Can one of you non-burgers explain to my ignorant ass how exactly bidets work? Do you just sit down, take a shit, then a stream of water sprays into your asshole?
Do you just get up and leave after a certain amount of time? Do you use it in conjunction with TP or just walk around with swamp ass? How does the toilet know where your asshole is? What if you had diarrhea and your cheeks are dirty too? Does it spray shitwater at your ass or it uses new water?
I personally use a combo of wet wipes and regular TP, but I keep hearing how much better bidets are and I’m considering getting one installed.
Fine, I'll take this bait. I'm a Burger who lived in Germany for a few months. Since you're a retarded monkey who can't figure out how to clean your ass, you sit down on the toilet, turn the bidet on, use the little handle to move it back and forth until your asshole is clean. Then you dry it with toilet paper.
>Does it spray shitwater at your ass or it uses new water? It's using clean water. The same kind that refills the toilet after a flush or that comes from the tap. It's not cycling water out of the toilet bowl, dumbass.
>What if you had diarrhea and your cheeks are dirty too? Take a shower or clean up as best you can like you normally would.
I recently moved to a house with a bidet, and it doesn't works as expected, after shitting I stream water to mi asshole for quite long, use TP to dry and still get shit in my ass, so is not a replacement. I even modified the bidet to get a harder stream of water, too hard my asshole can't handle it, but still doesn't clean my asshole completely.
Hudson Perez
how fat are you?
Brandon Moore
>be user >"not my problem" >sewers clogged >city council decides it not their problem >city is flooded with excrements >wade through excrements >tfw not my problem
Juan Bailey
François...
Nathaniel Hill
I'm really skinny, I have IBS so my case is a hard one.
Pic related is not a bidet, why are you so retarded?
>but your asshole will end up just as clean, if not more due to the added cleaning chemicals in the wipes. Simply not true. Of course you should use a specific soap for when you use the bidet.
Andrew Reed
Your house pipes will clog long before the city's does. Enjoy your overflow.
Matthew Allen
>does it have a hd camera? >with a lightning?
Jace Watson
>he doesnt take his shit at the same time every day, right before his shower how bad are your fucking diets that you need to take several shits a day yall need to see a doctor and get yourselves regular
Mason Edwards
>this reddit shit is already a meme The internet was a mistake.
William Lopez
>take dump >jerk off and edge on the toilet >jump into the shower >finish jerking off anally after washing out my ass >enjoy the afterglow curled up on the shower floor for 10-20 minutes >after that shower normally I do this twice a week.
Complete horseshit. Most people just use regular old water.
Lucas Butler
My septic tank goes directly to city plumbing. It’s unironically not my problem.
Grayson Scott
You live in your city, dumbass
Ethan Williams
Is there a particular reason I can't buy an industrial grinding machine and flush all my household trash down the toilet? I don't want to pay my garbage bill anymore.
Then they are dumb and it doesn't change that bidet is superior to anything else. In most homes i visit there is a little bottle of ph 0 soap on the bidet, though
>bottle of ph 0 soap same pH value that of battery acid? Neato
Hudson Gutierrez
if you just learned to shit correctly you wouldnt need to wipe the shit smeared around your anus: sit relax wait for the shit to literally slide out of your ass
your lower intestine is like a long tube with rubber bands at intervals, that tighten when you squeeze or push. by squeezing and pushing, these bands contract and cut your shit log in half, forcing one down, and forcing one up, including the one at the opening of your anus, smearing fecal matter around your anus. ever wondered why old time media shows people bringing a newspaper into the toilet and taking what seems like a long time? its because they are shit professionals. you sit, wait, and wait, and wait, and eventually your body relaxes and your shit just slides out, and the weight of the shit pulls the rest of the shit with it in one giant shit log. when you tense, you shit out a little, but force most of it right back up to marinate your insides with old shit. with the relax method, youll feel a huge log come right out in one fell swoop, and when you go to wipe, youll use a single sheet on average. get as close to a squatting position to promote this action.
sitting toilets and quick shits are the reason that "civillized" countries with sit down toilets have a hemerrhoid clinic on every corner, while filthy shit streeters have vastly lower ass related anal complications.
this morning. yes it takes time and its hard to resist pushing, but it literally works. i felt like i just had to do a little poop and i just let it work itself out and i almost had to stand up to give clearance room for the shit to actually clear. one, perfect, unmarred shit over a foot long
Jackson Morales
Some people dont drink coffee or smoke, deal with it.
Jeremiah Butler
and inevitably the first time youll try this youll get impatient and fuck it up, so try it when your in a situation you REALLY need to shit. raise your knees by pushing down on your toes, straighten your back and literally wait. you could spend what seems like 15 minutes with zero log progress, and then BAM. then when you go to wipe youll check the paper and confusedly wonder if when you wiped you somehow missed your asshole because theres gonna be virtually nothing on the paper. with practice, youll wipe just to confirm theres nothing to wipe and your roll of toilet paper will last you weeks
Jason Roberts
I try now and then per doctor's recommendation, but it's hurting immensely. I may need to eat more fruits and etc
Connor Davis
then theres something else going on. drink more fluids or something, your anal mucus should act as a shit lubricant and the fact your relaxing instead of applying pressure should mean there shouldnt be any source of pain. your shits fucked up, my man.
side note since its vaguely related: after jerking off, push/massage from the back of your taint, pretty much your anus and push forward to push all the cum still in your plumbing out. itll reduce that feeling of still having baby gravy and pre-cum on your dick after your daily death grip and rip sessions.
Josiah Cruz
Take it from me, I eat a box of swiss cake rolls every 2 or 3 days and my shit is always Nvidia green
Gabriel Perez
if you wanna fuck up a friends day, make him a juice smoothie and put beet juice in it as filler. then find some documentary about any disease that has pissing blood as a symptom is playing on tv the next morning
Justin Rodriguez
Your tax money goes towards the maintenance. You'll pay for this one way or the other, like it or not.
Hudson Hall
Yes, water too. I forgot about that
Gabriel King
>paying taxes lmao
Camden Powell
first time i used a bidet i jacked off while the warm water stream was rimming my asshole
Michael Fisher
>Pic related is not a bidet, why are you so retarded? Yes it is. Why are you?
Sebastian Russell
This isn't fair. You're literally too lazy to wipe your ass properly and think it's fair to offload the cost on to others. That's fucked up and probably the common opinion. All I want for Christmas this year is the courage to kill myself.
Austin Foster
>its unfair to offload the cost on to others >i wanna kill myself, which will cost others to a degree much higher then some clogged pipes really, no different then me.
Jace Moore
In my country people pay for their own funerals. I have enough money to retire almost twice over, I think it will cover the morgue costs.
Aaron Gomez
yeah, uh, ambulance, police response, emt`s. even if you think you can work around that, by removing yourself from the tax pool your increasing the load for others, especially if you are in a higher tax bracket. if you have that sort of money, then you pay more then you cost, which means your paying for the people who cost more then they pay. youd need to be destitute, or financially a money pit, like cancer ridden and relying on free healthcare to actually have a positive effect with a suicide, amigo.
Jayden Baker
You need to get your hands covered in soap from a hand soap dispenser, then rub against your asshole while applying water.
Do you also shower without soap or what?
Henry Rodriguez
i don't feel that a soft stream of water is enough to remove a shit smear on your rear end...is the bidet stream under any pressure? like i could take a dump and sit under a garden hose for an hour and it wouldn't do anything. need either pressure or a wipe.
Angel Rogers
thats because you literally still have shit IN your ass.
see
Henry Price
Not my problem.
Connor Jenkins
You need to clean it as if you were showering, with soap+water+mechanical action from your hand.
Benjamin Scott
thats the spirit! now quit your bitching about me clogging the pipes
Nathan Ward
i would say most shits are "one wipers", where you wipe as a security check and you know there ain't nothing there. but sometimes a smear is unavoidable, or you have diarrhea.
Asher Green
I wouldn't be in this situation if you wheren't the way you are. You're farther up the chain.
Adrian Sanchez
i think that's the confusion, it appears to still require TP
Jackson Butler
with bare hand? Is that typical procedure for bidet usage? I'd argue toilet paper is the more sane choice.
Grayson Lewis
>i wanna die because you clog pipes that just made my day
>retarded ass government does retarded things >somehow this is my fault if I commit suicide vs >clogging city pipes by doing dumb shit >this is equivalent to the above
0 iq
Joshua Foster
>dumb kraut >an american who lived in germany
Wyatt Martinez
uh, no, the complaint was he has to pay more taxes because of the action i take: placing wipes into a toilet bowl. lmao lrn2read
Zachary Allen
It's because you're selfish and promoting other to be selfish. It's more about being against taxation than anything else. The system doesn't work if people don't participate. The fact that this is becoming more and more common doesn't make me hopeful for the future.
Regardless I want to die anyway. It's all bad from every perspective. If you're allowed to be selfish then you can't judge me. It's either we both play fair or neither.
Logan Long
Only if my shits are perfect and leave no smear on my sphincter can I accomplish such a feat. Eat plenty of fiber, kids.
Leo Myers
Not my problem :). and thats my point. you cant judge ME, if your being selfish.
You started it though. You intentionally choose to do what you do, knowing it's wrong. That's detestable. I'm not being selfish in any regard. I pay my taxes to cover your pipes, and if I were to die who do you think gets my fortune? The government i.e. you.
I just wish people had even an inkling of consideration.
Jordan Howard
using services provided by taxes without paying is theft
actually you started it as well, by getting mad at something that literally hundreds of millions of people had zero problems with. better luck next time lmao. now, have an inkling of consideration, and remain living so the taxes you pay continue to pay for the work required to fix my pipes
Adrian Turner
Violently holding a monopoly on services that you fund through taxation which prevents others from providing a non-tax alternative is theft.
Levi Evans
>the government, i.e. you You're actually retarded if you think the average person "is the government". Public schools are a fucking mistake.
Ethan Long
That's disgusting, I don't touch my asshole
Zachary Richardson
sure. but just to clarify, your argument that your not a thief is because the government is an even bigger thief? lmao.
Alexander Taylor
No, it's not fair to me. I work very hard for the majority, and I'm done doing that. It's not worth it. Look at how little you care, I support you. Why? I dislike you and your attitude and I fund this. Your meal tickets are done.
Nicholas Peterson
If I'm being forced to use services at gunpoint because the government prevents myself or others from having an alternative (again, at gunpoint) and I refuse to pay for these services, then no, I'm not a thief. I'm being violently coerced.
I'm sorry about your brain damage, redditor.
Julian Wood
Posted by Anonymous on the internet.
Jack Roberts
next time your jerking off, just..slip a finger in and lightly massage in the direction of your balls
lmao, okay then. someone with more of an inkling of consideration will replace you. dont let the door hit you in the ass on the way out
Jason Russell
You leeches will run out of blood eventually. Look forward to anarchy for me.
Luke Smith
oh yeah lmao, wanna bet on it >mfw i just move to another country even if that did happen
Justin Clark
and your analogy is hilariously backwards
Jaxson Carter
I recently got the same kind of retractable bidet seat in that pic, and here's what I've noticed from using it.
If I've taken a particularly thick and messy shit, I have to wipe with toilet paper a bit first before using the bidet, or it won't make enough progress to actually clean my ass. If it was just a regular shit, I can go right to using the bidet and it cleans up nicely. My bidet has a mode where it moves the spray around and oscillates to clean a larger area of your ass, but I sometimes find myself just shifting myself around on the seat to put problem areas in the way of the stream. Usually I don't have to move though. Once it's done, my bidet does have a "dry" mode that blows warm air at my ass, but it takes long enough that I usually don't bother with it and just dry with toilet paper.
The default position of the stream, pressure, and temperature are all programmable. Tweaking them to match me was pretty important to getting a good clean.
All in all, it takes a little getting used to and it's usually a bit more effort than just using TP, but it definitely feels like a better clean, and it feels somewhat pleasant while it's working.
Samuel Watson
Who fucking cares.
Juan Brooks
"lmao"-posting should be a bannable offense
Isaac Russell
lmao
Dominic Robinson
go cry
David Parker
>and it feels somewhat pleasant while it's working ive got bad news user
Cameron Cruz
>it feels somewhat pleasant while it's working Faggot.
