ITT we all work at a meme startup in San Francisco

But only beach near here is nudist beach...

GUYS PLS RESPOND TO MY BBT JOKE PLS

we need more nerf guns

Something something onions latte, something code bla bla Clojure something something Ruby.
By the way, did anyone take their Tesla to work today? I had a puncture on my commute to work around 10 AM, looks like I rode over some used needles as I passed heroin addicts downtown on my gluten free zero emission fair trade bicycle.

Johnny please shill we product in hacker news and reddit.

I'm going to catch an Uber to Crissy field....

Got in to work from my apartment complex full of Meme Startup Inc workers early at 6.30am. Had breakfast on site, then used the on site gym. Some meetings and then I typed code in my hammock for five minutes. (I got uncomfortable and went back to my regular desk).

After work finished at 8pm there were after-work drinks. Then I got home and did some home work before bed. Can't wait for tomorrow!

Hey user... oh my gosh, is that, *prrft* is that HA, linux? C'mon user, you know this is an Apple only office!

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We should make an operating system, guys!

Boss are you absolutely sure walking during work hours with a dragon dildo up my bum will give us more government diversitybux?

hiya everyone!! my name is stacy, i just got hired here!! i really hope we can all come together to create a positive workplace culture.

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It sickens me that you got that kind of talk so accurately.

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Yeah Stacy we'll fucking cum together, you whore.

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Gosh I wish Steve Jobs was still around when I think about him I feel like crying where is the closest safe space pls respond

Hey sorry I'm late I stepped in some feces and used Heroin needles on my way.

Hey user did you finish that piece of code that was assigned to me teehee *wink* I intent to be a manager within the next 3 months and I'm sure you support women in tech don't you user?

I unironically wish Jobs was still alive, he wouldn't have let the headphone jack go away.

Hey guys, management has decided to change the names of the meeting rooms so they inspire more synergy.

See you in the incredible imaginatarium at 7.30pm for the evening crunch concept sharing seminar. Food is being provided by the Korean-Mexican-German fusion place down the block

Should this have given me a boner?

>also, checked

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I'm vegan

I was almost attempted raped in Korea, if this change goes through expect to see your ass in court

U-um... dave, hey can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah its about that new hire stacey. I uh, and some of the other engineers also, uh, we were talking and think we should care less about uh... s-stop hiring people just because they're women. Stacy just delegates her work t-to other people on the team, a-and I dont even know is she knows how to use reactVueAngularQuery.js, I asked her to SSH into the server and she just typed "cd .., cd server"

gud morning everyone
plz do the needful and lets start good work today
but first lets eat
*opens curry*

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*unsheathes katana*
you're fired.
a true ninja allows people of all walks of life in their dojo

user, I'd like you to pack your bags. You know [our startup] does NOT welcome misogynists. I also expect a hand-written 5 page apology delivered to Stacey by the end of this week.

WHO THE HELL SHITTED IN THE PARKING LOT?!

Sorry I'm late, had a rough time avoiding all the shit and needles on the street.

Good day everyone! My name is Taquella Dominque and I was just hired as your new VP of HR and Div-

*sniff* *sniff*

What is this toxic odor of underserved privilege in the air?

I'd like you to concentrate more on creating environment that everyone can be a part of. There's nothing wrong in helping out your fellow equal co-worker, even if it means you will have to do their job here and there.

h-hey guys i need to go to the bathroom... i... uhm... i... uhm... hehehehe... m-m-my socks fell down...

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>not thigh high socks
bet you don't even program

It's the smell of Rajesh Looloo culturally enriching his desk, you'll learn to live it soon.

do you know what thighs are

Hi Josh

I'd like to have a quick chat about a conversation we have picked up on our web conferencing microphones. Please immediately lie down on the ground, spread your legs and arms wide apart, turn your hands over so your palms are facing the sky, and do not move until Security tell you otherwise.

Have a nice day

Tracee
HR Manager - Level 2

ya
marked red

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>quad

Just breaking character for a second - are average SV devs working for startups and such really that much better than programmers elsewhere, or is there just more of them? I mean in actual work-related competences, not their basedish lifestyle choices.

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Sorry, I couldn't find anyone to dogsit buddy, so I had to bring him with me.
I home nobody minds that, don't worry, he won't bite.

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Hey guys company x down the street has started developing in Golang. We should start developing microservices in it too despite none of us knowing how to use it properly.

she kinda qt

I hate basedifornians

They pay so much that they get the best people from all over the world, yes. Literally the best on the planet. But the hunger for skilled programmers is so high that HRs quite often hire unskilled retards who lie on their resumes.

Stacy, you know damn well the majority of this office is allergic to dogs. And bringing him near Muhammad who is a ₘᵤₛₗᵢₘ? What were you thinking?!? You know they how they feel about dogs!

Oh I'm positive. I'm positive I'm going to be many inches deep inside that throat

wait i gotta see this

>comparation
gets me every time

No one seemed to mind the last 50 times I brought him.

Miss.. You started working 3 days ago.

But is this "golang" thing agile? What about orthogonal synergies?

Think she fucks the dog?

hey guys what's up
are you all ready to work? :)

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>No real product/service
>100% hype
>free money of Y combinator

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Of course I do, is there something wrong with that?
How have you not seen me?

I asked the guy being interviewed to implement a DHT on the white board, hey Josh can you copy that and push it to master before the next candidate shows up to write our load balancer?

do you have the charger for the macbook. no not that one. the other one. no that's the old charger. I wish you hadn't taken my lenovo with standardized charging and cut off my nuts

To ensure the safety of female staff during work hours all male staff are required to wear chasidy devices during work hours.

am soree. kan u ask stacy to gib me her tindr?

What if I'm a female (male)
:3

so outside work hours we are free to rape female employees?

Let's revolutionize cryptocurrency guys. I've got a sheme that ties the value to the amount of streetshitting in SF so it should gradually rise until everyone that got in at the ground floor becomes a millionaire!

They are to be worn until you get home, a sensor mechanism will ping the servers and it will automatically unlock when you arrive at your home, you will be not be allowed in the building if not wearing one.

hey user something popped up on my screen
can you help me?
I have very very important meeting in 10 minutes and I need my documents

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OK guys, out of the building. The CEO has flipped the company for 2.8 billion, but you are all being fired before the deal goes public. upon dismissal your stock options automatically revert to the CEO.

Good luck finding new jobs everyone! thanks for your hard work!

Am I allowed to eat meat

This is insane!
The workplace can't issue a curfew.
What if I want to go to a bar after work to pick up a girl?

Starting to think these threads are just huge psy-ops from silicon valley companies to block upcoming competition. I mean sure, MOST startups especially in CA as a whple are a meme but come on user. But just google alone has had to up their salaries by more than 33% in the past 5 years, all to make sure talent that has just left uni becomes scarce.

In order to make PoC and LGBTQ+ members of our staff feel safe, we will be assigning them all their own offices with private bathrooms. The white folk will have to work in an open office space and use the bathroom at the Starbucks next door or the Starbucks across the road.

OK everyone, we're going to work naked for a month in August.
Starting tomorrow, all employees must be naked while in the office to promote openness and diversity as well as increase productivity.
Free your body, free your mind.

nice quads

*penises are not allowed

Sorry rape-o, District law now prohibits men "picking up" women. If you want to date apply to either a man gallery if you feel like being someone's man meat for the evening or one of the approved dating sites that allow women to message first.

Penises are fine, but if you pop a boner for any reason you're fired.

Please green card

"Hey user, can we buddy up for the rest of the day to increase workflow?"
"user... you DO know we're using React now, right? Rewrite all of this and we'll recoup tomorrow at 2."
"Oh yeah, and don't forget it's video game day. Come out of your cube for a bit on lunch break, okay? We'll have Switches set up in the meeting room, and you sure could use a little bit of fun, haha" *back pat*

user, it's crunch time, we're on 24 hour dev time, your breaks are dependent upon meeting personal goals. When you need to sleep use the nap room. Your card will let you in once you've met enough goals. Or you can cash your goals in for mini-breaks.

Gotta hit the deadline to show something by the trade show keynote, even if it's smoke and mirrors!

GET OUT
youtu.be/w96oTapYTKk

>Gotta hit the deadline to show something by the trade show keynote, even if it's smoke and mirrors!
>presentation day hits
>it lasts 5 minutes, nobody does anything, investors just glanced at the website and returned to discussions

>whple
Who are they? Anyway I like that name, can I invest?

I'm heading for the meatpacking district for uhh.. hold my calls

>guys did you hear what trump tweeted

thank you and do the kindly

From: Boss
To: everyone
Subject: FW: What I learned spinning up a B2B facilitator in Tibet with a MacBook and $133
Message: Hey could you guys get this to the front page of HN? We need some exposure. Don't hesitate to hang out in the comments to inform and evangelize, I'll give you a bonus.

What the fuck is a computer?

Uhm sweeties the soiylent dispenser is empty again.
Also check your emails sweeties, we have a new batch of vasectomies this month, so were gonna have a party on the 15th.
Also if we had sex with the last few months you might have HIV. Get your meds downstairs, its free.

Now let's get cracking on our product.
*makes electron app as a service as a platform for disruptive change*

has anyone checked with that new VC fund yet? we really need more $$$ for our gender-inclusive workshops

>firing him then asking him to write a 5 page apology
Does he go to jail if he doesnt do it?

user, I see you got a half-chub while walking past Stacey. we need to talk.

NO muhammed does not like that you misogynist

what does that mean? are you implying that you are a """"""""""""""""trap"""""""""""""""

One week in
>Ya sure, Ill let you look at my git. Let me know what suggestions you.
Two weeks in
>Who the fuck is changing all the variable names. Did someone really find+replace every instance of 'man'?!
One month in
>Janice I swear to god if you pull request from me one more time I'm banning you from the project.