Future software engineer

did you ever have to deal with this kind of guy during your degree

>be me, 2 years ago
>doing second year in software engineering
>have a team project where we have to make an app in Java
>team up with the guys next to me
>this guy: greasy hair neckbearded fatso
>speaks loudly, thinks that he’s a god in programming
>big talk do little kinda guy
>only knows C#, but still claims that he knows everything about every languages
>uses Git GUI, because the terminal scares him
>“i don’t use terminals user, because it confuses me” - future software engineer
>second teammate: fatso’s friend
>actually a decent person
>third one: NPC_1
>the assignment is split in 2 iterations
>fatso: “If it was just me, I could finish the whole project for the first iteration”
>areyousureaboutthat.mp3
>“if you’re as good as you claim then take the major task of the backend”
>instant regret
>i had to wait for him to do my part
>fast forward the night before the first deadline
>fatso just pushed his part on master
>about fucking time
>pulls the project
>doesn’t compile
>there is so much fucking red in my IDE, I thought I had blood in my eyes
>he didn’t follow the concept that we made a week ago
>spend 4 hours refactoring his part before i could even start mine
>most of it are beginners mistakes : missing semicolon, missing bracket, calling misspelled functions
>he puts 2 empty lines between each operation (so he can read it better)
>my eyes are actually bleeding

i'll continue if it gets any attention

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your blog post has received my attention

this totally happened guys

sounds like that guy posts on Jow Forums

this guy was retarded, i cant make this up

>the next morning before the first demo
>fatso: “why it took you so long to push your code last night?”
>“because I spent 4 fucking hours refactoring your part”
>“user, why did you refactor my code it was perfect?”
>“you didn’t implement the class correctly, you’re code was full of stupid mistakes and the project wasn’t even compiling”
>he’s getting salty
>“that’s not true user, you’re lying, it was working fine perfectly fine before”
>teacher comes to check our project
>everything is fine, we get all the points
>fatso pulls out his big ass MSI pro gamer laptop
>opens up Eclipse, he hasn’t pull the last version yet
>compile his code, and everything works
>“you see, you didn’t have to refactor anything”
>i ask him to open his Java Compiler config
>every single warning level are set to ignore
>jesusfuckingchrist.jpeg
>ask him to put back the default settings
>now his code doesn’t work
>he remains silent for the rest of day

>For the rest of the project, we all check every fatso’s commit
>I’m doing a bit of QA in the code
>I delete unused functions and variables, push + merge
>Fatso messages me: “Stop refactoring my code, you deleted a function that I was using in my part”
>“My IDE highlight the unused stuff and I check everything I delete, you were not using it”
>“Yes I was user”
>he sends me a picture of his computer screen which it shows where the function was (((used)))
>this fucking idiot wrote down the call and took a photo with his cellphone
>im screaming
>loudly typing : “fatso you can’t fucking lie. Git has an history that saves every single commit”
>Send him a link of his last commit before where he supposedly was using the function
>no message from him for the next days

sounds like your average Jow Forums
Hue Hue Hue Hue

>Fat autist is cocky

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>fast forward the night before the last deadline
>the whole team on discord looking for a bug
>we spend 2 hours on it
>finally! one equation was miscalculating a variable, or is it?
>vsauce.avi
>it was working before
>fatso loudly speaks in the voicechat: “OMG lol user, you’re function made us lose 2 hours”
>Right Click - Show Annotations, Signed off by
>the fucker then posted the commit’s url on that line in the chat
>“See user, you’re not that good, I’m starting to think that you are trying to sabotage the project lol hahaha”
>“Fatso, you signed off the commit with my name misspelled and I don’t even use my full name in git.”
>“Maybe you didn’t wrote your name properly”
>Fatso’s friend interrupts
Forgot to mention that he knows him since high school and that he was sleep deprived, so he was on edge. I'm pretty sure he was sick of him. He also was the admin on our discord server
>“STFU FATSO, you act like a fucking dick all the time”
>continue to roast him on things that he did in the past
>bans him from the server
>the next day in class
>he’s smiling like nothing happened last night
>he tries to engage conversation with us, but nobody respond
>he’s a fucking NPC confirm

Every time I saw him walking in down the hallways, he was blindly looking straight ahead and slightly smiling. 100% empty inside

I have a freelancing story relating to the person hiring a retard before me.

>asked about being payed for updating a java program for a company through a friend
>they had hired an Israeli to code it and after they payed him, all they got was the program itself and not the source code.
>me not knowing that information I say yes to the job
>when I decompile the program it's all in fucking Hebrew and I don't understand what any god damn variable/class does or its purpose.
>program has absolutely no structure and only has the default package in it with almost 100 classes.
>try and explain this to them
>technologically illiterate retards can't comprehend how it's an issue and that they're going to have to pay me more for that much work.
>threaten to fire my friend and use him as leverage against me
>friend stops talking to me after I don't respond to any more of their messages

After a couple months he left the company and we made up. I'm leaving quite a few details out of the story but that's the shorter version of it.

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Sucks that you and your friend got Jewed

>every single warning level are set to ignore
I didn't even know you could do that in Java - I'm actually sort of impressed

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Excellent stories. Please carry on friends

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I had a story of a guy who thought he was cool using Ubuntu instead of windows and he's a freak of nature neckbeard type. Nobody believed me when I posted the copypastas here.

taking a project from another company is always (when the project was failing) is never a good idea.

One time at my job, we got a project in Laravel from another company. It was suppose to be a multi-site with 3 subdomain. I learn that the company was hiring only one guy. He actually made 3 separated Laravel project with 3 DB plus another one just for the models. An all the projects were linked to each others. I never saw such a saucy spaghetti mess like this before.

He wasn't even using the Lavarel's API, he was using good old PHP to connected all that

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>knows C#
>missing semicolon, missing bracket, calling misspelled functions
>compile his code, and everything works
>every single warning level are set to ignore
i didn't know you can compile java code with that lots of mistake. isn't java a compile language? or is it a interpreter language?

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a lot of autist kid gets cocky when they switch to Linux, but this guy was a Window elitist.

post your pasta

That was after OP fixed it

>fatso pulls out his big ass MSI pro gamer laptop
>opens up Eclipse, he hasn’t pull the last version yet
>compile his code, and everything works

i don't use Eclipse, but apparently you can force it to compile. You'll probably get a shit tone of runtime errors too. But I think he never actually test the project, he only checked if it compiles

how do you compile broken codes?
what if i type garbage? will that garbage compiled into bytecodes? runable != compilable

>tfw that neckbeard might have been me

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I can't find it since I'm phone posting or else I would. In new tech people's mind they think going to Ubuntu or Linux is like this impossible task. I mean it's a good first step and you should be proud but he's always trying to get caught up because he just HAS to use ubuntu

can't wait for you to start dealing with this kind of shit at work

>be in computer class teaching stuff for comptia 901
>guy there is trying to be really cool and has ubuntu even though we get a free windows 10
>tfw he spent all hour trying to figure out how to get a screenshot
>tfw i with windows had 3 ways to do it on my own
>tfw i went over to help him but he got all pissy that his ubuntu wasnt working
>tfw i tried helping him but he got mad
>he said he got a blue screen of death but I didn't see it
>tfw told him even though windows sucks you should still get windows 10 just to adapt to school since its what we use
>tfw i smelled this guy from 10 feet away
>tfw he looked like shit
>tfw look at his computer and he had memepad

OH NO NO NO NOOO

He was the Jow Forums meme. I mean I know hes new and I'm new also but it was still funny

Here it is verbatim. I even found a post of mine where he had RAM overload whatever the fuck that means lol.
I also already regret a lot of the cancerous verbiage I used but here ya go.

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kill me now then

I've read this pasta.

you just have to play 4d chess. if someone make a mistake simply ask "hey user maybe you have done something wrong here can i fix it for you?"

What about this post sounds fabricated to you, retard?

They said it about mine also.

most of them are so pretentious, they don't want you to even look at their code

>He was the Jow Forums meme.
>I'm new also but it was still funny
>whatever the fuck that means lol
>here ya go
You need to go back.

Ya need ta have sex pinhead

Attached: imfine.jpg (601x508, 28K)

Pic: just remove (x==false) to shorten the code to make it do the same thing. Like: else, y == false.

Is that it or am I as bad as pic related? How would you fix that example?

y=x?true:false

that's not even right you mongoloid
it's literally y=x;

you don't know what refactor means.

Bitch