How the hell did you get a job?

How the hell did you get a job?

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LinkedIn
only NEETs hate the botnet

2 job apps a day

Didn't work

Too bad.

What exactly on linkedin got you ajob?

Where did you apply?

Apply a lot for first job/internship --> get one certificate --> put both internship and cert on Linkedin together with a picture of yours where you dont look like a channer --> get flooded with recruiter spam

Through my charisma and level 100 speech checks i managed to talk my way into convincing 7 employees to commit suicide thus creating demand for new hires, that's when i reverse pickpocket'd my resume onto the human resources desk and 360° moonwalked out.

ebyn

if you have no experience then you need connections or someone you know who knows somebody that will give you a chance

after that your cv speaks for you

test

This is exactly how it happened for me:
1. Be excellent engineering student
2. Do first co-op/internship with a professor, paid shit but got to do lots of hands-on work and published a paper in a peer review journal
2. Second internship period rolls around, use prof as reference in applications, get a job at a big company, 28/hr, really aggressive but interesting r+d
3. Do this for awhile, knock everything I do out of the park and own major components of our system
4. Get hired after school by same company 90k starting, not bad
5. Fuck off to another company a year later for 120k

My networking was minimal overall

pay pajeets to do projects for you and put it on github, put projects on resume, ez pz

By being hirable.

I was begged to join with no interview because they were behind schedule and needed help. I had no previous jobs.

Also, rules 1 and 2.

Fuck me

Begged for my first job.
Shit pay, but if you have something in your cv, it becomes really easy.

Suck a dumptruck full of dicks.

I applied and passed the interview. Applying was the hard part, as most HR departments toss your shit in the trash. Make sure you have a good stash of projects lined up on github, some friends you can use as a reference if they already work at the company you want to go to, and reach out directly to project managers where possible so they go to HR with their preferred candidate instead of the other way around. If you do have to rely on HR, and can't find any back channel, you need to forget whatever you learned in school about making a resume for your field. Throw all the fleshed out technical shit to the side and only include buzzwords like Python or Big Data. Design your resume so a woman working in HR would want you working there. Include extra cirriculars like being on a sports team, working on cars, or lifting weights. Include a headshot if you aren't ugly. Basically design the shit like a Tinder profile thats supplemented with your skills. That'll get you past the HR filter. But most importantly, include a link to your project portfolio at the top of the resume. The actual project manager will immediately look for this after glossing over your bullshit buzzword skill list and realize you're not an amateur. You'll get blown up with interview offers within the week.

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Lie, just have some projects on github and lie about a previous job. You ain't getting shit without experience, fucking employers I hate them so goddamn much

I simply asked and got one. 3rd year now.

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i applied for a job and then i did an interview then i got a job

thanks

>Lie
This. Pretty much.

They sent me an email to see if I was interested, sent my CV, got a job. It's been a month and it's comfy.

Don't have a LinkedIn because I've seen people get harassed by corporate shills

I got some contract gigs from trolling Craigslist and through an employer contacting me after seeing some work that I put online. I put those experiences on a resume and took a shot at a full time junior dev position and hit it off. I hopped jobs a couple of times since and am now in a pretty comfy dev role where I don't have to stress out all day and get paid pretty nicely.

Companies have this thing called referal programs. You do have friends who has your back right?

After that, you can speak for yourself through the interviews

Had a decent GitHub and good resume, met with employer at a job fair and they said I was the only applicant there to have a public GitHub on their resume. Went into my interview and nailed it.

Emailed random people asking to work for them

>friends
I don't associate with the masses outside of normal business hours

Depends on what job you're aiming for.

You can get hired for entry level jobs by pretty much lying as long as you aren't fucking up at work.

For management positions, you can't lie your way there. You need proven experiences and references.

wrote my resume using a LaTeX template and I made sure that I looked cute during the interview. Presentation just as important if not more important than the actual substance.

Remember that OP

I pretty much copied Niko Bellic's resume from gta 4 and it had to work eventually.

>Career Objective:
To rise to the top of my profession in Liberty City.
>Experience:

Bellic & Bellic, Attorneys at Law
Partner

>Involvement in Criminal Law particularly cases of manslaughter, homicide, drug dealing, extortion, racketeering, and grand theft auto. Launched, and successfully tried, cases against corrupt individuals including division heads and company C.E.O.s.

>Dealing with emerging markets in the West Indies, particularly Jamaica and Puerto Rico.

>Instrumental in the trading of commodities from those emerging markets. Streamlined the company by making difficult but important redundancies.

>Mediterranean Shipping Enterprise
>Associate Attorney

>Drafted immigration documentation and accelerated customs procedures fro clients.
>Worked with many European markets including Balkan states, Italy and Russia.

>Balkan Peace Force

Intern

>Worked in war-torn areas to assist those most badly affected. Settled vital disputes with clinical and decisive action. Compensated for lack of experience with enthusiasm and a willingness to learn.

>Education:

Vespucci University School of Law
Juris Doctor
Class Rank: Top 1%
Captain of the Shooting Team
Bulford University, United Kingdom
MA International Relations
1st Class Degree
Blue for Boxing.

>Skills:
People management.
Coping with Cultural differences

>Athletic ability:

Shooting, boxing, running, swimming to a professional level.

>Interests:

World affairs. Importing and exporting goods. Free market competition.

I keep getting jobs then quitting them
working sucks lol

Kinda oddly,

It was like a month after graduation, I fucked up big time by being a sperg and not doing any clubs or internships. Air conditioning went out and I needed cash ASAP, so I called in for some shit Tech Support job and the IT Team manager saw I had a github link and forwarded my resume to the Dev Team manager, he asked me super basic questions then had me doing simple development for his team. Pay isn't great, but it's been enough to keep the bills paid and myself fed. Need to start applying again.

Sat down and worked on a fairly involved, presentable personal project, sent my resume out to dozens of tech recruiters and job listings, eventually found a match.

LinkedIn has job search. The industry recommends it heavily

fuck off

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i got a 3 year technology diploma, was very interested in electronics and made stuff in my own time which helps a lot with interviews, got my foot in the door as a summer student, got some good references, got a decent job once graduated. the trick user is that you have to take initiative and you have to be interested in your work

>How did you get a job?
I applied by sending in my resume. Then I passed the interview.

And if anyone wants to talk about resumes/interviews, I have read a lot of resumes, and interviewed a lot of people over the last three years. Happy to help anyone on Jow Forums improve their chances.

SEAman, btw. Some of my experience here may not apply in Burgeristan or Yuropoor.

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what if i only rolled 2d6 for chr? do you think i could murder my way inside?

in the goat ass?

I shook their hands very firmly

literally no idea total luck making over 150k now so im not complaining desu senpai

how do you even lie about that? what are some tips for an honest samaritan like me?

no way

>tfw middle school dropout
>tfw failed A+ exam TWICE now
>tfw parents getting impatient at my neetdom
>tfw I cook for everyone and have gotten really good at making pasta dishes, soups, stew, and basically anything fried
Motherfuck Jow Forums, am I gonna have to work at a restaurant for the rest of my life?

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I just walked right in there grabbed a broom and started sweepin!

Stop obeying. You get everything when they die.

How do i get recuiters to stop calling me and offering me jobs?

Linkedin is worthless, I found my last two jobs on angel list

I made a fake company with a phone number that I used from Burner on the app store that I use as a reference

Have one pretty interesting project and the interviewers will just ask you a lot about it. If you have to stretch your abilities, you only have to live up to expectations once you start. Then just wait 6 months (in my case) and then someone will take you in.

culinary school isn't that bad if you're a brainlet. My uncle is a pro chef and works in a high-class restaurant.

Triplebyte

They fly you to interviews

this is good advice

Networking at local dev meetups.

Don't be and autistic NEET, and it's easy.

a firm handshake and made eye contact

I don't have a job and don't have the degree yet but I get blasted with job offers on LinkedIn because I had an internship for the lulz last summer.

By adjusting your mindset. The recession was over 2 years ago. Companies are actively bidding over anyone with a pulse now. If you don't have experience apply for a jr position or an intership. As long as you aren't expecting 6 figures with no work experience you should be able to find something.

kek that's pretty bad ass if you're not lying about yout lying advice

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There is literally nothing wrong with being a chef. A chef is a thousand time more useful to society than the typical sociology or journalism graduate.

Don't think I made an actual register and anything like that. I literally just made a name for some firm on my resume

Literally soul crushing work.

absolute unit

being slightly competent

applied to more jobs than i can count. took over a year. had prior sw experience but from almost a decade ago and no CS degree so no one wanted to take a chance on me. i suck at interviews and admittedly didnt know a lot about what i would need to do at the time. could normally get past phone screens but bombed at least a dozen in-persons. hard to convince someone in 30 mins that youre a 'fast learner'.

not many worse feelings in the world than being passed over time and time again and then when you finally get a chance, failing interview after interview after interview. after each failed interview i would have an existential crisis and not apply to any more jobs for a couple weeks because what's the point.

anyway, after failing so many times i finally found a place that wanted to take a chance on me. was the best day of my life and since then ive spent the last 3 years doing everything i can to prove them right. got 5 raises in the last 2 years including a promotion to senior this past march.

hella cliche but all that shit about success being about how you handle and respond to failure is all true. you just gotta keep getting back up. you only really fail when you stop trying.

I walked into the business, asked to talk to the owner, gave him a firm handshake and asked him when I should start. Its easy to get a job, it's just kids these days are lazy.

>walk in
>h-hi sir
uh, hello, can I help you?
>i-i think you mean can I help you, When do I start?
.....

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Cold calling random businesses in random office buildings in Manhattan and asking if they were hiring for any open positions. One of the companies that answered the phone was a managed services provider that needed an entry-level technician. I told them that I had been building my own computers for several years and also had a class in c++ and HTML. They interviewed me and had me take an exam. I left the questions blank if I didn't know the answer, and that was considered better than giving the wrong answer. The questions that I did answer we're mostly correct. That job was unpaid and lasted about 3 months. After that I was able to find decent paid work.

Luck and pluck. I have no degree, no certs. I applied to be an apprentice web dev and was given an interview in about 2 days flat. I turned up for the interview and halfway through they started asking me about servers instead. Went off to talk amongst themselves and returned with the CTO, showed me some infrastructure diagrams, and told me I started 10am Monday. Been a sysadmin leaning into devops for 2 years now.

>there are people on Jow Forums who unironically use linkedin

Hello. Are you a fresh graduate? Need to make your first break into the industry?

It’s ok. I was there too. Struggling to find someone; ANYONE who would give me a change. Now I’m in the position of making recommendations based on resumes that come in.

If you have no experience at all, are just a fresh graduate looking for a break, I will bin your shit. I want to see you lie. I want you to convince me that you know something, not truthfully tell me you know nothing.

This is how I got my break, and this is how you will get past people like me. Make some work experience up.

it's always stupid shit like this that makes me laugh

oh, yeah, I forgot to do that, stupid me
I'll just go in to X tomorrow and really shaky mister boss' hand firmly

I killed the guy I was replacing

> First Job
You should have done an internship that offered you a job. Otherwise you're literally fucked because no one wants to hire newgrads.
> Job with < 5 years experience
You should try LinkedIn and work with a recruiter. They'll find you jobs no one else wants.
> Job with > 5 years experience
If you're half decent and networked like you were supposed to, you will be hounded by headhunters once a month.

Applying for jobs online is a complete waste of time. You will literally never, ever, ever get a job that way unless you blatantly lie about your resume. It's essentially like Tinder and companies are the 300 lb landwhale thots who only big dicked "Chad" programmers.

>good uni
>Sizeable side project with actual breathing users
>No internship (applied to about 100, not even any interviews)
>40 applications per weekend + internal referrals -> 2-5 interviews per week

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Bad advice, online works and internships aren't required to start at >90k at a household name

I'm

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dont recommend this.

Got an email for interview, but I tell them to extend the date, because my location is far from their office, and can't find a flight if the date is too close and didn't reply my request until now. fuck that company.

>tfw people my age are already team leaders in huge companies
>tfw mentally ill loser paid peanuts in a job where I have to slack off to learn anything

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im 34 and have 2K a month after tax, which is pretty much minimum wage here in nordcucklandway

t. sad sad wizard

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how2 nave + uni at the samtidig ?

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They're more useful than the typical developer too.

2K in dollars, btw
and can't get into uni because grades are pretty shit and the niggers and females get in first

but I am considering just disability (uforetrygd), just need to threaten to kill myself first, which at this rate I probably will

>I am considering just disability
At least you have that option
In subhuman countries, it's wageslave away or starve

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polacks have the best of both worlds
they come here, work for insane amounts of money back home, including child benefits from here and then they get "unemployed", stay in poland while on nordcuck unemployment benefits for a while, and then work some more (insane pay in a low-cost country, iow)
also, white males here don't really get benefits so I won't get it and just have to kill myself unironically
so I have the option of wagecucking away on a job market filled with gopnikniggers on a shit salary here at home, or, realistically, killing myself
life is so good, can't wait for the aryans to die out completely, so the niggers everywhere else have to manage themselves

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>also, white males here don't really get benefits
No autismbux, schizobux or anything?
Wizardry typically comes with something that even blind normies see as illness.

Applied to a sysadmin job in the countryside. There were like 2 other applicants beside me and they both sucked dick according to the hiring manager (and I'm not very bright)

well there are programmes with fewer applicants than spots so everybody that applies gets accepted
I just want to keep taking uni courses even after my 8 available years of LENDINGBOX-loans/grants runs out but idk how to fund it
like apparently you can not NAVE+study at the same time

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im nordcuck loser up in thread
just exploit the system, make excuses and whatnot, get a diagnosis
were totally fucked here anyway, spending billions of dollars on children in the navy crashing warships and shitskins in oslo cashing out massive money that they send back home
its all going down, just try, for heavens sake, to get your part before the day of the rope

just memedepression and memeanxiety
they just repeatedly stomp you in the balls and throw you out on the curb before spitting on your broken body and laughing and pointing at you

I've landed like 7 "moving forwards" out of like a hundred applications, most of which had no cover letter

I always screw the interviews and assessment tests, and specially assessment tests seem to imply that these companies want only the most hardcore NPCs available

>tfw got accepted as linux admin just today
Things are looking up brehs

>was supposed to be interviewed today
>interviewer didn't call
>called later to schedule another call
Does it mean they see me as worthless shit and a waste of time, try to intimidate me into lower pay, or anything like that?

>assessment tests
I wish we had that in euro
would fix everything

I don't responses on anything, mostly

>How the hell did you get a job?
Worked with my dad's company in HVAC. Fixed the computers for the office on numerous times. Eventually decided computers are a shit line of work around here and got my apprenticeship started.

Fully licensed refrig tech and gas fitter at 23 and bought my first house. Met a girl, got married and had a kid at 29.

Now I own my own HVAC company. Making fat stacks fixing shit the average person can't even comprehend.

>Worked with my dad's company in HVAC
>Now I own my own HVAC company
You're not fooling anyone no matter how you put it: you were born with a silver, gold and diamond spoon in your mouth, plus silk diapers
gz on your gold-digger wife
hope she leaves you if you go broke (which she will)

>not using point buy
Kids these days don't what's up