 millisecond
My sides.
Corsa is the Holden Barina in Ausfagland. I be driving a 2005 Corsa C meme mobile and didn't even know it
that looked like the end of evangelion to me
>if you'd ask me how long have I been in this state I couldn't give you the answer because time no longer reigns over my existence
>in the moment of my ascension straight to the seventh density I've seen the Always and the Forever, Here and Everywhere
>I've travelled, although from the material world's perspective motionless, through the infinite landscapes of Dennis Ritchie's mind
>but as my ego was dying and what used to be me embraced the Unity something dragged me back
>the downfall through the densities of Reality was painful and seemingly eternal
>higher planes were closing one after another
>eleven newly discovered dimentions of my perception dissapeared, leaving me as if I was bling and deaf
>I started to feel that I am and I am now
>I also started to feel shit flowing down my pants
>'they got you good kiddo'
>a familiar voice...
>'the bullet passed through your brain but it seems like it didn't hit anything important'
>I looked around and realized I was on a backseat of some car, seemingly hacked together from random scrap
>my head and arm were wrapped in a polo shirt, soaked in blood and someone else's sweat
>mysterious rescuer grabbed something from the passenger's seat and throw it to me without taking his eyes out of the road
>'anyway, CIA is still on our tail, you should eat something to restore some of your energy'
>what seemed like a half eaten bag of crisps turned out to contain dried, smelly pieces of human foot skin
>'I'd tell you buckle up now but you know...'
>he grinned to me in the rear-view mirror
>'I respect your freedom'
Include me in the screencap
Put me in the screencap
>being this desperate for attention
Have a (You)
Jokes on you its all me
I was in that thread, it wasn't as good as this.
this is hilarious
good pasta OP
> duckduckgo
> youtube
>NANA YOU FUCKING SNITCH
Thank you user. Ive been on a 4 day borderline insomnia blend between work and researching esoteric and Jow Forums topics and I needed a fucking laugh.