Be me, freshman-junior

>be me, freshman-junior
>optimistic
>actually work hard
>dedicate time to personal projects
>score application security internship that would have guaranteed me upper-middle-class employment immediately after graduation
>simultaneously start working at a small startup for equity compensation
>was just slinging memescript at the startup job but equity is equity
>startup takes off, my friend and I get offer for pay + the equity compensation we were already getting
>take hiatus from last year of school
>end up quitting application security internship for job offer
>left in such an autistic way that I presume I burned bridges on the way out.
>working goes okay at first even though I'm just writing boring apps for internal use using memescript frameworks
>year later
>friend/coworker and I move into a place way nicer than two 22 year olds deserve
>don't feel like I'm a productive person who deserves success
>feel like I'm getting a paycheck for a fake job that has no impact on society or even the business I work for
>have more spending money than I've ever had but spend none of it as I become disillusioned by western society's nihilistic consumerism.
>eventually lose all my will to do anything at work
>About a year and a half after leaving school for full time work I get pulled into boss' office, get canned for my crash in productivity.
>don't feel anything, just say "ok" and leave with my stuff
>non-productively NEET in my apartment for a summer on my savings
>move back in with parents when lease expires and go back to school
>still having motivation problems, grades are in the dumpster
>developed notification anxiety because every notification I get is either from my irritated parents, irritated group project members, or shit from my bank/credit card.
I don't know what to do. Has anyone else fallen into a spiral of despair like this after entering the workforce?

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Just stop being depressed lol

unironically seek counseling

unironically seek suicide

Similar situation but I'm about to be 26 in a week. If you find a solution please tell me but currently I think the solution is finding just enough stability to work on personal projects and skills.

dive into pussy

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Does it help? I've always hated talking to people about this shit, probably stems from my childhood frustration with the social workers I was always forced to talk to.

Sounds like you're burnt out, this happens to software engineers all the time. Other than time, there's not much you can do to help it unfortunately.

stupid foot posters

>be me
>be a total fucking cum slurping faggot
>post some really gay feel blog shit
>nobody even reads it
>why am I quoting?

>falling for the cs meme

CS industry is genuinely exclusively for the soulless and autistic . I'm so happy I saw what it was like and switched majors .

Do something fulfilling OP

>superior fetish master race

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try drugs and whores if you still have money.
Like seriously, you would be impressed at how much of your "depression" goes away with meds.
then try to get another job in something more meaningful, or get another normal job and do side projects in whatever you find interesting.
there is no "fake job", a job is selling part of your time and knowledge to someone.
You don't and won't "save the world" doing a job.
If you really want that vibe of "making a difference" you burned it by quitting your application security internship like an autist. I've done the same but it was a shit webdev internship.

this.

this so hard

What did you go into? I agree but I just don't think I would be good at anything else (not OP)

Nah it doesn't
Can't speak about drugs haven't tried it (legal or otherwise) but it just sounds like you need something to live for. Like a family, or a cause you believe in or something you can get obsessed about.
My situation isn't too different from yours except I was like that since I finished highschool. Was going to get into the military and become an officer but botched it and now I dunno what to do with my life

Yes. Sorry, but I can't tell you it will all work out. I can say, that you will have a huge amount of regret and worse anxiety if you put off school any later in life. It is not advantageous to go to school as an old fag, you just won't be accepted in the same way.

Go and bomb muslims thats a good cause

not him, but similar case, I did mechanical engineering

That said, if you're truly failing school, get out until you get a handle on your anxiety and depression issues. Those grades don't go away.

Definitely go see a counselor, and if you don't like the first one, try and try again. It took me a few times to find a counselor who was actually pretty good. Don't delay. Act now. Get your parents to make appointments for you and take you there if you're too far deep in the anxiety/depression to even do that.

>CS industry is genuinely exclusively for the soulless and autistic
then what the fuck are you doing on Jow Forums?

All of your problems stem from the fact that you are a genetic failure. That is, you have failed to pass on your genes, and you have nothing to live for.