Jow Forums, how the fuck do you write a programming resume?

Jow Forums, how the fuck do you write a programming resume?

Attached: se_cubic.jpg (2399x1279, 298K)

Other urls found in this thread:

kurims.kyoto-u.ac.jp/~motizuki/Curriculum Vitae.pdf
over-yonder.net/~fullermd/resume
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

>Coding
into the trash it goes

in assembly

Like the one on the left. Right is for memers and noobs.

>left looks like an actual document made for reading by a human
>right looks like a web page you're supposed to click around on
>recruiters think this is somehow better
fucking web devs have to infect everything with their garbage

minimize wasted whitespace
dont use retarded fancy styles
narrowest margins
*/5 things are ok but dont do like in the OP image
the one on the left is significantly better than the right but should make use of tables to avoid the large whitespace gaps

If you're not applying for a startup, the left is what you go for.
If you want to get paid shit all, use the right.

But the right one has status bars. You can clearly see the right is a level 5 Java. Is there a level 6? Wait until you see Pajeets final form.

If I get to the point of making a resume. I have failed.

>taking credit for company profit
>shredded and blacklisted
No room for non-team players here.

Not sure if either would pass the "5 second test".

Throw as many libraries and use cases as you can possible. No fluff, no bullshit, just pure technical jargon.

>database knowledge: basic
>SQL: advanced
what the hell

But there's only so many ways to write jQuery.

Right one looks like some fucking video game stat bar

Just throw "I'm gay" in the first line.

hr here
i got my job though nepotism so i dont know what the fuck im doing.
i have a low iq and virtually no attention span so i need a pretty resume that adheres to current ui fashion trends to catch my attention or i just zone out. we shouldnt hire squares anyway. no macbook pro = no job too

Can I apply with my Arch Linux build?

apply for welfare maybe

Attached: 1912372935.jpg (360x360, 17K)

What the fuck are those parameters on the right supposed to mean? Busier =/= more professional, holy shit. Those 1-5 values are completely arbitrary and don't tell the interviewer what the applicant actually knows. Not even eye-candy.

>coding expert
>debugging advanced
Nigga what?

More padding === less writing

It's a win for everyone

Neither in your pic. Both tet the steps wrong. The left is too formal and archaic, the right is over-designed for a resume. I like using a sans seric font, sticking with a very basic template (name at the top in large text, contact info below it, and then a few headers and text underneath). You want to stick to bullet points where it makes sense. Do include an objective or executive summary at the top, which summarizes your strengts in a few words and states your objective (e.g. "seeking senior software engineering position"). Don't write too much and don't write too little, be descriptive but concise and remember to sell yourself. I also like to include a list of technologies, skills, etc. that you have as bullets in its own section, don't go full meme mode and include ratings like (Java - 4/5); if you know it well enough include it, otherwise don't. No one wants to hire a guy who can "kind of" do something.

How - What - Why

If you need to think about how to write your resume, you don't have enough experience

Like this
kurims.kyoto-u.ac.jp/~motizuki/Curriculum Vitae.pdf

The ones in the OP are fucking awful.

Attached: 6545645645645.png (883x950, 119K)

does anyone have the resumes from that guy from the Philippines or wherever it was?

The one on the right would get trashed at a glance.

How do you resume writing a program?

Attached: 1529083690170.jpg (600x600, 126K)

It's damn near impossible writing one fresh out of uni. No previous work experience results in one with a whole lot of fluff and career statements.

Fear of having an empty resume after uni was probably what has led most to my current modest success.

>Coding
Shame to throw it away, it actually looks nice.

But right looks like absolute crap
Like what the fuck does "Advanced Collaboration Skills" and "Expert Coding" even mean?

My problem is that the one on the right looks fucking awful
But I worry that people hiring are actually looking for this shit.

Write your CV for an HR lady that doesnt get programming and is just looking for keywords.
The interview is usually where you need to demonstrate more.

>This.

>recommending le level bars in a curriculum
jesus christ

Resumes are for students and undesirables. Just put your stuff in linkedin and the recruiters will call your. If you're desperate go visit some industry events and chat with people until they hire you.

don't put some pajeet-tier skill bar onto your resume

>I can write advanced queries, but I don't think I'd be able to create an efficient and optimized database.

But what if its Koding with Karlie?

LaTeX

if you could express your leadership abilities using tiny grey dots, how many tiny grey dots would it be?

>status bars
These trigger my autism so hard. I couldn't do this even if it guaranteed me the best job ever.

moderncv is real nice, I just wish it wasn't so restricted/opinionated about how things should be set out.

>just looking for keywords.
Bingo.
Your resume should be cleanly laid out with keywords easily seen - so use an easy-to-read font in a decent size and don't be afraid of bullet points.

Put a "skills" section just below your "education" section so it's about a third of the page down (where most people immediately look on their screen) and have bullet points for keywords of the job, programming languages, etc.

Skip the trash, go straight to the incinerator.

>memers and noobs.
Which is exactly the type of person who reads resumes.

>female
>expert leadership skills

Attached: 1503911697065.jpg (600x600, 34K)

So, OP is a SQL expert that only has basic database knowledge.

I doubt people hiring programmer give a shit about how beautiful is his resume design

This

I'd vomit on the spot if I'd see a resume like the one on the right. Who in their right mind would think it's a good idea to display their skills in a x/5 point graphic?

Attached: 1475768836322.jpg (496x257, 31K)

She can be bossy and screem a lot. Looks like a leader to me.
Now if only Clinton will send her damn dollars to my paypal account for all the female shilling i am doing.

>claiming 5/5 in two non related categories
That's just asking to get grilled, chewed up and spit out by the company seniors

>linkedin
>resume
what is the difference

It's quirky, our company likes quirky employees. I mean don't you see the giant tick mark. That is the way to go.

Only for STEM.
If your position involves UNIX (alikes) then it's troff.

>hard and soft skills
that sounds extremely lewd for some reason

>SQL
>expert
>Database knowledge
>Basic

Just because I tell niggers what to do doesn't mean that I know how niggers work.

With Adobe Illustrator because i'm not autistic

>experience before education
no

within 10 seconds the reader should be able to see exactly where everything relevant is, doesn't matter what it looks like as long as its clear

more like the one on the right : put some colored bars and shit so they wont think you made it in 10 minutes.

-don't put so much detail on what you did on the last job : just go with "I did X using tech Y". they'll ask you about it later anyways.

-same with education : you didn't learn SHIT in college user, no one cares you did the 20h intro to big data, that didn't make you employable in it. put the core curriculum in only.

- put in some hobbies as well so you won't look like an autistic nerd. I got my last job by talking more about house renovation than engineering.

- Never use progress bars. not only you look like a retard by including them, you'll appear to lack self confidence if they aren't all full.

-include a github page where you put even your most ridiculous and failed projects so they won't think you're the kind of guy who never admits he's wrong.

>hardskill
>coding
>expert o o o o o
Is this satire?

If you've read a book or two on a language but never used it in a workplace should you still put it on your CV? What should you say, that you have experience with the language?

I've been working on personal projects for a few years and I have a wageslave job and I want to get into programming as a career, where do I look for jobs?

Write about what you know and the things you've done. IF you'r coding skills helped your team increase productivity by 20%, write that.

Jesus Christ the left design is complete cancer

FUCK I meant right

Any job website

I like the simplicity of this one
over-yonder.net/~fullermd/resume

really?
alright then what job websites are good? I never used any because grocery stores and shit just have you use their own site

I have two offers.

a) high pay boring job
b) low pay fun job

Which should I go for?

I’m 30 and have never had a job. How the fuck do I explain that? The problem obviously only gets worse with time. I’ve got a CS degree and know a few programming languages but everywhere wants experience

>I’m 30 and have never had a job.

Attached: dodo.jpg (544x479, 49K)

recruiters are retarded, HR is a fucking meme

High pay boring job and immediately start looking for a new job. use it to negotiate an even better salary somewhere else.

This. It's cringy af but something tells me they love those ratings more than anything else in the resume.

>debugging
LMAO

lul wut

FRIENDLY REMINDER
>PERSONAL PROJECTS > RESUME

this user knows what's up

>put in some hobbies as well so you won't look like an autistic nerd. I got my last job by talking more about house renovation than engineering.
what if i am autistic nerd?

I mean, what have you been doing? Did you not get a job because you are lazy, or have you been doing freelance stuff? Your best bet at this point is probably going to be to do personal projects, freelancing or look for an internship.

cocks

let them know youre female.

What a weak troll, that is pathetic if you think it's an acceptable résumé.

2/10, made me respond

>mastery in leadership and collaboration
lol

>Work Experience
>

Attached: 1478657577822.png (246x200, 30K)

Put that as your hobby.

When you're on his level you don't even need a resume

Attached: 1418284919974.jpg (657x807, 124K)

Make it look like code

Attached: original.jpg (1007x800, 104K)

This. Anything else is ghey

Left is far better. The interviewer needs to be able to easily skim through your resume, not figure out whatever unique layout you came up with.

Attached: 1533183735483.jpg (600x776, 114K)

based

Enjoy your Fields medal while you still have it, Scholze. Mochizuki is about to tear you a new one.

Attached: samurauspirit.jpg (547x479, 115K)